Boob etiquette (a question for the ladies).

-- RoxyMuzak© (emilys...), May 29th, 2006 11:09 PM.

First of all, I don't think talking about boobs is necessarily "checking out their bodies" - if I'm good friends with a person, they know I'm not thinking about them in an erotic sense, so it could be the equivalent of saying, "You're nose nose looks red today!" (Ailsa's sunburn story is a pretty good example). Secondly, if I've known someone for years, I'm bound to know what their body looks like too. Like in the case mentioned, I'd lived together with this girl as flatmates, so I was bound to notice that her boobs had gotten bigger. Of course I wouldn't say anything like "your tits seem to be sagging today" or "you seem to be getting fatter", but friends still talk about each other bodies, and boobs aren't an absolute taboo in this sense. Just yesterday I was out with a friend who was wearing a loose dress and no bra, and we were talking about how her boobs might pop out. It had nothing to do with checking anyone out, just the sort of jokes friends might make.

But anyway, I do occasionally talk about boobs with my friends (other people's and theirs), and it's not an issue. I guess I was more interested on how outside observers might view this, because there have been a few situations where other have witnessed these discussions, and afterwards I've wondered whether they've thought I'm rude just for mentioning the subject, or did they realize it was a friendly discussion. Because I wouldn't want the fear of being labeled a sexist limit the things I can talk about, and I don't think merely mentioning boobs is sexist, though it can still be rude of course. But still, girls talk about boobs with each other, and even though my gender and sexual orientation obviously makes it a bit different from me, I don't consider the subject a taboo among friends.

While I can see your point re: familiarity and noticing when something's different, I stand by what I said about letting the subject speak first in most cases. If a friend came up to you and said "I couldn't help but notice your bulge seems to be a little bigger than usual today; what are you thinking about?" would you feel a little put-off?

It really comes down to how well you know the person. If you know they're open and not too body-conscious, then it would be okay to initiate conversation about their boobs. Otherwise it would be best to allow them to mention it first, playing it off with a gentlemanly "Well, it's not like I'm checking you out or anything..." or whatever, just to put them at ease and reassure them that it's a "just friends" type conversation. I have some female friends who have no problem getting changed right in front of me, and others who would be considered by most to be prudes. Everybody's different, and each person has their own line that you shouldn't cross.

But anyway, stop with this male liberal guilt! Your female friends know that you're a man, and they also know that you're sensitive to their issues. You don't need to be an apologist. If they want to talk about something with you, they most likely will. This is the 21st century, and you are in a relatively progressive country. If there's something you've just been itching to say to some girl and aren't sure if you should bring it up, then don't. And don't get sore about it.

As for your last part about when others are around, I wouldn't start a conversation like that in another's presence. She might be okay talking to you about her boobs, but not the other people present.

Yes, Tuomas, there is. Loaded, Maxim, Front, the whole 'lad' industry in general.

O RLY?

i thought it was all 'platonic' sauna frottage with you?

If a VERY close friend indicates it's acceptable to talk about her boobs, then feel free to do so. Otherwise, don't. Full stop. The fact that YOU don't have a hang-up about it doesn't mean that it's going to be acceptable to all but a small minority of women (NB this may be different in Finland, where "your breasts are positively bursting with vibrancy today" may be the equivalent of "yours sincerely" or "hello", I dunno).

I have to say your comment about Roxy's boobs was the creepiest thing I can remember you saying on ILE.

it wasn't THAT bad. i've seen far worse on here, and not from he.

(x-post)

See also street harassment, Eliza Doolittle.

Kenan, a pH imbalance in the vagina can also lead to vaginitis or yeast infection. But hey, as long as such things have never negatively impacted your enjoyment of vaginas there must not be a problem, right? (Don't freak out, I'm just fucking with you, although you did illustrate another way in which male commentary on women's bodies can be unnecessary and unwelcome.)

I most definitely agree on this in general, being a feminist myself, but surely there's a difference between objectifying comments from random assholes (or assholes that you know) and non-sexist chatter between friends of different gender? I think only the most militant feminist would say men can't talk about women's bodies in any case, regardless of the actual content of said talk.

(xpost)

And some Tuomas's best friends are boobs!

Here's an example: I'm out at a bar with a law school pal and at some point in the night he looks at my chest and tells me that my shirt makes my boobs look huge. Now this is completely unwelcome and innapropriate and I tell him so, to which he responds, "I'll bet you let Jeff tell you that your boobs look big!"

And I do, but that's because Jeff is MY HUSBAND. And unless there was enough alcohol involved that I don't remember it (which is possible), he's never made comments about my breasts while in public within earshot of our friends. And if he had, there was probably a fight later. But otherwise, of COURSE Jeff can tell me things about my boobs. I welcome such comments because they might lead to doing it.

Now I'm distracted. But I think I've made my point. Or I hope so because I'm late for work - the jist of it is that a reasonable rule of thumb (or boob) would be NOT to bring it up unless the woman initiates her body as a topic of conversation. Such as by waving her recently augmented tits in your face, for an excellent example.

haha I R A BOY

Another average day in Finland...... :)

lol the mystery of bog boobs

I don't know if I'm equipped to solve something that sounds quite that mysterious tbh.

My former girlfriend has DD cups... Maybe I'll ask her, if she can answer. She didn't sleep with a bra on though.

hardy boys go pg-13

There's at least one boob on this thread, for sure.

x-post -- This might be appropriate:

http://www.pamelasuemartin.net/television/nancy_drew/images/caroonarama.jpg

bog boob : swamp crotch?

xp the banana boobs - for whatever reason I find them disturbing - probably because they don't have the width/roundness that I associate with that length/size.

On the hunt:

http://hardyboys.bobfinnan.com/hbsincom.jpg

GBX :-( ewwwwwww

(although I suppose it could actually be a good equivalent to describe boob sweat)

I remember that tv show and thinking Sean Cassidy and the other guy were far cuter than the guys in "Dukes of Hazzard" - I think I had an argument w/a friend about this once.

Not that it's super relevant but I knew at three girls in college who had reductions to alleviate back pain. Like a fairly common thing

rip ;_;

Don't worry bro they're all still pretty stacked

I don't think we have Hardy boys in here... Are they like the Famous Five?

since my friends know

A search of ilx reveals:

12 threads using the word "boob" in their titles
66 threads using the word "etiquette" in their titles
142 threads using the word "ladies" in their titles

Dying at "the mystery of bog boobs" upthread

underrated wutang joint

http://cdn.whisper.sh/0512f0fbf22035953461c057e0594b49166b19-thumbnail.jpg

in some cases you gotta choose empathy over ethics

Man, I was a bit naive 10 years ago, wasn't I?

I still talk about boobs (in a non-sexist way), but I sure know the proper boundaries better now.

Hmm...can you give an example of your reformed boundary respecting approach?

it's a trap

Sshh!

lol