Society is in the gutter

like Spurs

onimout

When children were made to join the army, they knew the meaning of discipline. Nowadays every child has a gun.

Mexicans celebrate their navidades by swatting Society with a cane til it literally bursts forth with detritus which they then collect, trade, and eat.

According to the Guardian's latest Tottenham report - and I quote - "The merits of the Wigan forward Emile Heskey have also been discussed."

One of the shortest conversations in history that one

When oh when will Left-wing subversives like Pinko Pinefox be dealt with by our bankrupt Government instead of being nauseatingly allowed to broadcast his nigglingly nitpicking propaganda about global warming which as we all know is a fallacy funded by disgusting Loony Lefties like George Michael. If the world is getting warmer why have we had THREE STINKING SUMMERS IN A ROW?

We would be basking in 95 degree temperatures if the Tories had been elected in 2005.

once, there was at least one summer a year. now, who knows?

i sold my house for a pint of beer, and then i spilt it all over my hooded top.

I blame the absence of Summer on the pernicious influence of porno princess and open advocate of homosexuality seventies soul songstress Donna Summer.

Once upon a time you could go outside and hear birds singing and the wind blowing. If you listened carefully, you could even hear the fizz and spit of the Sun as it warmed and replenished the Earth's natural resources.

Go outdoors nowadays and all you can hear is the tearing of society's moral fabric as it is ripped to bits by knife crime.

time was that footballers like other gallant sportsmen played for the love of the game and the pride of the local town. now as the local town is literally hacked to death by frenzied youths and thrown off bridges onto passing motorists, footballers literally play for money as they kick the balls directly at pensioners faces in the terraces - mimicked on the streets of our towns as youths literally pack footballs with ballbearings and explode them in the faces of pensioners opening their front doors hoping vainly for respite not shrapnel.

this is what we have replaced society with

in my youth there were no steroids just good honest sportsmanship, now watch as every young gun injects themselves literally full of the latest fashionable poison in order to emulate their idols, which is literally what theyre doing to society

This is a Christian Country and if those terrorists don't like it they should bugger back off home.

I went to the local post office the other day and they'd closed it to put a mosque there. You're treated like a second-class citizen if you want to buy a first-class stamp, but you can buy a bomb on every street corner.

This fascist/communist* New Labour government is literally murdering motorists in their sleep with their fuel tax, speed cameras and 30mph speed limit in built-up areas. Are we to believe that the lives of a few schoolchildren should come before the right of hard working motorists to drive wherever and however they choose? Brown's politically correct gauleiters are hellbent in driving us from the safety of our cars and herding us into the seething hellholes of public transport, to rub shoulders with stinking alcoholics, knife-wielding single mothers and black people. This is a holocaust for motorists.

(*delete where applicable)

We have become so greedy and complacent that we now have to have the true spirit of Christmas beamed to us via remote satellite.

Since the pinefox had to go and be all serious, I feel like I can now mention how much I love every one of ice crӕm's posts on this thread.

"If any middle class white male I come across says he wants to enter Crufts, I say 'give up all hope'. They've no chance"

Presenter Jeremy Paxman on discrimination in the dog industry

it used to be you could enjoy ice crӕm's posts without fear of the p.c. police jumping down your throat

It has become impossible for decent hard working citizens to walk down the street without almost being bowled over by Robert Mugabe riding his bicycle on the pavement

i remember when people here used real names like friedrich selassie wagemann and dallas spalding jr. now you don't know who you're talking at.

it were all fields around 'ere. ah used t'lark at the old munitions factory and ILX were nobbut but a small page o' truth bombs

page 3 used to show REAL BREASTS!

Families now spend their Sunday lunchtimes sitting in isolated crawlspaces gobbling up roast dinners with their hands - the Fathers' pendulous GM-mutated breasts wobbling around in gravy while Mother stuffs Duracell batteries up the chicken's arses instead of giblets. Hell in a handcart I tell ya.

Once kids could play out on the streets all day. Now, I threaten them with my shotgun until they run home crying to Mummy.

Society ain't gonna bring me down.

Heskey aside, this remains odd. It's a comedy thread, and some of it is funny. But it's incredibly homogeneous, and everyone seems to get the same joke in the same way. I get the impression that you all think that to complain or worry about something getting worse is silly, paranoid, reactionary and laughable.

I suppose something that would demonstrate otherwise would be a successful, popular, harmonious thread full of parodies of standard banal statements about how things are so much better than they were. Perhaps there has indeed been such a thread.

done!

Was a day you fell down a stairs and broke a tooth it was a big laugh, and you laughed too.

here comes the p.c. police again, ready to tell you not to make this thread, not to make that thread, all due to the bumbling bureaucrats in brussels. well ill tell you, im not one to take this lying down, after all, my generation fought in three wars, at home and abroad.

I get the impression that you all think that to complain or worry about something getting worse is silly, paranoid, reactionary and laughable.

