― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 02:49 (10 years ago) Permalink
― Nicole (Nicole), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 02:49 (10 years ago) Permalink
― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 02:51 (10 years ago) Permalink
― fractal (fractal), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 03:06 (10 years ago) Permalink
However, I AM authorized to purchase them, however I want, whenever I want.
What does that even mean?
― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 03:13 (10 years ago) Permalink
― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 03:16 (10 years ago) Permalink
― Maria (Maria), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 04:23 (10 years ago) Permalink
SUBJECT LINE: I gotta get outta this place...if it's the last thing I ever do (feel free to hum along.)
After a delightful morning spent discussing why someone:1. Shouldn't open a printer paperfeed drawer, while the printer is printing;2. Shouldn't send emails to everyone on their mailing lists about Church-related emails;3. Should let others know when they need the printer instead of deleting documents in the queue;4. Shouldn't tell someone "this is urgent" so they work really late to get it finished, when really, it isn't urgent at all and in fact, doesn't need to be done at all; and5. Shouldn't take someone else's lunch from the refrigerator and leave it on the counter to make room for "extra drinks in case we have visitors,"I have now experienced the conversation to top them all (and really, you have to laugh at this one. I did. Once I calmed down, imbibed chocolate and nicotine, and thought "well, at least it's not quantum physics?). So....here it is:
A Dialogue between "M" (yours truly) and "S" (Otherwise known as Scarett/Princess/Arch Nemesis/The Scarf Lady/etc.)S: Hey "M"!M: Yes?S: You know how to work that digital camera yet?M: Yeah, figured it out last week.S: How long does it take to get those photos developed?M: What?S: I need some photos really fast, so I can photocopy them and make notes on the back. And get duplicates too, in case they get messed-up. M: What? What pictures do you need taken?S: I need to you take pictures of my computer.M: Why?S: I need to know what's on my computer.M: (sigh) You are looking for a file?S: No, I need to know what is on my screen thing.M: (dawning awareness) You need screen captures?S: No, I need pictures of my computer.M: For....?S: I need to know what's on my screen, 'cause these instructions don't make sense and I want to make notes.M: Okay, then you need a picture of the information on your screen, that you can print and add notes to?S: Yes.M: Okay, we don't need the camera for that. We can just do screen captures. It's easy.(M walks over to other office, taking deep and soothing breathes all the while, and explains how to "CTRL+ALT+PrtScn" - runs into trouble with explanation of holding down all keys at the same time. Eventually resolved and screen is captured.)M: Now open Word and set the page to ?Landscape.?S: My computer won't do that.M: What? Yes it will.(M goes through brief discussion of "portrait" vs "landscape" and how to perform operation in Word. Discovers part of problem is that S doesn?t know how to open Word because the icon isn?t on her desktop.)M: Now just hit "Shift+Insert" and your screen shot will be inserted.M: No, you need to hold down both keys at the same time.M: I don't know, that's just the way the program is designed.M: Yeah, it is find of frustrating.M: Okay, now you have it. Just insert a new page for each of the next screen captures and then print the file.(M returns to own desk and gets back into rhythm of formatting proposal.)S: M! It isn't working. I want you to take the pictures for me.M: I don't have time to take the pictures right now, I have to get this back to _____.S: Well, I don't have the time to use the camera, so I guess this won't get done and _____ will be mad.M: Yeah, I guess ___ will be mad, but I'll explain the problem to him.S: Can't you do these thingys for me?M: No, not right now. I have to get this done.S: You know, it's your job to do this.M: No, actually it isn't. I am sorry, but I really can't do it right now. If I have time later I'll come over and see what we can do. In the meantime, why don't you look under the "Help" menu to see if those instructions are better.S: Oh, my computer doesn't have any "Help" on it. I keep telling ____ he needs to fix it, but he won't.
(M decides, for sake of sanity, to not try and figure out what that last comment means and returns to her editing, swearing all the while.) End of original email.
