Internet Dating

Who said the internet never enriched my life?

Three years ago, I would've pointed out that while the internet couples were still together and the high school ones weren't, most of the internet couples were viciously unhappy but had more pressure to stay together, since getting together meant at least one of them moving, choosing a school or job based on the other's location, etc.

One year ago, I would've amplified that with the observation that the relationships I've witnessed which originated online got serious much faster than others, presumably because when you have to buy a plane ticket for your first date, you sort of want it to be "meaningful" -- and that this meant that people who would probably be destined for a five-date relationship ended up moving in together, which then led to the aforementioned vicious unhappiness.

Today, I'll just say: be careful, be smart, and ask yourself if there's really anything you can find online that you can't find down the street.

(I'm talking only about people who meet on the internet, btw, not internet dating services -- if that's what the question is about, I don't have any experience to share, secondhand or otherwise.)

What if the person you meet on the internet does live down the street?

I like it because it focusses attention on the mind, on common interests and compatible personalities, much more than looks. This is partly because I think I score better that way, but also because I think that is a much more fruitful route towards a good relationship. I fancy loads of people, but I can't imagine spending loads of time with most. If you want some recommendations, the ones that I've found best (all free) are http://www.midsummerseve.com, http://www.loveandfriends.com and http://www.datingagency.com.

Oh, and as for all this stuff about buying plane tickets, I've found that there are literally thousands of people in London on such sites, so I just search for local women only (but not in a Royston Vaysey kind of way, obv).

If you meet someone local online, cool -- the relationship doesn't have to be pursued online, so from that point it's no different from dating someone you met at a party or a mall or whatever. Plus, you can flame them if it doesn't work out :)

Your internet dating stories, please.

obv Slsk's not actually a dating service, so perhaps not relevant to the question.

then select "Download to bedroom"

ha ha ha. Sorry.

we met back in those distant times when the chat rooms weren't full of 12 year olds going "U R ALL GAY". although I seem to remember that I was very drunk and being slightly abusive myself at the time...

it was only a matter of time before we were downloading all over each other.

consumating
http://consumating.com/

I posted a new ad on a dating site yesterday, though I don't have high hopes about it. But I'm tired of trying to find company in pubs, and I'm not even that good at it. Previously all I've gotten out of net dating is a couple of short relationships and some casual sex. You hear all these stories about how people met each other online, but personally I know only one person who's found a long-term relationship through Internet dating, and even they broke up. So does that really happen?

Some ILXors are married to each other, aren't they? So yeah! (others have broken up too, though)

my uncle just married a woman he met online, she moved clear across the country and has been living with him for the past 5 years. so there you go.

Yeah, but they met through ILX, right, not through a dating site.

(x-post)

ILX isn't a dating site?

AW GOD, WHAT HAVE I BEEN DOING WASTING SO MUCH TIME ON HERE, ARGH, ACK!

I have even more time for Colonel Poo now!

Lucky Poo!

i joined gu4rd14n s0ulm4t35 very soon after i found out that a really really lovely and very well suited couple i'd been hanging out with a fair bit, met on there.

i can't call it a success, as such - i've been pretty passive and only met one person IRL and it was a bit of a disaster - but it's fun anyway and probably actually worth the cash.

Tuomas, it's like meeting in (ahem) real life: people meet, they sometimes marry, they sometimes break up. The chances of it being more successful are the same.

How much did you pay her, Charlie? :-)

*applause*

Mr. Jaq and I met through a local on-line dating site, almost exactly 7 years ago. It shut down a few months after we met, but revived about a few years ago - they still had my ad in the database and asked if I wanted to leave it up. Uhm, no, thanx though. http://www.singlesinseattle.com/ - looks like it's free for Seattle people.

My husband and I met online although it wasn't through a dating website. We both had online journals and met through them in 2001. I moved to England to live with him from 2003-2005 and he's been here with me in the US since we got married a year ago on Monday!

