Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

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Try the deli counter at S**n**ury's. I get so many customers who expect me to agree with their racist opinions simply because I am white. Twats.

― alix (alix), Friday, 29 November 2002 17:42 (10 years ago) Permalink

e-mail from my boss: "when I came in on Monday, the Threepenny Opera files were not online. I expect that when I assign a task that it will be completed. Don't let this happen in the future."

reply from me: "actually, on Friday we both determined that we had the wrong CD and would have to special order a new copy. On Monday."

reply from my boss: "There must have been some miscommunication here."

yeah, between your ears and your brain. moron!

― Dave M. (rotten03), Friday, 29 November 2002 17:56 (10 years ago) Permalink

Suzy, you aren't generalising wildly enough: yes, anyone who says "I'm not being funny, but" is best punched, hard and often, but this applies to most other sentences on the "I'm not being [X], but" model. X=racist obviously means "I am a loathsome racist", most obviously and clearly. Try 'sexist' or 'nasty' too.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Friday, 29 November 2002 19:18 (10 years ago) Permalink

Happily I've been blessed with a slew of great co-workers. I will say that some years back the news that someone was departing from our neck of the woods to go elsewhere was greeted with quiet relief, though.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 29 November 2002 19:30 (10 years ago) Permalink

Maddy, if she's your boss and only other co-worker then it sounds like she needs you more than you need her. POINTEDLY go to other shops to get your lunch. I say ignore the instruction.

― suzy (suzy), Friday, 29 November 2002 22:55 (10 years ago) Permalink

Annoying Coworker: Yes, well, that account would be able to fund your entity if you hadn't taken money from it without telling me.
Me: What?
Annoying Coworker: (holds up wire) See? $147,000 from my account.
Me: No, we gave you money.
Annoying Coworker WHO GETS PAID LOTS MORE THAN ME: NO YOU DID NOT. I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't write wires without telling me in the future.
Me: Did you look at this? You account is on the credit side. Management (nb: my account) is on the debit side!
Annoying Coworker: Whatever, just don't do it again.

What the fuck?

― Ally (mlescaut), Saturday, 30 November 2002 06:50 (10 years ago) Permalink

1 month passes...

We've got two new people here this year - one of whom is very cool and I hardly see, so we get along really well. The other one, though - a nightmare. She's the epitome of simpering little girl-ness, speaks to me (and most everyone else) as though I'm a retarded child when in fact I've been doing the job that she's just begun (and is completely incompetent at, I might add) for 12 years. She's one of those people who has never met anyone as fascinating as herself in all of her born days and if she doesn't calm down, stop being a stupid bitch and stop second guessing every word I say to her, I will hit her in the head with a brick.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 14 January 2003 19:26 (10 years ago) Permalink

The receptionist keeps telling everyone she's going through post partum depression.

Despite the fact that she's obviously still pregnant.

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 02:47 (10 years ago) Permalink

My head hurts.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 02:49 (10 years ago) Permalink

How about the dumbass cockfarmer that came into the library coughing and sneezing in such an ostentatious way it's like he intentionally planned a big Outbreak scenario? Now I'm at home running a fever and I think I might have bronchitis again.

― Nicole (Nicole), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 02:49 (10 years ago) Permalink

Hm. Find him and kill him.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 02:51 (10 years ago) Permalink

I was depressed about being unemployed until I saw this thread. Thank you everyone. :)

― fractal (fractal), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 03:06 (10 years ago) Permalink

I was also informed that I wasn't authorized to approve payment on technological items.

However, I AM authorized to purchase them, however I want, whenever I want.

What does that even mean?

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 03:13 (10 years ago) Permalink

It means you got the kingdom, you got the key. Order yourself everything you ever wanted and don't share.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 03:16 (10 years ago) Permalink

people should post more on this thread. i like it.

― Maria (Maria), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 04:23 (10 years ago) Permalink

What follows is an email that was sent to some friends last spring, after a particularly bad morning with co-workers.

SUBJECT LINE: I gotta get outta this place
...if it's the last thing I ever do (feel free to hum along.)

