people that YELP are scumbags

dont feed the trolls

I guess something's wrong with me because I found nothing to complain about in amy b.'s post. People who smoke in no-smoking restaurants are scumbags.

But perhaps you think you are above the LAW

was hopinh this would be something like "undercover investigation reveals conservative group secretly gaming YELP ratings" a la DIGG.

Amy's post: NAGL

Responding to below-minimum wage waitress who asks you not to smoke in signed non-smoking area and may have been unaware of his previous complaint by informing her she is partly responsible for a series of personal "fuck you"s: hey buddy, calm down

I'm a bit of a Pho snob. That's right I said it. I've been blessed with a sophisticated palette that allows me to decipher the subtle nuances of this delicious Vietnamese soup.

Phok u

I've been blessed with a sophisticated palette that allows me to decipher the subtle nuances of this delicious Vietnamese soup.

omg such lols.

thats right i said it

i looked at yelp at work one day and another day it turned out the IT hall monitor had blocked it :/

yelp deleted my review of that one chinese restaurant I love, fucking scambags

this is actually making me really angry - you mean I have to be an 'active member' of the 'yelp community' in order to have my stuff online? why dont you take down my photos too you assholes

I don't particularly want to defend yelp but I do sorta see the logic behind this - it would be pretty easy for someone game the reviews otherwise.

I AM NOT A NUMBER, I AM A YELP REVIEWER

Bill A.

Bel Air, MD
3 star rating
3/26/2009 1 photo

Here on Yelp, three stars equates to "A-OK" and two stars equates to "Meh. I've experienced better." I opted to give a three-star rating for reasons I'm about to describe, though I have most certainly experienced better sushi restaurants.

I'm admittedly somewhat of a sushi snob. I speak a little Japanese and know only the Japanese names of certain dishes, like Hiyayako [HE-YAH-YAH-KOH], which is some sort of tofu dish, though I'm not able to explain that dish in English any better than you just read.

Because of this little problem of mine, I try to eat in only authentic Japanese restaurants owned and operated by authentic Japanese people.

I haven't found such a place, yet, here in Baltimore. Aloha Sushi is owned and operated by Korean people.

The quality of the sushi was good and the fish was very fresh. The prices were also quite reasonable, except for the cold sake, which comes in very small bottles and is exorbitantly priced.

The wait staff was very attentive and friendly. The restroom was clean, but was decorated with a plastic flower. Plastic flowers in public restrooms is just plain wrong.

I would eat here again, but continue my quest for a bona fide, authentic Japanese restaurant here in the Baltimore metropolitan area...

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authentic Japanese people

He spelled "Hiyayakko" wrong. /Steve Shasta

also, i say it "heeyahyah-ko" (slight pause at the dash) but hey, it's just me, Steve Shasta. /Steve Shasta

Shasta Out
SSha

* Cool (1)

The restroom was clean, but was decorated with a plastic flower.

^^sneaking this line into all my yelp reviews

The restroom was clean, but there were dice in the mirror

I thought "Meh, I've experienced better". Yo home!

I yelled to the waitress yo Holmes smell me later

in the bathroom that is

~banjos~

Looks like Yelp is in for some trouble, Google Places just went from Beta to launch today.

It's global (Yelp is very limited global) and the UI is really neat.

yeah places works great on the android google map app

i have no doubt that people who use google places will be scumbags too

the idea of user reviews of businesses is so great but somehow it turns out that the only people who take the time out to write these reviews are the most insufferable people on the planet

i found my college roommate's yelp profile and if i were to write a yelp review of her yelp reviews it would be a one-act play wherein i frequently begin statements with "uh," and leave her speechless and confronted with the full reality of her incompetence as a service provider

"oh, christine. i want to love your reviews of vegetarian restaurants and craft stores, but..."

just read a review of a bar that cmplained about drinks being "too strong."
kill all yelpers.

bye bye yelp, google places launched today for iphone.

so the owner of a business just threatened to sue the shit out of my friend for yelping that she had received a pizza pie COVERED IN HUMAN HAIR.

last time she eats at a combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell and First Choice Haircutters

Its kinda ridiculous how seriously some of these owners are taking Yelp. I'm loath to really take any side on the argument, but my cousin has been documenting a similar situation on her FB. Basically she put up a mildly negative review of a restaurant on Yelp and has since received three increasingly angry emails from the owner threatening her with legal action if she doesn't not only remove it, but replace it with a more flattering review. The whole thing is sadly hilarious.

i don't even... i've posted terrible reviews before, but i think they were always warranted.

