The Worst Band/Artist Ever

My pick is Celine Dion. I'm sure I don't have to convince you of how bad she sucks, but you cannot possibly have any conception of how *unavoidable* she is here in Québec. Every last sneeze and fart from her or her husband makes the damn front page of all the newspapers and magazines. It's hugely embarrassing. My apologies on behalf of the whole province for foisting her on y'all. I hope giving you Leonard Cohen makes up for it.

dull dull dull dull

They are : (in no particular order)

New Model Army

The Mission

The Levellers

Killing Joke.

i've said it before and i'll say it again: when indie rock becomes soap opera soundtracks is when i'll stick with metal.

no kitsch quotient will ever rescue this diabolical pairing.

Everyone other than Killing Joke. EVERYBODY knows that!!

Ah, right. I don't agree, as it happens, but I'm not about to go down the "you obviously haven't heard " route because that can only lead to perturbation and despair.

I found Stevie T's answer a tad more convincing.

Billy Joel, The Eagles, David Frishberg, Loverboy, Journey, Chicago (worst guitar solo- "24 or 6 to 4?) the dreck flows on.

"Everything from Woodstock to the Ramones was pure shit." - Billy Zoom

Something like that.

No contest. Hate them, hate their music, hate their fans.

Complaining about Blink 182, or Celine Dion or Backstreet Boys feels to me like complaining that Jim Davidson's Generation Game isn't Citizen Kane, by their own terms of reference Blink 182 seem pretty good to me in providing a quality product to their target market. I'm not in their target market and find they lack the emotional depth and breadth of cultural commentry I would prefer. But it looks like its fun to be a Blink 182 fan and where is the harm in that? Its all dumb shiney pop music isn't it?

But the gap between what they deliver and what they claim to deliver is much greater for The Manics. Never in, uh, the fabric of rock's rich tapestry has such a shabby second rate product been sold as its direct opposite.

• Music - plodding pub rock. Cast have more sparkle.
• Attitude - Contrived controvesy put to almost criminally ill targeted ends.
• Lyrics - Stupid lyrics are OK (see Ramones) stupid lyrics written by stupid people who are too stupid to be aware of their own stupidity and think they aren't stupid = just stupid.
• Appearance - oh grow up for god sake.

2. U2

p.s. Billy Zoom was guitarist for X.

I once insulted a teacher because she liked Clannad and "Division Bell"-era Pink Floyd, so I suppose those two must go in there, because it took some hatred for me to get over my terror of authority figures.

I'm not convincing in my Chicago = Worst Band Ever campaign. Come on, y'all. It's GOTTA be Chicago. Apart from "Street Player," what ARE their good songs?

Who else is there really? Blood, Sweat & Tears? But they weren't as much of a menace as Chicago.

Jeff Buckley? Hideous. But he wasn't around long enough to really count.

Styx? Too grotesque to be the worst. And "Mr. Roboto." And one of their albums (something like Paradise Theatre) had a funky oil spill on the vinyl.

.38 Special? Molly Hatchet? xhuxk, gorge, scott, etc. would not let that stand.

ELP? Not around these parts.

The Kind? Only Chicagoland folk remember them.

Jefferson Starship/Starship? This is a serious contender, esp. if ignoring The Airplane counts.

But Starship <<<<<<< Chicago? But Starship serves the purpose of knocking down the 1960s counterculture a peg. What purpose did (do?) Chicago serve?

Chicago > A slate of faceless, shieking, tuneless, knuckleheaded nu-metal bands. "Funk metal," too, to the extent that's different from nu-metal.

"We Can Fly." It's awful. I'd transcribe some lyrics but you would go blind upon reading them.

Very hilarious.

GOTTA be Chicago. Apart from "Street Player," what ARE their good songs?

