on every artist-specific message board ever

45. Random googler / interloper / friend of another fan / person, who has heard new album by chance in odd circumstances and who normally likes a totally different genre of music, who registers just so they can make an elongated post detailing how the hi-hat playing is nowhere near as exciting as [insert metal band].

46. 100-post threads asking people to literally rate and rank every song by the artist

47. Friday night "virtual forum pub" thread for people to talk shit in as if they were down the pub together. Possibly named after a real pub.

48. Recurring "Random thread" which is allowed to get to 50+ pages in length before being locked and another one started, and which is meant to act as a repository for all the off-topic forum gossip and nonsense.

49. Fools Panel / Fantasy Football / premiership scores predictions thread. Only thing that maintains activity during band hiatuses.

50. Birthday call-outs to 'permanent' forum members.

51. Geezer who doesn't know about soundcloud or mediaserve still trying to trade tapes from '98 C.H.O.A.D. Festival.

52. Rolling picture thread where people post pictures of themselves, usually to choruses and coos of 'oh my god, you're teh hotness' and 'oh wow! like the [hair/outfit/shoes]' ... when really you know everyone is looking at each other pictures going 'loser! loser! loser!'

http://img1.ranker.com/list_img/54365/339540/full/the-very-best-of-the-futurama-fry-meme.jpg?version=1308337289000

Uncomfortably close to home :(

lol Turrican

though really, half of these could apply here, so it's not a big deal

53. Disapointment is expressed that the "rare tracks" on an upcoming reissue/compilation is material that they've already heard.

54. that guy who posts nothing but snarkly one-liners about how everything is trash and everyone is stupid, and when he gets called out a bunch of posters rush to his defense "hey, that's just xxxxxxx for ya!"

This thread is kind of making me hate (band), just based on their obnoxious fans.

i hate fans anyway

55. people complaining about "spoilers" in an upcoming album thread after it leaks, because they pre-ordered direct from the website because they prefer to support their favorite bands, ahem

56. one thread a week asking whether the band members read the board.

57. board FAQ confirms that, yes, their replacement keyboardist from the 1996 tour DID post a few times around 2002, but has not been heard from since, so please stop asking

58. Posts asking for the phone number of [artist's] younger sister why because she look intersting

xxp This is a valid question - do they usually? I know like on the Underworld message board sometimes you''ll hear the band give shout outs to forum members during radio broadcasts and allow them to submit questions.

Underworld and their manager (Steve Hall), definitely read the boards. Hall is a regular poster there (under a pseudonym, of course) and doesn't let on that he's connected to the band at all but always has good information seeping through his posts. Apparently Steve Morris was on the NOOL forums but i'm not sure if he had a user account or if he just mentioned it to a fan in person.

59. Old fan of the band selling their collection due to mortgage, kids, wife etc. Offering 'real fans' the opportunity to buy them first before they go up on ebay.

59. During fallow periods and band hiatuses, disgruntled semi-regular posters being irate about there being no news about a forthcoming record, because "we deserve to know what's going on, we put you there".

Xp

60. People referring to albums as "LP4" and "LP5"

ughhhhh

next one should be 62 btw. there are 2 diff. 59s

60. People referring to albums as "LP4" and "LP5"

This has always gotten on my wick for some reason!

61 STICKY some old shite about introducing yourself

62. Broke-ass fans asking if anyone knows where to download the band's albums which they can't afford to buy legally because they're already shelling out $300 to see them at Coachella.

63. Forum quadruples in size then shrinks again before and after tour.

63b. Forum quadruples in size then shrinks again before and after release of an album.

Ok, fair enough, but I stand by my conviction that, everywhere else, Britney Spears remains shorthand for ''pop drivel listened to by popular kids.''

I am seeing her being replaced by Lady Gaga on many occasions, although this is largely by people who only pay attention to how the music sounds, not taking into account how Lady Gaga pays much more artistic attention to her stuff and doesn't let outside people control her like Britney does.

she's already been replaced with Justin Bieber

I mean I hate to break it to ya but Britney is a pretty outdated pop culture ref at this point

Or was that his point?

Like how some people still refer to a lot of rap music as "Gangsta Rap".

64. Group of regular posters get together and meet up on the board and go and hang out together during live dates and get involved in each others personal lives, they end up forming a clique and giving themselves a ridiculous name, making newbies feel alienated and giving other regular users that aren't involved in this clique something to bitch about, because they either feel slighted, don't get on well with members of said clique, get paranoid because they feel these people are meeting up to bitch about other forum members (which they usually more than likely are), or (if members of said clique are middle-aged), find their conduct to be beyond ridiculous (see number 20). This results in forum tension, multiple stand-offs between users, and usually ends with one person quitting the board dramatically to cries of "oh noes! why does this person feel uncomfortable posting in a community they've been a part of since [insert year here". In the meantime, in private messages and on closed social network profiles, people are muttering "drama queen".

Again, that feels like another that you can just get rid of the phrase "artist-specific".

Turrican, why don't you tell us how you really feel about ILX

ahhhhh

Turrican, why don't you tell us how you really feel about ILX

― do not wake the dragon (DJP), Friday, October 21, 2011 9:03 PM (57 seconds ago) Bookmark

I like ILX!

65. New girl who tries it in with various prominent male form members in an attempt to go in ever decreasing sexual circles towards the singer.

66. Met-on-the-forum couples.

65b. This results in a complete bitchfest amongst the more established various prominent female forum members

66b. These can sometimes be international, but one thing that is seldom avoided is the cripplingly puke-worthy public displays of affection.

she's already been replaced with Justin Bieber

OTM

On the other hand, I doubt Justin Bieber will ever have more cred among "cool" people than even Britney's little finger.

67. Predatory male poster who repeatedly targets emotionally vulnerable female posters for sex. Eventually marries one who has a baby with him.

68. Really awful homophobic posts after a period of chart success and "revelations" that the (openly gay) keyboardist is gay in a newspaper.

I mean I hate to break it to ya but Britney is a pretty outdated pop culture ref at this point

― frogbs, Friday, October 21, 2011 4:51 PM Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Or was that his point?

― MarkoP, Friday, October 21, 2011 4:52 PM Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

yes, totally! I feel like the sort of message board posters we're discussing here live in a kind of musical bubble universe in a lot of ways.

And some might still be complaining about "boy bands".

But I actually think Geir is probably right - for those who aren't paying very close attention to the music or the details, it's pretty common to sub in "Lady Gaga" (with snorting, derisive tone) in the former Britney slot. I mean, I know not everybody here loves her either but I have some faith that the participants in the debate know enough to respectfully disagree. (note, this may be a total fantasy candyland version of ILX)

69. Posts that begin with the subject line "OT:" and consist of a forum regular telling everyone how much they love the new album by some artist completely unrelated to the subject of the forum.