OH JESUS CJ FAM I JUST WATCHED IT OMG OMG OMG
― like Fat Ronaldo but without the goals (Noodle Vague), Friday, 18 March 2011 00:15 (thirteen years ago) link
Wish I hadn't voted for Mr Shamy now. He's a bit shit.
― like Fat Ronaldo but without the goals (Noodle Vague), Friday, 18 March 2011 00:16 (thirteen years ago) link
A lot of the live ones, their vocal talents are too buried in the mix.
― sarahel, Friday, 18 March 2011 00:17 (thirteen years ago) link
Autotuned kids is the future imo
― like Fat Ronaldo but without the goals (Noodle Vague), Friday, 18 March 2011 00:17 (thirteen years ago) link
teach them well and let them lee-ee-eee-ad the way-eh-uh
― sarahel, Friday, 18 March 2011 00:18 (thirteen years ago) link
I want to be who I amAnd who I am is CJ FAM
― Getting down on fried egg (seandalai), Friday, 18 March 2011 00:22 (thirteen years ago) link
A couple of these (Ariana Dvornik, Kaya) actually look and sound like real Z-grade pop songs...not much lols to be had and not much charm either.
― Getting down on fried egg (seandalai), Friday, 18 March 2011 00:24 (thirteen years ago) link
in what kind of world could it possibly be anything other than https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8oVnBGRIZSQ
― uberweiss, Friday, 18 March 2011 00:25 (thirteen years ago) link
OMG @ CJ fam's outfits!
― An adult guest rapper (donna rouge), Friday, 18 March 2011 00:52 (thirteen years ago) link
ordinary pop star is by far the most listenable ARK song, and the video is by far the most o_O
― Matt Armstrong, Friday, 18 March 2011 00:59 (thirteen years ago) link
ok, "girl swag on"
i can't even
― An adult guest rapper (donna rouge), Friday, 18 March 2011 01:10 (thirteen years ago) link
lol @ the audience of 13-year-olds looking SO bored
― An adult guest rapper (donna rouge), Friday, 18 March 2011 01:11 (thirteen years ago) link
Voted Madison btw.
― No more war/No more hate/Got my girl swag on/Got my girl swag on (seandalai), Friday, 18 March 2011 01:14 (thirteen years ago) link
Abby Victor -- because it begins on Saturdy Saturdy night
― sarahel, Friday, 18 March 2011 01:18 (thirteen years ago) link
also, because the video makes it look like her crush is on another girl, and teenage lesbians are super adorable.
― sarahel, Friday, 18 March 2011 01:20 (thirteen years ago) link
^^yes
the kenyauda lanai track is kinda bumpin, too bad about sound quality
― An adult guest rapper (donna rouge), Friday, 18 March 2011 01:33 (thirteen years ago) link
love the bit in My Jeans where she turns away from the shop window and for a moment looks as if she's about to burst into The Sound of Music
― Roz, Friday, 18 March 2011 04:10 (thirteen years ago) link
jesus christ all of these songs are horrible
― ancient, but very sexy (DJP), Friday, 18 March 2011 17:09 (thirteen years ago) link
these dudes clearly wrote these lyrics in about 15 seconds
I think the most interesting thing about all of these is rapper Pato's appearances. In some cases, he's like the kid's alter ego.
― sarahel, Friday, 18 March 2011 17:12 (thirteen years ago) link
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cg5y9GsrB3A
I don't know why Ark removed this one from their channel. it contains one of Pato's finest moments, in which he stands in front of a green-screened colonoscopy video, flashes every gang sign he knows, and utters the immortal lines
come on Mr. DJ, won't you spin that track yo, spin that track yolike "Smooth Criminal," and g's say, "Hush, are you ok? Hush, are you ok?"
....while shooting stars and airplane contrails crisscross in the foreground. amazing.
― administratieve blunder (unregistered), Friday, 18 March 2011 17:12 (thirteen years ago) link
Pato's job must be really draining. I mean, every time he makes a video he has to revisit his old adolescent dreams and heartbreaks and neuroses just so he can come up with a few lines of poetry for the benefit of some teen girl he hardly knows. I feel for him.