After a delightful morning spent discussing why someone:
1. Shouldn't open a printer paperfeed drawer, while the printer is printing;
2. Shouldn't send emails to everyone on their mailing lists about Church-related emails;
3. Should let others know when they need the printer instead of deleting documents in the queue;
4. Shouldn't tell someone "this is urgent" so they work really late to get it finished, when really, it isn't urgent at all and in fact, doesn't need to be done at all; and
5. Shouldn't take someone else's lunch from the refrigerator and leave it on the counter to make room for "extra drinks in case we have visitors,"
I have now experienced the conversation to top them all (and really, you have to laugh at this one. I did. Once I calmed down, imbibed chocolate and nicotine, and thought "well, at least it's not quantum physics?). So....here it is:

A Dialogue between "M" (yours truly) and "S" (Otherwise known as Scarett/Princess/Arch Nemesis/The Scarf Lady/etc.)
S: Hey "M"!
M: Yes?
S: You know how to work that digital camera yet?
M: Yeah, figured it out last week.
S: How long does it take to get those photos developed?
M: What?
S: I need some photos really fast, so I can photocopy them and make notes on the back. And get duplicates too, in case they get messed-up.
M: What? What pictures do you need taken?
S: I need to you take pictures of my computer.
M: Why?
S: I need to know what's on my computer.
M: (sigh) You are looking for a file?
S: No, I need to know what is on my screen thing.
M: (dawning awareness) You need screen captures?
S: No, I need pictures of my computer.
M: For....?
S: I need to know what's on my screen, 'cause these instructions don't make sense and I want to make notes.
M: Okay, then you need a picture of the information on your screen, that you can print and add notes to?
S: Yes.
M: Okay, we don't need the camera for that. We can just do screen captures. It's easy.
(M walks over to other office, taking deep and soothing breathes all the while, and explains how to "CTRL+ALT+PrtScn" - runs into trouble with explanation of holding down all keys at the same time. Eventually resolved and screen is captured.)
M: Now open Word and set the page to ?Landscape.?
S: My computer won't do that.
M: What? Yes it will.
(M goes through brief discussion of "portrait" vs "landscape" and how to perform operation in Word. Discovers part of problem is that S doesn?t know how to open Word because the icon isn?t on her desktop.)
M: Now just hit "Shift+Insert" and your screen shot will be inserted.
M: No, you need to hold down both keys at the same time.
M: I don't know, that's just the way the program is designed.
M: Yeah, it is find of frustrating.
M: Okay, now you have it. Just insert a new page for each of the next screen captures and then print the file.
(M returns to own desk and gets back into rhythm of formatting proposal.)
S: M! It isn't working. I want you to take the pictures for me.
M: I don't have time to take the pictures right now, I have to get this back to _____.
S: Well, I don't have the time to use the camera, so I guess this won't get done and _____ will be mad.
M: Yeah, I guess ___ will be mad, but I'll explain the problem to him.
S: Can't you do these thingys for me?
M: No, not right now. I have to get this done.
S: You know, it's your job to do this.
M: No, actually it isn't. I am sorry, but I really can't do it right now. If I have time later I'll come over and see what we can do. In the meantime, why don't you look under the "Help" menu to see if those instructions are better.
S: Oh, my computer doesn't have any "Help" on it. I keep telling ____ he needs to fix it, but he won't.

(M decides, for sake of sanity, to not try and figure out what that last comment means and returns to her editing, swearing all the while.)
End of original email.

And here are additional interesting tidbits about ?S?:
She claimed on her resume to be ?Microsoft Certified,? but was unable to explain what that meant;
She wrote all of her correspondence in Excel, because she didn?t know how to open Word (the icon wasn?t on her desktop);
When she came into work each morning, she made herself a pot of tea and sat in her cubicle reading household decorating magazines and drinking tea for the first two hours: and, best of all
She was once asked to provide a file that she had finished working on to another co-worker. The file was not on her hard drive for, as she explained, she ?didn?t want to fill it up with things? (and it was a 20 G HD!) File was eventually determined, by her, to be on a floppy. But floppy was blank when co-worker opened it. Eventually ?S? showed supervisor where she stored all of her floppys containing important info. She was attaching them to the metal parts of her cubicle with large magnets, so she ?could always find them.?

