people that YELP are scumbags

negatory

so the owner of a business just threatened to sue the shit out of my friend for yelping that she had received a pizza pie COVERED IN HUMAN HAIR.

― they call him (remy bean), Monday, 17 January 2011 15:45

maybe she should've just ordered pepperoni

tips from the pr0s

poked my interest

review for Hoosier Mama Pie Company:

(Somewhere down in southern Indiana, some time in the 18th century. A man, tired and unshaven is holding a gun in his rustic hut. He's not in a good mood: he has been on a strict diet of beans and squirrel jerky for the last two months and is beginning to lose faith in humanity. All of a sudden he hears a noise coming from the outside.)

(yelling and freaking out): "Hoosier?!?!?"

(the interlocutor): ?!?!?!?!?!?!?
"What's that son?!?"

(the Indiana dude, pacing back and forth in front of his door, unsure about what to do and a bit annoyed) : " I say HOOSIER?!? Speak or I shoot ya godammit!"

(the new comer, still unsure): "Ummmm.....tis me, your mama. I have a pie fo'ya, freshly cooked just fo' ya"

And it all ended in a touching reunion between a wild son and his beloved mama whose daughter decided one day to make it to the city and opened a pie store called "Hoosier".

Or something like that.

Folklore aside, this mama is pretty serious with her pies. I finally entered the store after 7 months of living 3 blocks away, afraid of making the first step and fall to hopeless addiction.
I caved in and agreed to lose my soul, which is not a big price to say when you have already lost your slender silhouette.

For $7 you can get a "pie flight", 3 samples of the most delicious pies you will ever encounter. There are about a small dozen to choose from; I opted for:
- coconut cream
- chocolate chess
- pear
The pear was surprisingly enough my favorite but I was delighted by every single mouthful of crusty/melty pie-ness. The crust is perfect, the filling - rich and flavorful. $5 will give you a full slice with a cup of coffee. And the big ones are between $25 and $30.
Not that bad when one thinks of the quality of the ingredients, and the time spent slaving over the oven.

Good to know: the Pacer mama also has savory options. Check out their pork/apple/sage pies as well as their shepherd mini-pies. And invite me for the feast.

oh my god

This is the most overrated restaurant I've ever visited. I am a few hours removed from dinner there with my good friend Kenichi and Mrs. R, and I am so flabbergasted that I cannot sleep without getting this venom out.

Let me preface this review by saying that Taro has topped best-of lists on Yelp and Chowhound for as long as Google can see, and I have gotten countless recommendations from people around the neighborhood. I once thought that NYC had a fairly progressive sushi culture, but I now realize that even in our wonderful metropolis most sushigoers still order shrimp tenpura rolls and tuna/yellowtail/salmon.

First of all, the praise for the authenticity of this place as a "Japanese operation" is totally unwarranted: the owner/itamae-san and his number two are Japanese, but the rest of the line and the entire waitstaff are Chinese, specifically Fukien. I am no racist, but when you lack the knowledge gained from growing up in sushi's motherland, you need to put in some work. The staff here clearly has not.

Our entrance met no irasshaimase, no oshibori. So much for Brooklyn's most authentic sushiya. Kenichi smiled uncomfortably as his request for ocha met bemusement, and I pantomimed no avail as I inquired about pressed sushi/oshizushi/hakozushi. I looked at our menu to see that ankimo is apparently available here year round, which should have been enough to get us walking, honestly. Third guy on the line stood behind the counter on his cell phone arguing in Chinese for literally our entire meal.

The toro tataki was buttery, up to snuff and an ample portion for the pricetag. The kinpira must have come from a bag, lacking crunch and inexplicably matchsticked. The age tofu Mrs. R ordered was fine, but there's really no way to fuck up deep-frying in a fryolator.

