Depression and what it's really like

i have friends with depression its not fun

I wonder if it's wrong to expect depression or "blue" periods to return. Y'know, as some sort of defense mechanism.

i've been a little depressed lately, but i think it's situational, tied to something fairly specific. it's been said before, but antidepressants don't "cure" depression.

My anti-anxiety medication has *settled* somehow. Thankfully I don't have full blown anxiety anymore. I guess it's the same here with me. That said, I am not going to therapy anymore. It didn't help much.

Nah they don't cure depression and any decent doctor will tell you so. In my case, my ADs just help me put depression on the back burner. So instead of spending my whole day going mental, which is not helping anything, I can spend most of my day trying to sort shit out like finding a better job, not having panic attacks at random (that said, i had a pretty fucking huge one last weekend, but that would have happened no matter what due to circumstances of :(.), not digging myself away in a hole when i could be out socialising and enjoying life which leads to less anxiety and loneliness etc.

^^^this. It's a slow climb. I think I've found a path out of the void (thanks to the meds) but I can see that it's going to take years of "doing the next right thing," failing, trying again, getting it right, ad nauseum.

I gave up after trying Lexapro and then Zoloft. "Not digging myself away in a hole when i could be out socialising and enjoying life which leads to less anxiety and loneliness" is pretty much the benefit I've been looking for. Heard to many bad things about Paxil and Prozac. Haven't kept up with the latest and greatest meds.

I take sertraline, which I think I've discussed on this thread before - I believe its just like an updated version of Zoloft?

Sertraline is the active ingredient of Zoloft and so that's its generic name. UK prescriptions specify the generic name, not the brand name, so that pharmacies can substitute cheaper generic versions rather than buy the Pfizer version - though Pfizer calls it Lustral rather than Zoloft in Europe anyway, but I believe they're effectively the same.

...I think. (They use the generic active ingredient name even when there is only one brand on the market, e.g. for new drugs which are still under patent to the original pharmaceutical company.)

Oh, well then don't listen to me.

Did you say something?

;)

Sorry. Didn't mean to be schoolma'amish. Maybe Lustral is an update from Zoloft - the active ingredient is the same but there may be a different release mechanism.

The generic name (e.g. sertraline) is the drug, and is 100% bioequivalent to the brand name (e.g. Zoloft/Lustral). It has to be in order to be approved for sale.

The way generic/brand name stuff works is this: When a drug is first developed by a drug company, that company has an exclusive patent on that drug for a number of years (which can vary). After that patent expires, any company can make that same drug, but cannot use that brand name.

Drug companies have (in their tricksy, techinically legal way) spread a lot of disinformation about generics. The truth is that generics are EXACTLY the same in every way as the brand name.

/pissypharmacytechnician

So I'm really looking forward to two things: This weekend I'm putting on a new DJ night with my friends playing and on Tuesday I'm off to Barcelona for Primavera Festival. But there's something obscuring my anticipation, and that's my best friend's depression.

These last few months he's become very unstable. I'm never sure when is a good time to talk to him as he can often be very aggressive. Today I texted him to ask if he was still ready and willing to play a set at the club on Friday. He replied in a very rude and confusing way. When I asked him to reiterate he was again very sarcastic and passively aggressive, making it out as if I'd insulted him for some reason.

The thing is, we're all going on holiday together - him, me our better halves and a couple more friends. Whenever they drink, which is inevitable on a holiday like this, he and his gf are likely to argue.

I'm almost certain it's depression, and he's recently started seeking professional help for it. His attitude in the meantime can be very upsetting. Just receiving a few texts has had the power to bum me out, so no wonder his (otherwise very supportive) gf finds it hard going at the best of times.

For the record, he's never violent, but he has a way of turning his perceived problems on other people - believing there's an agenda that doesn't exist and acting on it.

Needless to say I'm anticipating problems on this trip, and I don't know how my friends and I should act if things go awry. We've all been anticipating this trip as it's been years since we all went on holiday as friends - last time was 2008, and back then there were (completely separate) social issues going on, so it would be nice to have a bicker-free holiday for once.

How should I treat it if he gets like this? It always makes me quite upset being accused in this passive aggressive way, but I know I shouldn't argue back. Part of me just wants to shake my friend and say "look buddy, just because you've got problems doesn't mean you can take them out on your mates", but this would be insensitive and probably wouldn't help things. Or what? Do you ignore it and walk away? Leave things to his girlfriend (doesn't seem fair) to sort out? Try and reason with him? Somehow this never seems to work if someone is determined to be unreasonable.

ignore it and walk away.

yeah, i guess so. although it's not always possible.

