I love having my dog lick peanut butter off my balls

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This is easily my favorite urban legend and quenching thereof. If anything, for the Peter Bagge illustration.

― Brian MacDonald, Saturday, 26 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

one month passes...

ILEWHACKED: "dog cooch"

― Sterling Clover, Thursday, 28 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

There are already 3 messages in the database with the same subject line and body. Perhaps you already posted this? Here are the messages: 2001-06-08 by Ally (garance80@yahoo.com) 2001-06-09 by duane zarakov (pfaigan@zfree.co.nz) 2001-06-14 by Dan Perry (djperry@post.harvard.edu)

― kevin enas, Sunday, 3 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

one year passes...

this thread has never been bettered.

― DV (dirtyvicar), Monday, 23 June 2003 19:20 (twenty years ago) link

"lick hamslice" is entering my slang vocabulary NOW.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 23 June 2003 20:10 (twenty years ago) link

There are many reasons why the revival of this thread is extremely hilarious given recent threads. I wish I could publicly elaborate, but I won't.

― donut bitch (donut), Tuesday, 24 June 2003 00:28 (twenty years ago) link

*COUGHNS=SCCOUGH*

― donut bitch (donut), Tuesday, 24 June 2003 00:28 (twenty years ago) link

haha! beef for benji

― James Blount (James Blount), Tuesday, 24 June 2003 00:38 (twenty years ago) link

I read "pubicly elaborate".

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 24 June 2003 04:26 (twenty years ago) link

it's got pretty frillies!

― ron (ron), Tuesday, 24 June 2003 04:43 (twenty years ago) link

eight months pass...

WAHOO!

― omg, Monday, 1 March 2004 16:41 (twenty years ago) link

do you feel heavy metal?

― mark grout (mark grout), Monday, 1 March 2004 16:43 (twenty years ago) link

eight months pass...

And third oldest.

― n/a (Nick A.), Thursday, 11 November 2004 21:33 (nineteen years ago) link

This is poetry.

― Kenan (kenan), Thursday, 11 November 2004 21:35 (nineteen years ago) link

From now on, whenever anyone brings up the "old-ILX was more intelligent," I'm going to revive this thread. I promise.

― n/a (Nick A.), Thursday, 11 November 2004 21:38 (nineteen years ago) link

I was just thinking to myself - 'wait, this isn't clever at all'

― Kevin Gilchrist (Mr Fusion), Thursday, 11 November 2004 21:39 (nineteen years ago) link

Put the word 'trope' after the quoted segment above when reading please.

― n/a (Nick A.), Thursday, 11 November 2004 21:42 (nineteen years ago) link

Those must've been "the days", am I right?

― Supermostalgia, Thursday, 11 November 2004 21:50 (nineteen years ago) link

There's nothing that lights up my synapses like the thought of a dog inducing an orgasm.

― Kenan (kenan), Thursday, 11 November 2004 21:51 (nineteen years ago) link

I was about to point out that Nude Spock became Scaredy Cat, unless I'm completely misremembering something, who reminded me of Superwahoosis who started the Amazing Randi thread and has since (it seems?) become the asdf troll.

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 11 November 2004 21:53 (nineteen years ago) link

B-Mac alludes to that above.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Thursday, 11 November 2004 23:12 (nineteen years ago) link

So we're all on the same page regarding trolls:

Nude Spock = Scaredy Cat = Superwahoosis = Red Fez = Calum = the asdf troll?

― Lloyd Price, Friday, 12 November 2004 01:56 (nineteen years ago) link

my cat has lcked at my deoderant before

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Friday, 12 November 2004 01:57 (nineteen years ago) link

Calum isn't the Superwhatzit troll -- at least, Martin had said he was pretty sure he wasn't, maybe I missed a further development, and just as Calum never started threads about psychic surgery, neither did Superscoofy start any about horror movies or tits. Everyone keeps talking as though they're the same, but like I said elsewhere, "Calum" is becoming the Kleenex to the bathroom tissue of our trolls.

Nude Spock = Scaredy Cat and Superwhoosis = Red Fez (they both keep threatening to stab people!) = the asdf troll who continued to sign things Superthis and Superthat (assuming all the recent non-Chantel troll activity has been the same troll; but the Girolamo thread that was deleted, stuff like that, had to be this guy). I don't know if NS/SC is Superfoo or not -- I don't remember NSSC being trolly, it's just these two folks have a large overlap of pseudoscience interests. If they are the same, he's either really bored or really moody, because NSSC was often goofy but seemed pretty all right.

