Depression and what it's really like

no dreams, no ticket

sorry for being the internet asshole who posted the ginormous image; swear it wasn't that big when i clicked on it.

i think being a pre-1940 hardy rural farmgirl would be a nice restorative for me and kick my ass a bit.

Almost a tie-in to that "guarantee your children will need therapy" article, or maybe I just read it like that. Now I'm sorry, but you'll have to be depressed after the cows are milked and the bread's rising.

get out of my memes (etc)

moderate to heavy tuesday lol

buy some succulents and take very good care of them. move on to green plants and small animals. frogs are nice. go outside more, walk, hike in nature. even 20 minutes outside helps. collect shells an driftwood, flowers, pinecones, etc. go camping.

you can still reconnect with nature daily without going back in time to the 1940s

isn't there an antidepressant thread

i can't find it

antidepressants - s&d, CoD, evil bitches, cash cows and saviours of sanity

i'm gonna see about getting a guy to give me something. i've done your lexapro and your paxil and i forget the last thing they gave me that i never refilled the prescription for, a couple of years back.

i just hate taking pills so, so much. it feels like an admission of deficiency. like i need to download a patch to work as advertised.

and it doesn't just shallow the depths, it erodes my best moments too. like straightening a sine wave. i just wind up flatlined.

i used to say that i was willing to suffer the lows if it meant i could live the highs, my best and most ecstatic moments.

now i'm not so sure.

This, I think, is going to be the worst and most lasting legacy of the 100-year-plus war on drugs: the idea of any and all mind-altering meds as being equivalent to a personal failing.

Man. Take care of yourself. I'm wearing myself out just this moment, but if a time with some pills will help you full on live for years to come, allow it. Meanwhile, sleep, cut back on drinking, exercise your body and brain. Read up on some deep psychology like Jon G. Allen's (from Menninger) book .

It took rejecting life, rejecting meds, accepting some shit, therapy, all sorts of stuff to get where I wanted to be alive. You're one of the most alive dudes I've read from on the internet.

good thoughts to you.

http://www.menningerclinic.com/resources/J_word.htm

I'm only linking that because I kind of just violated the spirit of it. This doctor's writing and research (I read his book "Coping With Trauma" at the right time) was one of the steps toward me getting out of my head enough to put a cause and effect and possible solution in place. That led to some hope and away from despair.

I don't know. It may not be relevant to your specifics. I'm sharing because it mattered to me.

thanks for that link Zach, i needed to read that today.

This, I think, is going to be the worst and most lasting legacy of the 100-year-plus war on drugs: the idea of any and all mind-altering meds as being equivalent to a personal failing.

― Christine Green Leafy Dragon Indigo, Friday, September 16, 2011 2:17 AM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

lol worse than our out of control prison population??

poll

like i need to download a patch to work as advertised.

greatest analogy.

GOOD POINT DEEJ!!! +1

Thanks, guys, for the kind words.

anyway zach and christine OTM

you don't need to beat yourself up about it HOOS ... don't forget, the "up by your bootstraps" extreme-self reliance attitude is basically just hangover from the "social media assholes" of the 1940s

as much as we need to worry about "the medicalization of the human condition" - BTW if this guy thinks this is a 20th century phenom he needs to read some foucault or something, i dunno - we also need to worry as much or more about people not getting the help they need because they're afraid of not living up to some societal archetype of what "the human condition" is

felt like blowin up some hyperbole sry

xpost feelin that zach

YO MY BOY HOOS

sucks you feel this way. dunno what i can do but if you want to chat or something, shout me out.

Ok, it is better to get these things out, right?

My biggest problem, I think, is just a general anxiety issue. Its got to the point where I am turning down seeing friends, and close friends, the type that have seen me have drunken panic attacks in my own vomit and still happily enjoy my presence, for no real reason. Just an odd sense of dread.