I always had a soft spot for "America's Calling, Harry Truman" myself. But seriously: "25 Or 6 To 4," "I'm A Man," "Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is," "Old Days," maybe even "Saturday In The Park" and "If You Leave Me Now" and "Wishing You Were Here"....That's more non-horrible songs right there than 95 percent of the bands who've ever lived.

I'd also like to nominate Foo Fighters - if they've ever made a song that doesn't kind of suck, I can't remember hearing it.

Yeah, Foos are a good choice. (If not the worst band ever, then quite possibly the most overrated one.)

i love baby what a big surprise by chicago. it's really beatlesy. power pop people should love that song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oda-ClZ5wlI

Ok I blitzkrieged through the thread.

ICP doesn't count cuz at least you can get a decent academic paper out of them.

Michael Bolton doesn't count cuz without him, we never would have had Jim Carrey's genius "When A Man Needs A Big Hit" from In Living Color. Also, John Leland like him, called him "my man" in Newsweek.

Celine Dion doesn't count cuz she inspires reams of fascinating debate. And the Jim Steinman track was pretty good. And no doubt Michael Freedberg could put together a fine CD of her nuttier French tracks. And there was an unnaturally beautiful boy with glasses in one of her videos (something like "And That's The Way It Is").

I really think the worst band/artist has to have been around for a while to truly make a negative impact. That's why none of the 1990s/Aughties alt and nu-metal mentioned counts. Gawd, does even Train's mom remember them?

Other possibilities I didn't see mentioned:

Wet Wet Wet
Enya
Yanni (although even there, some cornball comes through...plus I could kinda imagine him going poo; Enya, by contrast, effaces her pooing necessity)

John Tesh?

I'm still sticking with Chicago.

plus I could kinda imagine him going poo;plus I could kinda imagine him going poo;plus I could kinda imagine him going poo;plus I could kinda imagine him going poo;plus I could kinda imagine him going poo;plus I could kinda imagine him going poo;plus I could kinda imagine him going poo;plus I could kinda imagine him going poo;plus I could kinda imagine him going poo;plus I could kinda imagine him going poo;

foo fighters are terrible. boring. pointless. bland. vague.

but probably not the worst.

"25 Or 6 To 4" is ruined by Peter Cetera's voice (or whatever robot was standing in for him in the studio that day). And the harmonies in the chorus are harmful to the environment.

And as with "Street Player," so with "I'm A Man." We don't need their version. I much prefer Macho's anyway.

All the other songs mentioned are very bad.

Man, you guys are weird. Foo Fighters have some really good songs. Not the best band ever, certainly, but I think you could put together a respectable best of package for them.

foo fighters are bullshit

The ability to imagine an artist going poo is important in rock 'n' roll.

Your well reasoned argument has swayed me, Omar Little.

Greatest band/artist ever: Cephus and Reesie.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-AdblS6Y3iI

I was right about the Manics, but I think I over estimated how long they would be around (I know they are still around, technically, I meant.. um relevantly).

who was that Kath guy in the C.T.A. Does he count and is he enough to keep Chicago from not becoming that big black hole of suckiness designate "Worst Band Ever"? Stay tuned.

We really need a "Most Average Band/Artist Ever" thread. Seems like we'd be twice as likely to arrive at some kinda consensus. Mathematically speaking

but most bands are average! you'd be here all night.

But then the answer would be definitive!

My vote: Average White Band!

I just remembered Amateur Transplants. The UK's answer to Weird Al, but my god probably ten fucking million times worse than you could even begin to imagine.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j9tWpR5HZnQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wq0lUjajjlM

warning: they're the biggest cunts ever

the worrying thing is that these hateful fucking smears of shat liquid were a relatively 'big hit' with the medic crowd at university, leaving me to wonder if all doctors are cunts, or just students

i can't think of a single rock band playing today that is as good as lynyrd skynyrd.

― scott seward, Monday, April 28, 2008 10:42 PM (6 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

This is still true today, assuming of course Scott meant pre-plane crash Skynyrd

Elbow

Mean Machine

P.S. I agree with most of this thread, but not pre-post-Richey Manics, he was an unbelieveably GOOD lyricist, even if the music didn't always match their quality.