(Of course, I'm not a moderator and am not basing any of the above on IP data or anything of the sort.)

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 12 November 2004 02:18 (nineteen years ago) link

nude spock could be batshitcrazy troll alot of time too (he even laid out the 'it's interesting to observe how people react i'm writing a book really no really' line haw haw), i remember he went out on some blaze of glory weirdness too. could be the same guy who knows, he's been gone for awhile now though.

― cinniblount (James Blount), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:26 (nineteen years ago) link

is he the one who pretended to be black? and kept starting threads chastising meat eaters?

― oops (Oops), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:29 (nineteen years ago) link

yes, among other things. he was obsessed with tombot for awhile, more so than calum is with ned even.

― cinniblount (James Blount), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:30 (nineteen years ago) link

yeah he was a more crystalized form of nutzoid than Calum, I'd say.

― oops (Oops), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:32 (nineteen years ago) link

Ohh, I remember at least one of the meat-eating threads. Good Lord, maybe Supertrooper is him, then. Calum's been punted down to junior troll!

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:36 (nineteen years ago) link

i really doubt it's him, if i had to guess my bet is supertrooper is a regular "prooving" a point about registration, moderation, whatever, or it's sean m. hall having another breakdown, or it's that loser that kept posting spamlinks to that dorky internetgame and kept trying to taunt the mods.

― cinniblount (James Blount), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:40 (nineteen years ago) link

It's definitely not Seante or fitz -- I don't think the first would bother with the lengthy defense of the magic surgeon guy before going all trolly (with the "I'll stab you!" nervous tic along the way), and the second couldn't find his way to the end of a complete sentence without asking to see Alizee's tits.

A regular, God only knows.

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:43 (nineteen years ago) link

fitz! that was his name!

― cinniblount (James Blount), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:44 (nineteen years ago) link

I only remember cause I revived an Alizee thread this week, honest.

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:47 (nineteen years ago) link

johnny!

― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:48 (nineteen years ago) link

All of this reminiscing makes me wish there was some sort of ILX Trolls Hall o' Fame.

― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:49 (nineteen years ago) link

doomie's still the king, he trolled the trolls and won

― cinniblount (James Blount), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:49 (nineteen years ago) link

I'm going to write an ode to him then and that will be the chorus.

― oops (Oops), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:51 (nineteen years ago) link

I never really understood what was so offensive about doomie, unless he did most of his trolling before I got here. These days it just seems like he pops up every so often to announce some UK music industry gossip, right?

― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:53 (nineteen years ago) link

I've seen some pretty insane shit from him on revived threads, but I don't know if it was trolling as such (or if there were other more trolly things he did) or just general Being A Dick In An Argument, which would make like eleven thousand ILXors including me trolls.

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:56 (nineteen years ago) link

I think he also is/was/whatever more of an ILM presence than an ILE one, so I've probably missed his greatest hits.

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:57 (nineteen years ago) link

Ah, well, doomie back in 2001...where to begin. I was the bete noire there and pretty much as I remember it, he basically had the attitude of "you're all just bored office workers and I can come in here and do whatever, and I'll rip you all off for my novel I'm writing and I'm so great and fuck you for not being me." Which is oversimplifying but there you go. And godDAMN did I hate him and his supercilious posts and obnoxiousness and insults, and I'm sure all the threads are there in the archive waiting to be reviewed. He made it worse by saying several times that he was 'done' with us and would leave, and we would all wonder how long it would take before he came back. (Answer: usually a couple of months.)

Now, various folk having met him since, I've heard it said that it's essentially a front and in reality he's not necessarily painfully shy but nowhere near as aggro. He obviously does do a lot of writing work and he has friends and defenders here, including Suzy in particular, who often stands up for him, and he's gone through some personal shit which frankly I wouldn't wish on anyone. He apparently does think I really really despise him, which isn't true -- rather, I despised the persona he projected and thought then and think now it was an absolutely horrible way to act and to post, and claiming that it should be taken as a joke or whatever is ridiculously disengenuous. Said persona these days is a lot more restrained and I have no problem with it, but once or twice he's said things that have grated and I'm not pretending to be above it. I don't think a hatchet will ever be buried and I know he still thinks I hate his guts thoroughly and actively, when the truth more simply is that I'm not taking any blame for him acting like a frickin' goof then.

