Depression and what it's really like

It doesn't have that effect on everyone.

These questions require a doctor.

I'm the only one out of all of the medical personnel that post to ILX that's bothered to post to this thread. And I'm the least qualified out of all of them.

And that's really too bad.

so i was on 50mg of lexapro before and i went down to 30 a couple months ago b/c of side effects. yesterday my new doctor pushed me back up to 40. why yes, i'd love to spend labor day weekend adjusting to a dosage increase!

the good news is: welcome back to my arsenal, xanax! i've missed you so.

got prescribed lexapro in like october (of 09 holy fuck) and was still finishing that bottle as of june. ran out sometime in july. considering refilling? cause i mean...it's cheaper than whiskey every night. i know this feeling. the whole "i hate my job, what am i doing with my life, i will drink it away every single night and lose track of the days" thing. done it before, and i recognize its resurgence. would rather not.

http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l88syoSPcJ1qz6f9yo1_500.jpg

lucy, typical neurotypical.

The numbness in my brain that I'd been having for a couple of days has resolved itself into an odd light feeling and a tendency to ramble on with whatever's in my brain (online, too). I'm assuming that I'd be having a hypomanic episode if I wasn't on lithium.

Fifty days of Fluoxetine (20mg), how much better should I feel in your collective experiences? I don't feel as awful as I did, but I certainly don't feel "good" by any stretch.

I love that Peanuts cartoon.

IME antidepressants don't make me feel "good," they just make me *feel*, period. Like a normal person--ups and downs both.

Like, there is no shiny happy people moment. That's why I never understood when people objected to antidepressants as making one feel artificially up or whatever.

i think it just depends on the person and the medication/dosage ... i've posted about my experience already - that the dosage of Paxil i'm on just makes me feel what i imagine normal is like - being sad, but being able to distract yourself, rebound, etc.

I still feel pretty glum and lethargic, although not as bad as I did before I started taking them. I'm sleeping better, and I don't feel like I'm on the verge of upset constantly, which are both real upsides, but I was kinda naively hoping they would do a little more for me.

my recent emotional episodes have left me rather drained, but one good side effect is that i have had more free time. i wrote a poem of my feelings. i'd like to share it with you if you don't mind:

Dog days of summer
Winding down, winding down
I hear the ice cream truck
Making its last rounds

This twilight time
This transitional hour
More bitter than milk going sour

More tragic than a dying child
Depressinger than going out of style

I find myself at a crossroads
Staring at the dark ahead
But then I look at the light that surrounds me
And wish I could stay here instead.

i have been taking my mother's prozac (i'm staying at my parents' for the week), but i feel like the certainty i had when i was brainwashed was so much more comforting than the uncertainty i feel now.

Banaka, have you been diagnosed with depression in the past? Any other mental illness? Have you taken Prozac before? What kind of uncertainty do you feel?

Is it a good idea to just take it without a doctor prescribing it?

My anxiety has gone down. I still feel anxious, but in a normal way. That said, I feel like it's in a drawer waiting to pop out. lol.

Thing is, should I see a psychiatrist? Or a psychologist? Not sure. I definitely want to prolong my usage of meds.

Is it a good idea to just take it without a doctor prescribing it?

The thing that worries me about Banaka is that he seems to have something other than garden-variety clinical depression going on, and Prozac may do him more harm than good.

My anxiety has gone down. I still feel anxious, but in a normal way. That said, I feel like it's in a drawer waiting to pop out. lol.

Thing is, should I see a psychiatrist? Or a psychologist? Not sure. I definitely want to prolong my usage of meds.

A psychiatrist can prescribe meds, a psychologist can't. I forgot, are you just seeing a regular doctor for your anxiety?

