fuck the assholes who write copy for Groupon

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A bunch of theater/improv/music folks I know in Chicago have these writing jobs. The house style actually frustrates me, because if I'm going to get a deal in my in-box, I just want to get to the real details.

saint dominic's p4k review (Eazy), Thursday, 4 August 2011 19:18 (2 years ago) Permalink

otm!!

that's what drives me nuts. you guys are selling me restaurant gift certificates not handmade mittens on Etsy

( •ิ.•ั) (gr8080), Thursday, 4 August 2011 19:21 (2 years ago) Permalink

yeah i know a few ppl that write for groupon, incl an ex-roommate

it's interesting to me that they value writing, but i'm not exactly sure why they do

J0rdan S., Thursday, 4 August 2011 19:22 (2 years ago) Permalink

i would do this conceivably but i don't think could write this stuff w/o making pop culture references

J0rdan S., Thursday, 4 August 2011 19:23 (2 years ago) Permalink

You could make fake pop culture references.

Fig On A Plate Cart (Alex in SF), Thursday, 4 August 2011 19:25 (2 years ago) Permalink

it's interesting to me that they value writing, but i'm not exactly sure why they do

their target demographic is basically identical to their writers, only better employed? seems like a kind of signaling to me (if i'm using that term right)

goole, Thursday, 4 August 2011 19:25 (2 years ago) Permalink

ha my girlfriend does these like mad for 'living social'. i did a few for her back around the holidays to pick up some extra cash. i can think of few instances in my life where i hated myself and humankind in general more than when i was slogging through these "silly, pithy" fuckers.

je suis marxiste - tendence Groucho (will), Thursday, 4 August 2011 19:26 (2 years ago) Permalink

it's like other direct marketing, only with a bird on it

goole, Thursday, 4 August 2011 19:28 (2 years ago) Permalink

i knew someone who would employ this cutesy-bonkers style on flyers/postcards for parties/concerts and every time it was just like bro i would lol at this if you sent me it as a pdf just as a joke but you went and printed 1000 copies? no ones going to read your jokes about Spanish cats and vegan ninjas and decide to come see prins thomas play records next month smdhx100000

( •ิ.•ั) (gr8080), Thursday, 4 August 2011 19:32 (2 years ago) Permalink

I feel like I'm constitutionally incapable of even writing in that style. It would make me really self-conscious.

jaymc, Thursday, 4 August 2011 19:40 (2 years ago) Permalink

When a herd of highland cattle with particularly harmonious horns congregated in a muddy field one June day in 1961 the first moosic festival was born. Seek pastures new with today’s Groupon at Truck Festival.

the ascent of nyan (a passing spacecadet), Thursday, 4 August 2011 19:40 (2 years ago) Permalink

There are a select few instances where a deliberately "off-beat!!" writing style in the service of marketing works but they are incredibly rare.. the only one I can think of off the top of my head is the liner notes Areal Records used to write. One of them ended "Yes mom, I can butter-trance!" I loved that.

Dark Noises from the Eurozone (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 4 August 2011 19:44 (2 years ago) Permalink

feel like i could do this in my sleep tbh

J0rdan S., Thursday, 4 August 2011 19:44 (2 years ago) Permalink

Haha I found it.

Completley bereft of sense, Lansleg surrendered to the snorting and crunching of the mailcarriage that rumbled in an unpredictable monotony through a gloomy plain, pulled by a gigantic centipede. And even while the horn was announcing the speedy arrival in another place, he knew, that he wouldn’t want to stay there...

[ selvsyn]On Sundays, when grandma decorated small fatrolls on the edge of his plate in a loving way, Wolfram regularly vanished into an adventurous sweet world made of butter mountains and milklakes. And even now, almost 20 years later, in any club a melancolic thrill runs through him: Yes grandma, I can buttertrance

Dark Noises from the Eurozone (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 4 August 2011 19:47 (2 years ago) Permalink

"I feel like I'm constitutionally incapable of even writing in that style. It would make me really self-conscious."

yeah it's really tough for me. my gf said after doing a few it would just snap and they would start coming really easily. this was not my experience.

she still dreads them, but mostly because she's busy with other stuff at her real job.

je suis marxiste - tendence Groucho (will), Thursday, 4 August 2011 19:48 (2 years ago) Permalink

Also see woot.

≝ (Pleasant Plains), Thursday, 4 August 2011 19:51 (2 years ago) Permalink

That clear debris bin holds more than dust, dander, dirt, crumbs, and pet hair. It holds… secrets.