And as Mr. Blount noted, he doesn't feel any sympathy at all for Calum, who judges to be a sexist Tory moron through and through, and in fact has completely shut him down on a variety of fronts. I do tip my hat for that.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:14 (nineteen years ago) link

Thanks for the explanation, Ned.

― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:16 (nineteen years ago) link

You're welcome -- I should note that this is an off the top of my head remembrance and is pretty self-serving, I figure. Someone else who was there would tell it differently, and Doomie himself would tell it differently again.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:17 (nineteen years ago) link

He does sound like a more ... "well-rounded" poster than Calum, even if not actually more pleasant, but one person's troll is another person's dick, I guess.

God do I hate that whole "I'm big and loud online, but it's just a front, don't hurt me" thing, though.

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:19 (nineteen years ago) link

I used to know someone called fitz who was, to some extent, batshitinsane. I wonder if it's the same person...

― Kevin Gilchrist (Mr Fusion), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:20 (nineteen years ago) link

I think this guy was like 13, 14, and pretty much just your typical hyperactive kid wanking around online out of boredom. He'll grow up to be a guidance counselor or something.

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:21 (nineteen years ago) link

Everyone named fitz is kinda weird.

― oops (Oops), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:23 (nineteen years ago) link

i still insist that when doomie silenced calum he proved himself to be ilx's gollum after all

― s1ocki (slutsky), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:24 (nineteen years ago) link

Indeed, people named fitz are strange.. One time this fellow ('my' fitz) went nuts, saying he would stab us if he hadn't left his knife in someone. Very odd.

― Kevin Gilchrist (Mr Fusion), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:25 (nineteen years ago) link

Again with the stabbing!

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:26 (nineteen years ago) link

God do I hate that whole "I'm big and loud online, but it's just a front, don't hurt me" thing, though.

It's pretty fuckin' lame.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:33 (nineteen years ago) link

Why do lonely young men thing that agressivness and stabbiness are the way to go?

― Kevin Gilchrist (Mr Fusion), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:34 (nineteen years ago) link

Lonely young men-things.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:36 (nineteen years ago) link

I have spent too much of today wondering why young men think the things they think, and am not ready to feel old. So I'll just blame dumbness.

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:39 (nineteen years ago) link

'Think', damnit. Ned, you like going around finding my typos, don't you? I guess I forgive you, but stop it or I'll get stabby!

― Kevin Gilchrist (Mr Fusion), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:39 (nineteen years ago) link

I'm sorry, it's a poor habit of mine. Just don't kill please.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:39 (nineteen years ago) link

So you're obsessed with me as well as callum, eh?

― Kevin Gilchrist (Mr Fusion), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:41 (nineteen years ago) link

Sorry, I don't know what that means. I do wish I understood young men better, though. Or anyone, really.

― Kevin Gilchrist (Mr Fusion), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:43 (nineteen years ago) link

i still insist that when doomie silenced calum he proved himself to be ilx's gollum after all

-- s1ocki (slytus...), November 12th, 2004 1:24 AM. (slutsky) (later) - sooooo otm

― cinniblount (James Blount), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:45 (nineteen years ago) link

ned, otm.

what can i say - i went through some really bad stuff from 2000 to 2003 ... started to get my life sorted out. and yeah, i was a jerk on here. not asking for forgiveness or anything, it is what it is.

i don't think you hate my guts, ned. i don't hate you. i reckon, as long as i'm not trolling - we are ... just 'whatevers' with each other. i guess, when i said to calum about 'you know what - you'll never meet ned so why be ott concerned' is sort of my reaction.

but yeah - was i a shithead? yes. obviously. am i embarrassed? yes. definitely. do i think people should never mention it again? it would be nice, but hey, people are people, they can do whatever they want. i'm not about to stop them.

have things improved personally? yes. am i as 'angry'? no. should i have done those things on ilxor.com? no. but you know what - you can't reverse shit. it is what it is.

if i could take back half the mess from 2000 to 2001, i would obviously (not just ilxor.com) but i can't.

best,

doomie

― doomie x, Saturday, 13 November 2004 16:29 (nineteen years ago) link

That's a fair post through and through, and thank you. "Just 'whatevers'" is a fine way to put it and I would not ask for anything more from either of us on that front at this point. I don't claim perfection in this matter.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 13 November 2004 16:35 (nineteen years ago) link

(And who knew a kind of reconciliation would appear on a thread with THIS title?)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 13 November 2004 16:35 (nineteen years ago) link

hhahaaha...

i thought it was perfect.

hey, ned, thanks as well.