~ Laura (who is thankful that she can claim to be a happy rat, that abandoned the sinking ship in time to move to a much cushier and affluent ship, and is now ridiculously happy with things)

― LCD (Ms Laura), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 05:13 (10 years ago) Permalink

She was once asked to provide a file that she had finished working on to another co-worker. The file was not on her hard drive for, as she explained, she "didn't want to fill it up with things" (and it was a 20 G HD!)

I've met a few people who have done basic "computer literacy" courses at colleges and Adult Ed. places who do this. What seems to happen is: the college says "don't store your files on the hard drive [of our lab computers], use a floppy" and the person absorbs this without understanding *why* they're being told it.

These sort of courses always seem to produce people who can't do anything except exactly what was on the course, and then only if their computer is set up exactly like the college ones were. Hence, not being able to start Word if it doesn't have a desktop icon.

(of course, the other stuff shows that this person seems to be a fuckwit regardless of that)

― caitlin (caitlin), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 10:49 (10 years ago) Permalink

Laura, that's fantastic.

The ex-receptionist at my office once printed out an email so she could type it up in Word.

― Alfie (Alfie), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 11:02 (10 years ago) Permalink

is that why she's an ex-receptionist?

― MarkH (MarkH), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 11:30 (10 years ago) Permalink

awwwwww, usually this stuff would make me mad, but today i want to find them all and help them and give them tea.

it's a sappy day.

― g-kit (g-kit), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 11:42 (10 years ago) Permalink

Heh, you'd think so wouldn't you. In actual fact, it wasn't until she went on holiday for 6 weeks and nobody noticed her absence that it became the MD realised that we could do without her.

― Alfie (Alfie), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 11:48 (10 years ago) Permalink

sounds familiar - we had a Communications Executive who never did any communicating.

― MarkH (MarkH), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 11:54 (10 years ago) Permalink

We also had an account executive who used to wander around the office to kill time. He had this time-consuming trick of getting up from his desk and finding a bin in another part of the building to throw his litter into (rather than the bin under his desk). Another trick was to go down to the fax machine to send a fax, return to his desk, wait a couple of minutes and then return to the fax machine to collect the piece of paper.

― Alfie (Alfie), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 12:00 (10 years ago) Permalink

One of my new colleagues is, to all intents and purposes, Jade. I quote:

1. "What does agriculture mean?"

2. "I was so annoyed. Someone threw themselves under my tube yesterday. People that do that must be mad."

3. Me: "Just tell them to put the web address in and it will take them straight into the site."

Her: "What address? Their address?"

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 12:06 (10 years ago) Permalink

I can't decide whether to post this to the annoying colleague or the B.O. thread, so I'm going to post it to both! Anyhow, in one office where I worked we had a guy with a B.O. problem and the managers had to have words with him in private on a couple of occasions. And yes, on those rare occasions when my sinuses were clear (one day in seventeen approx) it was quite annoying and offensive to me. However, it was NOT NEARLY AS ANNOYING AND OFFENSIVE as the colleague who used to go on and on about it all the bloody time whenever the guy with the problem walked out of the room! Not only that, but as soon as he left she used to reach for the can of air freshener which she kept on her desk *specially* and spray about a litre of it about the place! So instead of an office smelling of sweat we had an office reeking of air freshener!

― MarkH (MarkH), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 13:58 (10 years ago) Permalink

Mailroom guy who looks like a troglodyte - "I wanted 'digical'[pronounced thus] TV cuz I don't have enough channels! They were supposed to install it on Friday but they didn't - the whole weekend I had nuthin' to do! I was really looking forward to it too!"

― dave q, Wednesday, 15 January 2003 14:21 (10 years ago) Permalink

i don't want to help any of those people, though. far too annoying. the previous lot were quite sweet.

― g-kit (g-kit), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 14:45 (10 years ago) Permalink

I pretty much get along with my immediate co-workers, and none of them are so annoying that I can't tune them out. However, I once shared an office with a foot fetishist. No kidding; he was friggin' profiled in the Village Voice about it, and was completely calm and collected when I mentioned "so I saw the Voice today..."! I guess we all have our private interests, but we don't all alert the press about it!