The hilarious thing about the whole situation is that she pretty much enthused about the food, it was just that the hostess and server were both pretty rude during the course of the meal.

Do ppl really post Yelp reviews under their real names and emails?! I could only imagine actually doing this under the cover of anonymity...

I don't think she used her real name, but I'm guessing you have to tie your account to an email address somehow.

I'm happy to write up either a good response or bad response under my own name... it'll keep me from going off on a tangent of bile, I think.

7/24/2009

My friends and I have been talking about coming to this place for weeks now. Ground control to Major Tom: the Eric eagle (only because I drove) has finally landed! *tires Errrrp'ing* Walking in there throws you off a bit. Inside is dim and at a quick glance, by the decor, furniture and the way the partitions are set in the room, it looks like an Asian restaurant. No matter, my friends and I were finally ready to fulfill our destiny ala Los Chaparros.

Chips and salsa were standard. Not as spicy as others have made it out to be. If you want tasty and HOT, try Maria Bonita on Hotel Street. Out came the cream of corn and green chili soup. At best, it was not only very gritty (I had to suck the bits off my spoon in a form of a food fellatio) but just about flavorless. You can tell a lot of love goes into making it, with it's slow-cooked and soft texture. Though sorry guys, it was very bland.

Something else that poked my interest on their menu was their Jalapeno BBQ Torta. Whats that? Their version is a Mexican sandwich on French bread with red onions, deli veggies, cheese, mayo, your choice of meat all mixed in with their homemade Jalapeno BBQ sauce. Our waiter recommended I try it with their steak and so I did. It was finally time for 'din din! The food was decorated with Mexican flags on tooth picks. A nice touch...but did it savor the flavor?

Steak: tasty. Bread: very soft and crunchy. This was my first few bites but as I got my mouth more in motion, no thanks! Chaparros' Jalapeno BBQ tasted like a thick, spicy Asian sweet and sour sauce = Not Good. The fresh chunks of raw jalapeno might be overwhelming to some but it's a good thing I've already built a tolerance for "hot". I used to abuse my body with shots of chili pepper water and raw habaneros with the guys at work.

In the end, did I like the Los Chaparros product? Negatory.

Our server came back to check up on us and to talk about their Torta. He says it's gotten a very good response from their patrons. I could even feel the eyes of their staff digging as I dug into my Mexi hoagie. I describe this experience (though not the best example & in fact 2nd reference) like having oral sex with someone with very bad hygiene. You know they're watching you eat and with your best poker face, you're only "MMM!" acting. The very second they look away, you squiggle your nose and spit out those nasty bits and juices that shouldn't be there in the first place.

About $11 for the Torta and small soup.
Food was not my favorite but at least our server was very friendly and helpful.

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_kOthKLSZJzM/TECUqr8KqWI/AAAAAAAACMQ/IgW9O2tlo4w/s1600/pumpkin_barf.jpg

negatory

so the owner of a business just threatened to sue the shit out of my friend for yelping that she had received a pizza pie COVERED IN HUMAN HAIR.

― they call him (remy bean), Monday, 17 January 2011 15:45

maybe she should've just ordered pepperoni

tips from the pr0s

poked my interest

review for Hoosier Mama Pie Company:

(Somewhere down in southern Indiana, some time in the 18th century. A man, tired and unshaven is holding a gun in his rustic hut. He's not in a good mood: he has been on a strict diet of beans and squirrel jerky for the last two months and is beginning to lose faith in humanity. All of a sudden he hears a noise coming from the outside.)

(yelling and freaking out): "Hoosier?!?!?"

(the interlocutor): ?!?!?!?!?!?!?
"What's that son?!?"

(the Indiana dude, pacing back and forth in front of his door, unsure about what to do and a bit annoyed) : " I say HOOSIER?!? Speak or I shoot ya godammit!"

(the new comer, still unsure): "Ummmm.....tis me, your mama. I have a pie fo'ya, freshly cooked just fo' ya"

And it all ended in a touching reunion between a wild son and his beloved mama whose daughter decided one day to make it to the city and opened a pie store called "Hoosier".