― administratieve blunder (unregistered), Friday, 18 March 2011 17:22 (thirteen years ago) link
omg Sabrina rhymes sometimes
it's like next-level for these guys
― ancient, but very sexy (DJP), Friday, 18 March 2011 17:34 (thirteen years ago) link
Wanna make me switch my laneWanna make me switch my game
― No more war/No more hate/Got my girl swag on/Got my girl swag on (seandalai), Friday, 18 March 2011 17:37 (thirteen years ago) link
so take it easylet's take it easycuz I don't wanna rush thisI don't wanna rush thisno no
LEARN SOME MORE WORDS, AND THEN USE THEM
― ancient, but very sexy (DJP), Friday, 18 March 2011 17:38 (thirteen years ago) link
"Butterflies" sounds like a rejected Aly & AJ song
― ancient, but very sexy (DJP), Friday, 18 March 2011 17:40 (thirteen years ago) link
okay Abby Victor for the 3 seconds I watched her is smirkalicious
― ancient, but very sexy (DJP), Friday, 18 March 2011 17:41 (thirteen years ago) link
these guys don't believe in ballads
― ancient, but very sexy (DJP), Friday, 18 March 2011 17:43 (thirteen years ago) link
these guys don't believe teenagers are capable of sophisticated language use
― sarahel, Friday, 18 March 2011 17:44 (thirteen years ago) link
well...
― suggest and ban is my favourite combination (history mayne), Friday, 18 March 2011 17:45 (thirteen years ago) link
wow Pato is extra creepy in "Without Your Love"
― ancient, but very sexy (DJP), Friday, 18 March 2011 17:46 (thirteen years ago) link
Britt Rutter really got a raw deal with the Autotune. "tag me aw nuh summavree (summavree), yuh nah will be togetheeeeer." but I guess it's possible that she isn't capable of intelligible speech, and the engineers spent weeks processing her babbling into something semi-coherent.
her song is practically a ballad compared to most of the typical Ark fare. it's melodically subtler and more sophisticated than a lot of the other ones (in the verses, anyways. the chorus is pretty ass). I feel like it's a blatant ripoff of some other song, but I can't put my finger on it. 'Rescue Us' by My Favorite is the most similar one I can think of, but that's not quite it.
― administratieve blunder (unregistered), Friday, 18 March 2011 17:46 (thirteen years ago) link
c'mon, when you were a teenager, history mayne, was your vocabulary that limited?
― sarahel, Friday, 18 March 2011 17:47 (thirteen years ago) link
Ashley Rose is almost good...? Oh wait I got to the "tell me tell me tell me" bit, never mind
CJ Fam otoh is like a whole other level from everyone else, this girl is straight up hilarious
― ancient, but very sexy (DJP), Friday, 18 March 2011 17:48 (thirteen years ago) link
kept hoping CJ would bust into "the sun'll come out tomorrow"
― sarahel, Friday, 18 March 2011 17:49 (thirteen years ago) link
Areiana Dvornik sounds like a budget Christina Milian
― ancient, but very sexy (DJP), Friday, 18 March 2011 17:50 (thirteen years ago) link
Can't wait until whoever the Irwin Chusid of 2035 is compiles all of these songs on some hipster-bait anthology
― If Assholes Could Fly This Place Would Be An Airport, Friday, 18 March 2011 17:50 (thirteen years ago) link
yeah, seriously. I'm imagining that the weird blue vortex is the inside Britt's brain, and Pato has shrunk himself down to the size of neuron so he can learn about her innermost thoughts and eventually return to his normal size and get her to fall in love with him.
― administratieve blunder (unregistered), Friday, 18 March 2011 17:51 (thirteen years ago) link
Potentially fraught question: Is Pato a "Magic Negro"?
― sarahel, Friday, 18 March 2011 17:53 (thirteen years ago) link
omg why did the give Danika this terrible terrible song
oh wait, all the songs are terrible
Danika is the first one who sounds like a legitimate singer to me, tho (well, aside from the ultra-hilarious CJ); she's a little boring but is pretty clearly fitting the niche Keri Hilson and Ciara are working
omg Pato again, saying some stupid shit
― ancient, but very sexy (DJP), Friday, 18 March 2011 17:53 (thirteen years ago) link
okay the autotune on Jolie Adamson is killing me, lolololol
and again this song is horrible, TRY WRITING A RHYME YOU DOUCHEBAGS
― ancient, but very sexy (DJP), Friday, 18 March 2011 17:54 (thirteen years ago) link
stellar commentary, Dan. are you watching these all for the first time?
