yeesh, physician heal thyself indeed!
― Loathsome Dov (Jon Lewis), Wednesday, 16 June 2010 15:43 (3 years ago) Permalink
Yeah, it was like the second least professional therapy experience I ever had.
...what was the first?
― peacocks, Wednesday, 16 June 2010 15:52 (3 years ago) Permalink
"I'm on a tight schedule, do you mind if I whip up dinner for my kids while we do this?"
― WHERE did Sandy Denton get the audacity to leave the dressing room w (Stevie D), Wednesday, 16 June 2010 15:55 (3 years ago) Permalink
^ i've heard this from dusky voiced beauties on sexlines tbh
― Remember when Mr Banhart was a replicant? (darraghmac), Wednesday, 16 June 2010 15:58 (3 years ago) Permalink
what are all your experiences of therapy like?
i have been considering it lately, due to a combination of factors. i'm not feeling majorly down, in fact a little better than usual, but i think in a weird way it feels a good time to go as a result of that, in that i feel i can rationally see some problems and it'd be better to do something before life creates situations that makes them harder to deal with.
i guess it's a combination of lack of trust in myself, or not knowing when i am doing the right thing or the wrong thing, or whether i should be more self confident or less, or how to change or whether i need to. along with this i have a lot of trouble trusting people and feel a lot more introverted than at other times in my life, not that this would appear obvious to those around me, but the disconnect there is prob another problem.
further to all the above i never really talked through my chronic illness properly with anyone and i feel i should at some stage.
i guess underlining all the above is just an essential unhappiness which has become resignation to some extent.
i know everyone is prob reading thinking if the above means i need therapy then everyone should be signed up, but can i benefit from it does anyone think?
i feel like if it could help me to regain the impetus i had in my teens and early 20s, even a little bit, or some kind of impetus and self assuredness, then it'd be worth it.
― Will.Have.Known (Local Garda), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 13:35 (2 years ago) Permalink
and also just...erratic behaviour, one day over the moon the next disgusted, etc etc...no pattern to any of my moods.
― Will.Have.Known (Local Garda), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 13:36 (2 years ago) Permalink
go to therapy, but look for a "hard" therapist and not just one who waits for you to talk yourself out. you can always call around and interview them on the phone – ask them what their approach is – and look for one that fits with your goals. I think cognitive - behavioral therapists are better at giving homework, asking you to do real work on yourself, etc., as opposed to the old model of 'let's enable your narcissistic rambling for an hour every week'
― ignore the man behind the parentheses (remy bean), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 13:38 (2 years ago) Permalink
Ugh. I've started seeing several over the years but never kept it up because each one I've seen (maybe 4 or 5 in total) was of the "one who waits for you to talk yourself out" variety. I know what my issues are and think about them ALL the time. I don't want to just talk about it. In fact I'm tired of talking about it. I want someone to give me feedback and help prompt change. The last one I saw told me that she didn't think CBT would work for me because I was too smart. I have no idea WTF that meant but it sounded like BS and I never went back.
― \(^o\) (/o^)/ (ENBB), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 13:45 (2 years ago) Permalink
^^^ i thank you for typing that out for me. having the same exact problem, only minus the trying.
i need someone who will be really "hard" i guess because i am EXTREMELY stubborn and not likely to enjoy this at all.
anyway ronan, i don't think this is a bad idea. have been considering it myself but haven't taken the next step. the last year has been pretty tough and i would like to know what to make of it.
― deez m'uts (La Lechera), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 14:10 (2 years ago) Permalink
The last one I saw told me that she didn't think CBT would work for me because I was too smart.
this is indeed straight-up bullshit, btw.
― i can tina turner (elmo argonaut), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 14:18 (2 years ago) Permalink
I KNOW
That's why we had to break up.
Have done CBT before and it was somewhat helpful btw.