― doomie x, Saturday, 13 November 2004 16:36 (nineteen years ago) link

wow

― Matt (Matt), Saturday, 13 November 2004 16:38 (nineteen years ago) link

That's pretty cool of you, Doomie.

― Tep (ktepi), Saturday, 13 November 2004 18:25 (nineteen years ago) link

one year passes...

I am reviving this thread because it is the point where Ned and Doomie officially buried the hatchet, which of course is very much like having a dog lick peanut butter off your balls.

― Dan (You Feel Ashamed But It Tickles) Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 5 December 2005 18:21 (eighteen years ago) link

What about licking peanut butter of your dog's balls? Nobody ever reads the real message of this thread. Sigh.

― Le Sigh, Monday, 5 December 2005 19:02 (eighteen years ago) link

what about licking peanut butter off a hatchet buried in a dog's balls?

― latebloomer: The Corridor (Yes, The Corridor) (latebloomer), Monday, 5 December 2005 19:11 (eighteen years ago) link

I'm sorry I didn't respond earlier, I was busy licking peanut butter off the balls of a hatchet buried in Dan's skull. Wait, that came out wrong.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 5 December 2005 19:14 (eighteen years ago) link

Is it okay for a baby to watch a dog licking peanut butter off your balls?

― M@tt He1geson (Matt Helgeson), Monday, 5 December 2005 19:20 (eighteen years ago) link

as long as the balls belong to teletubbies.

― latebloomer: The Corridor (Yes, The Corridor) (latebloomer), Monday, 5 December 2005 19:30 (eighteen years ago) link

Now I'm envisioning the Teletubbies masturbating in front of the Baby In The Sun while watching a video of a guy licking peanut butter off a dog's balls for ten minutes, then shouting, "again! again!"

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Monday, 5 December 2005 22:25 (eighteen years ago) link

one year passes...

wtf gb2 lurking 4chan u fucktards

― luriqua, Thursday, 6 September 2007 02:38 (sixteen years ago) link

i was trying to find lost lovesongs and all ilx got me was this thread

― luriqua, Thursday, 6 September 2007 02:39 (sixteen years ago) link

I much prefer the urban legend where a Spanish television show intends to surprise a teenage girl by broadcasting her reaction to Ricky Martin live across the country. Ricky is hidden in the girl's closet and hidden cameras are set up all over the house. The girl comes home, grabs a jar of peanut butter, and checks the house to make sure she's alone. She then goes into her room, takes off her pants, spreads the peanut butter on her cooch, and calls the family dog over, who commences a-lickin'. Spanish television never quite recovers.
Definitely my favorite urban legend of all time.

-- Dan Perry, Thursday, June 7, 2001 8:00 PM (6 years ago) Bookmark Link

― Eisbaer, Thursday, 6 September 2007 02:40 (sixteen years ago) link

Why is everyone searching for threads by year right now? Drunkeness?

― humansuit, Thursday, 6 September 2007 03:10 (sixteen years ago) link

three weeks pass...

lololol

― HI DERE, Thursday, 27 September 2007 00:34 (sixteen years ago) link

I wonder if he still loves it.

― Ned Raggett, Thursday, 27 September 2007 00:37 (sixteen years ago) link

Probably.

― HI DERE, Thursday, 27 September 2007 00:57 (sixteen years ago) link

Do you think the dog used the alphabet trick?

― milo z, Thursday, 27 September 2007 01:40 (sixteen years ago) link

two weeks pass...

this 1 look interstin

― jhøshea, Monday, 15 October 2007 23:07 (sixteen years ago) link

five years pass...

i was trying to find lost lovesongs and all ilx got me was this thread

― luriqua, Wednesday, September 5, 2007 10:39 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

― my super interesting Kant story (DJP), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 18:55 (eleven years ago) link

Gwen guthrie - peanut butter ?

― administrator galina (Matt P), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 19:14 (eleven years ago) link

no wait i guess it would have to be a lost lovesong that shares more than "peanut" and "butter" with the thread title

― administrator galina (Matt P), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 19:16 (eleven years ago) link

Love - Dog Balls

― administrator galina (Matt P), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 19:18 (eleven years ago) link

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