Offer as much support as you can to the gf, but viz. dealing directly w/ your friend, I doubt there's much you can do. I used to have a close friend who was bipolar, and she had some of the same behaviours you mention. She would get the wrong end of hte stick about things, overreact all the time, would accuse me of being a bad friend based on stories she'd cooked up about me. I bent over backwards to prove her wrong, to reassure her, but it only got worse. In the end I *became* a bad friend, because I couldn't handle the provocation (I had some pretty big problems of my own at the time), and we no longer speak.

I regret this.

If you can zen the whole thing maybe you'll handle it better than I could, but arguing / reasoning definitely don't work, IME.

I cannot think of the last time I've woken up this depressed. It was next to impossible to drag myself out of bed and I find myself glaring at anyone actually daring to smile in public, picturing very horrible things happening to them to remind them that life is nothing but a horrifying string of cruching defeats and misery.

Also crushing defeats.

i've felt much the same way over the past week. I suffered from a major depressive episode from about 1989 to 1994 (yes that is a long time) which was seriously compounded by horrible alcohol abuse on top of all kinds of meds I was prescribed...nightmare. Finally pulled myself out of all of that and, despite having increasing anxiety over the past several years, I hadn't had this kind of depression in years. But last week it came out of nowhere: unable to concentrate, things seeming pointless, an almost overwhelming urge to weep? WTF. lasted four days then left....then came back. seems to be nipping around everywhere the second I don't keep myself occupied.

it was suggested I might look into amino acid supplements to control this since it seemed so chemical; there is no logical reason for me to be depressed like this. has anyone tried this? I don't even know where to get or who to talk to about them. not interested in doing meds again since my experience with them was horrifying (probably because I was drinking on top of them but still).

has anyone ever tried 5HTP for depression?

completely fucking useless ime

mate texted and apologised BTW. He tends to realise he's being a jerk, but often all too late.

jon: it's this fucking rain, maybe? I honestly can't take it anymore. everyone I know is so dejected and morose. last night I got home and cried for no particular reason :(

Well the rain certainly isn't helping, but the bigger issue was being told by our real estate agent last night that its pretty much hopeless for us to sell our house right now. Which, fine, market sucks blah blah, but the reason I'm depressed is because we now have to face up to the very real fact that we will be bringing our baby home to a house right next door to literal drug-dealing murdered. And the fact that I am powerless to change things is crushing me right now. I feel like an utter failure.

DL, I would probably be a little confrontational with the friend. "I know you're dealing with emotional issues, but I have yes/no questions and I just want to get some yes/no answers. I'm not a mind-reader -- if there's something you're mad at me about, I haven't figured out what it is yet, let's deal with it separately. In the meantime, are you doing a set Friday?" It doesn't diminish their real unhappiness and/or perceived grievances, but it also says "the world needs you to deal with it on somebody else's terms for a few minutes, just for a few minutes."

xp aha

xp But that's not your fault at all - that's the wider world at work. But I can understand what a drag it must be.

Yeah, I think that might be along the right lines WmC.

Oh jon. :( People have brought their babies home to much, MUCH worse places. At least you own this one, fwiw, and it's private and only your little family will live there. Anyway, the kid won't remember anything until they're at least two, so you've still got a couple of years to figure this out.

I mean, who does this situation affect? Your baby, who won't remember. Your wife...how does she feel? And you, who are beating yourself up for some kind of social expectation that's built on a whole other kind of economy/world than we life in.

Laurel is OTM here. This is not a reflection on you Jon.

^^^

I understand that on a rational, logical level, but I'm having hard time not seeing it as some sort of failure on my part on a more emotional level. Its not really the memories that concern me, its that we've had to call the cops on them for violent fistfights in our front yard, gunshots, and we still have a bullet hole in the brick on the side of our house from several years ago. Its really scary to think that, no matter how nurturing of an immediate environment we provide, that there is this wild card out there completely out of our control.

Also, if you spend this time feeling sorry for yourself and ruminating on your failures, you are going to be feeling horrible and lose out on the lead-up to the birth of your and your wife's first child. That would really be a shame. ;_;

In the nicest way, because I need to have my head jogged like this ALL THE TIME, I'm trying to say that this time in your life is not about you and your success or failure. I believe that you mean only the best, but the thing to do is to be emotionally present right now, and appreciative of the wealth of things you DO have, and fix this spring and these days and this excitement into your memory so you can have beautiful stories for your child of the days when you longed for her to be born so you could meet her.