Other things he did: worked at his cube standing up (making everyone around him very tense), unbuttoned his shirts halfway down his chest, commented on every phone conversation I had (work related or not), talked to himself, and played horrible CD-Rs of cabaret tunes he wrote and produced. I think the whole experience inoculated me against ever being annoyed by co-workers again.

― mike a (mike a), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 16:14 (10 years ago) Permalink

Okay, here's another example from today. We had a sales rep come in to demo a software package/online service that provides journal content. Anyhoo, I did a sample search, and one of the citations that got brought up was from an Ethiopian journal. She said (in all seriousness): "Wow! I didn't think that Ethiopians even had any paper, let alone journals!"

Unfortunately something this stupid is uttered in my office at least once a day...

― Nicole (Nicole), Thursday, 16 January 2003 03:26 (10 years ago) Permalink

The amount of coworkers you've killed in your head must make quite the body count.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 16 January 2003 03:54 (10 years ago) Permalink

You have no idea. Entire populations have been erased.

― Nicole (Nicole), Thursday, 16 January 2003 03:56 (10 years ago) Permalink

"As the final screams echoed away into caverns of oblivion, Nicole turned off her death rays and rubbed her chin thoughtfully. 'Should I have used so much napalm?'"

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 16 January 2003 03:57 (10 years ago) Permalink

my annoying co-worker went to the beach to 'monitor' coastal vegetation. One small patch of dunes one sunny afternoon. She's supposed to be training me in plant id, but didn't let me know. Which is fine, I have other things to do. But later a guy who did go with her mentioned it, saying he was surprised to hear I'd not been interested, since he knew I liked dune vegetation. She said she'd asked me to come and I didn't want to. Why is she inventing whole conversations?

― isadora (isadora), Thursday, 16 January 2003 04:15 (10 years ago) Permalink

One of our temps is completely nutso. She's nice but she's the definition of flighty. The best is how she asks like every day which person is Phil (she's been here like two weeks, mind). I'm like, "HE'S THE BIG TALL MAN WITH BRIGHT RED HAIR WHAT LOOKS LIKE OPIE". It's not as if he's an immemorable person!!

― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 16 January 2003 04:54 (10 years ago) Permalink

I made this post to the "call somebody a cockfarmer" thread, but its sentiments belong here as well.

― j.lu (j.lu), Thursday, 16 January 2003 23:19 (10 years ago) Permalink

2 months pass...

An attorney I work with to candidate for legal position, whose name is Sean: "Hi, Sean... Is that pronounced "Shawn" or "Seen"?

― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 16:09 (10 years ago) Permalink

The old lady who just takes my newspaper off my desk and walks away with it all the while talking to me even though I can't hear her because I have headphones on.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 16:16 (10 years ago) Permalink

I'm a receptionist.

An old japanese woman wearing a baby dress and pigtails jumping and down in front of me at the desk. I just came in. Please, let me wake up a bit first. Or am I still dreaming?

― Erik, Wednesday, 2 April 2003 16:30 (10 years ago) Permalink

NOT ENOUGH HOURS IN THE DAY.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 16:37 (10 years ago) Permalink

We have a new girl at work. She's the assistant for the guy in the office right next to mine. Everyone is chatting her up like mad and I'm totally jealous. I think they think I'm much older than I am or something else depressing...

― Sarah McLUsky (coco), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 18:16 (10 years ago) Permalink

Not that I like making small-talk...

― Sarah MCLUsky (coco), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 18:16 (10 years ago) Permalink

i dont have any coworkers

i feel like i'm missing out

― jess (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 18:21 (10 years ago) Permalink

you're not.

There's nothing like a five minute meeting with your boss in which he tells you that you've basically got like two months to turn things around with a mouth full of Mike n' Ikes.

