Homemade Jokes

Message Bookmarked
Bookmark Removed
Not all messages are displayed: show all messages (576 of them)

hahaha Dog

Summer Slam! (Ste), Friday, 14 October 2011 10:44 (2 years ago) Permalink

3 months pass...

okay not a deliberate homemade joke but this came from my 3 year old godson and made me laugh

"I spy with my little eye something beginning with L"

"Elephant"

Summer Slam! (Ste), Tuesday, 7 February 2012 09:56 (2 years ago) Permalink

I really like bernard snowy's Glass/Young joke.

brain (krakow), Tuesday, 7 February 2012 10:32 (2 years ago) Permalink

Q: Why couldn't the post-op transexual man stop taking testosterone?
A: Because he was addicted.

Unleash the Chang (he did what!) (Austerity Ponies), Tuesday, 7 February 2012 14:55 (2 years ago) Permalink

A man walks into a military installation. He is shot. His dog looks up and says "You stupid shit, this is a top secret installation!"

The Cheerfull Turtle (Latham Green), Tuesday, 7 February 2012 17:25 (2 years ago) Permalink

Did you hear about the band that guy from the Hollies formed with some photos of the desert? Called themselves Koyaanisqatsi Stills & Nash.

― Lars and the Lulu Girl (NickB), Thursday, October 13, 2011 8:16 AM (3 months ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

beachville, Tuesday, 7 February 2012 17:55 (2 years ago) Permalink

3 weeks pass...

Q: Did you hear about the accident at the mushroom processing plant?
A: No
Q: It's got a tragic morel.

a serious minestrone rockist (remy bean), Thursday, 1 March 2012 23:02 (2 years ago) Permalink

2 weeks pass...

Q: How did the pimp lose so much weight?
A: Using one weird old trick.

i don't believe in zimmerman (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 03:34 (2 years ago) Permalink

Have you heard the Kansas song about the Vulture telling his son what's for dinner?

"Carrion my wayward son
there'll be peas when you are done"

i don't believe in zimmerman (Hurting 2), Thursday, 22 March 2012 02:21 (2 years ago) Permalink

2 weeks pass...

Q: What is Lucky Luciano's favorite movie?
A: Maid in Manhattan.

we gotta move these refrigerators (CaptainLorax), Friday, 6 April 2012 02:07 (2 years ago) Permalink

What did the Juggalo eat for breakfast?
Cream of WOOT!

beachville, Sunday, 15 April 2012 10:10 (2 years ago) Permalink

Why did the indie rock ingenue actress go so well on a Croque Monsieur?

Because she was Gooey Bechamel

i don't believe in zimmerman (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 18 April 2012 19:51 (2 years ago) Permalink

!

fruitsbs (beachville), Wednesday, 18 April 2012 19:53 (2 years ago) Permalink

What do you call a horse from Pennsylvania?

A filly!

Mordy, Thursday, 19 April 2012 02:58 (2 years ago) Permalink

Haven't quite worked this one out yet, but I think there could be a long joke involving a geisha and a submissive man that ends with the line "I wouldn't have pegged you for a fan"

i don't believe in zimmerman (Hurting 2), Thursday, 26 April 2012 15:43 (2 years ago) Permalink

Have you seen that new Edith Piaf branded salad dressing?

Je ne vinaigrette rien...

Scary Move 4 (dog latin), Wednesday, 2 May 2012 13:23 (2 years ago) Permalink

stealing that.

how's life, Wednesday, 2 May 2012 13:24 (2 years ago) Permalink

five stars!

she started dancing to that (Finefinemusic), Wednesday, 2 May 2012 14:12 (2 years ago) Permalink

Q: Where do the Chicago Worms play?

A: At Wriggly Field.

Scott, bass player for Tenth Avenue North (Hurting 2), Friday, 11 May 2012 18:02 (2 years ago) Permalink

Q: What do you call an extinct species of spider?

A: an arachnid-ism

He's sick of the Swiss. He don't like em. (Austerity Ponies), Friday, 11 May 2012 18:12 (2 years ago) Permalink

Q: What subway stop do the Brooklyn Moles get off at?

A: Burrow Hall.

I think having a baby is affecting my humor style.

this guy's a gangsta? his real name's mittens. (Hurting 2), Monday, 21 May 2012 15:57 (2 years ago) Permalink

Did you hear that E.L. James is writing a scat novel?

Yeah, that's right, it's called "Fifty Shades of Gray Poop-on"

this guy's a gangsta? his real name's mittens. (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 22 May 2012 20:36 (2 years ago) Permalink

Q:What's the king's favorite record label?
A:Moat-town!

how's life, Tuesday, 29 May 2012 00:10 (2 years ago) Permalink

Q: What's the lawn's favorite record label?
A: Mow-town!

Word of Wisdom Robots (Abbbottt), Tuesday, 29 May 2012 02:59 (2 years ago) Permalink

Q: What's a librarian's favorite record label?
A: STAX

this guy's a gangsta? his real name's mittens. (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 29 May 2012 03:26 (2 years ago) Permalink

There's this hot new bestseller soft porn novel that started out as He-Man fan fiction.

