Not location specific, No rules: Welcome to ILX heaven

I was excited there for a minute, wondering how I had managed to miss the monkey facts. Also disappointed you weren't sniffing canine bums.

I have hit my afternoon slump. Not fun.

Go for a little walk. Five minutes.

More's the pity!

I would LOVE a monkey. Just a wee one. Hey, Mister M is away for a couple of weeks. It could be moved in and everything, he couldn't turn it away once I had taught it to do sad eyes. "Do sad eyes, ickle Chee Chee" I would say, and it would wring its little hands and make sad monkey eyes and Mister M would saw "aw, wook at its wittle eyes" and divorce me for being mental.

I am having a beer. Can you tell?

Yes. Pray continue, Madame. Your droll little posts are making me chuckle today.

Or, or! I could get a sea lion.

We live right next to the sea, after all.

Those things are 200% stanky. But a little monkey would be cool.

On the One Show tonight they were talking about what pets you were allowed to keep as pets now they've changed the ruling on what constitutes a dangerous animal in the UK and monkeys were definitely up for discussion. Neil's a bit worried that I am craving a little sort of llama-esque thing that was on the list, though I'm not sure my garden is big enough. You can keep emus as pets in the UK now, you know.

My mother-in-law rubs emu oil on her bad joints. I'm not sure I want to know how they get the oil.

Go for a little walk. Five minutes.

I did! There's a creek that runs by our building and I like to walk down there to take a gander at the critters. Today I went down to the road/bridge and looked underneath. It was smelly and there were mud stalagmites everywhere. Then I noticed a squirrel at my feet who seemed to be saying, "Don't touch my nuts, bitch." So I left.

Wow! I control you. Do my dishes.

Try saying that to the monkey.

x-post

:/ I'll have to rinse off the soap you know.

That's okay, I'm a rinser too.

You get emu oil from dead emus, sadly. We stayed on an organic emu and olive farm in Greece once on holidays, and the people who ran it were really zealous about emu oil. Their son was in a bad accident when he was a kid, and was seriously burned across his torso and one arm. Emu oil helped him to recover and helped his skin regrow (they said). So they started running the emu farm. They used every bit of their emu, including the skins, which they sold to book binders.

Jesus, Must Love Dogs is a poor film.

Try saying that to the monkey.

Chee Chee! Dishes! Chee Chee! Oh no, BAD Chee Chee.

I read that as 'Jesus must love dogs is a poor film', which it probably is/would be.

Maybe that was the alternative title for All dogs go to heaven...

It would be especially bad if Diane Lane was Jesus. She has no pizazz.

I once had a conversation FOR OVER 20 MINUTES with a neighbour who was convinced her gite in France would be completed by a giraffe so she could say hello to it from upstairs windows without it having to bend down.

Draw your own conclusions.

I am confused.

What is confusing you? That anyone would put Diane Lane in the lead in a romantic comedy opposite John Cusack? I'm confused by that too.

No, the giraffe.

I could tell Must Love Dogs would be bad by the commercial.

Charlotte was charming. But you knew it was time to leave the pub when she started licking her own nipples.

That sounds worse than it was. From a male-only perspective, possibly.

Now it is my turn to be confused.

Now Diane Lane is crying in the nude in her shower because Dermot Mulroney is not a nice man. I could have told her that.

You have never met Charlotte (the giraffe woman). Nor are you likely to, now she's living in Dubai and divorced.

Well, if she can get a giraffe anwywhere, Dubai would be the place.

Anywhere. I R RITE PROFSHENUL

UR A LULVY DRUNK, you are welcome round mine to sample my sausage any time. Or I can come round yours and deliver my sausage in the convenience of your own home.

(ILX threadmeld ahoy)

(also, I might have had a drinky)

UR ME BEST FUCKEN PAL N ALL, BRISTOLS!

Don't worry, fellow pants-threaders, only 13 more nights till Mister M gets back.

I'm off to walk the dogs and go to bed. Night all.

Mmmm, bristols.

(that might not travel)

Kind of candy?