Onto the nigiri. The ebodai and toro were passable in an otherwise disappointing dinner. The botan ebi was awful, mealy and flabby. Its head was nowhere to be found, and it emerged from the counter filleted and de-shelled, presumably bought that way. The saba was similarly subpar, clearly slow frozen and having lost all the oil and shine that makes saba so good. Amadai, iwashi, anago all mediocre. Big ups to house-made tamago in an age of premade sheets, but minus points for overcooking it to the point of turning green. Thankfully the tataki was just as good the second time around in maki form.

Regarding the chef's proficiency, he is lacking. The nigiri are simply too big (catering to the locals I suppose). The neta were huge and floppy, practically falling off the rice. Likewise the amount of rice is obscene, squeezed tight and more onigiri than nigiri. The soy sauce he stocks is cheap, light, unaged. His line is disorganized, overwhelmed with not a dozen patrons sitting down. Three times during our meal did I have servers over my shoulder handing geta back due to mistakes. Reviewers citing the itamae-san here as "approaching Yasuda" or "almost Ushiwakamaru" are out of their fucking minds.

Service was icing on the cake. The waitstaff took ten minutes to ask us for our order, then refused to clear our appetizer plates even after our sushi was dropped. I ordered a few more pieces at last call, and as the chef handed them to me a waitress walked over with our check, explaining in broken English: "You can pay now? We count the money now." All well before 10:30.

To everyone gushing about how authentic this place is, ask yourself how often you see expats here. Don't fool yourself into thinking you are getting elite product at midrange prices. 130+ reviewers who all think this place is their little secret? There is a reason this place isn't populated, and it has nothing to do with being under the radar.

Five star reviewers, do yourself a favor and skip your next few dinners here. Take that coin, catch a train to Manhattan and treat yourself to an education.

"ben r." gave it two stars, by the way

I am a few hours removed from dinner there with my good friend Kenichi and Mrs. R, and I am so flabbergasted that I cannot sleep without getting this venom out.

love this sentence

Our entrance met no irasshaimase, no oshibori.

reviews of sushi restaurants bring out the worst in yelpers

shasta?

jesus christ. what is it about food/restaurant snobs that makes them infinitely more awful than any other variety of snob?

Reviewers citing the itamae-san here as "approaching Yasuda" or "almost Ushiwakamaru" are out of their fucking minds.

this is a good one

Mariam S.

Orchard Beach, MD
1 star rating
2/8/2011

I have been coming to this restaurant since 2005 attempting to support fellow Salvadorians and since then the prices have tripled. Just recently I took my son there. There were 2 other customers inside of the "VERY NICE LOOKING" restaurant with many of workers on the inside. The UNFRIENDLY waitress finally took our order and my son ordered the ribs. After waiting 10 minutes (remind you that it was only 4 customers on the inside / don't know why it took so long) the waitress comes back and says we don't have any ribs (even though they were on the menu). So my son had to change his mind to BBQ chicken and french fries. AFTER WAITING 30 -- 35 MINUTES AND WATCHING THE WAITRESS LOOK AT ONE OF MANY FLAT SCREENS TVS AGAINST THE WALL I HAD TO ASK WHERE OUR FOOD WAS. WITH AN ATTITUDE she says I don't know what the cook do back there! Finally our food was ready and when my son ate his fries THEY WERE COLD like they had been sitting for a while! IT TOOK HER 25 MINUTES TO ASK IF WE NEEDED ANYTHING and that was after ANOTHER WAITRESS RAN THE VACUUM CLEANER WHILE WE WERE EATING and that was at 5:00 in the afternoon. I asked for a refill no my co and with another attitude she say we don't refill coffees. When she brought me my check the cost was ridiculous! She charged me separate prices for everything instead of making it a meal. And on top of that SHE HAD THE NERVE TO INCLUDE HER TIP ON MY CHECK! I say let me speak to your manager, supervisor or owner. She says they are not here and STARTS SCREAMING AT ME IN LATINA. You know this is the 3rd time that I have had to deal with a NASTY WAITRESS here. Each time it is someone different. They should be glad that I paid the bill and not just walk out on them. THIS WILL DEFINITELY BE MY LAST TIME GOING HERE. NEVER AGAIN!!! Next time I would rather just eat at home than to deal with people who don't want to do their job!

