Depression and what it's really like

Yes, that was the word I was trying to think of.

Feel better now. Fixed my car with the assistance of a friend last night, have an interview tomorrow, might have another one lined up. Much of the weekend was taken over by stress & anxiety & feeling-shittyness from the stupid engine trouble, and whether I would be able to afford to or just fix the car in time to motor the 40 mins out to the interview tomorrow.

turns out I was able to, and my buddy stopped by to help me fix a spark plug I couldn't reach, and everything worked.

that's a good feeling! for me - it's like the small incidents like that come to symbolize a larger threat, a feeling of never being able to win or have control, etc. I had a similar thing happen a few months back when I had a problem with my toilet (which my ex was the one to fix when we were together), and i managed to figure out how to fix it, and after that i felt a lot less anxious about my life, the break up, etc.

BTW, I left my IPod's charging cord at home today (I'm at work, watching my patient pretend to eat), so my posting will be sporadic until later on tonight.

Ha. That's why I wound up buying 3 cords. one for the house, one for the auto, one for the desk.

So I've been staggering pills at 36 hour intervals and it's starting to catch up to me, especially since I've been drinking a bit more.

the pills are timed to release every 24 hours. let's say you are taking 30 mg a day and you try to cut down to 20 mg a day by increasing the interval to 36 hours all you're really doing is getting your normal dose for 24 hrs and then going unmedicated for 12 hours. i'd check with your doctor, you would probably be much better off just getting a pill cutter or a lower dosage.

all you're really doing is getting your normal dose for 24 hrs and then going unmedicated for 12 hours

doesn't take into account serum levels

A pill cutter won't work with an extended release pill, though.

ok so you guys are seriously saying stretching out the interval is a better idea than taking a lower dose?

up to a point yeah

well, i mean, get down to the lowest practical dose first

ok so you guys are seriously saying stretching out the interval is a better idea than taking a lower dose?

I'm not saying that. I just looked it up in Medscape--its peak plasma level only lasts 2-4 hours.

wait are we still talking abt lexapro

No, we're talking about Celexa now.

oh. are almost the same thing tho, lexapro is just the active isomer of celexa. wikipedia sez the half-life is 35 hours, which i'd think would be more relevant than peak plasma concentration, particularly as if you've been taking it for any length of time you have a plasma level that should make the peaks and valleys not really a thing if yr taking it every 36 hours.

but it's been a while since i've been on ssri's so someone who is would know more abt the subjective effects.

but I'm gonna be having sex for that 12 hours so I'm not going to care, right?

(kidding)

dude my problem with too high of a dose was that it took 12 hours to finish

I'm on Wellbutrin, which *increases* sexual desire, at least in women. The thing I've noticed with it is that I feel a little less sensation during sex but stronger orgasms at the end. (And I can move myself much longer along the way just by mental imagery than I used to.)

oh. are almost the same thing tho, lexapro is just the active isomer of celexa. wikipedia sez the half-life is 35 hours, which i'd think would be more relevant than peak plasma concentration, particularly as if you've been taking it for any length of time you have a plasma level that should make the peaks and valleys not really a thing if yr taking it every 36 hours.

It depends on how narrow the therapeutic range is. (I'm on lithium, which has a very, very narrow range, so I'm probably a little more conscious of this than you all are.)

dude my problem with too high of a dose was that it took 12 hours to finish

this is pretty much what I was talking about upthread

cognitive therapy all the way man

ok so you guys are seriously saying stretching out the interval is a better idea than taking a lower dose?

These questions require a doctor.

I'm on Wellbutrin, which *increases* sexual desire, at least in women.

i remember a doctor telling me that when i tried it briefly! i, erm, didn't notice any difference.

It doesn't have that effect on everyone.

These questions require a doctor.

I'm the only one out of all of the medical personnel that post to ILX that's bothered to post to this thread. And I'm the least qualified out of all of them.

And that's really too bad.

so i was on 50mg of lexapro before and i went down to 30 a couple months ago b/c of side effects. yesterday my new doctor pushed me back up to 40. why yes, i'd love to spend labor day weekend adjusting to a dosage increase!

the good news is: welcome back to my arsenal, xanax! i've missed you so.

got prescribed lexapro in like october (of 09 holy fuck) and was still finishing that bottle as of june. ran out sometime in july. considering refilling? cause i mean...it's cheaper than whiskey every night. i know this feeling. the whole "i hate my job, what am i doing with my life, i will drink it away every single night and lose track of the days" thing. done it before, and i recognize its resurgence. would rather not.

http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l88syoSPcJ1qz6f9yo1_500.jpg

lucy, typical neurotypical.