Also, I do know of one horror story. A friend of mine in England met a man from Montreal on the same site that L and I met on. They dayted for a while with him traveling to the UK to visit and daily expensive calls etc. About six months into it, she got a call from his WIFE. Pretty much every single thing he'd told her was a lie. It was awful.

The woman that sits opposite me at work spends most of her time searching online dating sites, particular

http://www.parship.co.uk/
and
http://www.sugardaddie.com

The latter is quite something.

i trust you have already set up an account on both sites to flirt with her?

I posted a new ad on a dating site yesterday, though I don't have high hopes about it. But I'm tired of trying to find company in pubs, and I'm not even that good at it. Previously all I've gotten out of net dating is a couple of short relationships and some casual sex. You hear all these stories about how people met each other online, but personally I know only one person who's found a long-term relationship through Internet dating, and even they broke up. So does that really happen?

-- Tuomas, 19. heinäkuuta 2007 13:53 (4 months ago) Bookmark Link

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In the end all this ad lead to was casual sex an a short relationship again, so I'm still not convinced about Internet dating.

i trust you have already set up an account on both sites to flirt with her?

-- ken c, Tuesday, 4 December 2007 13:46 (1 minute ago) Bookmark Link

Man, if only I had that much hate in my heart these days, that'd be pretty lulz.

In the end all this ad lead to was casual sex an a short relationship again, so I'm still not convinced about Internet dating.

perhaps you should try http://www.parship.co.uk?

Also, I'm kinda wondering, what sort of a people answer your ad, meet up with you, clearly enjoy your company, have sex with you, but soon after call the whole thing off? Sometimes I feel like I'm being used here...

(xx-post)

Both men and women have nads: fact!

defin nades if u will plz ms abbott

Nads is short for gonads, which is why testicles are sometimes called 'nads.' However, a gonad is merely an organ that makes gametes (reproductive cells), meaning both ovaries and testes are 'nads.'

NB I may be doing the equivalent Lucy explaining various trees to Linus.

Fascinating imo!!

nad bagins!

Chip the glasses and crack the plates!
Blunt the knives and bend the forks!
That's what Nad Bagins hates -
Smash the bottles and burn the corks!

I love life, lookin good, I like to move it, I like dinner with friends with a good bottle of wine, I am not thirsty after drinking , I am not hungry after eating, I am no longer tired after sleeping, I am not cold after adding a layer, love sports, I live life to the fullest, no snob, no lie, simple, exercices, travels, positive, don't bite etc etc etc lookin for a partner someone who knows how to ride without holding on actually that was supposed to be a parody of generic profiles on internet dating sites but ya it needs some serious rewriting

must add bit about authenticity

I have such a fucking hangover and I still have to go on this date this afternoon.

I think I needed a good cry and a little temper tantrum, like sometimes you need a massive thunderstorm after an oppressive muggy day.

I still don't see what's so funny about "nad cabin" but if it amuses you...

I don't hate the internet. What I hate right now, is that this little tiny silver box feels like the only window I have on life right now. And that really sucks.

i've just registered nadcabinfever.com

I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW.

(From now on I will only answer to this thread in shouted song lyrics.)

http://www.itusozluk.com/img.php/6e9a0a7dec12e1545db98fc4524dc49512015/xanax

"Tell me, do you ever stop shouting at the lower orders?"

"NEVER"

I've noticed that when I email a random girl for no reason and explain why it could never work out, but also say that they are hot, they always email me back and give me their AIM handle or something. :p

But I was serious when I said it would probably never work out, so I never contact them again.

meanwhile - I haven't met a girl from the internet in over a year (and that was soulseek) but I still occasionally browse women on free dating sites and send emails.

I remember reading a Maxim article about where people meet their significant others and internet dating had a surprisingly high percentage. Internet dating is not taboo anymore.

Well. as long as there's truck drivers and 14 year-old girls.

lets not forget the real ladykiller
http://www.mcphee.com/pixlarge/11076.jpg

Given up. Deleted my profile. Time to invest in some cats.