― hstencil, Wednesday, 2 April 2003 18:23 (10 years ago) Permalink

Or how 'bouts getting taken TOTALLY advantage of because you're a volunteer...my boss seems to think that I came 2000 miles just to do all her work so she can edit mine and point out problems that I would have had ABSOLUTELY NO WAY of knowing about beforehand. Oh, and if I make a comment like "It would be really nice if I had Outlook on my computer like you do" I get a speech about how "this is the developing world" and I need to "get used to it." Fuck. It aint like I'm complaining about water outages and the goats running free everywhere...I want a bloody stupid crappy email program that she's got!!! Help me! I'm going insane!!

― cybele (cybele), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 19:14 (10 years ago) Permalink

Ex-coworker:

big flat mole on the left side of his face with 9 really long and scraggly hairs growing out of it. He was always playing with them... twisting and pulling on them (but not pulling them out.) Very distracting....

― order some disorder, Wednesday, 2 April 2003 23:19 (10 years ago) Permalink

I'm a systems analyst/programmer, and I was trying to specify changes we needed to make to a particular script. This was what I received by email from the person in charge of the results of this script:

"Please tell me if you understand what I am saying, at the moment in the exqualifier there are only a 4 digit code, you append another 3 in front of them I don't know where, but doesn't matter anyway to sort out the letter in the front for the new code."

I assure you it makes only 1% more sense to me than it does to you.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Thursday, 3 April 2003 10:19 (10 years ago) Permalink

In the one office job that I've had, there weren't any really annoying people. Of course, there were people who I just didn't like very much, but they were manageable. The only colleague that caused me any emotional trouble was this extremely stressed administrator who used to shout "Don't fucking second-guess me! If you want to second-guess me then you can DO MY FUCKING JOB!" He would also crush pens in his fist when he was frustrated.

― Andrew (enneff), Thursday, 3 April 2003 10:54 (10 years ago) Permalink

The worst is the war talk. It's died down some this week, but last week they were talking about the POWs, and one mentioned that a 19-year-old girl was missing, making sure to mention that she was white. They said, "Oh, well you know what those Iraqis are going to do to her." Then someone else said, "The way they are, they probably do that to the men too." Utterly baseless, racist shit like that. Talking about how the antiwar protestors should be sent to fight in Iraq. I can't complain or say anything because it's a very small office and I have to work with these people every day.

― Nick A. (Nick A.), Thursday, 3 April 2003 11:23 (10 years ago) Permalink

That sounds like a damn good reason to complain and say a LOT!

― toraneko (toraneko), Thursday, 3 April 2003 14:18 (10 years ago) Permalink

Two of my coworkers almost got into a physical fight the other day. The male one has a lot of disgusting, annoying habits (chewing 20 pieces of gum at once loudly, chewing tobacco at his desk (!!!), banging really loud on his keyboard to look busy, reading porn all day, imitating people, etc). The girl one is very high strung and stressed. For some reason, it was deemed a good idea to sit them together. She tells him to stop being so noisy. He then proceeds to tell me and an unrelated coworker that he was going to be as annoying as possible to piss her off all day. Banging around, spitting tobacco loudly, etc. So at one point he leans over her cubicle and yells "SCOOBY DOO!" in her face. She pretty much dives over the cubicle yelling "FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU".

THis goes on at least ONCE A WEEK in my office.

― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 3 April 2003 14:35 (10 years ago) Permalink

Skipping 5529 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

[11:54:42 AM] N_____: you not on skype
[11:54:53 AM] N_____: kevin is looking for you
[11:54:59 AM] Trayce: ?
[11:55:02 AM] Trayce: youre skyping me!

...I dont even.

― It is like ganging up on Enya (Trayce), Tuesday, 7 May 2013 01:58 (1 month ago) Permalink

ugh can someone googlefy my name pls stupid cut n paste.

― It is like ganging up on Enya (Trayce), Tuesday, 7 May 2013 02:40 (1 month ago) Permalink

― groovy replacement (electricsound), Tuesday, 7 May 2013 02:49 (1 month ago) Permalink

thankye kindley

― It is like ganging up on Enya (Trayce), Tuesday, 7 May 2013 03:03 (1 month ago) Permalink

Boss' computer is about 5 years old, and it has been starting to have problems.