“Still not ready to talk, eh, Dyson? Well, I can do this all night. Mark my words: you will not leave these four walls until you tell us where you hid the stolen gold dust. Not alive, anyway.”

whvvv whvvvv vruuuum

“You’re damn right it’s a threat! You’re lucky that’s all it is right now! You say one more thing about your so-called right to a lawyer and they’ll have to wheel you out of here on a gurney instead of your easy, maneuverable yellow ball. Now, one more time: where’s the gold dust?”

≝ (Pleasant Plains), Thursday, 4 August 2011 19:52 (2 years ago) Permalink

lol hey PP here's one i did for a Little Rock breakfast place called "B-Side"

Sometimes the 'B' side is better than the 'A' side. And when it comes to breakfast, B-Side is a stone cold classic. Today's deal gets you $20.00 worth of grub for $10.00, and (drumroll) ...this includes alcohol. So come give the frittata of the day a spin. Maybe you're feeling a sentimental favorite like buttermilk blueberry pancakes. Or perhaps a mountain of biscuits, sausage, Pommes Rӧsti, with house made sausage gravy and 2 pan-fried eggs (aka "Biscuit Mountain") fits the bill. Sad songs and waltzes might not be selling this year, but B-Side's brunch is blowing up.

^seriously, they were all like this or way worse. *vomit*

je suis marxiste - tendence Groucho (will), Thursday, 4 August 2011 19:56 (2 years ago) Permalink

When I was in a band, I was the guy who wrote the e-mail updates we sent to our fans, and I always had trouble striking the right hip-and-breezy "Hola, amigos"-ish tone that seemed to be required in order to prevent the e-mail from being just a boring info dump. But I'm someone who tends to deliberate over words a lot. (Like even just now, I wrote "hip, breezy," then changed it to "breezily hip," then realized that wasn't quite right, etc.)

jaymc, Thursday, 4 August 2011 19:59 (2 years ago) Permalink

Dark Noises from the Eurozone (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 4 August 2011 20:30 (2 years ago) Permalink

Actually, I should have just written all the e-mails as Jim Anchower.

jaymc, Thursday, 4 August 2011 20:42 (2 years ago) Permalink

it's been a while since i last rapped at ya

puerile fantasies (Matt P), Thursday, 4 August 2011 20:44 (2 years ago) Permalink

Groupon's going for a kind of deadpan/absurd Colbert thing.

saint dominic's p4k review (Eazy), Thursday, 4 August 2011 22:53 (2 years ago) Permalink

is groupon for assholes?

james blood ulver (Whiney G. Weingarten), Thursday, 4 August 2011 22:57 (2 years ago) Permalink

like most people really who always talk about getting "A GOOD DEAL" on everything all the time are among the most tiresome imaginable, and then you add the internet.

james blood ulver (Whiney G. Weingarten), Thursday, 4 August 2011 22:59 (2 years ago) Permalink

apparently they're lousy tippers? or maybe that was people that use Open Table.

sarahel, Friday, 5 August 2011 00:21 (2 years ago) Permalink

Maybe Groupon should look into hiring proper copywriters to write these things... this stuff is worse than nothing.

Spectrum, Friday, 5 August 2011 02:56 (2 years ago) Permalink

Groupon and similar sites here (Scoopon/Living Social etc) just got an absolute panning in the Age yesterday - and the comments on the article were also pretty eye opening. Basically the only way this shit works is oversubscribing the offers, but its the coupon company that skims off all the profit: the stores end up swamped and cant/wont honor deals, and thus the customer gets ripped off too (deals expiring within weeks, but no bookings available, etc)

Put me off ever consideirng using such a system.
http://www.theage.com.au/money/planning/catch-in-coupon-special-offers-20110802-1i8nz.html

Rameses Street (Trayce), Friday, 5 August 2011 03:08 (2 years ago) Permalink

surprised no-one has cross-ref'd this w/ the Innocent Smoothie thread seeing as this reads like it's totally a product of that whole mess

'what's puzzling you' is the name of my dog (DJ Mencap), Friday, 5 August 2011 09:07 (2 years ago) Permalink

do i dare ask

( •ิ.•ั) (gr8080), Friday, 5 August 2011 09:21 (2 years ago) Permalink

wait there's a chain of smoothie shops on the island of brittain called innocent smoothies?