I've had surprising success by switching over to craigslist, since I live in a city where it's so popular. I just use a funny title, do the 'your pic/myspace gets mine', and include a funny pic of Obama in there along with a pic of a really fat bunny rabbit.

I still kind of think that there has to be some kind of middle ground between honestly looking for love online and giving up and paying for pussy.

everybody pays for pussy in one way or another

lol tza

free vs cheap

i've just registered nadcabinfever.com

― o_O (ken c), Friday, 13 February 2009 12:23 (2 years ago)

it has now expired :(

Finally, a woman who enjoys mind games

ws

I think she'd unnerve me more if I didn't have this enormous boner.

http://s3-ec.buzzfed.com/static/enhanced/web03/2012/6/4/15/enhanced-buzz-12766-1338839487-0.jpg

more here

Can I ask for a S/D (or any sage advice) as a 24 year old virgin who wants to gain experience, NSA or otherwise. e.g. sites? local vs. global sites? Sites for students, specifically grad students (to find people of equal obnoxiousness, of course)? Etiquette tips? Etc.

(For the record I am not especially unattractive or uninteresting, but am kind of picky in my taste.)

Thanks.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=euvUezZwAKg

recently broke up with my gf so thought i would try match.com, but lots of members dont seem to be paid up so cant email you (could of course just be they just dont want to, but i keep getting asked after sending messages if i want to upgrade so non paying members can email me), theres constant offers of add-ons you have to pay for, and weirdly (or cleverly i suppose), i got more views the day i joined *before* paying, then after. at this point, the concept of channel 4's nakedattraction seems easier.

internet dating still feels uncomfortably like shopping to me so I am making peace with dying alone

im thinking joining groups/activities might be a better option than online dating.

You know, this thing of blocking someone on a dating site after they make an innocuous, innuendo-free comment to introduce themselves is straight bullshit.

(I needed to be able to say this somewhere.)

it is bullshit but it also goes with the territory I'm afraid

xp nothing personal i’m sure

I guess? I've just started on a site for the first time in almost 20 years. It takes some getting used to.

what set them off? 'hey good lookin what you got cookin'???

ime that kind of blocking is not bullshit but just sth you have to get used to and accept. they don't owe you their time or a response and on some sites blocking may be the most efficient way to take someone out of their search results that they're not interested in seeing again. may seem harsh but think of it as someone at a bar who just isn't interested in talking. anyway getting used to doing this same kinda thing myself, n not agonizing over the writing of polite rejections or w/e, has made using okc much much more viable for me over the years, idk.

Yeah, I can see that. Just new to this, and hadn't encountered it anywhere else on social media. But, DC, your comparison makes sense.

(My initial messages are always either a) boring, "hi there" or "hello" or "we're a match here, how about that?" pablum or b) a genuine question based on the profile, because I suck at this medium. But I have met a few nice ladies to talk to.)

the numbers don't really favor men seeking women, and it opens the door to being treated dismissively, which feels bad.

on the flipside, as a man talking to women, you are way less likely to get gross or abusive messages than a woman would be talking to a man.

in conclusion, everyone feels dehumanized by these programs, to varying extents.

I've never done internet dating, but have heard many many horror stories of men getting abusive after being rejected, and whether or not their initial messages are polite/friendly/"normal" seems to have no bearing on how they react. So it is a lot *safer* for women who aren't interested to block and move on.

(Also as general advice, I'd be far more inclined to respond to your type b messages than type a.)

YMMV, but when I was dating I appreciated a clear signal that someone was definitely not interested in me. Just rip off the Band-Aid and avoid wasting the time of everyone involved, y'know? Lots of fish, etc.

It worked for me... but I marvel at my luck, tbh

every woman i know who's had internet dating experience has felt overwhelmed by the number of replies women receive, too. seems like for every random reply a man will receive, a woman will receive one hundred.

many women explicitly complain about receiving first-contact form-letter spam from men as well, mailed in bulk to up their odds

https://www.wired.com/story/bumble-grindr-and-hinge-moderators-trauma/