I am no racist

from another review of same salvadoran restaurant:

Do yourself a favor, If you ever find yourself in Baltimore do not try to get Mexican Food.

El Trovador was simply El No Edible.

zing

lol display name

shasta?

― gr8080, Saturday, February 19, 2011 4:13 PM (2 hours ago)

pffft, like i would venture that far down-market. should i point out the errors in that dude's review or is that way too far into the abyss?

**goes out to French-California restaurant with 3 Japanese people**

never change

http://eater.com/archives/2011/03/22/yelp-scolds-elite-yelpers-for-degenerate-feeding-frenzies.php

this thread continues to be deeply satisfying.

i like how the yelp 'team' writes like the yelp members:

Now, you might be saying to yourself, "Self, the event last night (as well as some others in the past) was overcrowded, and THAT is why the food did not reach everyone." And although Club A Steakhouse brought out a delicious and bountiful spread of steak, salmon, rack of lamb, mashed potatoes, creamed spinach, crabcakes and more, you would be partially right.

disgusting

savages

why the fuck don't they cap attendance at these things?

yelp remains at the top of the opinions4u pecking order

haha having worked alongside catering planners for years i can sympathize

the saddest is the science conferences when the broke-ass grad students who maybe actually havent had a decent meal in weeks are fully taking advantage of the free hors d'oeuvres :(

STARTS SCREAMING AT ME IN LATINA
STARTS SCREAMING AT ME IN LATINA
STARTS SCREAMING AT ME IN LATINA
STARTS SCREAMING AT ME IN LATINA
STARTS SCREAMING AT ME IN LATINA
STARTS SCREAMING AT ME IN LATINA

i like how the yelp 'team' writes like the yelp members:

lol, i said this to myself!

Jack C.

Chi is Here
Berkeley, CA

3/26/2011 I'm dating this black chick now and we rolled into L.A.

"Imma get myself some waffles and fried chicken" - she says

"saaay waat gurl?" - I said in shock since I've never heard of that combination

"ohh yea, you never heard of Roscoe's chicken?" - she says in wide-eyed surprise

"ehh...no. Why don't we get ramen? It's healthier" - I said condescendingly.

"We always get Asian, let's get soul food. Roscoe's chicken is like a national treasure kinda like Niagara Falls or the Washington monument.

So we went, we had a fantastic time!

All I have to say is - I love dark meat, especially thighs!

Scott K.

Psssst, hey.... Hey, Scott..... no, no, no.... down here!

Yeah, it's me, your cock. Your schlong. Your prick. The porktube. Whatever you're calling me these days. How you doing up there? Look, uhh, you got a minute?

Good. How come you haven't been to the Good Luck Bar lately? Scott, you remember the Good Luck Bar. Not that I was eavesdropping, but I heard you tell that one girl this place was one of your favorite local dives. I mean, granted, it was a little hard to hear everything from down here, but I was wide awake - hell, I perked up as soon as I heard her say she was born in Korea or someplace. So I know what you said, okay? And there's usually some decent-looking women in this place, right? Of course, I can't actually see 'em. All I really have to go by are voices. I mean, you keep me like fucking Stevie Wonder in a dark basement down here -- the least you could do is give me the occasional open fly to work with. You know? Just give a brother a peek sometime - just a peek. That's all I'm saying.

But I digress. From the sound of it, this place pulls more of a hipster/pseudo-rockabilly kind of crowd, right? Well, tats on a girl can work. (Hell, I never could get any sleep with you checking out that Suicide Girls site back in the day - you know, before they started letting any old saggy-tittied, inked-up butterface pose for them.)