Or something like that.

Folklore aside, this mama is pretty serious with her pies. I finally entered the store after 7 months of living 3 blocks away, afraid of making the first step and fall to hopeless addiction.
I caved in and agreed to lose my soul, which is not a big price to say when you have already lost your slender silhouette.

For $7 you can get a "pie flight", 3 samples of the most delicious pies you will ever encounter. There are about a small dozen to choose from; I opted for:
- coconut cream
- chocolate chess
- pear
The pear was surprisingly enough my favorite but I was delighted by every single mouthful of crusty/melty pie-ness. The crust is perfect, the filling - rich and flavorful. $5 will give you a full slice with a cup of coffee. And the big ones are between $25 and $30.
Not that bad when one thinks of the quality of the ingredients, and the time spent slaving over the oven.

Good to know: the Pacer mama also has savory options. Check out their pork/apple/sage pies as well as their shepherd mini-pies. And invite me for the feast.

oh my god

This is the most overrated restaurant I've ever visited. I am a few hours removed from dinner there with my good friend Kenichi and Mrs. R, and I am so flabbergasted that I cannot sleep without getting this venom out.

Let me preface this review by saying that Taro has topped best-of lists on Yelp and Chowhound for as long as Google can see, and I have gotten countless recommendations from people around the neighborhood. I once thought that NYC had a fairly progressive sushi culture, but I now realize that even in our wonderful metropolis most sushigoers still order shrimp tenpura rolls and tuna/yellowtail/salmon.

First of all, the praise for the authenticity of this place as a "Japanese operation" is totally unwarranted: the owner/itamae-san and his number two are Japanese, but the rest of the line and the entire waitstaff are Chinese, specifically Fukien. I am no racist, but when you lack the knowledge gained from growing up in sushi's motherland, you need to put in some work. The staff here clearly has not.

Our entrance met no irasshaimase, no oshibori. So much for Brooklyn's most authentic sushiya. Kenichi smiled uncomfortably as his request for ocha met bemusement, and I pantomimed no avail as I inquired about pressed sushi/oshizushi/hakozushi. I looked at our menu to see that ankimo is apparently available here year round, which should have been enough to get us walking, honestly. Third guy on the line stood behind the counter on his cell phone arguing in Chinese for literally our entire meal.

The toro tataki was buttery, up to snuff and an ample portion for the pricetag. The kinpira must have come from a bag, lacking crunch and inexplicably matchsticked. The age tofu Mrs. R ordered was fine, but there's really no way to fuck up deep-frying in a fryolator.

Onto the nigiri. The ebodai and toro were passable in an otherwise disappointing dinner. The botan ebi was awful, mealy and flabby. Its head was nowhere to be found, and it emerged from the counter filleted and de-shelled, presumably bought that way. The saba was similarly subpar, clearly slow frozen and having lost all the oil and shine that makes saba so good. Amadai, iwashi, anago all mediocre. Big ups to house-made tamago in an age of premade sheets, but minus points for overcooking it to the point of turning green. Thankfully the tataki was just as good the second time around in maki form.

Regarding the chef's proficiency, he is lacking. The nigiri are simply too big (catering to the locals I suppose). The neta were huge and floppy, practically falling off the rice. Likewise the amount of rice is obscene, squeezed tight and more onigiri than nigiri. The soy sauce he stocks is cheap, light, unaged. His line is disorganized, overwhelmed with not a dozen patrons sitting down. Three times during our meal did I have servers over my shoulder handing geta back due to mistakes. Reviewers citing the itamae-san here as "approaching Yasuda" or "almost Ushiwakamaru" are out of their fucking minds.

Service was icing on the cake. The waitstaff took ten minutes to ask us for our order, then refused to clear our appetizer plates even after our sushi was dropped. I ordered a few more pieces at last call, and as the chef handed them to me a waitress walked over with our check, explaining in broken English: "You can pay now? We count the money now." All well before 10:30.

To everyone gushing about how authentic this place is, ask yourself how often you see expats here. Don't fool yourself into thinking you are getting elite product at midrange prices. 130+ reviewers who all think this place is their little secret? There is a reason this place isn't populated, and it has nothing to do with being under the radar.

Five star reviewers, do yourself a favor and skip your next few dinners here. Take that coin, catch a train to Manhattan and treat yourself to an education.