Battleship...the movie

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s1tAYmMjLdY (dayo), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 12:47 (2 years ago) Permalink

Just another movie that shows up Hollywood's reluctance to make anything unless it's based on an already existing IP. Probably not the bottom of the barrel though.

Studio exec 1: "OK, so we've got this idea for a hot summer blockbuster. Noughts & Crosses!"
Studio exec 2: "It should be Noughts versus Crosses to play up the conflict angle. Do you have a rough draft of the script?"
Studio exec 1: "Sure, right here..."


A street in the nightclub/bar area of the city. It is night time. Police sirens wail in the distance.
The leaders of two rival gangs (the NAUGHTS and the CROSSES) face off against each other, surrounded by their respective gang members.

LEADER OF THE CROSSES: "You're nothing but a zero!"

LEADER OF THE NAUGHTS: "Yeah? Well you're gonna be all crossed out!"

White 'Poop' Jesus (snoball), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 12:57 (2 years ago) Permalink

There's some green in that teal and orange film.

not_goodwin, Tuesday, 21 February 2012 13:09 (2 years ago) Permalink

awful just awful

Summer Slam! (Ste), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 13:40 (2 years ago) Permalink

This is the second dumbest thing Rihanna has ever done.

Nicole, Tuesday, 21 February 2012 13:46 (2 years ago) Permalink

what was the first one again ?
this looks so awful I'm intrigued !
I had forgotten I'd seen the trailer at the movies, previously. My memory must have blocked it !

AlXTC from Paris, Tuesday, 21 February 2012 13:50 (2 years ago) Permalink

tragedy this is coming out too late for the action movie poll

Guayaquil (eephus!), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 13:52 (2 years ago) Permalink

THE OCEAN

watercooler challenge (ledge), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 13:54 (2 years ago) Permalink

VAST

watercooler challenge (ledge), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 13:54 (2 years ago) Permalink

is anybody remotely prepared for the possibility that this movie could be ... entertaining?

"renegade" gnome (remy bean), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 13:57 (2 years ago) Permalink

not that i'm volunteering, mind

"renegade" gnome (remy bean), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 13:57 (2 years ago) Permalink

i'm always hopeful when it comes to giant spaceship movies.

watercooler challenge (ledge), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 13:59 (2 years ago) Permalink

the battle for earth begins at sea

A Little Princess btw (s1ocki), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 15:57 (2 years ago) Permalink

o yea I saw this trailer before 'The Grey' the other day—just ridiculous. loved the "FROM THE COMPANY THAT BROUGHT YOU TRANSFORMERS"... did the entire art design process proceed via a series of plastic action-figures?

Despite all my cheek, I am still just a freak on a leash (bernard snowy), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 16:09 (2 years ago) Permalink

I'm trying to think of what the most ludicrous game movie would be

it's a toss-up between "Ants in the Pants: THE MOVIE" and "Pass the Pigs: THE MOVIE"

(thinks and smiles) (DJP), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 18:36 (2 years ago) Permalink

Need a dark, gritty version of

A Full Torgo Apparition (Phil D.), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 18:38 (2 years ago) Permalink

they did that already, it was called "Cabin Fever"

(thinks and smiles) (DJP), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 18:39 (2 years ago) Permalink

It's every other summer movie ever smooshed together!

Fonz Hour (Eazy), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 18:44 (2 years ago) Permalink

Coming This Summer to a Theater Near You: Hi-Ho! Cherry-O: The Movie!

Janet Snakehole (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 18:56 (2 years ago) Permalink

would watch Operation: The Movie

max buzzword (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 19:07 (2 years ago) Permalink

also Hungry Hungry Hippos

max buzzword (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 19:07 (2 years ago) Permalink

Hungry Hungry Hippos as a scary when animals attack movie would be RAD

Janet Snakehole (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 19:09 (2 years ago) Permalink

Mousetrap The Movie: Missing scenes 2, 12, and 19.

Janet Snakehole (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 19:10 (2 years ago) Permalink

Trying to imagine SORRY: THE MOVIE

(thinks and smiles) (DJP), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 19:14 (2 years ago) Permalink

UNO the movie could be fun. You could skip scenes, go backwards, speed scenes up. Think of all the fun. Fun, goddamnit!

A Full Torgo Apparition (Phil D.), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 19:17 (2 years ago) Permalink

Trying to imagine SORRY: THE MOVIE

This summer

You'll be... SORRY

max buzzword (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 19:18 (2 years ago) Permalink

Mastermind: The Movie! Directed by Terence Malick.

Janet Snakehole (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 19:21 (2 years ago) Permalink

After years of languishing in development at Universal, Hasbro announced that Candy Land has moved to Columbia Pictures, with Adam Sandler slated to star and produce via his production company, Happy Madison.

Gonjasufjanstephen O'Malley (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 19:24 (2 years ago) Permalink

A Full Torgo Apparition (Phil D.), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 19:25 (2 years ago) Permalink

somebody google cornhole movie and see if that's been done yet

Unleash the Chang (he did what!) (Austerity Ponies), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 19:25 (2 years ago) Permalink

Changing Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy to STRATEGO and naming each person after a game piece was a missed chance for synergy.

da croupier, Tuesday, 21 February 2012 19:26 (2 years ago) Permalink

I'm certain it has, just not the way your local bros play it.

Gonjasufjanstephen O'Malley (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 19:26 (2 years ago) Permalink

I heard that they were going to try to make Candyland some kind of weird LOTR quest movie? could be apocryphal, but still, lol

Janet Snakehole (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 19:26 (2 years ago) Permalink

omg @ Hungry Hippos trailer. HAHAHAHA that is fucking great.

