fuck the assholes who write copy for Groupon

Does the entire Innocent Smoothies aesthetic strike you as deeply fucking irritating?

wait there's a chain of smoothie shops on the island of brittain called innocent smoothies?

it's a brand, like fresh samantha or odwalla or whatever

I still maintain it sounds like a teenie porn site.

again, like fresh samantha

Ha, I don't know what Fresh Samantha is, but OK.

imagine anything with variations on 'fresh' or 'natural' in the name can prolly sound like teenie porn if you strain enough

Has anyone else started getting Groupon-like deals from Amazon in their inbox every day?

no, because i immediately unsubscribe from any bullshit like that and so should you!

Beats me how companies come up with the "value" of these "deals." Like, "A $110 value can now be had for $70!" Well obviously it's really worth $70. It's like a department store sale where the "original retail price" is so high that no one would pay it, but the "sale" price is exactly what the going rate is, the sweet spot. To me Groupon is just advertising under a thin guise.

no no it's because they actually want to give you a really good deal! they are just being super-nice!

http://posiescafe.com/wp/?p=316

^one cafe owner's groupon experience

I think the only Groupons that I've bought are for restaurants, and I have been able to get some decent discounts.

The one time it sort of burned me is when I went to an Indian restaurant with Eazy, and we realized that we were just shy of the $40 minimum order that the Groupon required, so we ordered a couple of drinks, but then that put us far enough over $40 that the Groupon essentially just paid for our drinks but didn't save us any money on on our original intended order.

I got a pretty awesome $25 groupon for a local bar that has a great scotch selection. It didn't exclude drinks, so we just sat around drinking $10 glasses of scotch

Beats me how companies come up with the "value" of these "deals." Like, "A $110 value can now be had for $70!" Well obviously it's really worth $70. It's like a department store sale where the "original retail price" is so high that no one would pay it, but the "sale" price is exactly what the going rate is, the sweet spot. To me Groupon is just advertising under a thin guise.

― calstars, Friday, August 5, 2011 3:00 AM (5 hours ago) Bookmark

i havent read cozen's link yet but ive talked to a few (bar and restaurant) business owners who fucked with groupon and said they actually take an incredible loss but its worth it for the marketing

also calstars do you know how Groupon works? in most cases you get a gift certificate worth X amount of dollars for half the listed price.

i mean unless you're on some wake up sheeple ~what is value really~ shit

there are plenty of groupon horror stories -- i think gawker ran one of their exposes or w/e

Does the entire Innocent Smoothies aesthetic strike you as deeply fucking irritating?

― 'what's puzzling you' is the name of my dog (DJ Mencap), Friday, August 5, 2011 7:11 AM (7 hours ago) Bookmark

btw this is easily one of the most lasting thread titles on ilx for me. idk shit about innocent smoothies but at least once a week i'm think "god, what a deeply fucking irritating aesthetic" to myself

Dry, but another reason it's going to be interesting to see whether they boom or bust:

http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2011-08-04/groupon-s-strikeouts-reveal-an-unspoken-truth-jonathan-weil.html

groupon is p. wack imo, but i can't say i have tons of sympathy for cafe owners who don't even understand what their basic expenses are.

I almost feel bad for small restaurants who have no idea how to actually do coupons and get talked into a ridiculous deal with Groupon. But then, I remember that they're running a business and there are about a million and one ways they could screw up and that is just one

its it like 70% of restaurants close down in their first year? i get so sad when i see a new restaurant closing, wether i ever ate there or not-- cause i know it means someone's hopes and dreams and hard work have been smashed to pieces, and its probably all their own fault http://i.imgur.com/rGfui.gif

isn't it like

There are many groupon horror stories, which are a drop in the bucket of businesses that end up happy w groupon. Theyve made stats about it public and the vast majority of places have positive results

I do find the copy annoying, groupons are obviously worthwhile sometimes

Fwiw re: hiring "real copywriters" - thats... Exactly what they've done. They've also got a ful editorial team that comes out of like textbook publishing. And apparently, based on market research, this kind of copy works rlly well w their target demo so

Not defending it I think the companies aesthetic is corny but they employ gajillions of writers with salaried positions so kudos to them

haha i think that makes me even more angry about it

xpost re: this annoying style working well w/ their target audience

they kind of stole the house style of woot.com

They've also got a ful editorial team that comes out of like textbook publishing.

