SCREECH SEX TAPE

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I assume Zak Attack is doing the soundtrack to this.

Eppy (Eppy), Wednesday, 27 September 2006 19:04 (7 years ago) Permalink

First in a series: Dustin Diamond Performs the Never-Performed Sex Acts College Kids Love.

Eazy (Eazy), Wednesday, 27 September 2006 19:29 (7 years ago) Permalink

Forthcoming in the series: Angry Dragon, Eiffel Tower, Eric Bristow

Sadly, he will be the next Alexis Petridish. (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 27 September 2006 19:32 (7 years ago) Permalink

I only barely noticed this before in sort of a "oh noes, another gross internet thing", but a few minutes ago when I was walking some mail out to the drop box, instead of hearing a tune in my head or whatever usually goes on up there, the words "SCREECH SEX TAPE" leapt out at me all echo-y and shouty.

a naked Kraken annoying Times Square tourists with an acoustic guitar (nickalici, Wednesday, 27 September 2006 19:37 (7 years ago) Permalink

clawing out my eyes

mr. brojangles (sanskrit), Thursday, 28 September 2006 14:25 (7 years ago) Permalink

gross! NSFA

Sam: Screwed and Chopped (Molly Jones), Thursday, 28 September 2006 14:27 (7 years ago) Permalink

hahaha the lusts of beardos

kingfish prætor (kingfish 2.0), Thursday, 28 September 2006 14:40 (7 years ago) Permalink

Not safe for humanity.

GILLY'S BAGG'EAR VANCE OF COUPARI (Ex Leon), Thursday, 28 September 2006 14:43 (7 years ago) Permalink

Screech > Urkel

However, Urkel sex tape (if one existed) > Screech sex tape

(Carl Winslow would trump them both in both categories, fwiw)

Curt1s St3ph3ns, Thursday, 28 September 2006 14:59 (7 years ago) Permalink

i let my beard grow so people don't mistake me for screech - and it looks like screech does, too

Euai Kapaui (tracerhand), Thursday, 28 September 2006 15:03 (7 years ago) Permalink

Young Fresh Danny D (Dan Perry), Thursday, 28 September 2006 15:10 (7 years ago) Permalink

why did they censor "poop" in "I believe there's POOP on the end of it"? Is poop a bad word now?

IPSISSIMUS (Uri Frendimein), Thursday, 28 September 2006 15:22 (7 years ago) Permalink

wait, is anyone else in this tape besides screech?

Euai Kapaui (tracerhand), Thursday, 28 September 2006 18:32 (7 years ago) Permalink

However, Urkel sex tape (if one existed) > Screech sex tape

Curtis otm.

It makes me nauseous to think that anyone would even do Screech, let alone make a sex tape with him. Everyone involved should be exiled to some crab-infested cuddlestein mountain.

GILLY'S BAGG'EAR VANCE OF COUPARI (Ex Leon), Thursday, 28 September 2006 18:36 (7 years ago) Permalink

"wait, is anyone else in this tape besides screech?"

you've discovered the twist ending!

how much, latebloomer? (latebloomer), Thursday, 28 September 2006 18:37 (7 years ago) Permalink

haha, he gave himself a dirty sanchez! Now, it all makes sense.

IPSISSIMUS (Uri Frendimein), Thursday, 28 September 2006 18:53 (7 years ago) Permalink

Even Screech needs love. Just not from humanity.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 28 September 2006 19:00 (7 years ago) Permalink

haha, he gave himself a dirty sanchez! Now, it all makes sense.

I am honestly hard-pressed to come up with any situation in which Screech giving himself a Dirty Sanchez would make anything make sense.

clotpoll (Clotpoll), Thursday, 28 September 2006 22:46 (7 years ago) Permalink

why did they censor "poop" in "I believe there's POOP on the end of it"? Is poop a bad word now?

