Is it bad for a baby to see you masturbating?

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I swear our goldfish used to make the weirdest clicking noises against the side of his bowl when I was engaged in self-love. But that was a fucking goldfish.

― Amity Wong (noodle vague), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 00:09 (7 years ago) Permalink

doesn't howard stern's book start off with a guy jacking into a glove?

― AaronK (AaronK), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 00:11 (7 years ago) Permalink

xpost as opposed to the normal, non-fucking kind.

― AaronK (AaronK), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 00:11 (7 years ago) Permalink

ARRON-DAN MIND MELD

― Dan (Ha Ha) Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 00:12 (7 years ago) Permalink

Goldfish don't fuck as such, do they? They just kind of jizz all round the bowl.

― Amity Wong (noodle vague), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 00:13 (7 years ago) Permalink

So the final takeawy from this thread is don't leave your goldfish in the same room as a baby.

― Dan (Piscene Jizz Explosion) Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 00:16 (7 years ago) Permalink

yes, I think we can all agree, that would just be gross.

― AaronK (AaronK), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 03:47 (7 years ago) Permalink

Tuomas has got everybody riled up on this thread. Y'all all be suckas. He's the same guy what says it's cool to hang out naked with your parent of the opposite sex. Natch it's all good with a baby.

What's the deal with Americans and nudity? [WORK-SAFE AGANE HURRAH]

Is it really true that many Americans have never seen their parents/siblings/firends naked?

― BenDover, Tuesday, 6 December 2005 04:00 (7 years ago) Permalink

I just read through this thread and I haven't felt this queasy since I sat through Screwballs.

― 'Twan (miccio), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 04:00 (7 years ago) Permalink

but these are questions that have to be asked.

― latebloomer: The Corridor (Yes, The Corridor) (latebloomer), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 04:07 (7 years ago) Permalink

WHY IS THIS THREAD STILL GOING

― dabnis coleman's ghost (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 04:11 (7 years ago) Permalink

x-post

perhaps not by mentally sound adult human beings, but someone has to tackle them.

― latebloomer: The Corridor (Yes, The Corridor) (latebloomer), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 04:12 (7 years ago) Permalink

i even think tuomas has a vague point on that other thread (vis a vis blah blah not all nudity = sexuality blah blah) but JESUS H PEOPLE

― dabnis coleman's ghost (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 04:13 (7 years ago) Permalink

that's the thing - not all nudity is sex, obviously. ALL JACKING OFF IS, THOUGH.

― Banana Nutrament (ghostface), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 04:22 (7 years ago) Permalink

anyone who can maintain an erection in that situation should be congratulated for completely abandoning any pretense to shared human morality. you might as well have just eaten the baby and been done with it.

― dabnis coleman's ghost (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 04:25 (7 years ago) Permalink

did somebody bring up the end of Flirting With Disaster yet?

― 'Twan (miccio), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 04:30 (7 years ago) Permalink

ts: a dog watching you have sex vs. a cat watching you have sex

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 04:40 (7 years ago) Permalink

i think families that had to live in the same room - and there are many, many places like this today, just not so much in the US - became either kind of fucked up or developed strict "moral" (i.e. "ewwwww!!!") rules to deal with the overbubbling of their dark materials, both minuses, really

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 04:43 (7 years ago) Permalink

"if you really want to see an open-minded society, you ought to consider the russian tenement blocks of 1920s lower-east side new york"

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 04:45 (7 years ago) Permalink

odd, and weird, and creepy = your conscience giving you a hint about morality, maybe?

― A Nairn (moretap), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 05:24 (7 years ago) Permalink

nope.

― AaronK (AaronK), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 05:27 (7 years ago) Permalink

that's just social conditioning talking.

― A Nairn (moretap), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 05:27 (7 years ago) Permalink

yup.

― AaronK (AaronK), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 05:28 (7 years ago) Permalink

exactly.

― AaronK (AaronK), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 05:28 (7 years ago) Permalink

HEY SMART PEOPLE!
MASTURBATING WITH A BABY IN THE ROOM WILL STILL BE GROSS AND WRONG NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU FUCKING MICROANALYZE IT!
THE HISTORICAL RECORD OF WHOLE FAMILIES SHARING ONE- OR TWO-ROOM DWELLINGS CAN FUCK OFF!

-- M@tt He1geson (matt@game[remove]informer.com), December 5th, 2005.

OTM x 1,000,000,000

― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 09:31 (7 years ago) Permalink

welcome to the modern world.

― AaronK (AaronK), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 13:45 (7 years ago) Permalink

modern world is rubbish

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 13:47 (7 years ago) Permalink

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 14:53 (7 years ago) Permalink

everyone is overstating everything. TO THE POWER OF TEN ZILLION!

