Game Dev Story: how to succeed on the App Store without even bothering to resize the graphics

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you guys sold out to cater to the hardcore. REAL Final Pederasty fans who've loved the series since the beginning don't give a shit about side quests or 3D graphics. who engages in pederasty out in the open anyway? FART MAGNET STUDIOS IS SCREWING US AGAIN!!!1!1!!!1!!

"Anus Landlord": A little rough, but good. (jamescobo), Thursday, 2 December 2010 01:01 (six years ago) Permalink

we felt that what hardcore fans may have felt that they lost in our improving the game's casual playability they gained in the detailed, high-res polygon-based 3D immersive pederasty mechanic that had been so often requested from the series

antexit, Thursday, 2 December 2010 01:05 (six years ago) Permalink

the pederasty just felt so sterile and focus-grouped in the later games, whereas the first few had an intoxicating childlike innocence

"Anus Landlord": A little rough, but good. (jamescobo), Thursday, 2 December 2010 01:18 (six years ago) Permalink

although I do have to admit that the Kinect integration was handled v. well

"Anus Landlord": A little rough, but good. (jamescobo), Thursday, 2 December 2010 01:19 (six years ago) Permalink

We appreciate the feedback! Look out for DLC character skins, coming soon: the first pack contains Lou Pearlman, Gore Vidal and the Adam West Batman

antexit, Thursday, 2 December 2010 01:37 (six years ago) Permalink

god dammit that Gore Vidal skin was supposed to be a GameStop exclusive; if I'd known it would eventually be available separately I would have saved my money and held out for a price drop. FART MAGNET STUDIOS IS SCREWING US AGAIN!!!1!1!!!1!!

FART MAGNET STUDIOS IS SCREWING US AGAIN!!!1!1!!!1!! (jamescobo), Thursday, 2 December 2010 02:16 (six years ago) Permalink

Arse Biscuits made a small profit despite middling reviews. I think Harry Cockface Studios might have alloacted too much $ to sound for a board game.

aa (Schlafsack), Thursday, 2 December 2010 02:23 (six years ago) Permalink

Other notable failures: My foray into dating simulators for the 8-bit market, Lonely Too Fat, was far ahead of its time, and I overestimated the demand for the town simulator Fuck Your Face 3 and rushed it prematurely into the marketplace near the end of its console's lifespan. The golf arcade game Cup My Balls was greeted with confusion in the press, and the cool reception City of Pubes received in the same season nearly did me in until I had a surprise cash infusion with the one-off bookstore simulator Fuck Cunt Book, and the rest is history...

antexit, Thursday, 2 December 2010 03:18 (six years ago) Permalink

Ah. I'm still struggling. Gnome Rimming is top 10 but Harry Cockface is still a bit sore after a poor showing for Joustbang.

Interests: eating my cookie (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 2 December 2010 03:25 (six years ago) Permalink

Gnome Rimming is a waggle game i assume? or is that the DS version of Gnome Waggle?

antexit, Thursday, 2 December 2010 03:45 (six years ago) Permalink

And here I am with innocuous titles like BALLZ and Petz and Olderscrawls and my Fantasy title He Poos Clouds. I think I'm doin it rong.

Frank Lloyd Webber (Trayce), Thursday, 2 December 2010 03:55 (six years ago) Permalink

For me without the unfailing delight that comes with a popup telling you how much everybody's talking about Dog Cock Billiards in the gaming press, this is just a management grind with a shitty interface.

antexit, Thursday, 2 December 2010 04:08 (six years ago) Permalink

this is just a management grind with a shitty interface.

― antexit, Wednesday, December 1, 2010 8:08 PM (9 minutes ago)

i said this upthread or perhaps on another thread but feel a lil "umad" @ the people repping this game!

i love you but i have chosen snarkness (Steve Shasta), Thursday, 2 December 2010 04:19 (six years ago) Permalink

shitty pretzel covered in shitty chocolate makes a delicious treat beloved by all. one of the mysterious alchemies of taste. Like my VirtualBoy flight simulator, WTC Smackdown! Still probably fetching big money on eBay

antexit, Thursday, 2 December 2010 04:29 (six years ago) Permalink

You prob hate simcity too rite shasta?