It's called Fifty Shades of Greyskull

this guy's a gangsta? his real name's mittens. (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 29 May 2012 20:50 (2 years ago) Permalink

Q. What do they shout at the existentialist gay pride march?
A. "We're here, it's queer, get over it!"

the fey monster (ledge), Wednesday, 30 May 2012 10:02 (2 years ago) Permalink

3 weeks pass...

(warning, contains mild racial slur):

Q: Where do Boston Italian Yodas go to meet up?

A: The Dagobah!

click here if you want to load them all (Hurting 2), Friday, 22 June 2012 19:42 (2 years ago) Permalink

I submitted all these jokes to Laffy Taffy under the guise of "Michael Pipia, age 9", I'll let you know who the winners are

frogbs, Friday, 22 June 2012 19:53 (2 years ago) Permalink

"Knock Knock"
"Who's there?"
"Smell mop"
"Smell mop who?"
"hahahahah"

This is probably my favorite joke ever now.

Emperor Cos Dashit (Adam Bruneau), Friday, 22 June 2012 19:56 (2 years ago) Permalink

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Asparagi.
Asparagi who?
Asparagi a dollar for bus fare?

click here if you want to load them all (Hurting 2), Thursday, 5 July 2012 11:11 (2 years ago) Permalink

A man walks into a military installation. He is shot. His dog looks up and says "You stupid shit, this is a top secret installation!"

― The Cheerfull Turtle (Latham Green), Tuesday, February 7, 2012 9:25 AM (4 months ago)

aaaaaaahh CLASSIC

the late great, Thursday, 5 July 2012 11:30 (2 years ago) Permalink

Q: Why is Joe Paterno rolling over in his grave right now?

A: Because he prefers to look the other way.

Will Chave (Hurting 2), Monday, 16 July 2012 14:58 (2 years ago) Permalink

2 weeks pass...

Q: What is a francophile's favorite legal drama?
A: Paris Maison

Will Chave (Hurting 2), Friday, 3 August 2012 18:33 (2 years ago) Permalink

What vegetable helps you get dressed in the morning?

Button-up Squash

Quickly, take hold of my hand, asshole! (dog latin), Wednesday, 8 August 2012 09:53 (2 years ago) Permalink

Q. What did the pervert say to the bikini-clad lady when she bent over to pick up a seashell?
A. "Damn ma, you find a shell!" ("Damn ma, you fine as hell!")

starfish succulents (unregistered), Wednesday, 8 August 2012 16:39 (2 years ago) Permalink

the lady is his mom?

Philip Nunez, Wednesday, 8 August 2012 17:10 (2 years ago) Permalink

"that's no lady," etc

Godzilla vs. Rodan Rodannadanna (The Yellow Kid), Wednesday, 8 August 2012 17:15 (2 years ago) Permalink

What do you get if you cross the captain of the USS Enterprise (NCC-1701-D) with the supreme being?

Jean-Luc Godard

kmfdotm (ledge), Friday, 10 August 2012 10:57 (2 years ago) Permalink

I posted this on another thread so sorry for repeat material, but I really think Daft Punk should release an Indian cookery book called "Cumin After All".

sorry for asshole (dog latin), Friday, 10 August 2012 11:09 (2 years ago) Permalink

good enough to repeat imo, gave me a second chuckle :)

she started dancing to that (Finefinemusic), Friday, 10 August 2012 13:52 (2 years ago) Permalink

q. What did the pervert say when asked for forgiveness?
a. "Never my love"

Sweet Organic Princess (Latham Green), Friday, 10 August 2012 14:06 (2 years ago) Permalink

A: Paris Maison. I like this one.

andrew m., Friday, 10 August 2012 15:04 (2 years ago) Permalink

q. what did Edgar allen poe say to that fucking raven
a. fuck off bird!

Sweet Yin Yang ☯ (Latham Green), Friday, 10 August 2012 15:20 (2 years ago) Permalink

wait did this ever get resolved

My friend made me a joke as a birthday gift...he says it takes a few weeks to sink in. Here it is:

Knock knock?
Who's there?
Ha.
Ha who?
Nothin'.

― breaking that little dog's heart chakra (Abbott), Friday, 18 June 2010 15:52 (2 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

thomp, Friday, 10 August 2012 15:40 (2 years ago) Permalink

maybe the joke is there is nothing to sink in

Sweet Yin Yang ☯ (Latham Green), Friday, 10 August 2012 18:11 (2 years ago) Permalink

Trying to come up with a follow up to my daft punk joke. Can only think of 'One More Thyme' and 'Mace to Mace'

sorry for asshole (dog latin), Friday, 10 August 2012 18:23 (2 years ago) Permalink

is that crazy incense you have of a daft punk?

Sweet Yin Yang ☯ (Latham Green), Friday, 10 August 2012 19:03 (2 years ago) Permalink

Digital Clove

a hoy hoy, Friday, 10 August 2012 19:10 (2 years ago) Permalink

their anime is more hentai than manga (take that!)

Sweet Yin Yang ☯ (Latham Green), Friday, 10 August 2012 19:13 (2 years ago) Permalink


You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.