― administratieve blunder (unregistered), Friday, 18 March 2011 17:56 (thirteen years ago) link
I'm listening to them; can't really "watch" at work due to lack of privacy
okay Lena is winning by default here because she's not singing one of their songs
― ancient, but very sexy (DJP), Friday, 18 March 2011 17:56 (thirteen years ago) link
― ancient, but very sexy (DJP), Friday, March 18, 2011 1:48 PM (2 minutes ago) Bookmark
^^ haven't watched a lot of these and probably won't before the close of the poll but that one's pretty amazing. how old is she, anyway? Ark's age ranch is supposedly 13-17 but she looks like 8
― some dude, Friday, 18 March 2011 17:57 (thirteen years ago) link
okay "Girl Swag On" is really giving "Friday" a run for its money, holy shit
― ancient, but very sexy (DJP), Friday, 18 March 2011 17:58 (thirteen years ago) link
"Crush On You" is kind of like a dry run for "Friday" with the AutoTune and references to saturday and partyin' and friends
― some dude, Friday, 18 March 2011 17:59 (thirteen years ago) link
This rap break in the Danika song is so Real McCoy.
― if I hate the headline, I'll make up a headline (Abbbottt), Friday, 18 March 2011 17:59 (thirteen years ago) link
She'll never be a star, looks like her name fell out of a bag of Scrabble tiles.
― Ian Curtis danced like a tortured chicken DO U SEE (Phil D.), Friday, 18 March 2011 17:59 (thirteen years ago) link
wtf is "Girl Swag On" even about, besides making the listener laugh as hard as humanly possible
― ancient, but very sexy (DJP), Friday, 18 March 2011 18:00 (thirteen years ago) link
i keep looking for Rebecca Black's friends to turn up as "stars" or characters in these other videos.
― sarahel, Friday, 18 March 2011 18:01 (thirteen years ago) link
CJ FAM slowed-down sounds kinda like the knife or something
― bernard snowy, Thursday, 24 March 2011 01:46 (thirteen years ago) link
not sure why I wrote her name in all caps
― bernard snowy, Thursday, 24 March 2011 01:47 (thirteen years ago) link
oooo oooo are you doing that via youtube? is there a website that enables you to do so? been dying to find something like that for days
― Radical Adults Lick Based God Style (kelpolaris), Thursday, 24 March 2011 01:48 (thirteen years ago) link
someone posted the vid just a few posts before this
― bernard snowy, Thursday, 24 March 2011 01:55 (thirteen years ago) link
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZpWfAiz1RC0
― every time you touch me (I get hives) (unregistered), Tuesday, 10 May 2011 17:51 (twelve years ago) link
(yeah, I know it's old, but for completism's sake...)
― every time you touch me (I get hives) (unregistered), Tuesday, 10 May 2011 17:54 (twelve years ago) link
If we're going by views:
Alana Lee Hamilton, "Butterflies": 8,071,283 viewsAbby Victor, "Crush on You": 3,024,761 viewsBritt Rutter, "Without Your Love": 2,827,302 views
And for the sake of comparison:Jenna Rose, "My Jeans": 8,322,098 views
― reggaeton for the painfully alone (polyphonic), Tuesday, 10 May 2011 18:17 (twelve years ago) link
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-UHAMwP2GNs
plot: a CGI globe appears out of nowhere and just hovers while a red navigation line traces its way from Cali to Spain to the Mariana Trench to the North Pole. meanwhile there's a blinding flash and a little boy appears out of nowhere and does a karate kid bow. then a stylized CGI beanstock sprouts from the globe, and a cropduster airplane flies over it, spreading shimmery confetti stuff in its path. then a red bird with brown wings (a finch? ilx ornithologists help me out here) flies over the plane. then...well that's just about it. there's no sign of Patrice "fast lane, switchin' lanes" Wilson in this video or the other one (below) she made with Ark. I guess her options financially were either 2 low-budget videos sans Pato or one big production with him in it. bad choice imho. this is barely even buzzworthy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NX6YyIqvk1c
― every time you touch me (I get hives) (unregistered), Thursday, 12 May 2011 16:56 (twelve years ago) link
"Girl Swag On" out this week.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DvvdgBipfHM
this is gonna be huge.
― every time you touch me (I get hives) (unregistered), Monday, 16 May 2011 13:40 (twelve years ago) link
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=40V49zlMbIw
― gtforia estfufan (unregistered), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 17:19 (twelve years ago) link
shame on a Ark for taking down their historic launch party video
reposted here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tSTZ2VIAg5I
― gtforia estfufan (unregistered), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 17:33 (twelve years ago) link
Still waiting for "Girl Swag On" ;_;
― Terje Chocolate Orange (seandalai), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 18:00 (twelve years ago) link
"Girl Swag On" is the Chinese Democracy of Ark Music Factory videos. I, too, am eager to see a rich, nonthreatening tween stand up to the rich, nonthreatening tween thugs who are trying to bully her, but if we have to wait months or even years to see its release, it's because someone at Ark is making sure it will be perfect.