Rhyming slang. Football-based.

aldo: Bristols are Football based? Surely you're pulling my leg!

Mz M, you only wore your coat once last year? What with the ice storm shutting down the city for a week and all?! I'm impressed by your cold-hardiness. Wishful thinking to anticipate any kind of cool snap here, but I continue to be an optimist about these things. Failing that, I'll be in NY in early December and that will give me a little cold fix. Damn the panhandle for getting my hopes up!

I switched to sitting on the exercise ball chair and took some B12 to combat afternoon fatigue. I also removed the office trash, as the rotting onion and overripe banana smell were a bit much.

Yes.....

Some kind of rhyme with 'Rovers'?

xpost

not the one with city then?

Yes, the one with City. (Bristol Citys=titties) Peurile I NOES.

In other news, I knew I had been losing weight but tonight I was able to fit into a bespoke waiscoat from 6 years ago. I still need to lose another inch or so for it to be comfortable, but WAU.

Kind of candy?

(Bristol Citys=titties)

So, I wasn't entirely wrong, then. ;)

aldo, what level of pishedness makes you decide to try on waistcoats?

I have only watched one film on Sky Movies since we got it, and that was Mr and Mrs Smith. It wasn't very good. OK, I watched Ferris Bueller's Day Off the other day, but I watch that every time it's on despite having seen it like a zillion times. We only have one working TV in the house, so watching a film means leaving Neil devoid of TV for the evening (chance of him sitting through a film of my choosing is fairly close to zero), or else interrupting my daytime routine of ILXing, Dawson's Creek, Neighbours, Countdown and re-runs of Two and a Half Men. I R SADDO.

right aldo, I just don't see where you get the football in there with the titties. It might improve the popularity of it over here!

Football team = Bristol City

It is waistcoat I have that goes with one of my three piece suits. I last tried in on about a year ago (actually, I think the weekend before last Xmas ATP and it was a good 4 inches, maybe more off shutting. Tonight it just seemed like a good idea, because it is an awesome suit.

xpost to ailsa

Bristol City is an football club.

bah double xpost to ailsa

I just beated you at Scrabble with my last go :-)

I saw it coming, you had (I think) three outs for that 'a'. I got stuck with the 'z' two moves to go.

I knew I had been losing weight but tonight I was able to fit into a bespoke waiscoat from 6 years ago.

I need to get serious about my massively poor diet. I was doing pretty well for a few months there, but now I'm back to eating just plain rubbish again.

The medication I'm on makes my hands and feet swell up, and I suspect it's diet-related; in fact I suspect it's salt-related, so I started keeping a diary of what I was eating. It makes depressing reading.

Wednesday remorse!

I should be losing about 20lbs but it is wrong time of year cos of stew and dumplings.NOMNOMNOM

btw, aldo and onimo - I am at home today as I have a house of sick people, so don't bother sending emails to me expecting an answer today.

Also watching Sumo.tv which is showing weird but entertaining 60's sci-fi hippy type film called The Monitors. (imbd link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0064684/fullcredits#cast">=http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0064684/fullcredits#cast)

I would LOVE a monkey. Just a wee one. Hey, Mister M is away for a couple of weeks. It could be moved in and everything, he couldn't turn it away once I had taught it to do sad eyes. "Do sad eyes, ickle Chee Chee" I would say, and it would wring its little hands and make sad monkey eyes and Mister M would saw "aw, wook at its wittle eyes" and divorce me for being mental.

I lolled...

Wait, what's this about rinsing soap off of plates? Is there any other way? (Oh jesus, there's probably a 700 flame thread about it :( )

Wednesday remorse!

Rubbish! Chee chee stories always much appreciated.

Aldo, I am jealous of lovely suit. Ailsa, Mr & Mrs Smith is terrifyingly bad. Misery, Patita: Put on your coats, you'll catch your death of cold. Guilty, get well soon. Order thai curry takeaway, v spicy, and burn evil disease out of you! Kv_lol out...

