Internet Dating

I think she'd unnerve me more if I didn't have this enormous boner.

http://s3-ec.buzzfed.com/static/enhanced/web03/2012/6/4/15/enhanced-buzz-12766-1338839487-0.jpg

more here

Can I ask for a S/D (or any sage advice) as a 24 year old virgin who wants to gain experience, NSA or otherwise. e.g. sites? local vs. global sites? Sites for students, specifically grad students (to find people of equal obnoxiousness, of course)? Etiquette tips? Etc.

(For the record I am not especially unattractive or uninteresting, but am kind of picky in my taste.)

Thanks.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=euvUezZwAKg

recently broke up with my gf so thought i would try match.com, but lots of members dont seem to be paid up so cant email you (could of course just be they just dont want to, but i keep getting asked after sending messages if i want to upgrade so non paying members can email me), theres constant offers of add-ons you have to pay for, and weirdly (or cleverly i suppose), i got more views the day i joined *before* paying, then after. at this point, the concept of channel 4's nakedattraction seems easier.

internet dating still feels uncomfortably like shopping to me so I am making peace with dying alone

im thinking joining groups/activities might be a better option than online dating.

You know, this thing of blocking someone on a dating site after they make an innocuous, innuendo-free comment to introduce themselves is straight bullshit.

(I needed to be able to say this somewhere.)

it is bullshit but it also goes with the territory I'm afraid

xp nothing personal i’m sure

I guess? I've just started on a site for the first time in almost 20 years. It takes some getting used to.

what set them off? 'hey good lookin what you got cookin'???

ime that kind of blocking is not bullshit but just sth you have to get used to and accept. they don't owe you their time or a response and on some sites blocking may be the most efficient way to take someone out of their search results that they're not interested in seeing again. may seem harsh but think of it as someone at a bar who just isn't interested in talking. anyway getting used to doing this same kinda thing myself, n not agonizing over the writing of polite rejections or w/e, has made using okc much much more viable for me over the years, idk.

Yeah, I can see that. Just new to this, and hadn't encountered it anywhere else on social media. But, DC, your comparison makes sense.

(My initial messages are always either a) boring, "hi there" or "hello" or "we're a match here, how about that?" pablum or b) a genuine question based on the profile, because I suck at this medium. But I have met a few nice ladies to talk to.)

the numbers don't really favor men seeking women, and it opens the door to being treated dismissively, which feels bad.

on the flipside, as a man talking to women, you are way less likely to get gross or abusive messages than a woman would be talking to a man.

in conclusion, everyone feels dehumanized by these programs, to varying extents.

I've never done internet dating, but have heard many many horror stories of men getting abusive after being rejected, and whether or not their initial messages are polite/friendly/"normal" seems to have no bearing on how they react. So it is a lot *safer* for women who aren't interested to block and move on.

(Also as general advice, I'd be far more inclined to respond to your type b messages than type a.)

YMMV, but when I was dating I appreciated a clear signal that someone was definitely not interested in me. Just rip off the Band-Aid and avoid wasting the time of everyone involved, y'know? Lots of fish, etc.

It worked for me... but I marvel at my luck, tbh

every woman i know who's had internet dating experience has felt overwhelmed by the number of replies women receive, too. seems like for every random reply a man will receive, a woman will receive one hundred.

many women explicitly complain about receiving first-contact form-letter spam from men as well, mailed in bulk to up their odds

https://www.wired.com/story/bumble-grindr-and-hinge-moderators-trauma/