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― RJG (RJG), Tuesday, 24 December 2002 16:51 (twenty-one years ago) link

HAW HAHAHAHAHAHA

― Vic (Vic), Tuesday, 24 December 2002 17:07 (twenty-one years ago) link

i lived around NYC all my life, and red wings gross/weird me out

manhattan don't turn what's gross into what's sexy, you know

― Tad (llamasfur), Tuesday, 24 December 2002 17:17 (twenty-one years ago) link

no red queen's gonna be off with my head ...

― Tad (llamasfur), Tuesday, 24 December 2002 17:18 (twenty-one years ago) link

ride that cotton pony off into the sunset, cowgirl

― Tad (llamasfur), Tuesday, 24 December 2002 17:24 (twenty-one years ago) link

i got fucked, but not ina sexual way. i'd consider mys3lf lucky if the opportunity of red wings presented itself. ugh.

― dyson (dyson), Tuesday, 24 December 2002 18:58 (twenty-one years ago) link

my girlfriend is coming to town on friday night, if that counts at all.
yay!

― joan vich (joan vich), Tuesday, 24 December 2002 19:25 (twenty-one years ago) link

ron - red wings is when you've fucked someone who is on the rag. When one is into anal sex with males, this may cause some problems.

― Queen G (Queeng), Tuesday, 24 December 2002 19:50 (twenty-one years ago) link

actually, technically, red wings refers to ORAL SEX with a girl who is on the rag.

― kate, Tuesday, 24 December 2002 19:59 (twenty-one years ago) link

thanks g. well, oral i dunno, maybe. intercourse while having period is not a big deal, what's a little blood between friends? i'm just not sure about in my mouth, i guess i am a bit WIERDED OUT ;-)

― ron (ron), Wednesday, 25 December 2002 01:41 (twenty-one years ago) link

My Christmas will be coming sometime in mid March, sigh.

― Mark C (Mark C), Wednesday, 25 December 2002 11:21 (twenty-one years ago) link

Christmas. Fuck.

― Ally C (Ally C), Wednesday, 25 December 2002 12:03 (twenty-one years ago) link

so red wings has nothibng to do with muscled icehockey men then? hm...

http://www.danburymintsports.com/images/uploads/nhs01000.jpg

― erik, Wednesday, 25 December 2002 12:23 (twenty-one years ago) link

HEY!!! did detroit steal our team? i swear last time i checked it was the ADIRONDACK RED WINGS. or are there another team? albany didn't rate its own hockey team cause all the decent players were drafted by southern ontario.

― kate, Wednesday, 25 December 2002 12:35 (twenty-one years ago) link

wouldn't that be like red whiskers or something?

― Queen G (Queeng), Wednesday, 25 December 2002 14:25 (twenty-one years ago) link

i want to fuck 3 out of 7 of my uncles brothers.

― anthony easton (anthony), Wednesday, 25 December 2002 23:10 (twenty-one years ago) link

Thats Detroit's farm team.

― col noodles, Thursday, 26 December 2002 00:17 (twenty-one years ago) link

Accidentally getting your red wings because you are an inexperienced/inebriated teenager: Classic or Dud?

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 26 December 2002 21:44 (twenty-one years ago) link

Classic if someone else, dud if you.

― mark p (Mark P), Thursday, 26 December 2002 21:45 (twenty-one years ago) link

Anyway does red wings really refer specifically to oral?

― mark p (Mark P), Thursday, 26 December 2002 22:12 (twenty-one years ago) link

two weeks pass...

That was my understanding Mark yes.

(Oh the randomiser, what joy it brings)

― Tom (Groke), Tuesday, 14 January 2003 10:22 (twenty-one years ago) link

eleven months pass...

The implications of Dan's last statement on this thread are actually horrifying...?

― Allyzay, Thursday, 18 December 2003 16:54 (twenty years ago) link

SHUDDER

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 18 December 2003 17:00 (twenty years ago) link

from now on, my nickname for dan is "moses."

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Thursday, 18 December 2003 17:06 (twenty years ago) link

Gross!

― Allyzay, Thursday, 18 December 2003 17:07 (twenty years ago) link

I know it's been two years, but surely people haven't forgotten the Dreadful Cunnilingus Story already!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 18 December 2003 17:10 (twenty years ago) link

tad! dammit!

― g--ff (gcannon), Thursday, 18 December 2003 17:10 (twenty years ago) link

(haha misternotsohungrynow)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 18 December 2003 17:11 (twenty years ago) link

oh my god. I finally figured out what the term meant right before getting to the explanations....

say, would Vampires like red wings?

