Getting married and blowing off your friends without warning, C/D S/D

I did learn that moving countries placed most of the responsibility of staying in touch on me, since everyone else's life was pretty much unchanged, they sort of adapted pretty quickly to me not being around, and it was my job to say hey I'm over here missing you guys what's up, etc. I was never that kind of friend before that, so it was a big adjustment. But fuuuuuck it helped me so much with homesickness etc.

All my friends either post on ilx or twitter and that ambient awareness of them is how I keep in touch.

i misread as "ambien awareness" O_o

even "it's been a couple years" check-ins are rarely earthshaking and mostly like ah good the world still spins on its axis

Guilty lols. At Christmas, I saw my college best friend for the first time in over 10 years. Apart from the fact that she went back to school again for something else, lost a parent, got married, bought a house, and had a kid, nothing had changed at all.

I never feel the need that I must catch up with a specific friend if I haven't interacted with them in awhile. And most ppl I interact with pretty much know not to expect that from me.

well that's just it, though, right? I take a get a lot of comfort from knowing that ____ will still be ____ when I see them next, regardless of what has transpired. It's a maybe selfish way of reaffirming that I am still basically the same dude I thought I was, yes, this person still recognizes me and I them

xp

Yeah, I can totally deal with that -- I'm ok with that, in fact -- it's the "I miss u" waaaah bs in between self-affirming visits or w/e that I just don't know how to answer. If you miss me, why don't you try to talk with (not to) me more?

i'm a phone-hater too, i find it...mentally tiring, and also a bit...alienating? frustrating? i feel the physical lack of the person i'm talking to and miss them more (but if it's a person i find tedious it makes them MORE tedious and space-filling). i don't find that with emails or internet communication at all.

which friends i hang out with irl is scarily dependent on which friends use my favoured social media - since i got on twitter my social circle has veered towards those of my friends who are also regular users.

people drop out of and come back into social circles all the time, i don't think that's a big deal - there are friends i value and care about who i haven't seen in years because life happened (relationship-related or not). however when i sense this happen -

And when someone in a relationship discards their friendships it sends out a certain message. The message is "I've found something that makes me happy now and that's all that matters". Kind of a self-absorbed attitude.

- and it does happen, and it's a different thing...i don't take kindly to that.

I've probably lost long distance friends due to hating talking on the phone, but my close friends and I have hardly ever talked on the phone, except to make plans.

also have to say that the idea of the sealed-dyad relationship where you only want to see the other person and you want to see them ALL THE TIME is my idea of hell. i need my space and i need space for my friends and i need a lot of both. relationships would come a definite third.

fourth behind work as well

(this is why i'm single)

so you live in a very large warehouse loft y/n

ha i meant space as in...time

though physical space is crucial too, i don't really feel like the idea of living with a partner appeals. i like the tim burton/helena bonham carter model of separate, adjoining houses

in the vast emptiness of space

I don't mind talking on the phone, I just hate making phone calls.

Having a stutter makes phones conversations painful for both me and the other person, I've even lost job opportunities because of it.

:(

my Dad stutters, I totally understand that.

I'm good in person but on the phone I sometimes can't even get a word out.

i am probably guilty of this :(
i still go out to shows and see some friends that way, but the idea of going out for drinks after work has become foreign to me. kinda sucks sometimes.

I did learn that moving countries placed most of the responsibility of staying in touch on me, since everyone else's life was pretty much unchanged, they sort of adapted pretty quickly to me not being around, and it was my job to say hey I'm over here missing you guys what's up, etc. I was never that kind of friend before that, so it was a big adjustment. But fuuuuuck it helped me so much with homesickness etc.

Yeah this is so true. I actually quite enjoy just emailing a person with a 'hey! what's up!' if they pop into my head. I will defend Facebook forever as well for the 'ambient awareness' (although I'm p sure at least two not-very-close friends have had secret babies in the last 6 months or so)

lol secret babies

kinder otm -- Facebook has been awesome for letting me stay in touch with a wider circle of friends than I would have if it was just me and email, and the 'ambient awareness' is def key where distance is a factor.

I've definitely withdrawn from most of my friends in the past several years (except work friends of course, since I see them all the time). It wasn't getting married that caused this, though. I think it was my job getting more demanding. Then I felt like my first priority for whatever "free time" I had left ought to be to my wife. Next priority (very recently) is preparing for the new baby! Third priority is doing chores/fixing things around the house. Fourth priority is to family (which means I don't see them too often), fifth is to friends (who I almost never see now), and finally, the last priority is to myself (downtime, hobbies, etc. which I never EVER have time for anymore). So yeah, I barely ever see my friends anymore, but that's only partly, indirectly due to getting married. It's more about growing up and having way more responsibilities than I used to. It doesn't help that they are all busy/married/growing up too, and our free time hardly ever occurs at the same time. And even if it does, I'm usually too tired from the workweek to even make an effort anymore.

Facebook just irritates me anymore because it's just a constant reminder of all the people I should talk to because it's so convenient and easy now, but I'm ignoring them because I'm too busy/tired/etc. or they've changed, or I've changed, or I'm horrified at something they posted, or whatever. Before Facebook, there were so many people I wished I could get back in touch with- now, I'm Facebook friends with all of them, and I can see some of what's going on in their lives, and maybe they can see some of what's going on in mine, but that's about as far as I want it to go. Since I don't have time to contact everyone that I feel like I should, it makes me not want to contact anyone. It's just too overwhelming.

You don't have to write long paragraphs every time, you know. A line or two reminds people that you care!

Hahaha, for a horrifying second I thought you were chiding me for the long-ish posts! But you're right, I should make more of an effort, and it wouldn't take much.

and if that means blowing other friends off, eh, i'm okay with that.

!!! very good friend to have