It took me forever to even figure out what he was supposed to be saying. It didn't occur to me that he was saying "poop," because it's such a silly thing to say. "There's what? There's boob on the end of it? That doesn't even make sense!"

always crashing in other people's cars (kenan), Thursday, 28 September 2006 23:31 (7 years ago) Permalink

Who th fuck is Mark, and is he having some kind of sex tape competition with him? This is some fuckedup shit right here.

always crashing in other people's cars (kenan), Thursday, 28 September 2006 23:32 (7 years ago) Permalink

It's astounding the lengths some people will go to to prove they are a bro.

always crashing in other people's cars (kenan), Thursday, 28 September 2006 23:33 (7 years ago) Permalink

stefan urquelle sex tape

and what (ooo), Thursday, 28 September 2006 23:39 (7 years ago) Permalink

Later on in the series, very near to the final half year of the series in fact, Steve creates a cloning machine which allows Stefan to become a real person (though it was actually Laura who put the other clone into the chamber), and throughout the rest of the series, he was Laura's girlfriend, and he never had to change back into Steve.

In one episode though, the Winslows go to Paris, and Stefan decides to stay and work in fashion, though it didn't end the relationship. A few episodes after, Stefan couldn't resist the fact of leaving Laura, and decides to move back to Chicago where he sees her from stage at a New Edition concert.

The two were together again until, one of Laura's former boyfriend, Curtis returns to the show, where he is told from Eddie that Laura still loves him (though this was only a prank to get back at Laura). Curtis tries to get her back to him, but when he realises Stefan is her boyfriend, he gives him a warning that if he ever breaks Laura's heart, he'll get what he deserves. Stefan, unfortunately, believes that will never happen.

Near the series' finale, Stefan proposes to Laura, but at the same time, Steve does the same. In the end, Laura chooses Steve over Stefan finally ending their long-distance relationship (that went on until Stefan was finally a real person). To that, Stefan leaves, and the rest of the series goes on without him in the last episode.

and what (ooo), Thursday, 28 September 2006 23:40 (7 years ago) Permalink

sadly urekel and screech are the two characters from that era i indentify with most

how much, latebloomer? (latebloomer), Friday, 29 September 2006 00:46 (7 years ago) Permalink

and with the magic of computers, we can make them have sex with each other for you!

Butt Dickass (Dick Butkus), Friday, 29 September 2006 00:51 (7 years ago) Permalink

dudes, i went to college w/urkel. he really fancied himself a player. that oversexualized smooth operator he played when he was stefan is how he acted in real life. a friend of mine had to go to his room for some reason and he answered the door in a towel.

jaxon (jaxon), Friday, 29 September 2006 01:05 (7 years ago) Permalink

And then what happened?

Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 29 September 2006 01:08 (7 years ago) Permalink

BUT IT REALLY HAPPENED. SHE TOLD ME! i just don't remember the rest of the story :(

jaxon (jaxon), Friday, 29 September 2006 03:15 (7 years ago) Permalink

it turned out he had just stepped out of the shower

s1ocki (slutsky), Friday, 29 September 2006 03:17 (7 years ago) Permalink

yeah probably. i shoulda left that part out of the story :(

jaxon (jaxon), Friday, 29 September 2006 04:09 (7 years ago) Permalink

I truly believe that no sex tape exists and that this is a grab for publicity (though it's not particularly clever, it's amazing that nobody has ever done this in this age of endless celeb blogs and craving for new info).

Seriously, for the first time possibly ever, 'Screech' has been mentioned on every shitty Access Hollywood show, pictured on hundreds of blogs, etc.

I also don't believe that anyone has ever 'performed' the 'dirty sanchez.'

Tiki Theater Xymposium (Bent Over at the Arclight), Friday, 29 September 2006 05:24 (7 years ago) Permalink

It's a grab for publicity, but it's also the classic story of the geek who hears the guys talking about something ("wouldn't it be funny if we stuck firecrackers up our butts?") and then the guy, desperate for acceptance, actually does the thing that the other guys are only talking about.

Eazy (Eazy), Friday, 29 September 2006 05:32 (7 years ago) Permalink

And he gets to be The Guy Who Went Brown, as it were. Papa Neil must be proud.