Frank Lloyd Webber (Trayce), Thursday, 2 December 2010 04:36 (six years ago) Permalink

sure, if you hate a resource management game with a sucky backwards interface and lazy backend production values throughout, you must hate a gamechanging classic resource management game with one with one of the best user interfaces ever in history

antexit, Thursday, 2 December 2010 04:42 (six years ago) Permalink

spake the indignant internet nerd

antexit, Thursday, 2 December 2010 04:44 (six years ago) Permalink

i don't hate simcity, i do think that gamedev hype is a lil OTT on ilx, #jussayin

i love you but i have chosen snarkness (Steve Shasta), Thursday, 2 December 2010 04:52 (six years ago) Permalink

i think it's kind of cool that rather than a game with a shitty interface (and obviously rushed and lazy production) being successful because its audience doesn't know better, it's a game whose audience is exclusively people who screech like they got acid in their face whenever they encounter a menu that's not totally intuitive, but everybody gives it a pass bc it's fun and cheap and disposable and it's not worth crying about

antexit, Thursday, 2 December 2010 04:58 (six years ago) Permalink

GDS' redeeming feature is the ability to title your games (and to a vastly lesser extent the 16-bit charm). if you (a) have any gift whatsoever for amusing yourself 14 characters at a time and (b) have ever - I mean like even once or twice - lulzed at the ridiculousness of the game industry, then there is an incandescently good time to be had in watching the Famitsu critics debating the merits of your new action spy game Dildo Anvil.

FART MAGNET STUDIOS IS SCREWING US AGAIN!!!1!1!!!1!! (jamescobo), Thursday, 2 December 2010 05:02 (six years ago) Permalink

it is also a RIDICULOUSLY fun game to explain to people, hence the OTT hyping

FART MAGNET STUDIOS IS SCREWING US AGAIN!!!1!1!!!1!! (jamescobo), Thursday, 2 December 2010 05:03 (six years ago) Permalink

Is it? I tell people it's a game where you run an office, which sounds boring and it mostly is but you get to engage in videogame nostalgia and make up funny titles. See? It says Fat Fuck Guy is popular with 12-13 year olds!

if you're as entertained as I am by giving profane, offensive, obscene or ridiculous titles to mundane objects, it's a godsend. this is basically a little bit of game holding a mechanic together which allows me to make myself laugh with my tourettey jokes- without alienating my loved ones by telling them something objectively unfunny that i can't get out from laughter-- or appearing insane by saying it to myself in public sotto voce--sign for Ed's car wash = "ed's cock swabs!" Diane Von Furstenberg's Book of Beauty? Diane Von Furstenberg's Book of Buggery!--, often multiple times, and then chortling for a long while for no reason.

antexit, Thursday, 2 December 2010 05:11 (six years ago) Permalink

This is shitting me. I threw loads of money at Smoo Quest and it picked up average scores, so I rushed the Cunt! robot board game out the door and it got 3s. Really sucking at this game.

Interests: eating my cookie (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 2 December 2010 05:37 (six years ago) Permalink

Although I did get a fan letter from some kid who borrowed his Cunt! from a friend and liked it, so perhaps that will help expand my fan base. Or fanny base.

Interests: eating my cookie (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 2 December 2010 05:39 (six years ago) Permalink

Ach, I wasn't at all implying GDS was anything like SC in regards to depth. just genre.

Frank Lloyd Webber (Trayce), Thursday, 2 December 2010 05:39 (six years ago) Permalink

(hardcore SC4 fan here fwiw)

Frank Lloyd Webber (Trayce), Thursday, 2 December 2010 05:39 (six years ago) Permalink

you're taking huge risks that i don't know how you make them pay off when you put together game types and subjects incongrously like that, for one thing. Robot board game don't make sense to computer mind. I don't know if there's a set number of risky bets that are programmed in to pay off or if it's some random odds throw, but it's not how you play your opening game.

antexit, Thursday, 2 December 2010 05:40 (six years ago) Permalink

I dunno, it seemed to like that combo. It also liked that Gnome Rimming was a fantasy adventure but that got shit scores too.