One of my coworkers left here (you know where I work) to take a job as a copy editor at Groupon. Paid substantially better.

its it like 70% of restaurants close down in their first year? i get so sad when i see a new restaurant closing, wether i ever ate there or not-- cause i know it means someone's hopes and dreams and hard work have been smashed to pieces, and its probably all their own fault

And then I see the CANCUN CYBER CAFE setting its grand opening off of the main drag through the blue-collar part of town and smdh.

Dry, but another reason it's going to be interesting to see whether they boom or bust:

http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2011-08-04/groupon-s-strikeouts-reveal-an-unspoken-truth-jonathan-weil.html

― saint dominic's p4k review (Eazy), Friday, August 5, 2011 9:35 AM (41 minutes ago) Bookmark

wow, even with their accounting practices they're prioritizing retarded meaningless cutsey bullshit!!!

Well thats because they have a product anyone can sell, so branding is everything

If their target demo is idiots, then I understand the approach. I only figured they weren't professional copywriters because of some NY Times article ... it talked about Groupon hiring poets, musicians, and journalists to write these things. They read like the creations of some brain-damaged inmate on the cusp of becoming an outsider-art curiosity.

they read like a theater kid's blog posts

I think they sound like underpaid, low-experience copywriters trying to sound cutesy.

It'd be pretty great if they had actual mentally-unbalanced people

gr80 otm actually

Well they hire lots of those too but the writing style is a v strict house style. I should backpedal slightly here - they don't want pro ad copywriters or something, just ppl who can nail the aesthetic

Lol grady they employ and the style was created by chicago improv kids

Yeah, theater kids is probably closer. I just like the idea that the whole Groupon creative campaign is the brainchild of a lone man in a padded cell drooling all over himself. Or really any campaign for that matter. "Make this ad about baloney!!" "But we're selling photo albums." "Trust me!"

huh, thought i posted something on this thread. it probably ended up in the Blink 182 thread or something.

i just think it's insane that there's no limit to the coupons. like, how are businesses supposed to plan for that?

haha i JUST NOW got the pun in this stupid company's name...!? wtf @ me.

Lol grady they employ and the style was created by chicago improv kids

― Gatsby was a success, in the end, wasn't he? (D-40), Friday, August 5, 2011 10:24 AM (1 hour ago) Bookmark

haha knew it.

I basically just think the meme about them fucking over businesses is basically untrue. Its like an ebay store w a 98% positive rating and a really large number of sales. They are impish for having a v v responsive customer service dept; the one time I thought I got fucked over by a coupon they did a full refund immediately

Lol they are impish!! They are KNOWN

lol i was going to spend at least 5 minutes trying to figure out what you meant there

autocorrect the news

do we have a thread dedicated to deej's phone fucking up his posts yet

i was about to go on a rant about groupon/social buying with lots of fun supporting articles but then i remembered this thread is about copy.

their copy is lame.

i give you permission to turn this into the all-purpose groupon thread

in the fine tradition of people that yelp are scumbags

what's a skin vagina

Glad to know Groupon still has skin vagina in the game.

if you include the sushi at the bottom that is a real solid date night

lol I almost made a very similar post

so what are you doing later?

getting kicked out of the sushi place when I ask if the vulcan love roll only has salmon skin

I think I've used this like twice in my life, but get so many emails. They seem to be really pushing these faintly scammy-looking lottery ticket broker websites recently

I dodged the bullet of becoming one of these titular assholes thanks to my famed lack of follow-through in the face of opportunity. Whew!