Janet Snakehole (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 19:29 (2 years ago) Permalink

dudes battleship is ridic enough, none of these jokes are funnier than the fact that they are making a movie about BATTLESHIP

A Little Princess btw (s1ocki), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 19:30 (2 years ago) Permalink

is someone going to say 'you sank my battleship'?

Critique of Pure Moods (goole), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 19:32 (2 years ago) Permalink

A friend and I like to joke about the gritty reimagining of Connect Four called "The Fourth Connection".

Mike Love Costume Jewelry on Etsy (C. Grisso/McCain), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 19:37 (2 years ago) Permalink

Please let the answer be, "Yes, Liam Neeson is going to angrily, intensely say that."

A Full Torgo Apparition (Phil D.), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 19:38 (2 years ago) Permalink

s1ocki why u not like our joeks?

Janet Snakehole (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 19:38 (2 years ago) Permalink

im just saying

A Little Princess btw (s1ocki), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 19:42 (2 years ago) Permalink

See I think it was already a missed opportunity by NOT having Neeson scream that in the trailer.

Gonjasufjanstephen O'Malley (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 19:43 (2 years ago) Permalink

Connect Four: THE MOVIE

valleys of your mind (mh), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 20:04 (2 years ago) Permalink

^ what i'm talking about

A Little Princess btw (s1ocki), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 20:06 (2 years ago) Permalink

A friend and I like to joke about the gritty reimagining of Connect Four called "The Fourth Connection".

― Mike Love Costume Jewelry on Etsy (C. Grisso/McCain), Tuesday, February 21, 2012 2:37 PM (28 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

A Little Princess btw (s1ocki), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 20:06 (2 years ago) Permalink

it'd be a romcom

valleys of your mind (mh), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 20:08 (2 years ago) Permalink

it's a competition between two romantic consultants, a la Will Smith in Hitch. They have a friendly wager.

valleys of your mind (mh), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 20:09 (2 years ago) Permalink

Risk would be the most boring war movie ever

Unleash the Chang (he did what!) (Austerity Ponies), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 20:11 (2 years ago) Permalink

first thing I looked for was a 4/1 publication date

no such luck

what is even happening JAAAAAAANE LET ME OFF THIS CRAZY THING

Janet Snakehole (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 20:56 (2 years ago) Permalink

Human Centipede: The Game

Aunt Acid and the Gaviscons (aldo), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 22:15 (2 years ago) Permalink

Only if the hippos are something more like Brick Top's pigs in Snatch

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 15 May 2012 06:08 (1 year ago) Permalink

Just occured to me that what the hell is Liam Neeson doing in the U. S. Navy?

Also occured to me that "TRANSFORMERS + Neeson speechifying" is a really good selling point.

I serve at the pleasure of Dr. Dre and a team of Sorbonne scientists. (R Baez), Thursday, 17 May 2012 02:35 (1 year ago) Permalink

Neeson is more American now than anything. Didn't you see Taken, where he donned the stars and stripes to shoot the shit out of foreigners?

Fas Ro Duh (Gukbe), Thursday, 17 May 2012 04:07 (1 year ago) Permalink

i think the citizenship test is now just doing the "i have a particular set of skills" monologue

goole, Thursday, 17 May 2012 04:55 (1 year ago) Permalink

lol

bark ruffalo (latebloomer), Thursday, 17 May 2012 04:56 (1 year ago) Permalink

lool so apparently I'm seeing this tomorrow for a work outing.

Boy o boy I'm so excited to see Tim Riggins Joins The Navy, Fights Transformers

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 17 May 2012 22:16 (1 year ago) Permalink

The only reviewer that matters (aka Rick Juzwiak, the man who helped codify Punisher: War Zone as the slice of genius it is) takes it on:

http://gawker.com/5911532/battleshit

Ned Raggett, Friday, 18 May 2012 20:28 (1 year ago) Permalink

Rich Lawson's opinion carries more weight with me and he liked it.

polyphonic, Friday, 18 May 2012 20:30 (1 year ago) Permalink

He would.

Respectfully, Tyrese Gibson (Nicole), Friday, 18 May 2012 20:53 (1 year ago) Permalink

Um...so I saw it this afternoon and I actually kinda dug it.

....

I know. I'm still working through the realization, lol.

It kinda felt like, Sunday afternoon tv movie rerun, like watching Independence Day or something and just laughing your ass off at the sheer ridiculousness and fun of it all. It was weird.

No matter how much I eyerolled through the lead up, the stuff with the USS Missouri in the final climax was really fucking cool. I swear. I couldn't help myself. I had to grin like an idiot.
It totally tapped in to the silly war movie thing without being all 'MURICA FUCK YEAH, totally tapped into the Navy thing without being a recruitment movie... they even use a Gulf War vet amputee as a landlubber hero in a sidebar story and it's a little corny but...I dug it.

It was over the top and it knew it, is what I think it was.

I would have hated it if like, Bay had made it. But Berg just seemed to have fun with it. Didn't take it too seriously, didn't make me watch ten thousand hours of indecipherable giant robot battles...and they did some cheesy shit with working the game into the movie that was kinda funny. And I got my wish: Plemmons and Kitsch pretty much acted out "Landry and Tim Riggins Join The Navy" in almost exact versions of their characters in Friday Night Lights.

I give it 3 out of 5 navy jet flyovers :D Good dumb fun.

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 19 May 2012 03:55 (1 year ago) Permalink

plz tell us you snuck 40'z into the screening

Choad of Choad Hall (kingfish), Saturday, 19 May 2012 04:12 (1 year ago) Permalink

no alcohol involved

But it would be funny as hell drunk

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 19 May 2012 04:59 (1 year ago) Permalink


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