Your child won't be going outside or playing in the yard or walking to school for a while yet. You have time. Slow down and be, maaaan.

want to say something encouraging, but laurel's handling that better than i ever could, so yeah, what she said

Living in circumstances that concern you can be deeply troubling. Never lived next door to full-on gangsters, but I have rented next to some pretty scary/threatening people and I know it's tough because even in your own home it's hard to feel at ease. I think a lot of depression comes from a sort of a state of - perhaps quite rational - "constant worry". Rather than coming home and relaxing, you're on edge because you're subconsciously wondering what next door will get up to next.

Stuff like this has left me quite low and irritable in my own life. I start worrying that my "future self" won't be able to handle the situation if and when it happens, whatever that situation may be. And that theoretical situation starts snowballing in my mind - I start thinking about the worst case scenario and almost convincing myself it will happen at some point in time. So I go round worrying about not if but when it'll happen - not a good state of mind. This is amplified by a frustration at not being able to affect the situation in a positive way, giving way to irrational feelings of uselessness.

The thing is, in my experience the worst case scenario never takes place at all, and all the pain and worry turns out to be for nought. Any issues sort themselves out, for better or worse. You have to remind yourself that you have all the time in the world to sort your existence out and that you can't do this all in one day.

Meh, don't know if that's anything like how you feel. I'm just chatting breeze now.

No dog latin, you've pretty much nailed it on the head exactly. After some of the early issues we had with the neighbors, I relaxed a little thinking, well, we've dealt with the worst and moved on, so it can't be that bad. But when someone was murdered, well, I went back to that constant state of anxiety and its just increased lately. Which is why we were doing everything in our power to sell our house because, as you kind of hint at, even if nothing ever happens it is still no fun living in a constant state of worry and anxiety.

the someone who was murdered was someone involved in the next door situation, no? these things rarely reach strangers. I'd rather live near drug dealers than junkies - do you know any details about them?

Yeah, it was a friend of one of the guys who lived there who was killed, so I realize its extremely unlikely that anything will directly be aimed at us. But, on the other hand, a larger concern is that they frequently have "visitors" really strung out on something or other screaming on their (and our) front yard, brandishing firearms, etc etc. I mean, I'm not afraid of being a direct victim, but what scares me more than anything is that it just takes one stray bullet...

Be grateful for everything.

Its advice like "be grateful for everything" that makes me think I'm wired wrong or whatever, because, no, sorry, I just can't be "grateful" to be living next door to criminals.

you have a house, a job and a family! many people your age do not.

Jon, you'll sort this out eventually one way or another. It might take a wee while, but you're not stuck there forever. At the bleakest of times one tends to feel doomed, like "what if this is it? what if I have to spend my whole life in this situation?" Like the time I lost my job and a huge bill came through that I just couldn't pay. Suddenly I entered panic mode - visions of bailiffs kicking down my door and ejecting me from my house to die in the cold etc... This thought process took 5 minutes to work through my mind in its entirety - and it was incredibly distressing, I felt hopeless. But one way or another I found a way. It took three months to get a new job and a further year to recover financially from that time.
Point is, in retrospect that memory feels like a snapshot of my misery and worry - I feel detached from it now, because I know I took practical steps to resolve it. On that day, if someone had told me "oh you'll be fine in a year" I'd probably have freaked out, but now it feels like a blip in an otherwise regular state of normalcy.

is it at all possible to rent your house and move into an apartment in a safer location

DJP, I would assume there's a possibility but the fact there are (criminal/drug addicted) neighbours next door won't up the chances of renting it out.

you have a house, a job and a family! many people your age do not.

I am not singling you out, but this line doesn't really help people with depression.It actually worsens it. It makes them feel guilty.I can only say that, if depression inhibits your life/work/...; then you should address the problem with therapy and/or medication.

DJP, we have seriously looked into that, but given the rental rates for houses in our area right now, we wouldn't make enough to cover the mortgage and the rent (well, perhaps, but we'd have to throw away our down payment savings to do so). So, at least at this point, we just have to wait it out.

then you should address the problem with therapy and/or medication.

I'm doing this (first part anyway, at this point), but I'm shocked by how sudden and strong this feeling has hit me.

jon, that sucks. I mean could you absorb a hit if you sold the house for less than market value, just to get the f out of there?

Well, we're already priced to take a sizable hit, but we really don't have a whole lot more room to give.

and even at the lower price the realtor is convinced you cant sell? One thing, dont let him/her tell you what to do, you own the house...