― Ronan (Ronan), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 14:56 (7 years ago) Permalink

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 15:00 (7 years ago) Permalink

"wanko" means puppy in Japanese.

― Super Cub (Debito), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 15:29 (7 years ago) Permalink

shame it doesn't mean baby

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 15:34 (7 years ago) Permalink

Maybe logged way the fuck out was just offering to show the baby some puppies.

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 15:36 (7 years ago) Permalink

The youngsters older Athenian men had sex with had reached puberty, I think, they were probably older than 12.

They were usually about sixteen or a little older--the original point was to take a young man who had just graduated from school and give him a little more guidence, education, and non-reproductive sex before he was let out on the big bad world.

BTW, if you think masturbating in front of a baby is creepy, just think about the old practice of masturbating a baby to stop them from crying.

― Christine 'Green Leafy Dragon' Indigo (cindigo), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 16:58 (7 years ago) Permalink

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 16:59 (7 years ago) Permalink

OK THIS THREAD.

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 17:00 (7 years ago) Permalink

It's just part of life:

Why it happens

Toddlers masturbate for the same reason that older children do: It feels good! Bodily exploration is part of growing up. During the toddler years, your child will learn to run, jump, throw, pump a swing, draw, and (probably) "make all her poops in the potty." She may be just as curious about her genitals as she is about her fingers, toes, and belly button — and if she's recently switched from diapers to underpants, she may be able to get to them for the first time. "When parents first see this kind of exploration, they wonder 'is this normal?'" says Meg Zweiback, a nurse practitioner and family consultant in Oakland, California. "The answer is yes, you don't need to be concerned."

What to do

Don't panic. Not everyone does it, but masturbation is a completely normal thing to do. It doesn't cause any physical ills, pose any health risks, and no, it won't turn your child into a sex maniac, either. Masturbation in toddlers isn't sexual (as it is for adults) because toddlers don't know what sex is.. And while in older children explicit sex play is often a tip-off to sexual abuse or exposure to inappropriately explicit sexual material, this is extremely unlikely to be the case with toddlers, who don't have the imaginative skills for this kind of role adoption. (A toddler who's been sexually abused is more likely to become withdrawn or suddenly have trouble sleeping.) That said, toddlers masturbate because it feels good, and the good feelings can be as pleasurable for her as they are for adults. "A toddler may masturbate herself to orgasm," says Zweiback "complete with panting, red face, and a big sigh at the end. But it's absolutely not something to be worried about."

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 17:02 (7 years ago) Permalink

So, if the baby's doing it, does that make it OK for anyone else in the room to do it too?

― James Ward (jamesmichaelward), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 17:07 (7 years ago) Permalink

I suppose you have to ask around.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 17:41 (7 years ago) Permalink

"A toddler may masturbate herself to orgasm," says Zweiback "complete with panting, red face, and a big sigh at the end.

TMI, Baby Doc!

― Erick Dampier is better than Shaq (miloaukerman), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 18:37 (7 years ago) Permalink

― Super Cub (Debito), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 18:41 (7 years ago) Permalink

what about a cigarette?

― AaronK (AaronK), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 19:49 (7 years ago) Permalink

― Erick Dampier is better than Shaq (miloaukerman), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 19:52 (7 years ago) Permalink

― Dan (Shamon) Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 19:57 (7 years ago) Permalink

I had a friend who told me he and his wife had sex with the baby in their bed. They were poor and lived in a one bedroom apartment. The baby slept with them every night. It was hard for me to imagine living that way, but it made sense. I think it would be interesting to talk to an adult whose parents weren't discreet about having sex. I wonder if an adult growing up in those circumstances would be better or worse off than someone like me, who grew up in a religious household where sex was never discussed as a positive thing.

― recovering optimist (Royal Bed Bouncer), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 23:15 (7 years ago) Permalink

1 month passes...

2006 REVIIIIIIIIIIIVE

― oh yeah, Sunday, 22 January 2006 01:35 (7 years ago) Permalink

this thread is an ilx meme unto itself.

― stockholm cindy (winter version) (Jody Beth Rosen), Sunday, 22 January 2006 01:37 (7 years ago) Permalink

it was wrong in 2005, but I hear it's all the rage for 2006

― kyle (akmonday), Sunday, 22 January 2006 01:46 (7 years ago) Permalink

"I had a friend who told me he and his wife had sex with the baby in their bed."

I DEMAND GRAMMATICAL CLARIFICATION, TO MAKE THIS SENTENCE LESS...LIKE THIS SENTENCE.

― John Justen (johnjusten), Sunday, 22 January 2006 01:59 (7 years ago) Permalink

Talk about a testament to the importance of good grammar.

― nabisco (nabisco), Sunday, 22 January 2006 02:09 (7 years ago) Permalink

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