And here are additional interesting tidbits about ?S?:She claimed on her resume to be ?Microsoft Certified,? but was unable to explain what that meant;She wrote all of her correspondence in Excel, because she didn?t know how to open Word (the icon wasn?t on her desktop);When she came into work each morning, she made herself a pot of tea and sat in her cubicle reading household decorating magazines and drinking tea for the first two hours: and, best of allShe was once asked to provide a file that she had finished working on to another co-worker. The file was not on her hard drive for, as she explained, she ?didn?t want to fill it up with things? (and it was a 20 G HD!) File was eventually determined, by her, to be on a floppy. But floppy was blank when co-worker opened it. Eventually ?S? showed supervisor where she stored all of her floppys containing important info. She was attaching them to the metal parts of her cubicle with large magnets, so she ?could always find them.?
~ Laura (who is thankful that she can claim to be a happy rat, that abandoned the sinking ship in time to move to a much cushier and affluent ship, and is now ridiculously happy with things)
― LCD (Ms Laura), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 05:13 (10 years ago) Permalink
I've met a few people who have done basic "computer literacy" courses at colleges and Adult Ed. places who do this. What seems to happen is: the college says "don't store your files on the hard drive [of our lab computers], use a floppy" and the person absorbs this without understanding *why* they're being told it.
These sort of courses always seem to produce people who can't do anything except exactly what was on the course, and then only if their computer is set up exactly like the college ones were. Hence, not being able to start Word if it doesn't have a desktop icon.
(of course, the other stuff shows that this person seems to be a fuckwit regardless of that)
― caitlin (caitlin), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 10:49 (10 years ago) Permalink
The ex-receptionist at my office once printed out an email so she could type it up in Word.
― Alfie (Alfie), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 11:02 (10 years ago) Permalink
― MarkH (MarkH), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 11:30 (10 years ago) Permalink
it's a sappy day.
― g-kit (g-kit), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 11:42 (10 years ago) Permalink
― Alfie (Alfie), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 11:48 (10 years ago) Permalink
― MarkH (MarkH), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 11:54 (10 years ago) Permalink
― Alfie (Alfie), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 12:00 (10 years ago) Permalink
1. "What does agriculture mean?"
2. "I was so annoyed. Someone threw themselves under my tube yesterday. People that do that must be mad."
3. Me: "Just tell them to put the web address in and it will take them straight into the site."
Her: "What address? Their address?"
― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 12:06 (10 years ago) Permalink
― MarkH (MarkH), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 13:58 (10 years ago) Permalink
― dave q, Wednesday, 15 January 2003 14:21 (10 years ago) Permalink
― g-kit (g-kit), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 14:45 (10 years ago) Permalink
Other things he did: worked at his cube standing up (making everyone around him very tense), unbuttoned his shirts halfway down his chest, commented on every phone conversation I had (work related or not), talked to himself, and played horrible CD-Rs of cabaret tunes he wrote and produced. I think the whole experience inoculated me against ever being annoyed by co-workers again.
― mike a (mike a), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 16:14 (10 years ago) Permalink
Unfortunately something this stupid is uttered in my office at least once a day...
― Nicole (Nicole), Thursday, 16 January 2003 03:26 (10 years ago) Permalink
― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 16 January 2003 03:54 (10 years ago) Permalink
― Nicole (Nicole), Thursday, 16 January 2003 03:56 (10 years ago) Permalink
― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 16 January 2003 03:57 (10 years ago) Permalink
― isadora (isadora), Thursday, 16 January 2003 04:15 (10 years ago) Permalink
― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 16 January 2003 04:54 (10 years ago) Permalink
― j.lu (j.lu), Thursday, 16 January 2003 23:19 (10 years ago) Permalink
― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 16:09 (10 years ago) Permalink
― Chris V. (Chris V), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 16:16 (10 years ago) Permalink
An old japanese woman wearing a baby dress and pigtails jumping and down in front of me at the desk. I just came in. Please, let me wake up a bit first. Or am I still dreaming?
― Erik, Wednesday, 2 April 2003 16:30 (10 years ago) Permalink
― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 16:37 (10 years ago) Permalink
― Sarah McLUsky (coco), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 18:16 (10 years ago) Permalink
― Sarah MCLUsky (coco), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 18:16 (10 years ago) Permalink
i feel like i'm missing out
― jess (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 18:21 (10 years ago) Permalink
There's nothing like a five minute meeting with your boss in which he tells you that you've basically got like two months to turn things around with a mouth full of Mike n' Ikes.