Couple of weeks ago IT guy fixed it and recommended buying a new system. Boss says that IT guy just wants to score a commission from Dell (on a computer that would cost barely $1,000) and "this one is working just fine."

Today, more problems. IT guy works for a couple hours and says it's time for a new computer. Boss says, "This one is working just fine."

― Je55e, Thursday, 16 May 2013 16:20 (1 month ago) Permalink

Boss' diagnosis: computer should not be left on overnight because "It's well-known that that's how hackers get in."

― Je55e, Thursday, 16 May 2013 16:22 (1 month ago) Permalink

also, elves

― why does Kanye say he was based on the novel "Push" by Sapphire? (sic), Thursday, 16 May 2013 16:29 (1 month ago) Permalink

I have a temporary co-worker (a new contact person on a biannual sheep breeders directory) who is making me want to drink antifreeze. This is her first time coordinating any sort of project like this, and I've had to talk her off the ledge and let her know the project is going well at least 2x daily for the last 10 days. The upside is that she's directed some of that nervous energy into selling ads, so we have 2 to 3 times the number of advertisers from the previous directory.

One of the advertisers pulled his ad because I pointed out the bad photoshop job he'd done on the picture he wanted to run. (Imagine a digital version of the ruined fresco of Jesus in Spain from last year.)

― What makes a man start threads? (WilliamC), Thursday, 16 May 2013 16:43 (1 month ago) Permalink

To the IT guy in response to his saying her computer is old (6 years old, not 5): "Look, the reality is that computers are obsolete the second you pay for them." (so they remain forever at the same level of obsolescence??)

― Je55e, Thursday, 16 May 2013 16:50 (1 month ago) Permalink

She's probably already wasted $1000 worth of IT's time keeping this one around

― resulting paste of mashed cheez poops (silby), Thursday, 16 May 2013 18:37 (1 month ago) Permalink

Well yeh. Our IT is a consultant, whom we pay hourly.

Wm, I wish I could see the bad photoshop. Imagining a flat-faced sheep. A lamb, like the ruined fresco of the lamb of God.

― Je55e, Thursday, 16 May 2013 19:19 (1 month ago) Permalink

I would post it, but I don't want to cross the streams of work and ilx life too much. It was a backdrop shot of a winning ram, and they'd painted over it in its two colors (tan body, black face and legs) so that it just looked like a cardboard silhouette. I think they must have cancelled the ad out of embarrassment, but they said they were cancelling it because I had the gall to ask for a higher-resolution version of the photo. (They sent 338 x 224 pixels, roughly postage-stamp size at print resolution.)

― What makes a man start threads? (WilliamC), Thursday, 16 May 2013 19:37 (1 month ago) Permalink

training with coworker to learn new tasks that may come up in the coming weeks. as far as I know, I'm just helping pick up some slack. Find myself trapped in this whirling nervous vortex of "uhmmm so here is EVERYTHING i do" that was so unending & tooootally confusing & overwhelming & I was like "Okay, I'm gonna stop you there. My brain only can hold so much the first time round, we can go over things as they come up." and pray that 90% of what he told me I won't have to do for at least a little while. Fuuuuuck me O_O

― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 16 May 2013 19:48 (1 month ago) Permalink

some people really suck at dispensing *pertinent* information

― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 16 May 2013 19:49 (1 month ago) Permalink

One of my coworkers has been sick all week. Really felt bad for him. He's wracked with a cough, etc. Friday, during the lunch hour, he's on a personal phone call in his office. "Oh, I'm doing better. Except it's all coming out the other end." "That Mucinex really thins you out, if you know what I mean." Yeah, well you'll be crappin' too in about a week!"

I'm just sitting out here in my cubicle trying to eat a veggie burger. You have an office with a door. Use it.

― how's life, Sunday, 19 May 2013 10:53 (1 month ago) Permalink

Our temporary HR lead may be the single worst person I have ever encountered.

She has been brought on to oversee the recruitment of a dozen new staff. In two months we haven't recruited anyone despite hundreds of interviews. Otherwise fine candidates have been vetoed for not being 'spunky' enough, having 'the wrong vibe' or because she 'wasn't really feeling them'.