― \(^o\) (/o^)/ (ENBB), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 14:25 (2 years ago) Permalink
CBT is really great if you have identifiable problems and behaviors you want to work on and change (which is why its great for anxiety-related issues), but (ime, and judging by the experience of friends) is a lot less helpful for... "working through issues" or what have you.
i mean its all related, ppl should do what works best for them, but given the way ronan is describing what he's looking for i think oldish-school "narcissistic rambling" therapy could be just as helpful. sometimes the best thing is to just talk to someone who is unconnected to your life for an hour every couple weeks!
― ban drake (the rapper) (max), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 14:27 (2 years ago) Permalink
...the clinic I was going to wanted me to have an annual appointment with their psychiatrist. The psychiatrist was a middle-aged dude and he was listening to Michael Savage in his office during our meeting, which I thought was maybe not appropriate.
LOL!!..
― dell (del), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 14:28 (2 years ago) Permalink
Yes, this makes sense to me. Also my anxiety was pretty under control at the time so perhaps that was part of what she was getting at and just didn't phrase it correctly. We weren't a good fit in general mainly because of what I mentioned earlier. She would just look at me and nod the whole time and I found it really unhelpful. I think M is right though and that for some people the opportunity to talk to someone unconnected can be what some people find most helpful, it just hasn't been for me.
― \(^o\) (/o^)/ (ENBB), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 14:36 (2 years ago) Permalink
One of the major problems with going to therapy, for me at least, is when I feel low enough to make the appointment, suddenly the mere possibility of actually meeting this person is enough to make me remember OH YEAH I feel just FINE.
― deez m'uts (La Lechera), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 14:40 (2 years ago) Permalink
i find it hard to say which type would be good with no experience, apart from the cost being £0, that'd help me a lot i know for sure!
i think i prob have a pretty clear idea of what i want to change and what goals i'd have from it all (despite my rambling above), which sort of is my main reason for thinking it'd help me. like if you know some of the things you want to work on then i guess like going to the doctor you can be specific and hopefully get some help.
― Will.Have.Known (Local Garda), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 14:41 (2 years ago) Permalink
identify with a lot of yr post ronan.
If you find somethin PM me dogg
― socks & pwns may break my bwns (darraghmac), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 14:41 (2 years ago) Permalink
oh sure ronan, i didnt mean to say that you didnt know what was "wrong" with you. i just wanted to stick up for the "narcissistic rambling" model of therapy, which can be very useful to people! i think pragmatism is key, dont spend time with therapy that doesnt work for you, regardless of yr... ideological (or what have you) feelings
― ban drake (the rapper) (max), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 14:44 (2 years ago) Permalink
once you don't tell anyone else in ireland darragh
x-post to max yeah i wasn't on the defensive on that, yeah it could actually be that that's just as good, i guess it's hard to tell until you go, and prob depends on the person.
― Will.Have.Known (Local Garda), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 14:46 (2 years ago) Permalink
yep
― ban drake (the rapper) (max), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 14:47 (2 years ago) Permalink
sry mn just facebooked you 'lol u nuts lol'
― socks & pwns may break my bwns (darraghmac), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 14:50 (2 years ago) Permalink
lol
― \(^o\) (/o^)/ (ENBB), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 14:53 (2 years ago) Permalink
he went mad over the want of the pint of harp
― socks & pwns may break my bwns (darraghmac), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 14:55 (2 years ago) Permalink
'it's 'me time' back home'
― socks & pwns may break my bwns (darraghmac), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 14:56 (2 years ago) Permalink
my narcissistic rambling comment isn't, obv, directed at everybody who does talk therapy, and especialy not at introspective types or people considering therapy who haven't been before. there is a definite 'type' of professional therapy-seekers, though, who pay somebody to indulge their blah-blahing, and use the time to entrench themselves more deeply in their (often wacky) opinions. there are a TON TON TON of bad therapists who really value and believe in letting people wallow in their own shitty mire as part of a therapeutic practice, when learning to move past / effectively deal with bad situations is a much loftier, and harder, goal.