Eazy (Eazy), Friday, 29 September 2006 05:33 (7 years ago) Permalink

does this tape also involve hot carls?

kingfish prætor (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 29 September 2006 05:35 (7 years ago) Permalink

I also don't believe that anyone has ever 'performed' the 'dirty sanchez.'

It's a lot like starring on "Saved by the Bell."

always crashing in other people's cars (kenan), Friday, 29 September 2006 05:52 (7 years ago) Permalink

I truly believe that no sex tape exists and that this is a grab for publicity (though it's not particularly clever, ....

Well, I certainly hope so!

Nathalie (stevie nixed), Friday, 29 September 2006 06:24 (7 years ago) Permalink

I mean, even in the Kid Rock/Scott Stapp thing (which mercifully never fully materialized, right?), there were various groupies hanging around dropping to their knees and stuff.
In the 'leaked' clips of this one, Screech is just babbling into the camera about 'poop,' with no females around (save the disembodied girl's voice at the beginning who just says 'it's recording' or whatever). I hope to god I'm wrong, but I think there's no tape - this footage was recorded specifically for this stunt.

Tiki Theater Xymposium (Bent Over at the Arclight), Friday, 29 September 2006 09:12 (7 years ago) Permalink

Wait, you hope to God you're WRONG????? You want this tape to exist??????

Young Fresh Danny D (Dan Perry), Friday, 29 September 2006 11:58 (7 years ago) Permalink

i was to see Screech in a t-shirt that says "Down with the Brown"

mr. brojangles (sanskrit), Friday, 29 September 2006 12:38 (7 years ago) Permalink

this footage was recorded specifically for this stunt.

So Screech is trying to be Tom Green.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 29 September 2006 13:14 (7 years ago) Permalink

just babbling into the camera about 'poop,' with no females around

kingfish prætor (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 29 September 2006 13:29 (7 years ago) Permalink

Wait, you hope to God you're WRONG????? You want this tape to exist??????

Desperately. No, I guess I meant "I hope I'm not proven wrong"? Shit, I don't know what I meant. Maybe I DO want there to be a tape. Maybe I should make an elaborate "Loose Change" style documentary about this moment in our cultural history and YouTube that shit.

Tiki Theater Xymposium (Bent Over at the Arclight), Friday, 29 September 2006 19:53 (7 years ago) Permalink

All of you guys are just jealous.

0xDOX0RNUTX0RX0RSDABITFIELDXOR^0xDEADBEEFDEADBEEF00001 (donut), Saturday, 30 September 2006 06:38 (7 years ago) Permalink

haha, OK, prudes, here's the deal. Yes, the dirty sanchez is not appetizing, but poop is just poop. Putting that aside: Look, someone is trying -- albeit in an awkward, devilish, and ultimately self defeating way -- to move on beyond his past. Let the first person to try this and succeed cast the first bone.

More seriously, it's just a pr0n. Far worse has gotten no bats of an eye from people here. How would you feel if the masses always forever, 4 life, held you to your standards when you were 14 years old or whatever?

If Dustin is indeed 40 years old now, he's not looking bad for his age at all! In fact, for that demographic of folks that think that the Strokes are somewhat "shaggy" (or whatever band has taken the Strokes' place for white fro's and beardo's), Dustin looks reasonably ok looking. There are far fuglier guys in porn.

I've only seen the preview which is nothing... not sure if he has a really magnetic personality to go with whatever he's showin' off (which you don't see in the preview video at all, so you can put the noose down now), but even then, far fuglier more boring dudes in pr0n have gotten no shit from you guys.

If there's one thing he should be given shit for, it's allowing the title of the video to be called "Saved By The Smell", which is not only the worst title of any cinematic movie ever made, but defeats the purpose of him trying to get past his, ur, past.

Otherwise, let the screechez have his peaches! Go back to recess now.

0xDOX0RNUTX0RX0RSDABITFIELDXOR^0xDEADBEEFDEADBEEF00001 (donut), Saturday, 30 September 2006 06:50 (7 years ago) Permalink

but poop is just poop.

can i put some on your upper lip? it'll be funny! to me.