( •ิ.•ั) (gr8080), Friday, 5 August 2011 11:55 (2 years ago) Permalink

it's a brand, like fresh samantha or odwalla or whatever

Dark Noises from the Eurozone (Tracer Hand), Friday, 5 August 2011 11:56 (2 years ago) Permalink

I still maintain it sounds like a teenie porn site.

jaymc, Friday, 5 August 2011 12:30 (2 years ago) Permalink

again, like fresh samantha

Dark Noises from the Eurozone (Tracer Hand), Friday, 5 August 2011 12:33 (2 years ago) Permalink

Ha, I don't know what Fresh Samantha is, but OK.

jaymc, Friday, 5 August 2011 12:37 (2 years ago) Permalink

imagine anything with variations on 'fresh' or 'natural' in the name can prolly sound like teenie porn if you strain enough

'what's puzzling you' is the name of my dog (DJ Mencap), Friday, 5 August 2011 12:40 (2 years ago) Permalink

Has anyone else started getting Groupon-like deals from Amazon in their inbox every day?

jaymc, Friday, 5 August 2011 12:44 (2 years ago) Permalink

no, because i immediately unsubscribe from any bullshit like that and so should you!

Dark Noises from the Eurozone (Tracer Hand), Friday, 5 August 2011 12:51 (2 years ago) Permalink

Beats me how companies come up with the "value" of these "deals." Like, "A $110 value can now be had for $70!" Well obviously it's really worth $70. It's like a department store sale where the "original retail price" is so high that no one would pay it, but the "sale" price is exactly what the going rate is, the sweet spot. To me Groupon is just advertising under a thin guise.

calstars, Friday, 5 August 2011 13:00 (2 years ago) Permalink

no no it's because they actually want to give you a really good deal! they are just being super-nice!

Dark Noises from the Eurozone (Tracer Hand), Friday, 5 August 2011 13:03 (2 years ago) Permalink

http://posiescafe.com/wp/?p=316

nh (cozen), Friday, 5 August 2011 13:03 (2 years ago) Permalink

^one cafe owner's groupon experience

nh (cozen), Friday, 5 August 2011 13:04 (2 years ago) Permalink

I think the only Groupons that I've bought are for restaurants, and I have been able to get some decent discounts.

The one time it sort of burned me is when I went to an Indian restaurant with Eazy, and we realized that we were just shy of the $40 minimum order that the Groupon required, so we ordered a couple of drinks, but then that put us far enough over $40 that the Groupon essentially just paid for our drinks but didn't save us any money on on our original intended order.

jaymc, Friday, 5 August 2011 13:44 (2 years ago) Permalink

I got a pretty awesome $25 groupon for a local bar that has a great scotch selection. It didn't exclude drinks, so we just sat around drinking $10 glasses of scotch

mh, Friday, 5 August 2011 14:18 (2 years ago) Permalink

Beats me how companies come up with the "value" of these "deals." Like, "A $110 value can now be had for $70!" Well obviously it's really worth $70. It's like a department store sale where the "original retail price" is so high that no one would pay it, but the "sale" price is exactly what the going rate is, the sweet spot. To me Groupon is just advertising under a thin guise.

― calstars, Friday, August 5, 2011 3:00 AM (5 hours ago) Bookmark

i havent read cozen's link yet but ive talked to a few (bar and restaurant) business owners who fucked with groupon and said they actually take an incredible loss but its worth it for the marketing

( •ิ.•ั) (gr8080), Friday, 5 August 2011 19:06 (2 years ago) Permalink

also calstars do you know how Groupon works? in most cases you get a gift certificate worth X amount of dollars for half the listed price.

i mean unless you're on some wake up sheeple ~what is value really~ shit

( •ิ.•ั) (gr8080), Friday, 5 August 2011 19:08 (2 years ago) Permalink

there are plenty of groupon horror stories -- i think gawker ran one of their exposes or w/e

J0rdan S., Friday, 5 August 2011 19:09 (2 years ago) Permalink

Does the entire Innocent Smoothies aesthetic strike you as deeply fucking irritating?

― 'what's puzzling you' is the name of my dog (DJ Mencap), Friday, August 5, 2011 7:11 AM (7 hours ago) Bookmark

btw this is easily one of the most lasting thread titles on ilx for me. idk shit about innocent smoothies but at least once a week i'm think "god, what a deeply fucking irritating aesthetic" to myself

J0rdan S., Friday, 5 August 2011 19:10 (2 years ago) Permalink

Dry, but another reason it's going to be interesting to see whether they boom or bust:

http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2011-08-04/groupon-s-strikeouts-reveal-an-unspoken-truth-jonathan-weil.html

saint dominic's p4k review (Eazy), Friday, 5 August 2011 19:35 (2 years ago) Permalink

I like to torment myself by reading the groupon posts for services like laser hair removal and colonics.

"Can I use this groupon (laser hair removal) to remove a tattoo?"