― El Santo Claus (Kingfish), Thursday, 18 December 2003 17:15 (twenty years ago) link

Dan. OMG. Jesus christ. Holy shit. OMG.

HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Are you sure she was on her period? It sounds like one of her fucking ovaries hemmoraged for god's sake.

OMG. Can't breathe. OMG. Holy shit. I totally missed that thread.

― Allyzay, Thursday, 18 December 2003 17:23 (twenty years ago) link

YET STILL SOMEHOW THAT STORY IS BETTER THAN WHAT I HAD GOING ON IN MY HEAD.

― Allyzay, Thursday, 18 December 2003 17:25 (twenty years ago) link

Heh heh heh. I'm not reading it again, no, but I remember the story all too well from its first telling.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 18 December 2003 17:25 (twenty years ago) link

JUST DON'T BITE IT!

― Eazy-E (llamasfur), Thursday, 18 December 2003 17:26 (twenty years ago) link

jesus h. christ on
a lemon popsicle stick.
holy flippin' shit.

― Haikunym (Haikunym), Thursday, 18 December 2003 17:26 (twenty years ago) link

Whatever you do, Ally, DON'T THINK OF COOKIE MONSTER.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 18 December 2003 17:27 (twenty years ago) link

ARRRGH DON'T GO THERE TAD I JUST GOT THAT IMAGE OUT OF MY HEAD AND REPLACED IT WITH A BLOOD COVERED DAN (COS I DON'T KNOW WHAT "HIS FRIEND" LOOKS LIKE)

― Allyzay, Thursday, 18 December 2003 17:27 (twenty years ago) link

*vomits*

― smee (smee), Thursday, 18 December 2003 17:27 (twenty years ago) link

I'm going to go sit outside smoking a cigarette while sitting in a semi-fetal position rocking back and forth now, thanks Dan.

― Allyzay, Thursday, 18 December 2003 17:27 (twenty years ago) link

NWA performed a public service to EVERYONE with that song

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Thursday, 18 December 2003 17:29 (twenty years ago) link

http://www.abc.net.au/central/stories/m473502.jpg

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 18 December 2003 17:29 (twenty years ago) link

(haha I am the dick)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 18 December 2003 17:29 (twenty years ago) link

a few years ago, my brother was tracking search results that brought people to his (personal, blog-y) site, and somebody arrived there via the keywords "chrismas fuck" (in that exact spelling). that phrase is forever burned into my brain, as is Dan's cunnilingus story now.

― Al (sitcom), Thursday, 18 December 2003 17:31 (twenty years ago) link

i'd like to thank you all for putting me off going anywhere near anybody's nether-regions for the foreseeable future. sexually frustrated? see Dan!

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 18 December 2003 17:31 (twenty years ago) link

Well I will no longer be having a Christmas fuck now thanks to this thread, being as I am too horrified to even contemplate sexual activity for at least a month. Slutty elf costume going to waste, etc.

I blame only myself. My boyfriend, OTOH, might blame you, Dan. Fair warning.

― Allyzay, Thursday, 18 December 2003 17:36 (twenty years ago) link

no elf tart for x-mas!

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Thursday, 18 December 2003 17:38 (twenty years ago) link

Cookie cookie cookie starts with C

― Allyzay, Thursday, 18 December 2003 17:38 (twenty years ago) link

elf garb is not all that sexy, is it?

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 18 December 2003 17:39 (twenty years ago) link

i'd just like to take this moment to thank Dan for adding the phrase, "menstrual smell," to the ILeXicon.

(also: eat cookie = hahahaha)

― El Santo Claus (Kingfish), Thursday, 18 December 2003 17:39 (twenty years ago) link

stevem didn't you see the Good Stripping Songs thread when I revived it asking for Christmas stripping songs??! Trust me, it was hot! But now it is in the garbage.

― Allyzay, Thursday, 18 December 2003 17:41 (twenty years ago) link

Between this thread and the "Cookie cookie cookie starts with C" thread, I think I'm losing my mind... AND I LIKE IT.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 18 December 2003 17:42 (twenty years ago) link

Skipping 284 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

“Started by horny in December 2002,”

― flamenco drop (BradNelson), Thursday, 14 December 2017 22:28 (six years ago) link

we've always assumed horny did have his christmas fuck but what if he was alone? what if his christmas stocking was put to another, sadder use that day?

― omar little, Thursday, 14 December 2017 22:31 (six years ago) link

nice

― infinity (∞), Thursday, 14 December 2017 22:32 (six years ago) link

Thanks, it's not really the Christmas we were hoping for but it's better than the alternative.