― gtforia estfufan (unregistered), Thursday, 9 June 2011 00:43 (twelve years ago) link
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D
http://dismagazine.com/disco/18692/tweengirl-famtasy/
― badtz-maruizm (donna rouge), Thursday, 16 June 2011 15:12 (twelve years ago) link
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ul8tSgJGhQ
― why delonge face? (unregistered), Friday, 12 August 2011 02:30 (twelve years ago) link
oh fuck
― unique housing opportunity (swanbed.gif) (govern yourself accordingly), Friday, 12 August 2011 03:19 (twelve years ago) link
finally!!!!
― naked human pyrami (seandalai), Friday, 12 August 2011 04:21 (twelve years ago) link
Obviously still an A+ song but I'm a bit let down by the production on this. I think CJ Fam has my #1 spot locked in the EOY poll now.
― naked human pyrami (seandalai), Friday, 12 August 2011 04:27 (twelve years ago) link
http://cdn.dismagazine.com/uploads/2011/06/CJ-and-Dad.jpg
― naked human pyrami (seandalai), Friday, 12 August 2011 04:35 (twelve years ago) link
Coming soon in August Pato Aka Fat Usher "H-A-P-P-Y"
― naked human pyrami (seandalai), Saturday, 13 August 2011 03:08 (twelve years ago) link
This seems to have gone unnoticed:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9UCdcW0RgII
― naked human pyrami (seandalai), Saturday, 13 August 2011 03:10 (twelve years ago) link
long live rop
― sonderangerbot, Saturday, 13 August 2011 03:48 (twelve years ago) link
WE HAVE BEEN SLEEPING ON ALL OF THIS!!! http://www.youtube.com/user/patomuzic
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hi1_Hbn2jqw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRj9T_On9Js
GREAT BRITAIN REPRESENT!!!
― Cong rat ululations (seandalai), Wednesday, 15 August 2012 00:16 (eleven years ago) link
TWEENCHRONIC
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3OiCYNDNV9k
― unregistered, Tuesday, 19 February 2013 19:33 (eleven years ago) link
Tweenchronicity is the experience of two or more tweens that are apparently causally unrelated or unlikely to occur together by chance, yet are experienced as occurring together in a meaningful manner.
― every soulless meta poster is a ✰ (Nilmar Honorato da Silva), Tuesday, 19 February 2013 19:36 (eleven years ago) link
chronic = w33d, iirc
― unregistered, Tuesday, 19 February 2013 19:39 (eleven years ago) link
OMG MOUSTACHE DUDE
glad to see they've kept the cheering " bits from "It's Thanksgiving"
― marc robot (seandalai), Tuesday, 19 February 2013 19:40 (eleven years ago) link
Geekygirl4everme 5 hours agoAnnoying and a really bad example on what kids should be doing. Skip rope but can you do it with out the representation of drugs and alcohol?
geekygirl4everme otm
― scream blahula scream (govern yourself accordingly), Tuesday, 19 February 2013 19:41 (eleven years ago) link
can I just
SKIP ROPESKIP ROPEEVERYBODY EVERYBODY DO THE SKIP ROPE
I hope that girl who poured Pixie Stix into her eyes got adequate medical attention
― Ima R.A.E.D. (DJP), Tuesday, 19 February 2013 19:59 (eleven years ago) link
Was nice of them to set up the shooting around Patrice Wilson's day job, though.
― this is called money bags (Phil D.), Tuesday, 19 February 2013 20:00 (eleven years ago) link
MegaJudy7 20 hours agoThese girls are gunna end up on Maury
These girls are gunna end up on Maury
guilty lol
― Ima R.A.E.D. (DJP), Tuesday, 19 February 2013 20:02 (eleven years ago) link
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wWLhrHVySgA
― polyphonic, Wednesday, 16 October 2013 01:41 (ten years ago) link
Pppppht.
― Has talent, needs to figure out how to improve (staggerlee), Wednesday, 16 October 2013 04:00 (ten years ago) link
CJ Fam auditioned for X Factor and apparently made it through to bootcamp, but there's no footage of her audition, only this video
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iUuA2U-tHxU
― monotony, Wednesday, 16 October 2013 09:51 (ten years ago) link
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p2cQSPRTdhg
― the geographibebebe (unregistered), Thursday, 7 May 2015 17:21 (eight years ago) link
lol chill
― nose, Thursday, 7 May 2015 17:56 (eight years ago) link
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LVpu6MnXBhQ
― reggae mike love (polyphonic), Wednesday, 20 July 2016 19:37 (seven years ago) link