Aside from that, some cute Latinas usually manage to show up at the Good Luck, am I right? Some Latinas, some Asians? That's what it sounds like. If nothing else, there's always a nice tawdry blonde for you to make eyes at from across the bar, isn't there? Hell, just the atmosphere at the Good Luck perks me up. Have you noticed? The way you described that sleazy red lighting, the faux-Chinese decor. I could almost feel it through your Fruit of the Looms. Such a way with words you got there.

And those fruity mixed drinks? Does the phrase "looks like a woman, wallops you like a man" ring a bell? One of those Tokyo teas, or the Good Luck house special, and I'm ready to stand up and recite the Alec Baldwin speech from "Glengarry Glen Ross", y'know what I mean?

And there's that nice couch area where you can sit back and relax. It gives me room to stretch, lets you look like a dude who halfway knows what he's doing for a few minutes - we both win. I mean, maybe the drinks are a tad strong - after that last time we were there, I got sick in front of your friend and ended up barfing all over the place, remember? What a mess. (Hey, wait... wasn't that the girl from Korea?)

Well, anyway, I don't wanna sound ungrateful here. I mean, you take pretty good care of me. You do. You wash me regularly, for starters. You don't keep me caged up in briefs, and hey - I appreciate the freedom to stretch out at will throughout the day, it's important. It keeps the blood flowing, and you definitely want the blood flowing down here. Aside from the smell of those damn condoms - and the fact that they suffocate me and leave me feeling like a goddamn holiday roast stewing in its own juices - I'd say I'm pretty happy with you. Couldn't ask for a better guy to be attached to, alright?

But take me back to the Good Luck. Soon. Otherwise, I'll wait until you pick up some fucking Miss Puerto Rico 2008-looking broad and I will flat out refuse to cooperate. That's right. You heard me. And you don't want that. I think you have an image to maintain, right? Stories to live up to? Something like that?

Do the right thing, Scott. Thanks.

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for some reason his cock has Burgess Meredith's voice when i hear it in my head

http://i.imgur.com/BJwVA.jpg

the sign, it is humorously large

good luck bar is dope

The porktube

Nichole F.
Chicago, IL
2.0 star rating
2/16/2011

I am giving Chez Panisse Cafe 2 stars based on three things - The food, maitre de and the space itself is beautiful.

I came here while on vacation in San Fran. celebrating my 30th birthday (husband and my best friend and her husband in tow). We were so excited to get a reservation as we wanted for a very long time to come here (We are from Chicago) and wanted somewhere nice but not too over the top to celebrate my birthday which also happens to be V-day. They touted the V-day evening as having live music and dancing which I was also excited about to have a nice romantic, fun evening. Unfortunately, the music wasn't exactly the dancing type (in many cases just strings plucking on random notes) for the most part and no one danced because of this and am guessing the fact that there was really no room to dance. I was really disappointed with that aspect.

We arrived about 20 minutes early and the maitre de made us feel at home as we waited at the bar and had a glass of wine. He was really great.

Here's the problem that basically ruined my birthday and valentines day for the rest of our table. Our server (Daniel) was AWFUL. It took him far too long to come to our table and when he did, there was no real introduction, no welcome, etc. He just said ''so do you know what you want?'' My husband and I were just taken back by his demeanor and unprofessional behavior but didn't say anything. What threw it over the edge was when we were done with our apps, our silver was to be replaced. Our server placed everyone else's silver as is expected but he actually looked and me, shoved a spoon in my face and said here you go making me grab the spoon from him and subsequently, my knife. It was over after that. I was pissed.

As I said, the food was good. The only 2 things are that I had the vegetable lasagna for my entree which could have used some more salt and some garlic but everyone else's dishes were solid. We ordered olives and sardines for the table and the sardines were WAY too salty. I enjoy salt but I felt like I ate a spoonful of salt with these.

When we were almost done with entrees, the server came by and all of a sudden seemed to give a damn Not sure it it was because the maitre de let the server in on the fact that it was my birthday or he realized were were unhappy. Odd enough, he (the maitre de) assured my husband at the beginning of the evening that they would take great care of us....In any case the damage was done and I was doing my best to keep a happy face on in an effort to not make the evening uncomfortable.

