itt blogs instruct you how to be a man

I am dying at "how to leave a room like a man"

(and i suppose in this way men's mags have finally caught up to women's mags)

xpost

It's p much a race to the bottom, tbh.

how to leave a room is even more hilarious than I thought it would be

is it a choose your own adventure

2. Stand up. When they feel it’s time to leave, most folks start to squirm in their seat and say things like, “Weeelll…. it’s getting late.” Then they just keep on sitting on their duffs looking awkwardly at their watch. Don’t dilly dally. If you’re ready to leave, then show that you are. Standing up shows you’re committed to leaving.

Now, don’t be abrupt about it. That’s just as awkward as squirming in your seat and looking side-to-side for a means to escape. Stand-up smoothly and confidently. While you’re standing, simply say, “Well I must be leaving.” Never give an excuse for why you have to leave. An excuse can make your hostess feel unimportant and force you to sheepishly explain yourself all the way to the door.

If you want to be particularly suave about your transition from sitting to standing, try this trick. When you’re ready to leave, wait for a pause in the conversation and start a short story. Make it an engrossing, entertaining story. You want to leave them laughing. As you tell the story, start standing up. You can even start putting on your coat and hat as you spin your yarn. Walk next to your host when you reach the story’s climax. Give a quick wink to the group, and…

3. Hold out your hand.

No. 214 : "Do not touch the hiney unless you have earned her trust"
― Latham Green, Wednesday, June 8, 2011 1:39 PM (3 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

misread this as the whiney and wondered if area51 had visited the untranny valley in the interim

fwiw i feel really bad for the kid whose dad wrote all those fucking rules for

316. Don’t stare directly into a dog’s eyes.

unless you have peanut butter on your nads.

why is everyone so bossy about this shit, is what i want to know

xp nuts on your nuts

i like the dad one...maybe cuz im a dad.

http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llqug66eTM1qjnt7yo1_500.jpg

this just confuses me. real men don't carry change??

how are you supposed to carry change except with an effeminate little-girl beaded change purse in the shape of chococat's head? i ask u

I thknk probably actually do the opposite of every hence suggested

http://d30opm7hsgivgh.cloudfront.net/upload/22858893_oZxOI8gB_c.jpg

yeah no, don't do that.

The "dime" thing -- is that about the PUA rating system? Being a ten? I'm so confused.

http://blackbroadcasting.com/7/wp-content/upLoads/2010/06/macho-men_hic.jpg

yea dime = a ten

so remember that while "confidence is sexy" you should never have that much self-esteem

um, that is the exact opposite of what that piece of advice is incoherently trying to say...?

by the same person / people, apparently:

Problems and Advices (sic)

ha dan i swear i'm not trying to misinterpret these things i just apparently have serious trouble understanding

i mean, who uses coins anyway? fags, that's who!

guys everyone knows that you keep coins in a jar at home so that, if you're like me, you can turn them in once a year and make $$$

ps i made $160 last week from stupid gay coins, eat it losers!!!

the "men don't carry change" thing doesn't really make sense, and isn't really a thing, it's just a dumb play on "dime"

anyway, am i wrong in detecting some race-y type crap in that one?

"DO not have pillow fights with her unless she wants to"

i dunno if i've learned anything today except for "crowdsourcing on tumblr is a horrible thing"

http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llj3rnn7j91qj29d6o1_500.jpg

My head just exploded.

http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ll0zpivILZ1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

A cop will tell you in a half a second that someone who always looks you directly in the eye is lying to you.

stare her down, bro

Maybe a compromise would be eye contact/staring at boobs.

Her boobs, of course, to clarify.

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lkxfd5ghMo1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

this is just the worst advice. i know several women who would be fucking appalled that some twee blog-reading asshole in a bowtie would just pick them up & spin them around. some women don't like being tossed about!

A cop will tell you in a half a second that someone who always looks you directly in the eye is lying to you.

yeah but a fair amount of cop wisdom is essentially handed-down stuff that's not actually true. "someone who [exhibits x behavior] is lying to you" = the same sort of shitty reasoning that informs the stuff we're talking about here.

"... she'll love it"

*shudders*

someone who stares you right in the nose, however- watch that fucker

http://images.businessweek.com/ss/07/04/0430_negotiating/image/eye_contact.jpg

a fair amount of cop wisdom is essentially handed-down stuff that's not actually true.

The reasoning behind that one, though, I believe. It's because the perceived wisdom is that liars are shifty and never look you in the eye, so people who are actively trying to tell lies will always look you right in the eye, thus overcompensating for what is baloney to begin with.

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lkwqy2MaAj1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

"yes, my precious darling, cry your little heart out. yes, just like that... it feels so good..."

copycat tumblr: http://etiquetteforagentleman.tumblr.com/

elmo you are KILLING it itt

kenan, interestingly I was just reading a book that claims that people don't do ANY one thing when they're lying. Also that human beings, even ones in law enforcement and related pursuits, are TERRIBLE at telling when someone is lying.

Apparently some people are naturally good at telling when someone is lying, and some aren't, and no one can explain why. (How many of those people are cops is beyond me.) It's like the way dogs can smell cancer. I'll look for a link.

xposts and since liars who have heard this new piece of wisdom will make sure *not* to meet your gaze, cops can be assured that the non-eye-lookers are, after all and as originally suspected, the liars. Until the liars catch up to that one - then the paradigm will shift once more.

my response to all of these blogs is basically "valerie solanas OTM"

aha but if you believe these gentleman rules, women are infallible lie detectors and can find anything out, so you should never lie to them. they can smell lies like dogs smell cancer.

"... she'll love it"

This increasingly reminds me of the "I'm one of the few men in the city with nothing wrong with him" answer machine message guy.

aha but if you believe these gentleman rules, women are infallible lie detectors and can find anything out

The overriding theme of most of these little advices is that women are a mysterious "other," instead of just other people.

Not to state too much of the obvious or anything.