Summarise a Novel in 25 Words

Guy wakes up, eats a cake, thinks about stuff, becomes a writer.

Incest destroys the South.

Black Chicago kid beats off to film image of white debutante, scores, coincidentally, limo job in debutante's home, accidentally kills her, gets hunted down. Then there's this trial.

virtue. virtue. virtue. virtue. virtue. virtue. virtue. virtue. virtue. virtue. virtue. virtue. virtue. virtue. virtue. virtue. virtue. virtue. virtue. virtue.
virtue. virture. virtue. virtue. virtue.

I'm stupid, I'm smart, I'm wicked smart, I'm wicked wicked smart, I'm stupid again. And I have a mouse called Algernon.

Eh...

Sloth or entropy? Who can tell, really?

Otto - that is the most brilliant thing I've read today.

^_^

My retarded brother's castration may have had something to do with my bastard daughter, another brother's suicide, or another brother's general assholishness. Or maybe not.

Jurgis immigrates with family,
marries,
job
kids
kids die
wife cheats
Jurgis beats
prison
wife dies
son dies
runs away
returns
prison
turns socialist

Yuppies whine about how tough their lives are.

War is hell, but we can't shoot soldiers who go crazy anymore, so let them write poems instead.

Posh dandy tries matchmaking, wins enemies; beatings loom. Thank goodness for the fish-eating servant!

~The Hearing Trumpet, by Leonora Carrington

I just realized this is an anagram of Tyrone Slothrop.

Disgruntled children misunderstanding their senile parents. Oh yeah, talking turds.

Asshole, Come to africa where i can purge cash and make factual mistakes before i drown at some point, i haven't worked this out properly.

Conspiracy theories are a load of bollocks. Or are they?

Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof.

Upwardly mobile whore inspires man to get job. Wife leaves, dies; brother dies; kid leaves with whore. Man breaks leg.

"Are you the detective Paul Auster?" No, but I'll pretend I am. Actually I write detective novels, and now I'm pretending to be a detective! Later I get to meet the real Auster, who isn't a detective at all but the author of this post.

Little guys go to a lot of trouble to get rid of stolen jewelry.

Three men infatuated with one beautiful woman. Guy she ends up with is too good for her.

Boy meets girl, boy imprisons girl, girl withers away. Boy meets girl...

Apocalypse Now but with Brahms instead of The Doors.

"Is the grass greener on the other side? It must be. Oh, it isn't. Time to die."

"Being in World War II was so bad that now I hallucinate about aliens and time travel."

Rural tart gets mixed up with local bounder. Dad is constantly pissed. Too upbeat? OK, I'll add a dead baby and a murder. Stonehenge. Hanging.

Ok - I'm cheating. That's every John Grisham novel.

Boy loves girl. "I'm too original for you," sniffs girl. Girl proves originality by marrying gold-digging asshole. First boy stalks girl.

"You're an idiot," says Rogozhin. "Yes," smiles Myshkin. "I'm going to mistreat a woman now," says Rogozhin. "Unhand her, you beast!" says Myshkin. His brain fries.

I also had a prof in college who liked to summarize all of Soviet Social Realism this way:
Boy meets tractor. Boy and tractor fall in love. Boy and tractor live happily ever after.

Psychotic Reactions and Carburetor Dung by Lester Bangs

WHOOP! Benzedrine's great Romilar's cheaper! NGK ZRRRRZSSST Noise is primal actfact of funky/tragic pullulation (cf. Velvets, 1965) ZAP! OK, what was I talking about?

I think therefore I am...but that's it, baby.

A frenzy of drugs and sex, somewhat like a frat house, only in the near future.

She's a man, baby! Or is s/he?

Beloved by Morrison:
Slavery sucked. My sons ran away and I'm haunted by my baby's ghost. HOLY SHIT SHE'S BACK! Wait, where are we? Hey, she killed her daughter!

The Great Gatsby by Fitzgerald:
Friend changes his life for a girl. She's married to a rich racist. I'm in the middle and I don't care. Money will kill you.

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Twain:
Slavery sucks. I'm too racist to like this guy. I'm having an adventure to escape my evil dad. Oh crap I've been caught.

Native Son by Wright:
Racism still sucks. African-American kid in Chicago accidentally kills a white girl. That must mean all black people suck! Long speech in trial explains everything.

And now just for fun, two novellas by me. The first one is available at www.cyberheroez.inetgames.com and the second is in progress

Cyber Heroez:
Teenage nerd based on author goes into video game world, uses powers to fight giant glove. Almost dies, and his brother cries. Magically has idea.

The Centaur:
In the future, things are normal. Weird scientist mistakes fantasy for history and changes the world. Centaur finds him, tells him how much life sucks.

One scientist brother, one horny brother. Women they can't love wither and die. Finally men are extinct, cloned women inherit world. Is that an apology?

War, hate, disease, famine, poverty, anger, rioting, rape, crime, theft, terrorism, racism, sexism, homophobia, drug addiction, fear and I got laid last night. Thouroghruly worthwhile.

Don't bother reading this, just pinch yourself and chop onions till you cry.

Everything in this book is a total lie, but it's still true for the psychological reasons I say it is. Or maybe I'm just crazy.

We fell in love with them and now the two of us want to escape. I'm glad I found her. Society is evil.

Consider Phlebas

Intergalactic Mind-fuck in which main character does a fair bit of lots of things

Admiral sails ...
Victorean charlatan composes ...
70's reporter ...
Publisher ...
Future clone escapes ...
postapocalyptic civilization sucks like all
... tolitarian oppression
... is institutionalized
... exposes corporate malfeasance
... music
... pacific

Young, unattractive black girl wants to have blue eyes in order to look prettier. Prays to God every day. Gets nailed by her father instead.

THOSE WHO DARE...TRIP THEIR BALLS OFF. THOSE WHO DON'T, LIVE WITH ONLY THE ONE REALITY OF CONSCIENCE.

Gremlins(the movie)
RTFM.