GOD PUNCH TO HAWKWIND (yournullfame), Saturday, 30 September 2006 06:55 (7 years ago) Permalink

how much are you paying me?

0xDOX0RNUTX0RX0RSDABITFIELDXOR^0xDEADBEEFDEADBEEF00001 (donut), Saturday, 30 September 2006 06:55 (7 years ago) Permalink

you'll be paid in publicity.

GOD PUNCH TO HAWKWIND (yournullfame), Saturday, 30 September 2006 06:59 (7 years ago) Permalink

These girls were probably paid in high four digits. If you can't match that, no deal, sorry.

0xDOX0RNUTX0RX0RSDABITFIELDXOR^0xDEADBEEFDEADBEEF00001 (donut), Saturday, 30 September 2006 06:59 (7 years ago) Permalink

never underestimate the hawtness of my brestes.

0xDOX0RNUTX0RX0RSDABITFIELDXOR^0xDEADBEEFDEADBEEF00001 (donut), Saturday, 30 September 2006 07:04 (7 years ago) Permalink

Okay, there's fairness and egalitarianism and then there's COMPLETE AND TOTAL CRAZY TALK.

Young Fresh Danny D (Dan Perry), Saturday, 30 September 2006 11:47 (7 years ago) Permalink

lol

boo berry (dubplatestyle), Saturday, 30 September 2006 11:55 (7 years ago) Permalink

No way is Dustin Diamond 40. Wasn't he like 12 when Saved By the Bell first aired?

Curt1s St3ph3ns, Saturday, 30 September 2006 16:37 (7 years ago) Permalink

WPdia says he's 29. It also says:

Diamond has publically professed an affinity for the immensely popular MMORPG, World of Warcraft and has in fact been involved in various promotions for the game. In June of 2006 he revealed his avatar is an orc named 'Hellomoto' on the game's Gorefiend server.

Euai Kapaui (tracerhand), Saturday, 30 September 2006 16:43 (7 years ago) Permalink

"looking ok for 40" at 29 classic or dud?

Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Saturday, 30 September 2006 17:14 (7 years ago) Permalink

"looking ok for 40" at 29 is the new young

0xDOX0RNUTX0RX0RSDABITFIELDXOR^0xDEADBEEFDEADBEEF00001 (donut), Saturday, 30 September 2006 17:20 (7 years ago) Permalink

he looks like shit

^@^ (map), Saturday, 30 September 2006 18:03 (7 years ago) Permalink

http://www.google.com/trends?q=dustin+diamond

Curt1s St3ph3ns, Saturday, 30 September 2006 18:14 (7 years ago) Permalink

lol @ milwaukee

^@^ (map), Saturday, 30 September 2006 18:18 (7 years ago) Permalink

3 years pass...

here's a fact for you: dustin diamond's current home of port washington, wisconsin was the setting for the tv series step by step

iiiijjjj, Wednesday, 6 January 2010 17:32 (4 years ago) Permalink

Do you ever take a step back and wonder what mad impulse drove you to click something titled SCREECH SEX TAPE ???

retrovaporized nebulizer (╓abies), Wednesday, 6 January 2010 17:43 (4 years ago) Permalink

I think I just, really need a job.

retrovaporized nebulizer (╓abies), Wednesday, 6 January 2010 17:43 (4 years ago) Permalink

Well that's one way of putting it...

an executive by day and a wild man by night (snoball), Wednesday, 6 January 2010 17:44 (4 years ago) Permalink

7 months pass...

gr8080, Tuesday, 31 August 2010 02:32 (3 years ago) Permalink

henceforth, whenever i hear the term "dirty sanchez" i will picture that gif in my head

Danny DeGlover (latebloomer), Tuesday, 31 August 2010 02:54 (3 years ago) Permalink

there was a thread where danbunny was liveblogging the screech sex tape the day it came out i wish i could find it

gr8080, Tuesday, 31 August 2010 02:55 (3 years ago) Permalink

1 year passes...

w/ chaki

♆ (gr8080), Friday, 11 May 2012 22:26 (2 years ago) Permalink


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