The numbness in my brain that I'd been having for a couple of days has resolved itself into an odd light feeling and a tendency to ramble on with whatever's in my brain (online, too). I'm assuming that I'd be having a hypomanic episode if I wasn't on lithium.

Fifty days of Fluoxetine (20mg), how much better should I feel in your collective experiences? I don't feel as awful as I did, but I certainly don't feel "good" by any stretch.

I love that Peanuts cartoon.

IME antidepressants don't make me feel "good," they just make me *feel*, period. Like a normal person--ups and downs both.

Like, there is no shiny happy people moment. That's why I never understood when people objected to antidepressants as making one feel artificially up or whatever.

i think it just depends on the person and the medication/dosage ... i've posted about my experience already - that the dosage of Paxil i'm on just makes me feel what i imagine normal is like - being sad, but being able to distract yourself, rebound, etc.

I still feel pretty glum and lethargic, although not as bad as I did before I started taking them. I'm sleeping better, and I don't feel like I'm on the verge of upset constantly, which are both real upsides, but I was kinda naively hoping they would do a little more for me.

my recent emotional episodes have left me rather drained, but one good side effect is that i have had more free time. i wrote a poem of my feelings. i'd like to share it with you if you don't mind:

Dog days of summer
Winding down, winding down
I hear the ice cream truck
Making its last rounds

This twilight time
This transitional hour
More bitter than milk going sour

More tragic than a dying child
Depressinger than going out of style

I find myself at a crossroads
Staring at the dark ahead
But then I look at the light that surrounds me
And wish I could stay here instead.

i have been taking my mother's prozac (i'm staying at my parents' for the week), but i feel like the certainty i had when i was brainwashed was so much more comforting than the uncertainty i feel now.

Banaka, have you been diagnosed with depression in the past? Any other mental illness? Have you taken Prozac before? What kind of uncertainty do you feel?

Is it a good idea to just take it without a doctor prescribing it?

My anxiety has gone down. I still feel anxious, but in a normal way. That said, I feel like it's in a drawer waiting to pop out. lol.

Thing is, should I see a psychiatrist? Or a psychologist? Not sure. I definitely want to prolong my usage of meds.

Is it a good idea to just take it without a doctor prescribing it?

The thing that worries me about Banaka is that he seems to have something other than garden-variety clinical depression going on, and Prozac may do him more harm than good.

My anxiety has gone down. I still feel anxious, but in a normal way. That said, I feel like it's in a drawer waiting to pop out. lol.

Thing is, should I see a psychiatrist? Or a psychologist? Not sure. I definitely want to prolong my usage of meds.

A psychiatrist can prescribe meds, a psychologist can't. I forgot, are you just seeing a regular doctor for your anxiety?

Yes, which my friend doesn't like at all. He just prescribed me some light anti-anxiety meds. She thinks I should see a psychiatrist instead of a regular doctor (and therapist). Not sure the difference between a psychologist and psychiatrist (aside from the fact the latter can prescribe meds which the former can't do). Do psychiatrist do therapy? Any advice is hugely appreciated. :-(

I really can't help you there, I've been getting along with just a doctor until just recently--a psychiatrist comes to the county clinic I go to once a month or two now. She reviews my meds, listens to me talk a bit, and writes me some prescriptions. You'd be seeing yours more often.

In my experience, most psychiatrists don't do therapy and will refer you to a psychologist for the non-pharmaceutical aspects of treatment.

i know this feeling. the whole "i hate my job, what am i doing with my life, i will drink it away every single night and lose track of the days" thing. done it before, and i recognize its resurgence. would rather not.

― ITS YA BOY (zorn_bond.mp3), Saturday, September 4, 2010 2:26 AM (4 days ago) Bookmark

apparently since friday i have gone far enough down the rabbit hole that this already feels like a warning from SPOCK OF THE FUTURE

Seek help, for realz. Once you get good at recognizing the warning signs, you really need to act before things get worse worse worse and you can no longer act at all.

I mean duh you know this, but just trying to offer my internets encouragement or whatnot.

wait - are you getting drunk as a means of dealing with depression? Bad bad bad bad bad idea. I've been there. The depression doesn't go away, you just end up with depression + a drinking problem.