make up some fake, inscrutable adages and post them here

Painting is next to Cleethorpes.

Going Commando is a bad idea in a good invasion.

I could do these all day, but I shall stop with one I actually heard one small boy say to a small girl.

"My dad says your mum's stupid"

the yolk of oppression is yellow as the sun and as runny as the nile

Many a fan has been fluttered in the face of an owl

If you want the butcher's best, be gracious to your guest.

[You're] as predictable as a wooden book.

(actually heard someone say this once)

Shepherds' pats on your cheese slats

Morning is showing picture of a pony to a milkman.

A mug from a place you've never been/is sure to catch the whole world's sin.

you don't stifle a fart by holding it in, but by destroying the source of the methane

The tweaking midwife always spills the bongwater of the expectant mother.

If you can't trust a man, then you surely can't leave your house

A fart a day can make your troubles seem square.

If you want to win, make your opponent sleep backwards

Wear a scarf in the summer? Someone barfed on your mother.

"Just because it rhymes
doesn't mean it's true"

step on a crack, call the council.

talk like you're wistful. walk like you're full of wind.

Penny time is any time you huff a puff of rye.

New friends sit on your lap
Old friends give you dap

it takes a rabbit to scare a miser

forgotten memories are priceless, but lifelong regrets are free

a snake in the purse is worth the curse

this is called money bags

Be aware of your feelings when you feel first strongly.

Forget the things you hold most dear, for antlers have no memory

You never get it right until you get it wrong right.

"This fermentation can cause the common symptoms include diarrhoea or loose motions, wind and abdominal bloating and discomfort."

live like you're vacationing when home, and live like you're home when vacationing

that one is good, it's like SOOOO close to meaningful

My Penis is untimely.

You can't find your way back to shore with a breadcrumb trail.

Don't save your best wine for a storm.

Dressing rags impresses the ragpicker.

Dammit. Dressing in rags.

never hesitate on the stairs when you could be sleeping on the floor

the cloud you see is brighter than the sun you don't

the turd in your hand becomes earth once you flush

no one ever went broke by robbing a dice game

it's not the size of the dog in the fight / that keeps the neighbors up all night

it takes a shooting star each day / to make a degree in Astronomy pay

Last people don't come nice

A rich man doesn't string his own cello

sweet froth at night/angel delight
sweeth froth in morning/porridge shite

don't step to the beat that gives you crossed feet

Indoor shoes are no match for soft floors.

it is better to have manned a wall than to have walled a man

Amanda Wall

life is a lossless format — you can't resample a memory!

you can't see the moon through a borrowed spyglass

We're always a tithe away from theosis.

It's better to have a swallow at the table than a stallion in a stable

two burnt cakes does not one unburnt cake make

Two whereabouts do not a what make.

A whale can't see its own tail

A sack of shit is always too heavy

↑ good one, it just rings eternally true.

you can't yoke an ox to a ploughing engine

A spoonful today will taste ok
A spoonful tomorrow will taste of sorrow

a chandler never askses
an axeman where his wax is
an axeman never quandaries
where a laundrer keeps his laundries

Refrain from peeing through a keyhole
And putting keys inside your peehole

boil the lance before lancing the boil

^vg

If your butt feels sour, use that internal power

even a watched clock never boils

A swallowed turd does not coprophagia make.

Where there’s a will, there’s a corpse

clean arsehole, clean mind

two wrongs don't make a right; but two rights send you into oncoming traffic

the mintier the julep, the prettier the baby.