She'll answer a shared phone line, say "uh, what? I don't know what you're talking about" and hang up. Might be a potential new customer, might not, who knows?

She yelled 'you're not very good at your job, are you" at our IT department (overworked ppl in Bangalore serving a company of tens of thousands) because they couldn't make her computer go faster.

She'll grab handfuls of chocolates given to us by clients to share with the office and bray through a full mouth "isn't it amazing how I never put on weight?"

She encouraged one of my colleagues to have a cupcake by saying 'it's not as though you're "big" big'.

She has gone into interviews with the wrong people's CVs and cover letters.

She's so desperate to show of how fluent she is in Spanish she'll do pre-interview vetting entirely in castellano. Which would be fine if it didn't mean we keep calling people for interview who aren't proficient in English - something she would have realised had she not been showing off.

Ugh.

― хуто-хуторянка (ShariVari), Friday, 24 May 2013 17:04 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

O_o

― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 24 May 2013 17:06 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

Wow! She is terrible.

― carl agatha, Friday, 24 May 2013 17:15 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

lol. she sounds like the worst person ever!

― how's life, Friday, 24 May 2013 17:18 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

I think she might be an actress hired to make the boss look less awful in comparison.

― хуто-хуторянка (ShariVari), Friday, 24 May 2013 17:19 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

She'll grab handfuls of chocolates given to us by clients to share with the office and bray through a full mouth "isn't it amazing how I never put on weight?"

...she isn't what you would call a people person

― your holiness, we have an official energy drink (Z S), Wednesday, 29 May 2013 17:12 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

I kinda have a crush on her, tbh.

― how's life, Wednesday, 29 May 2013 17:14 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

"'it's not as though you're "big" big'."

omg

― Airwrecka Bliptrap Blapmantis (ENBB), Wednesday, 29 May 2013 19:28 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

"bass music is any kind of music where the bass is the main part of the music - drum & bass, dubstep, house... even reggae and blue have elements of bass music in them."

FIRED.

― eh mec, elle est ou ma caisse? (ytth), Friday, 31 May 2013 05:38 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

thank you based music

― 0808ɹƃ (silby), Friday, 31 May 2013 05:38 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

So our building custodian guy, Ken, is really nice, which sometimes crosses over into being officious, and he's a bit child-like in a sort of Edith Massey way.

Today he calls me to tell me one of our lawyers parked improperly and needs to move his car. I asked what the problem was and where he should re-park. Ken says, "Go to the window and see where he's parked."

"Can you just tell me?"

"He's off to the side, over by -- just go to the window, you'll see. I'll wait."

"Ken, can you just tell me??"

"No, you have to see."

So I go to the window and see that the car is parked by the Dumpster.

"Did you see it?"

"Yeh, it's by the Dumpster."

"Yeh, so he needs to move it in case the garbage truck comes."

Why did I *have to* go to the window? Why do I *have to* go look at a trash can to see if some papers were thrown away accidentally? Why do I always have to look at things for him?

― Je55e, Thursday, 6 June 2013 16:37 (1 week ago) Permalink

maybe he couldn't remember the word for dumpster

― no man is an islam (onimo), Thursday, 6 June 2013 16:50 (1 week ago) Permalink

He likes to watch you look at trash.

― Evan, Thursday, 6 June 2013 16:56 (1 week ago) Permalink

He just likes bossing you around.

― Home Despot (WilliamC), Thursday, 6 June 2013 16:56 (1 week ago) Permalink

There's a parallel board where Ken is moaning about how someone at work wanted him to describe in detail over the phone exactly how a car was wrongly parked instead of just glancing out the window and getting the thing moved.

― no man is an islam (onimo), Thursday, 6 June 2013 17:08 (1 week ago) Permalink

I was sure that he was going to be out there by the dumpster waving at you, or mooning you, or something prankish like that!

― Z S, Thursday, 6 June 2013 17:15 (1 week ago) Permalink

Oh great, I've got an advertiser who wants to create his own ad and wants me to give him free InDesign lessons so he can do it.

― Home Despot (WilliamC), Friday, 7 June 2013 01:17 (1 week ago) Permalink

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