Interests: eating my cookie (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 2 December 2010 05:41 (six years ago) Permalink

Set up a wheelhouse of genre titles that hit the core gamer demographic, don't age much, and have room to expand with technology. Once you have that you're always gonna eat and you can do whatever wacky experimenting you want. Just a little friendly advice from a guy who's been in this business 40 years

antexit, Thursday, 2 December 2010 05:43 (six years ago) Permalink

i think it thinks "adventure" is something different than what i think it is. Every time I try to put together a nice sure-shot space adventure or something people furrow their brows at the announcement.

antexit, Thursday, 2 December 2010 05:44 (six years ago) Permalink

Well that's it, I thought sticking with genre would make sense but Smoo Quest was not received well xp

Interests: eating my cookie (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 2 December 2010 05:45 (six years ago) Permalink

I assumed by adventure it meant point n click. I did ask Nick about that one and he frowned and said "no one agrees on what adventure means, dammit". And this is a guy who works for EA mobile o_0

Frank Lloyd Webber (Trayce), Thursday, 2 December 2010 05:48 (six years ago) Permalink

I thought it meant like an action game with a story. Maybe it means Zork. Anyway, no mistaking a good dungeoncrawler rpg.

antexit, Thursday, 2 December 2010 05:49 (six years ago) Permalink

I tried to stick to sims and RPGS and simRPGs and action RPGS and then the fucking game bitched at me that I was releasing too many games of the same genre.

Also what the heck is "harbour" as a game type!?

Frank Lloyd Webber (Trayce), Thursday, 2 December 2010 05:54 (six years ago) Permalink

Probably a game a lot like Game Dev Story. Shipping and receiving, managing stock, nice boats, etc.

antexit, Thursday, 2 December 2010 06:00 (six years ago) Permalink

Hahahah =)

Frank Lloyd Webber (Trayce), Thursday, 2 December 2010 06:03 (six years ago) Permalink

how exactly do you market a poncho game is the real mystery of this game. how can you put those ponchos in the perfect gameplay environment to really maximize the pleasure poncho fans can take in them?

antexit, Thursday, 2 December 2010 06:06 (six years ago) Permalink

So I rush-developed Minge Wars and Super Sperm and got average reviews, then chucked a load of money at Paul Hogan II and also got average reviews. Nothing I do or change influences anything, and now my funds are dwindling. Not sure how much longer I want to keep at this.

Interests: eating my cookie (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 2 December 2010 06:23 (six years ago) Permalink

Paul Hogan! I was just thinking about him while playing World's Shortest Lists. (it's lonesome at the top on the Funny Australians list)

antexit, Thursday, 2 December 2010 06:29 (six years ago) Permalink

Boring Shit and Get Fucked got 4s and Suck My Nuts got 3s. This game is not fun.

Interests: eating my cookie (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 2 December 2010 06:43 (six years ago) Permalink

maybe there's something about the way you're branding your IPs that makes people wary?

antexit, Thursday, 2 December 2010 06:44 (six years ago) Permalink

oh god its daytime in australia

BIG MUFFIN (gbx), Thursday, 2 December 2010 07:34 (six years ago) Permalink

When I was still playing the game, I released the "Cuntkicker!" series to great acclaim, even crossing over thru multiple consoles. Unmatched success until I brought out the dating sim "A Child Sharts"

Crazed Mister Handy (kingfish), Thursday, 2 December 2010 07:52 (six years ago) Permalink

Got well into my second concerted effort tonight, and things are going much better. I made it my mission to have a hardware engineer on staff asap, and to advertise more, and to fire more people rather than training people up so much. All are working well as strategies.

macaroni rascal (polyphonic), Thursday, 2 December 2010 08:46 (six years ago) Permalink

shasta games?!

mo loko (cozen), Thursday, 2 December 2010 08:51 (six years ago) Permalink

OT (only on iphone these days dawgggggg

i grabbed Driver yesterday, that was legendary on my ps1, along with GT1 and HotShots1)

i love you but i have chosen snarkness (Steve Shasta), Thursday, 2 December 2010 09:04 (six years ago) Permalink

if u have any doubt make an animal action game

i dunno, i'm '9 years in' and i've had like 8 hall-of-famers, this game is kinda easy no?