Yes, which my friend doesn't like at all. He just prescribed me some light anti-anxiety meds. She thinks I should see a psychiatrist instead of a regular doctor (and therapist). Not sure the difference between a psychologist and psychiatrist (aside from the fact the latter can prescribe meds which the former can't do). Do psychiatrist do therapy? Any advice is hugely appreciated. :-(

I really can't help you there, I've been getting along with just a doctor until just recently--a psychiatrist comes to the county clinic I go to once a month or two now. She reviews my meds, listens to me talk a bit, and writes me some prescriptions. You'd be seeing yours more often.

In my experience, most psychiatrists don't do therapy and will refer you to a psychologist for the non-pharmaceutical aspects of treatment.

i know this feeling. the whole "i hate my job, what am i doing with my life, i will drink it away every single night and lose track of the days" thing. done it before, and i recognize its resurgence. would rather not.

― ITS YA BOY (zorn_bond.mp3), Saturday, September 4, 2010 2:26 AM (4 days ago) Bookmark

apparently since friday i have gone far enough down the rabbit hole that this already feels like a warning from SPOCK OF THE FUTURE

Seek help, for realz. Once you get good at recognizing the warning signs, you really need to act before things get worse worse worse and you can no longer act at all.

I mean duh you know this, but just trying to offer my internets encouragement or whatnot.

wait - are you getting drunk as a means of dealing with depression? Bad bad bad bad bad idea. I've been there. The depression doesn't go away, you just end up with depression + a drinking problem.

^^^^ ditto, self-medicating not a good idea.

Right. Alcohol is a depressant.

co-signed. the other thing alcohol does is really fuck up your decision making. had to force myself away during my bouts.

It really sucks that intelligent people with excellent taste in music are all suffering when there are plenty of useless douchebags I know who are perfectly comfortable with themselves :/.

stay strong to all who are posting here with heavy hearts and tense minds!

alcohol is a depressant fyi

― BIG HOOS is the coxsteen of that particular groop (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Sunday, January 18, 2009 7:38 AM (1 year ago) Bookmark

this motherfucker knows whats up

Fifty days of Fluoxetine (20mg), how much better should I feel in your collective experiences? I don't feel as awful as I did, but I certainly don't feel "good" by any stretch.

― get the fuck out of my mouth (boxedjoy), Monday, 6 September 2010 18:10 (3 days ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

I take something similar (Sertraline, 100mg daily) and yeah, its p much 'stopped crying myself to sleep every night', motivated to do one or two things a day - not skipping up the hillside. Baby steps innit.

stay strong to all who are posting here with heavy hearts and tense minds!

Group hug! Group hug!

But seriously, I'm glad that we've established this nice little support group here on ILX. I know it's been helpful to me.

Lost another friend to this motherfucker last night.

Don't know how yet...grad school admins. only confirmed that she did it herself.

poof! and gone

fuck

damn, so sorry hadrian.

:( i'm sorry, man.

Oh, shit. Keep in touch with us, OK?

Thank you guys

Is there a more simultaneously unbelievable and perfectly logical act than suicide?

rephrase: It just struck me again, immediately upon hearing of her death, that of course she killed herself

"I can't believe it—"
"I saw it coming—"
"I can't believe it—"
"I saw it coming—"
"I can't believe it—"
"I saw it coming—"

&etc.

If it's not too painful for you right now, tell us a little more about her.

She was quiet and small and reserved, until she punched you a new eye-hole. She wrote about piloting airplanes and was always spectacularly dressed. I got to know her best through her writing, which I guess is a specific and maybe narrow way point of entry. But deep. She had been hospitalized for a month earlier this year.

Hospitalized for depression?

I'm really sorry that you and her loved ones have to go through this.

Yeah.

I can't even begin to imagine what parents go through with this shit. I'm a dad myself and just...it's gotta be bottomless.

Hey way to depress the depression thread!

You guys were just group hugging too.

Sorry all.

So now we group hug you.

Had finished a bottle. Was reading some girl's poems. Heard my ex's voice in my head say "she's better than you." Stalked to the kiitchecn to finish the vodka left tin the freezer.

is a lowdown shakin chill

is an achin old heart disease