Yerac, Tuesday, 16 August 2011 23:27 (2 years ago) Permalink

3 weeks pass...

mmmm AMOEBA groupon

Pizzataco Five (admrl), Wednesday, 7 September 2011 21:48 (2 years ago) Permalink

Ooh

reggae night staple center (Eazy), Wednesday, 7 September 2011 21:52 (2 years ago) Permalink

2 weeks pass...

"Groupon halves revenue forecast, COO hastily exits."

citation needed (Steve Shasta), Friday, 23 September 2011 23:47 (2 years ago) Permalink

citation needed

Takeshi Kitteno (admrl), Friday, 23 September 2011 23:53 (2 years ago) Permalink

Groupon Operating Chief Leaves as Company Restates Revenue
September 23, 2011, 7:54 PM EDT
By Douglas MacMillan

Sept. 23 (Bloomberg) -- Groupon Inc., the largest daily- deal site, announced the departure of its second chief operating officer in six months and restated revenue figures, cutting sales to a fraction of their previous levels.

Margo Georgiadis, head of operations, is leaving to rejoin her former employer, Google Inc., the Chicago-based company said today in a filing. In restating sales, Groupon cited “an error in its presentation of revenue.”

Groupon has lost executives and had to delay its initial public offering amid a volatile stock market. Brad Williams, the former head of communications, and Rob Solomon, Georgiadis’s predecessor as operating chief, left the company earlier this year. It’s also drawn flak for the way it accounted for income, which critics said was masking its true costs.

The company restated 2010 sales to $312.9 million, down from a previous level of $713.4 million. In its earlier accounting, Groupon counted the total amount of its daily-deal sales as revenue, including fees paid to merchants. The company makes money by selling discounts -- known as Groupons -- from businesses such as restaurants and nail salons. It then splits the revenue with the businesses.

“The company restated its reporting of revenues from Groupons to be net of the amounts related to merchant fees,” Groupon said in the filing. “Historically, the company has reported the gross amounts billed to its subscribers as revenue.”

First Half

Revenue in the first half of 2011 is now $688.1 million, compared with an earlier figure of $1.52 billion.

The company also said JPMorgan Chase & Co. is no longer a lead underwriter on its planned $750 million IPO. Groupon made the change after people with knowledge of the matter said online-coupon competitor LivingSocial hired the bank to raise more than $200 million in a round of private funding.

Wells Fargo & Co. joined the list of underwriters on Groupon’s offering, the filing showed.

Georgiadis will become Google’s president for the Americas region. Before going to Groupon in April, she was Google’s vice president of global sales. Her Groupon contract gave her a $500,000 salary and 300,000 fully vested stock options. Based on the $25 billion valuation Groupon was said to have been contemplating in March, those options would be worth $25.2 million dollars in an IPO.

‘Hard Decision’

“Groupon is a great company and I feel privileged to have worked there even for a short time,” she said today in a statement published by Groupon. “It was a hard decision to leave as the company is on a terrific path. I have complete confidence in the team’s ability to realize its mission.”

The executive will have an expanded role in her new position at Google, said Nikesh Arora, senior vice president and chief business officer of Mountain View, California-based Google.

“I called a great colleague from the past and asked her if she’d like to come back,” Arora said. “I could not ask for a better person to come back and work with us.”

Her earlier experience included a stint as chief marketing officer at Discover Financial Services.

citation needed (Steve Shasta), Saturday, 24 September 2011 00:01 (2 years ago) Permalink

steve shasta said it

xp dammit steve

BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Saturday, 24 September 2011 00:02 (2 years ago) Permalink

Groupon is the Ponzi scheme that Perry should be bitching about.

Josh in Chicago, Saturday, 24 September 2011 01:02 (2 years ago) Permalink

Sure Drudge will connect it to other dubious Chicago finances soon enough.

Corn Maze to the Dark Side (Eazy), Saturday, 24 September 2011 01:12 (2 years ago) Permalink

I still have my TWO amoeba groupons

Takeshi Kitteno (admrl), Saturday, 24 September 2011 01:46 (2 years ago) Permalink

srsly, fuck these assholes who write copy for groupon

rebels against newton (Z S), Saturday, 24 September 2011 01:48 (2 years ago) Permalink

lol @ theater nerds not getting basic math

 (gr8080), Thursday, 29 September 2011 16:07 (2 years ago) Permalink

1 month passes...

Groupon Shares Spike 40% at Open 3 minutes ago

smh

ice cr?m, Friday, 4 November 2011 15:02 (2 years ago) Permalink

tbf there was a groupon coupon for groupon shares

iatee, Friday, 4 November 2011 15:06 (2 years ago) Permalink

The supply of dumb money and money that thinks it can find dumber money never abates.

pass the duchy pon the left hand side (musical duke) (Hurting 2), Friday, 4 November 2011 15:08 (2 years ago) Permalink

lol iatee

pass the duchy pon the left hand side (musical duke) (Hurting 2), Friday, 4 November 2011 15:09 (2 years ago) Permalink

4 months pass...