how do i get a hardware engineer?

shirley summistake (s1ocki), Thursday, 2 December 2010 14:44 (six years ago) Permalink

you fuckers are making me want an ipad now

old LOKO heads (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 2 December 2010 15:22 (six years ago) Permalink

as soon as you get the first hall of fame game you pretty much have to try to fuck up. hardware engineer gets unlocked as when you have one employee who's levelled up in all the regular jobs... which i think is dumb. I guess being able to compose a top-notch soundtrack for a golf game on Game Gear wouldn't hurt as a console developer but it's hard to see it being necessary

antexit, Thursday, 2 December 2010 15:28 (six years ago) Permalink

wait, you have to level them up, then switch them to the other jobs, then level them up again?

shirley summistake (s1ocki), Thursday, 2 December 2010 15:38 (six years ago) Permalink

Haha

Crazed Mister Handy (kingfish), Wednesday, 9 March 2011 20:58 (five years ago) Permalink

eight months pass...

Two new Kairosoft games are out on iPhone:

Grand Prix Story and Oh! Edo Towns. Bought them both immediately.

Put another Juggle in, in the Juggalodeon (kingfish), Wednesday, 9 November 2011 18:57 (five years ago) Permalink

how is the school one? i've heard good things about it.

Mordy, Wednesday, 9 November 2011 18:58 (five years ago) Permalink

ie: is it better than the spa one? bc i tried to get into that a few times unsuccessfully. the ui was a little too unfriendly

Mordy, Wednesday, 9 November 2011 18:58 (five years ago) Permalink

The spa one is my favorite. It took me a while to get into it but I love it.

Mega Mall is probably the one that is easiest to get into but it's also TOO easy.

The school one is harder than the the spa one, I'd argue.

polyphonic, Wednesday, 9 November 2011 19:03 (five years ago) Permalink

By "favorite" I mean second favorite. Game Dev #1.

polyphonic, Wednesday, 9 November 2011 19:03 (five years ago) Permalink

are these all the same? do they change at all during the game or is it just like game dev's endless same same?

the jazz zinger (s1ocki), Thursday, 10 November 2011 04:49 (five years ago) Permalink

Grand Prix Story actually has you watch your guys race around in the cars that you do the stat increases on. Other than that, same sorta dynamic. Different that Hot Springs or Academy, tho, and more like Game Dev, since you're working on improving a product over time that goes into competition, rather than laying out landscape tiles harmoniously.

And here's their sim city:

Put another Juggle in, in the Juggalodeon (kingfish), Thursday, 10 November 2011 06:11 (five years ago) Permalink

Have quite a bit of fun with O Edo Towns, I must say. Moreso than grand Prix story.

Put another Juggle in, in the Juggalodeon (kingfish), Sunday, 13 November 2011 07:42 (five years ago) Permalink

grand prix is a buck atm, go get it

Don't attack when he is black. (forksclovetofu), Sunday, 13 November 2011 19:40 (five years ago) Permalink

four months pass...

Epic Astro Story finally out for iPhone. I like it. Graphics have a weird scaling thing, tho.

Choad of Choad Hall (kingfish), Wednesday, 11 April 2012 16:11 (four years ago) Permalink

what's the theme?

Mordy, Thursday, 12 April 2012 01:57 (four years ago) Permalink

SPACE

boy, was that Dan Fielding hungry for some cake! (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 12 April 2012 01:58 (four years ago) Permalink

more like game dev / grand prix, or more like spas / stupid building games?

Mordy, Thursday, 12 April 2012 01:59 (four years ago) Permalink

You build shit, but there's not the heavy reliance on combos and co-location like the onsen/schooling ones. You bump up the stats and kit out your dudes to go hunt for monster/mob fights.

Choad of Choad Hall (kingfish), Thursday, 12 April 2012 06:47 (four years ago) Permalink

Choad of Choad Hall (kingfish), Thursday, 12 April 2012 07:40 (four years ago) Permalink


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