Well it beats worrying about it

Used to be someone would start a thread, and other people would add to it. No one presumed to think there was a "better way."

in my day even the Pinefox was aware of the comments made by members of the British public on the websites of popular news organisations, which ILX would then have some fun parodying...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/talking_point/default.stm
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/newsdebate/index.html
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/yourview/
etc

Online "debates"? Pshaw! In my day we settled political differences over the garden fence with decent, manly fisticuffs! Jackets off, shirtsleeves rolled up, a bit of the old three four as Lefty Lemsip used to teach us in barracks after lights out. We didn't have to make do with so-called computers, not like today's Gone Soft Britain!

From days of yore:

Hello my young friends my staunch allies my stalwart comrades HE HE HE there'll be none of this backbiting rigmarole under my benign regime young man as will have you know was Guardian Angel on Line named entitled nomenclature of District and very nice red beret like communist Frank Spencer HE HE HE but you know those scamps you get on the trains late at night they don't half come a cropper when up against me I was very steadfast and erect against their vulgarian assault and intoned the intimidating words "Now then you raucous rapscallions you woebegone ne'er-do-wells have a care" and must have worked to some effect as only had 257 stitches when discharged from Park of Northwick very good hospital mind got some very good write ups and very jolly young house officer I say he was a one very presentable wouldn't have minded
as am former Navy man

but do you know it was a right royal caper similar to the time I used turps to wipe nigger-brown boot polish from corpse of decease Big Small Notorious I thought it were Cyril Smith and could only use handy John Collier two-piece worsted grey ensemble very handy for hiding scars caused by cross of iron.

Bestride oxen hoops ayonder! Inflame mid-port cummerbunds! Detonate errant youths inst! Axiom!

-- Wally Klemmer (klemm✧✧✧@d✧✧✧.y✧✧✧), February 15, 2002

is that a man or a woman we used to wonder. it seems these days the answer is BOTH!

the UN is making happy parties with childsnatchers and moslem raiders. all we have left are the comment boxes to fill up with LIBERTY and the "experts" want to shut those down too. this is society, today.

with this (C)rap music everywhere no wonder our kids want to stab us with our own guns

I hear Paul Gadd is set to star in a live action adaptation of Shrek.

Credit crunch? Brown's socialist hellions have plunged us headlong to disaster, together with the loony left BBC, they have encouraged us to borrow beyond our means, in order to afford the mortgages on our rent-to-buy properties which they have forced us to rent out, 12 to room, to the Lithuanian vegetable pickers that they and the Bolshevik EU encouraged to come and work in the first place!

In our day vicars' kids were brought up to believe in the Word of God with punishment by whipping and lots of it if they strayed from the path of righteousness (society was fortified for the better by whips). Now look what happens in Blair's Broken Britain; the sons of Archbishops by Holy Ordinance of Our Lord God Whose Father Alive In Heaven Amen are PERVERTED into becoming RAP SCALLIONS.

In the old days we would have shipped "Tim" Westwood to the colonies and made him row all the way non-stop (and whip him if he stopped, or whip him anyway just to remind him of the punishment if he stopped) - is "Dizzy Whiley" truly what So Brave Lord Nelson died fighting for?

there is a special satisfaction that comes from slapping a woman, hard. our children will never know.

Seventies TV legend Derren Nesbitt writes...

I'm a man of the world -- I know that pop stars have always misbehaved. And I was once young me'self! But if my daughter ever, ever touches drugs I'll know who to blame: Amy Wine-house and her sick gaggle of hangers-on.

What her poor dad must be feeling.

In my day you had to work to impress a lady. Now they deliver it through your nose! Where's the hard work, I say? Where's the reward? Where's your tea on the table? Nasal sprays don't darn the socks, do they? They don't do the ironing.

In my day telephones were for keeping in touch with your loved ones. Nowadays you can dial up illegal pornography on the you-tube, or dial up a sex offender for ungainly sinful pleasures of the flesh, but you can't even make a telephone call! Call me old-fashioned for wanting to speak to my dear husband on the telephone! Or is that rendered illegal now? Perhaps I should be dialling up a lethal concoction of drugs and visiting a rage party instead! Heavens above.

Oh for the days when The Black & White Minstrel Show provided wholesome family entertainment. Nowadays they import real minstrels wholesale and put them on so-called 'reality' television where they say the F word. What next, real Martians hosting Sale of the Century?

that Jerry Springer, you mean?

When did it become unacceptable to own a comfortable high-set car? I can't even drive the Ford Territory through the shops at Croydon without some drug-addled hippie calling me selfish. Last week at the school, a young tearaway lass said my car was 'a menace'! And to think we worked hard to earn a safe vehicle. If all the pinko hippies got a job and purchased large sturdy automobiles, the world would be a better place.

I can't think of any group of people in history that has been persecuted as much the British motorist. Society has been consciously pushed down into the gutter and a double yellow line painted over it.