itt blogs instruct you how to be a man

It was about 3 miles from my hotel, so I decided to take a cab.

Realizing I was looking more and more like a dopey tourist, I gave up and decided just to walk to Katz’s.

Yeah, I could have taken the subway, but they’re fraught with their own complexities for the uninitiated.

hey maybe the first step in reclaiming the "lost art of manliness" might be: don't get intimidated by the arcane complexities of public fucking transport

For well-known places in town, like the Empire State Building or something, you can just tell the driver the name of the place. But for hotels, friends’ apartments, or restaurants, give the address or at least a nearby intersection of the place you’re going.

okay really?

"Where are you going?"
"Jim's apartment."

haha

I want to submit "how to put on pants like a man"

Shit like this is why I let my subscription to Esquire expire.

Dan, when you put on pants, be amazing.
She'll notice.

How to Exit a Room Like a Man offers these helpful suggestions, each of which are followed by a full explanatory paragraph:

1. Know when to leave.

2. Stand up.

3. Hold out your hand.

4. Say “Thanks!” and “Goodbye.”

5. Gather your things.

6. Walk to the door with confidence.

7. Open the door.

8. Walk away.

the fuck

7.5. Fart authoritatively.

h8 this shitt so bad

omitting Step 7 can have tragic consequences:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7z14eZN7ZjA

2.5 Get dressed.

200. There's actually only one woman. She has been replicating herself for untold millennia. Across the ages, her characteristics and needs and desires are exactly the same across all iterations of this single extant woman, incarnated in billions of variable forms. A man is a person. "Woman" is a breed.

the unspoken subtext here - and in PUA guides - of helpless, infantile ineptitude - the inability to even be an authentic example of your own gender - is kind of heartbreaking in a way

10. Do not get a visible tattoo larger than your penis.

Don't know if that includes area or shape.

idk at a glance like 60% of the articles on AoM are how to affect anachronistic or stereotypical masculine bahaviors, 20% are survival skills you will never actually use, and the remaining 20% are fundamental skills that anyone could benefit from but who cares because all that matters is that you can cook bacon... LIKE A MAN.

I do rule 74 a lot

right, and 100% of those things are meant to wallpaper over the vast cracks of insecurity that the target audience apparently feels

like, women are assumed to just be themselves (for better or worse) but men have to be instructed how to be themselves, or at least how to be something more than a worthless piece of shit not fit to feed the pigs with

I am dying at "how to leave a room like a man"

(and i suppose in this way men's mags have finally caught up to women's mags)

xpost

It's p much a race to the bottom, tbh.

how to leave a room is even more hilarious than I thought it would be

is it a choose your own adventure

2. Stand up. When they feel it’s time to leave, most folks start to squirm in their seat and say things like, “Weeelll…. it’s getting late.” Then they just keep on sitting on their duffs looking awkwardly at their watch. Don’t dilly dally. If you’re ready to leave, then show that you are. Standing up shows you’re committed to leaving.

Now, don’t be abrupt about it. That’s just as awkward as squirming in your seat and looking side-to-side for a means to escape. Stand-up smoothly and confidently. While you’re standing, simply say, “Well I must be leaving.” Never give an excuse for why you have to leave. An excuse can make your hostess feel unimportant and force you to sheepishly explain yourself all the way to the door.

If you want to be particularly suave about your transition from sitting to standing, try this trick. When you’re ready to leave, wait for a pause in the conversation and start a short story. Make it an engrossing, entertaining story. You want to leave them laughing. As you tell the story, start standing up. You can even start putting on your coat and hat as you spin your yarn. Walk next to your host when you reach the story’s climax. Give a quick wink to the group, and…

3. Hold out your hand.

No. 214 : "Do not touch the hiney unless you have earned her trust"
― Latham Green, Wednesday, June 8, 2011 1:39 PM (3 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

misread this as the whiney and wondered if area51 had visited the untranny valley in the interim

fwiw i feel really bad for the kid whose dad wrote all those fucking rules for

316. Don’t stare directly into a dog’s eyes.

unless you have peanut butter on your nads.

why is everyone so bossy about this shit, is what i want to know

xp nuts on your nuts

i like the dad one...maybe cuz im a dad.

http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llqug66eTM1qjnt7yo1_500.jpg

this just confuses me. real men don't carry change??

how are you supposed to carry change except with an effeminate little-girl beaded change purse in the shape of chococat's head? i ask u

I thknk probably actually do the opposite of every hence suggested

http://d30opm7hsgivgh.cloudfront.net/upload/22858893_oZxOI8gB_c.jpg

yeah no, don't do that.

The "dime" thing -- is that about the PUA rating system? Being a ten? I'm so confused.

http://blackbroadcasting.com/7/wp-content/upLoads/2010/06/macho-men_hic.jpg

yea dime = a ten

so remember that while "confidence is sexy" you should never have that much self-esteem

um, that is the exact opposite of what that piece of advice is incoherently trying to say...?

by the same person / people, apparently:

Problems and Advices (sic)

ha dan i swear i'm not trying to misinterpret these things i just apparently have serious trouble understanding

i mean, who uses coins anyway? fags, that's who!

guys everyone knows that you keep coins in a jar at home so that, if you're like me, you can turn them in once a year and make $$$

ps i made $160 last week from stupid gay coins, eat it losers!!!

the "men don't carry change" thing doesn't really make sense, and isn't really a thing, it's just a dumb play on "dime"

anyway, am i wrong in detecting some race-y type crap in that one?