We ordered cheese and a piece of chocolate cake with cognac ice cream for dessert. Cheese came first as we requested and the cake came out with a candle and piece of paper placed on the cake that said happy birthday and happy valentines day. Here's the real kicker. Instead of the server saying happy birthday, he had the nerve to say "is it really your birthday?" in a snarky tone as to say are you just doing this for a free piece of cake (which it was not comped BTW)? As if somehow no one is EVER born on February 14 - ever. He left the table and I started fuming. I was about to get up and find him and say - did you want to see my drivers license you jerk? What the hell is this guy's problem?

I can't tell you how disappointed this whole evening was - I get more upset the longer I think about it. That server has no business being in a restaurant of this caliber and should be an embarrassment to Alice Waters and the industry as a whole.

FYI they tack on an automatic 17% service charge so our server knows he can provide the crappiest of service but he'll still get his 17%. Maybe that's part of the problem.

I admire and appreciate everything that Alice Waters has done for the industry and to her community, etc. I can now say I've been but can say I won't be going back if I am ever in the area again.

the server had the nerve to ask her what she wanted, bring her utensils, joke with her in a friendly fashion and then make her pay for a cake she ate.

what the fuck is it with YELP people and being livid about "the service," like by walking into a restaurant you are guaranteed to be waited on hand and foot w/ everything short of the 'rimbjob chairs' from Naked Lunch.

I can count the number of meals I've been upset with "the service" on literally zero hands. The sense of entitlement on people like this is just fucking baffling to me. Whenever like my iced tea refill never comes or a check is a little late, I p much think, "well, it's a busy restaurant and this person is doing 9000 things and hey, shit happens." Not "I MUST REGISTER MY DISGUST TO THE INTERNET"

...because that's actually a deece cafe/restaurant and not subway/starbucks?

steve shasta is a yelper

― http://i54.tinypic.com/11l4yvn.gif, Tuesday, March 18, 2008 1:31 AM (3 years ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

no one danced because of this and am guessing the fact that there was really no room to dance. I was really disappointed with that aspect.

this reminds me of my PRR parodies or something

tbqh her first problem was going out to a restaurant on a major holiday, that's probably why the service sucked.

Wow Whiney, you've NEVER had bad service? Ever?

Must be nice to be white; there are entire chain establishments I don't go to anymore after consistent poor treatment in comparison to white patrons, from things like being led past empty tables in the front/middle of the room to the table in the corner next to the bathroom and getting ignored for 30 minutes to, most infamously, being with a group of friends after a wedding and having the server take EVERYONE'S drink order except for mine and my wife's, leaving, sending someone else back with the drinks, starting to take EVERYONE'S food/snack order before even coming back to ask us what we wanted to drink, NOT taking our food order at the same time and bringing out everyone else's food before our drinks showed up. (We were the only black people at the table, and yes there were maybe 10 of us, but we were all sitting together and talking to each other and dressed well because we'd all just come from a wedding reception.)

I think it's a lot more effective to complain to a manager about truly bad service then it is to write a negative Yelp! review about bad service.

That said I don't really think most service complaints (Dan's kind are the obvious exception) amount to much myself.

"Our server placed everyone else's silver as is expected but he actually looked and me, shoved a spoon in my face and said here you go making me grab the spoon from him and subsequently, my knife."

This is kind of weird which makes me think that the server was tweaking her (either jokingly or because he didn't like her.) Either way wouldn't make me "pissed."

that whole part of the evening was a disaster; the groom, who was a conservative preppy white dude who had never actually witnessed this type of thing before, had a meltdown and started screaming at the server, who burst into tears and ran for her manager, and I had to be the one to calm everything down to keep the police from being called even though I was the wronged party, which is kind of my life in microcosm now that I think about it