BTW, I don't know if it's been mentioned upthread but the annual sex after putting the kids to bed and putting presents under the tree is a great tradition.

And so is this thread.

― Lyudmila Pavlichenko (dandydonweiner), Thursday, 14 December 2017 22:41 (six years ago) link

best of luck to you and your wife, DDW!

― Embalming is a flirty business (DJP), Thursday, 14 December 2017 22:44 (six years ago) link

er, re the hysterectomy, not the christmas fuck

― Embalming is a flirty business (DJP), Thursday, 14 December 2017 22:46 (six years ago) link

^grinch

― A True White Kid that can Jump (Granny Dainger), Thursday, 14 December 2017 22:53 (six years ago) link

lol dan thanks

Maybe if I show her this thread we can have the seven days of Xmas fucking?

I have a friend who, about ten years ago, made a pact with his wife to have sex at every holiday party that they attended in the month of December. You can imagine the furtive dirtiness of that quest.

They went 6 out of 7, which I thought was a pretty strong showing considering the number of bathroom and coatroom quickies that they pulled off.

― Lyudmila Pavlichenko (dandydonweiner), Thursday, 14 December 2017 23:00 (six years ago) link

haven't had any play for 11 years now, bout to make it 12. Joseph got more action

― AdamVania (Adam Bruneau), Thursday, 14 December 2017 23:15 (six years ago) link

dandy don that pact sounds splendid

― infinity (∞), Thursday, 14 December 2017 23:37 (six years ago) link

one year passes...

'tis the season...

― Infidels, Like Dylan In The Eighties (C. Grisso/McCain), Monday, 24 December 2018 22:21 (five years ago) link

to be fuckin’

― H00kup with Jaundice Singles!! (bizarro gazzara), Monday, 24 December 2018 22:25 (five years ago) link

Christmas present! pic.twitter.com/vVYE8Tsovr
— Andrew Adonis (@Andrew_Adonis) December 25, 2018

Andrew Adonis obviously has.

― calzino, Tuesday, 25 December 2018 10:16 (five years ago) link

Once, because we thought we wouldn't get time, Christmas being a crazy time etc.

And The next day, because we were wrong about that..

― Mark G, Tuesday, 25 December 2018 13:13 (five years ago) link

Bf asked if I’d ever had sex in my parents house since moving out and the answer is definitely not

― flamboyant goon tie included, Tuesday, 25 December 2018 16:48 (five years ago) link

two years pass...

*ahem*

― Jersey Al (Albert R. Broccoli), Friday, 25 December 2020 14:00 (three years ago) link

*plop*

― underminer of twenty years of excellent contribution to this borad (dan m), Friday, 25 December 2020 15:24 (three years ago) link

^the og plopper has logged on

― ||||||||, Friday, 25 December 2020 15:28 (three years ago) link

Specific user horny

― J.G Ballard otm (Bananaman Begins), Friday, 25 December 2020 16:03 (three years ago) link

and so this is Christmas
and what have you done
another year older
your finger in your bum

― Looking for Cape Penis house (Neanderthal), Friday, 25 December 2020 16:04 (three years ago) link

and so this is Christmas
I hope you have cum
The barely legal ones
The milfs and the hung

― J.G Ballard otm (Bananaman Begins), Friday, 25 December 2020 18:43 (three years ago) link

two years pass...

mind your business

― close encounters of the third knid (darraghmac), Sunday, 24 December 2023 21:05 (four months ago) link

By getting busy

― Evan, Sunday, 24 December 2023 21:27 (four months ago) link

with the fizzy

― you gotta roll with the pączki to get to what's real (snoball), Sunday, 24 December 2023 22:11 (four months ago) link

it is just me and this champagne bottle here after all

― imago, Sunday, 24 December 2023 22:12 (four months ago) link

Christmas is a serious time for quiet contemplation and reflection.

― Expansion to Mackerel (Boring, Maryland), Sunday, 24 December 2023 22:48 (four months ago) link

I can’t wait

― H.P, Sunday, 24 December 2023 23:48 (four months ago) link

god dammit now i'm thinking about last christmas, that was nice

this christmas eve i've been visited by three ghosts so far

still waiting for that bastard clyde to show up

― Kate (rushomancy), Monday, 25 December 2023 01:12 (four months ago) link

^^^^took me a few minutes, but I got it, excellent work Kate

― Expansion to Mackerel (Boring, Maryland), Monday, 25 December 2023 02:18 (four months ago) link

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Have you had your Christmas fuck yet?

SHUDDER