― hstencil, Wednesday, 2 April 2003 18:23 (10 years ago) Permalink
― cybele (cybele), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 19:14 (10 years ago) Permalink
big flat mole on the left side of his face with 9 really long and scraggly hairs growing out of it. He was always playing with them... twisting and pulling on them (but not pulling them out.) Very distracting....
― order some disorder, Wednesday, 2 April 2003 23:19 (10 years ago) Permalink
"Please tell me if you understand what I am saying, at the moment in the exqualifier there are only a 4 digit code, you append another 3 in front of them I don't know where, but doesn't matter anyway to sort out the letter in the front for the new code."
I assure you it makes only 1% more sense to me than it does to you.
― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Thursday, 3 April 2003 10:19 (10 years ago) Permalink
― Andrew (enneff), Thursday, 3 April 2003 10:54 (10 years ago) Permalink
― Nick A. (Nick A.), Thursday, 3 April 2003 11:23 (10 years ago) Permalink
― toraneko (toraneko), Thursday, 3 April 2003 14:18 (10 years ago) Permalink
THis goes on at least ONCE A WEEK in my office.
― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 3 April 2003 14:35 (10 years ago) Permalink
― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 3 April 2003 14:40 (10 years ago) Permalink
Also, I don't think the owner's secretary knows how to use the phone properly, because she's always complaining that "the phones are down", but it's only her phone, apparently. And when someone comes in to test it, it works.
― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 3 April 2003 14:45 (10 years ago) Permalink
I think you just identified the perv dream of far too many people in the world. But you'd have to give them guns too.
― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 3 April 2003 14:47 (10 years ago) Permalink
― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 3 April 2003 14:49 (10 years ago) Permalink
― Sarah McLUsky (coco), Thursday, 3 April 2003 14:57 (10 years ago) Permalink
― Nick A. (Nick A.), Thursday, 3 April 2003 15:58 (10 years ago) Permalink
― g-kit (g-kit), Friday, 4 April 2003 07:12 (10 years ago) Permalink
― smee (smee), Friday, 4 April 2003 07:14 (10 years ago) Permalink
Thank you. The deed is done. I feel SO MUCH BETTER. I hate typing with long nails. *shudder*
― carl agatha, Wednesday, 17 April 2013 14:38 (1 month ago) Permalink
you're absolved since u have an office with a door. rest easy, carl
― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 17 April 2013 15:37 (1 month ago) Permalink
Just hacked my nails back this morning to avoid that terrible, terrible typing-scraping feeling. (Deed done in my bedroom).
― ljubljana, Wednesday, 17 April 2013 15:49 (1 month ago) Permalink
You can just about whatever you want in your own office, lawd knows I do.
― kate78, Wednesday, 17 April 2013 18:28 (1 month ago) Permalink
Why did Boss' shredder stopped shredding? B/c it overheated when she was using it with the space heater pointed at it 2 or 3" away.
― Je55e, Wednesday, 17 April 2013 20:29 (1 month ago) Permalink
Man why even ask for my summary of yesterday's crisis which you were not even slightly interested in helping w/ yesterday if you are just going to talk over it and disagree with minor aspects of my wording
if you know so much more about it than the people who actually had to deal with it then maybe you should have fixed it for us and sent the 200 apologetic emails I had to send for someone else's fuckup
(this rather closely resembles my last post on this thread and yes it is directed at the same person, and no they are not my boss or it might be acceptable)
― susuwatari teenage riot (a passing spacecadet), Friday, 26 April 2013 10:01 (4 weeks ago) Permalink
i work in a huge office building in the suburbs. its parking lots are also huge and far flung.
i just saw a dude in a trans-siberian orchestra tshirt and cargo pants rollerblade from his car to the front door of the building.
― goole, Monday, 6 May 2013 15:29 (2 weeks ago) Permalink
teaching u how to live
― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 6 May 2013 15:33 (2 weeks ago) Permalink
― Camp Macaroni Style (snoball), Monday, 6 May 2013 15:37 (2 weeks ago) Permalink
[11:54:42 AM] N_____: you not on skype[11:54:53 AM] N_____: kevin is looking for you[11:54:59 AM] Trayce: ?[11:55:02 AM] Trayce: youre skyping me!
...I dont even.
― It is like ganging up on Enya (Trayce), Tuesday, 7 May 2013 01:58 (2 weeks ago) Permalink
ugh can someone googlefy my name pls stupid cut n paste.