But this past week, I've gone for a job interview. Shitty cold calling job, I made it past the interview to an 'evaluation' stage. omg talking to people on the phone, having to be nice to them, having to sell them shit they dont want - if it wasnt charity cold calling i think i would have just thrown up on my desk. I think I got a lot better over the two days but they didnt want me back and considering I burst into tears on the train home after my second day yesterday, I am kinda glad. But I also need a fucking London based job so I can stop fucking living with my dad and working at Tesco part time.

Anyway, need to think of it as a learning experience. I actually did improve, made it over 1 hurdle. Take a deep breath, start looking for jobs again. Maybe not cold calling ones. Ok, cool. May read the football thread first. And look at some porn. Maybe take a run. Breathe.

most of your advice to yourself seems good? steady with the booze, enjoy fresh air. i kinda think no matter how badly one needs a job, the kind of job that will crush you from the inside just isn't worth it ever.

otm.

barely drink tho, but also good advice

that bit was for me :D

Good luck ahoy hoy - there's nothing like the urgency and pain of having to look for work to send me into a blind panic, so i empathise. Finding ways to keep positive and motivated is probably your best bet. By all means go for a run etc, but it's best to plan activities like that around your day - drawing up a plan for the week and sticking to it so that you're not tempted to procrastinate.

^^this is advice for me too.

Tip: don't get a job in IT support.

^^^ this is advice for me too.

I think I would find a job in IT support hilar on account of how little I know abt computers.

"But I also need a fucking London based job so I can stop fucking living with my dad and working at Tesco part time"

what kinda job do you want? there are lots of london ilxors on here...

p much anything at this point. mostly been applying for stuff where my english degree *should* mean something (so, publishing, copywrite etc.) but atm i am thinking of just going up once a week to hand out cvs in bars in a different part of town once a week.

Did anyone else hear this? Reported on NPR the other day was the news of recent scientific research into the effects of ketamine on depression—results look promising that it could provide immediate relief with lasting effects. Here's the link.

Only time I ever took ketamine I just had a three headache. But maybe another go!

the patent on the overpriced medication i've been taking for 5 years expires in march. i'm so fucking relieved. i'm on a new deductible cycle for my insurance and i can't afford to buy the full amount of this month's prescription without the coverage applied to it.

mitt romney never has to think about this stuff.

a lot of the generic versions of SSRIs are less successful, so be careful gb. (ymmv).

a hoy hoy, bless you. If you want a job that will actually last and pay the bills, don't get a cold calling job. Voice of depressio experience here.

tbh i'm surprised that drug patent extension hasn't become a thing for the mitts of the world

if disney can keep our grubby hands off mickey . . .

(xp) i don't even care at this point. i just want lexapro to foad already.

Ha, i wasnt caring abt paying bills. In fact I was half hoping for it to last out till just like a week into moving, in which i'd live on benefits and continue looking for a job but away from herre. Smartest thing most of my friends did was move somewhere quick out of uni, get their rent covered on benefits for 3 months and then get a job where they wanted to be. I thought I was smart coming home and paying off my overdrafts!

gb, did you try Celexa (citalopram) before Lexapro? It's almost the same stuff, Celexa has generics. But if it'll be moot in a few months maybe not worth the hassle of trying to switch to save the $. Or £ or whatever.

I doubt I am in the d-zone, but I cld be "happier." Feeling of drowning. Feeling as though I have no "me time" (god I hate that term). But I guess that's life now: full time job, caring for sick/dying grandparents, two kids, household,... *just snap out of it* lol

I can't tell if I'm feeling better because of my new prescription or because it's goddamn 75º out here on Feb. 1.

http://depressioncomix.tumblr.com

Is it coincidence they all look so much like dead-eyed Tom Batiuk characters?

probably?

but maybe not

http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lz8zwaeYtT1qbbd4xo1_500.png

fuck you kālidāsa

mookie OTM

this day is a dessicate moth crawling with baby spiders

(d)

kalidasa otm imo

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lzs0irUxA51qg3mw1o1_500.png