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/03/11/fashion/many-consumers-find-it-hard-to-step-away-from-daily-deal-sites.html

has there ever been another billion dollar business that was 100% dependent on millions of people setting themselves up to be mad or disappointed?

iatee, Saturday, 10 March 2012 21:13 (2 years ago) Permalink

facebook, zynga, (is fender a $1bn company?), sony lately.

Philip Nunez, Saturday, 10 March 2012 21:19 (2 years ago) Permalink

has there ever been another billion dollar business that was 100% dependent on millions of people setting themselves up to be mad or disappointed?

― iatee, Saturday, March 10, 2012 3:13 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

how do you mean? i've used them before & been happy w/ it ...

D-40, Sunday, 11 March 2012 00:03 (2 years ago) Permalink

or do you mean the restaurants?

D-40, Sunday, 11 March 2012 00:04 (2 years ago) Permalink

both sides seem to get burned pretty regularly

iatee, Sunday, 11 March 2012 00:11 (2 years ago) Permalink

most of the examples in that article are idiots buying shit they didn't actually want. like buying ... anything, its buyer beware.

D-40, Sunday, 11 March 2012 00:22 (2 years ago) Permalink

I had an interview with groupon last week to write this sort of stuff. I would hate them too but need the work, which it looks like I haven't got. So, yeah, fuck them.

Proger, Sunday, 11 March 2012 15:05 (2 years ago) Permalink

the companies often get fucked w/ Groupon.

Bo Jackson Overdrive, Sunday, 11 March 2012 15:43 (2 years ago) Permalink

Groupon usually tries to keep 100% of the revenues from the groupon, but will occasionally be so kind as to split it 50/50. Their logic is "the customer almost always spends a larger amount than the value of the Groupon". which isn't always true.

Bo Jackson Overdrive, Sunday, 11 March 2012 15:44 (2 years ago) Permalink

Groupon copywriter loathes his job:

"Features
7"x11" softcover photobook
20 pages hold up to 150 failed self-taken profile pictures
Photos uploaded directly from Facebook albums
Arranged in a theme of your choosing
Crop and move photos within online photobook template"

http://www.groupon.com/deals/gg-ca-rexall-custom-photobook

Also contains sentence "photos you upload directly from Facebook albums or surveillance drones."

she started dancing to that (Finefinemusic), Tuesday, 13 March 2012 16:39 (2 years ago) Permalink

hah, once you notice that stuff like "Each album boasts a customer-chosen theme and holds photos that can be cropped and moved around in the most eye-pleasing arrangement" really starts to sound just as harsh

bosomy English rose (thomp), Tuesday, 13 March 2012 17:00 (2 years ago) Permalink

2 months pass...

Celebrate the Man Who Gave Birth to You

He felt you grow and kick inside of him for nine months—
thank him with deals on Father's Day gifts.

does Groupon know something about my father that I don't

that is a weird thing to bring up over lean cuisine (DJP), Wednesday, 30 May 2012 17:29 (1 year ago) Permalink

Yes.

carl agatha, Wednesday, 30 May 2012 17:33 (1 year ago) Permalink

h8 when Groupon writers try to be "funny"

heated debate over derpy hooves (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Wednesday, 30 May 2012 17:38 (1 year ago) Permalink

I always think of this guy when I read the "funny" groupon copy:

Respectfully, Tyrese Gibson (Nicole), Wednesday, 30 May 2012 18:26 (1 year ago) Permalink

hahahaha

that is a weird thing to bring up over lean cuisine (DJP), Wednesday, 30 May 2012 18:27 (1 year ago) Permalink

11 months pass...

I was waiting for it, and it delivered in the last sentence

tweeship journey to 77 (mh), Wednesday, 15 May 2013 15:25 (11 months ago) Permalink

u_u

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 15 May 2013 15:26 (11 months ago) Permalink

umair haque
‏@umairh
Hey, what is that "1,2,3,4" song that came out a few years back? Was that Ting Tings?

ʎqןıs (gr8080), Friday, 24 May 2013 14:52 (11 months ago) Permalink

So dip your brush or tune your ear to what’s happening on F Street -- you won’t be disappointed.

amirite?

ḉrut (crüt), Friday, 24 May 2013 14:55 (11 months ago) Permalink

haha oops wrong "assholes" thread

ʎqןıs (gr8080), Friday, 24 May 2013 14:56 (11 months ago) Permalink


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