― It is like ganging up on Enya (Trayce), Tuesday, 7 May 2013 02:40 (2 weeks ago) Permalink
y
― groovy replacement (electricsound), Tuesday, 7 May 2013 02:49 (2 weeks ago) Permalink
thankye kindley
― It is like ganging up on Enya (Trayce), Tuesday, 7 May 2013 03:03 (2 weeks ago) Permalink
Boss' computer is about 5 years old, and it has been starting to have problems.
Couple of weeks ago IT guy fixed it and recommended buying a new system. Boss says that IT guy just wants to score a commission from Dell (on a computer that would cost barely $1,000) and "this one is working just fine."
Today, more problems. IT guy works for a couple hours and says it's time for a new computer. Boss says, "This one is working just fine."
― Je55e, Thursday, 16 May 2013 16:20 (1 week ago) Permalink
Boss' diagnosis: computer should not be left on overnight because "It's well-known that that's how hackers get in."
― Je55e, Thursday, 16 May 2013 16:22 (1 week ago) Permalink
also, elves
― why does Kanye say he was based on the novel "Push" by Sapphire? (sic), Thursday, 16 May 2013 16:29 (1 week ago) Permalink
I have a temporary co-worker (a new contact person on a biannual sheep breeders directory) who is making me want to drink antifreeze. This is her first time coordinating any sort of project like this, and I've had to talk her off the ledge and let her know the project is going well at least 2x daily for the last 10 days. The upside is that she's directed some of that nervous energy into selling ads, so we have 2 to 3 times the number of advertisers from the previous directory.
One of the advertisers pulled his ad because I pointed out the bad photoshop job he'd done on the picture he wanted to run. (Imagine a digital version of the ruined fresco of Jesus in Spain from last year.)
― What makes a man start threads? (WilliamC), Thursday, 16 May 2013 16:43 (1 week ago) Permalink
To the IT guy in response to his saying her computer is old (6 years old, not 5): "Look, the reality is that computers are obsolete the second you pay for them." (so they remain forever at the same level of obsolescence??)
― Je55e, Thursday, 16 May 2013 16:50 (1 week ago) Permalink
She's probably already wasted $1000 worth of IT's time keeping this one around
― resulting paste of mashed cheez poops (silby), Thursday, 16 May 2013 18:37 (1 week ago) Permalink
Well yeh. Our IT is a consultant, whom we pay hourly.
Wm, I wish I could see the bad photoshop. Imagining a flat-faced sheep. A lamb, like the ruined fresco of the lamb of God.
― Je55e, Thursday, 16 May 2013 19:19 (1 week ago) Permalink
I would post it, but I don't want to cross the streams of work and ilx life too much. It was a backdrop shot of a winning ram, and they'd painted over it in its two colors (tan body, black face and legs) so that it just looked like a cardboard silhouette. I think they must have cancelled the ad out of embarrassment, but they said they were cancelling it because I had the gall to ask for a higher-resolution version of the photo. (They sent 338 x 224 pixels, roughly postage-stamp size at print resolution.)
― What makes a man start threads? (WilliamC), Thursday, 16 May 2013 19:37 (1 week ago) Permalink
training with coworker to learn new tasks that may come up in the coming weeks. as far as I know, I'm just helping pick up some slack. Find myself trapped in this whirling nervous vortex of "uhmmm so here is EVERYTHING i do" that was so unending & tooootally confusing & overwhelming & I was like "Okay, I'm gonna stop you there. My brain only can hold so much the first time round, we can go over things as they come up." and pray that 90% of what he told me I won't have to do for at least a little while. Fuuuuuck me O_O
― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 16 May 2013 19:48 (1 week ago) Permalink
some people really suck at dispensing *pertinent* information
― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 16 May 2013 19:49 (1 week ago) Permalink
One of my coworkers has been sick all week. Really felt bad for him. He's wracked with a cough, etc. Friday, during the lunch hour, he's on a personal phone call in his office. "Oh, I'm doing better. Except it's all coming out the other end." "That Mucinex really thins you out, if you know what I mean." Yeah, well you'll be crappin' too in about a week!"
I'm just sitting out here in my cubicle trying to eat a veggie burger. You have an office with a door. Use it.
― how's life, Sunday, 19 May 2013 10:53 (5 days ago) Permalink