Also:

[Dialogue borrowed from a "Rocky" movie]
This guy is a bulldozer with a wrecking ball attached
He'll leave a ring around your eye and tread marks on your back
He's an animal
He's hungry
You ain't been hungry, since "Supreme Clientele"
Remember what you first told me when I took ya in
You wanted to be a fighter (Yeah!)
You wanted to be a killer (New York Stand Up)
You wanted to be the Champ! (Got your boy in the booth nigga)
You ain't hungry
Matter of fact I don't want you in my gym
Get out of my ring, you disgust me

[Ghostface Killah]
Godzilla bankroll
Stones from Stilion
Yo I ain't got it all, that means I barely home
Trailblazer stay ballin
Revenge is my arts is crafty darts
While y'all stuck on Laffy Taffy
Wonderin' how y'all niggaz get past me
I been doin this before Nas dropped the Nasty
My wallos I did 'em up
Them bricks I send 'em up
My raps y'all bit 'em up
For that now stick 'em up
Ten Four good buddy Tone got is money up
Worth millions still back your bitch lookin bummy what
Ya'll staring at the angel of death
Liar liar pants on fire You burning up like David Koresh
This is architect music
Verbal street opera pop a 'tec man fully got the projects booming indeed
I ran through the tunnel
Terrorize speed
That's when I was still in the jungle slangin that D

[Spoken over the beat]
Get out my face! No you ain't got no mo?'.
Don't need no has been messin' up my corner
And you better get that mad look off your face for I knock it off
Hey fool you ready for another beating
You should have never came back
Look here man after I crucify him, you next!
And you better have a good doctor to rearrange your face
I'm the Champ!

[Ghostface Killah]
Who want to battle the Don?
I'm James Bond in the Octagon with two razors
Bet cha'all didn't know I had a fake arm
I lost it, wild and raw before rap, I was gettin' it on
Took a fat nigga out in like 40secs
My gun get hard wit a 45 still erects and eagle on
Kangol hat slanted coconut bounce to Morocco
Guerilla medallions like Flavor Flav clock yo
Niggaz want me dead but they scared to step to me
Rip they guts out like a hysterectomy
When beef collide look on the flip by the penitentiary kite
Or get you bumped off from the inside
Jaws is hanging
Frauds is leftin they draws on the floor complaining
Bird ass nigga resemble Keenon Ivory Waynes
Stay in your place dirt born rappers get Shadow box for training ?
Ya'll still eatin bacon

[Spoken over the beat]
Think nobody can; don't give this nigga no statue give him death
I told y'all I wasn't going away
You had your shot no give me mine
Now why don't you tell these folks why you been ducking me, politics man
You think you going to keep me down
They don't want me to have the title
Because I'm not a puppet like that fool up there
Ask his woman she get more pipe from the plumber than in bed
I'm the Champ!

[Ghostface Killah]
I like the deuce of diamonds cutting spades on a glass table
Half a mil on my left ankle
Terry cloth Guess shorts robes is comfortable
Bring me a nice bitch that means I'll fuck with you
My swagger is Mick Jaeger stones is rolling
Prestige is cut to it tis ? spark when weed went up
The Cocoa leaf is slightly damp
Sprouting in the backyard next to Gran duke tomato plants
And jets get charted marquee shit with the cars on it
They head and they earl to the toilet and vomit
Back East summer MC king since Cuban
Pretty Tone Iron Man and Bulletproof and Supreme
Proof and you double deuce in the jeans
My man ? was on the floor with the mother load both of them green
IBF WBC Cruiserweight title shots and Rap belts belong to D.C.

[Spoken over the beat]
Listen I am bad, I said I am bad
I'm a bad man
I'm so bad sometimes I's scare myself
Sometimes I look in the mirror and want to kiss myself I'm so pretty
Now who am I (The Man!)
Now who am I (The Man!)
Who (The Man!)
That's right and don't y'all forget it

Ladies and gentlemen!
The winner by consecutive knockout and still champion of the worlllllllld!
Ghostface Killllllllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

[cheering in the background]

AMEN

For kv_lol

Defend the Indefensible: British People Not Rinsing Soap Off the Dishes

Oh no :( Thanks though.