Scouting For Girls are the worst band ever. I honestly can't think of one worse.

seriously, listen to what I just posted (or don't)

I guess the argument would be that SFG aren't being deliberately offensive in the service of bants, but this is possibly what redeems them (in such a context)

i.e. they're just fools, not cunts

Amateur Transplants seem more like terrible stand up comedy in musical form rather than a band as such, they are certainly more reprehensible than anyone else mentioned on this thread, though

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Parody_musicians

The Lancashire Hotpots are a comedy folk band[1] from St Helens, Merseyside (formerly part of Lancashire), England, formed in December 2006.[2] The group record songs about Lancashire, technology and British culture (e.g. "Chippy Tea", "He's Turned Emo", "eBay Eck").[3] Their songs make use of Lancashire dialect. Their first single, "He's Turned Emo", gained over 230,000 plays on MySpace (as of 17 March 2008) and was featured on BBC Radio One by Colin Murray.[4]

The current members are Bernard Thresher (vocals, guitar, ukulele, drums), Dickie Ticker (accordion, mandolin, melodica, hand percussion), Bob Wriggles (bass guitar, acoustic bass), Billy McCartney (keyboards), and Kenny Body (drums),[6] the latter two joining following the death of founder member Willie Eckerslike.

this is a one-way ticket to hell, or the shirehorses, whichever comes sooner

Oliver Callan (born 27 December 1980) is an Irish vocal and performance satirist and impressionist known for featuring on Nob Nation, Green Tea and The Saturday Night Show

His impersonations of Eamon Dunphy and David Norris led to a warning from the Broadcasting Commission of Ireland (BAI) in July 2008. The BAI deemed his impersonations "offensive to homosexuals" and said they "promoted binge drinking".[7]

For example, in 1990, following the execution of Romanian dictator Nicolae Ceauşescu, Russell did a parody song on his show to the tune of "Chattanooga Choo-Choo." ("Pardon me, boys / Are you the cats who shot Ceauşescu / You made my day / The way you blew him away.")

Eläkeläiset mainly play cover versions of famous pop and rock hits in a fast humppa or slow jenkka style (both sound somewhat similar to polka music the way "Weird Al" Yankovic plays it) with Finnish lyrics — the original songs are barely recognizable. They also publish bootleg recordings of their own concerts.

Eläkeläiset are very popular among some OpenBSD developers and frequently played at their hackathons, where they claim they are "thwarting evil with humppa and math."[1]

^^ the science student / prolific wikipedia contributor appeal of this stuff is clearly cross-cultural

Richard Cheese is the other one who was very popular at university. think he's slightly, but only very slightly, less egregious than some of the others

CORRECTION

The worst band ever is Sugar Ray (the reason is Mean Machine)

YOU CAN'T ARGUE WITH THIS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gjb7UD7jPqM

...rolf harris

but seriously

...holf rarris

sut beriously

The Canadian band with the really deep voiced singer who sang something like "once....there was a boy who......" or some crap like that. Thats the worst band of all time. THe name escapes me

you must be thinking of the crash test dummies. this is one of the funniest videos ever:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YoaIBDKUYcA

no wait, it's actually sad and i feel bad for posting it

youtube user Aman Offaith agrees:

1 month ago
Then recording artist is skillful, and his voice has got a lot better over time. But this is such a sad song, and I am concerned about Brad Roberts. I do not want to see him die in his sins. If he does not ask Jesus into his life and live and trust him I am terrified for this person. He is smart, but not wise enough to find God yet through Jesus.

http://www.lyricsmania.com/london_underground_song_lyrics_amateur_transplants.html

assuming that ^this didn't hit LJ's radar during his brief root around the Amateur Transplants' catalogue

It's like God realised Ben Elton wasn't quite bad enough and made another