― ignore the man behind the parentheses (remy bean), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 15:09 (2 years ago) Permalink
yeah no definitely...and like i think it can be hard in a way for anyone not to have a little voice that tells them it is just narcissism. but i suppose at a point you think "would i benefit from this", "do i have goals from this" and "will i be happier after", i sort of think there is potential at least for the answer to be yes to all of these. i don't actually talk to anyone about how i feel about anything, hardly ever really...
― Will.Have.Known (Local Garda), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 15:16 (2 years ago) Permalink
and of course i know you're making a general point btw...rather than anything specific to this thread
sorry guys, CBT means something very different in my "community"
― resistance does not require a firearm (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 15:18 (2 years ago) Permalink
haha
― ban drake (the rapper) (max), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 15:18 (2 years ago) Permalink
dr morbius' cbt would probably not be very helpful to ronan
it could be really good – i benefitted from visiting a talk therapist at one point, and when i came to the realization that i no longer needed to see him it was a goood 'oh, i'm okay with this situation and my psychic baggage moment'
― ignore the man behind the parentheses (remy bean), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 15:18 (2 years ago) Permalink
This isn't to discourage Ronan from going but I really identify with what Remy is saying. It's so frustrating!
I haven't gone in a couple years because I got so tired of only encountering the types of therapists R is describing. It really sucks because I'd really love to find something who I work well with that could help me learn to "to move past / effectively deal with bad situations" because essentially that's what I can't figure out on my own. The whole process of finding someone new and going to enough sessions to get a feel for them is kind of a pain in the ass not to mention time consuming and costly. The thought of going through that whole process again is really daunting even though I know it would be worth it if I finally found someone good for me.
BTW when I said I've tried 4-5 that's over 10 years. I'll go through the process and get discouraged and it always takes me a while to get around to it again. I just didn't want it to seem like I was tearing through these peeps without giving them a real shot or that I was just being difficult and writing off one after another.
― \(^o\) (/o^)/ (ENBB), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 15:20 (2 years ago) Permalink
I was all, "what could that possibly... OH DO NOT WANT"
― Dreaded Burrito Gang (DJP), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 15:21 (2 years ago) Permalink
I can't figure it out.
I think I've got the C and B parts down but not sure about the T. :(
― \(^o\) (/o^)/ (ENBB), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 15:22 (2 years ago) Permalink
cucumber bacon tomato is all i got
― ignore the man behind the parentheses (remy bean), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 15:23 (2 years ago) Permalink
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/CBT
― ban drake (the rapper) (max), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 15:23 (2 years ago) Permalink
cock balls taint
― ignore the man behind the parentheses (remy bean), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 15:24 (2 years ago) Permalink
"(band)"
― Dreaded Burrito Gang (DJP), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 15:25 (2 years ago) Permalink
x-post lol that was my closest guess.
Oh boy.
― \(^o\) (/o^)/ (ENBB), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 15:25 (2 years ago) Permalink
hahah Dan
― \(^o\) (/o^)/ (ENBB), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 15:26 (2 years ago) Permalink
b = between?
― the great HOOS made me lose my mind (rip van wanko), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 15:30 (2 years ago) Permalink
I know I told some wacky stories upthread but I had a lot of good therapists & the experience was very helpful, overall.
― offee is for losers only, do you not c? (Abbbottt), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 16:36 (2 years ago) Permalink
fwiw at least in me its not too hard to find someone who will mix talk therapy w/ cbt techniques
i think the two biggest determining factors in the success of treatment are the patients willings to 'put the work in' & their compatibility w/ their therapist. i know this seems to be p obv but it is easy to get focused on a specific methods of treatment or ideas abt 'whats wrong with me' & ignore the fundamental relationship @ the core of therapy
― -( ☃)*( ☃)- (Lamp), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 17:15 (2 years ago) Permalink
good thing i didnt start this thread, jesus
― geeks, dweebs, nerds & lames (D-40), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 17:15 (2 years ago) Permalink
My job offered therapy services as a benefit, but only if you went to the provider they contracted with. My wife and I attempted to use this service, but the therapist we were assigned was about as competant as someone who'd read a bunch of self-help best sellers. iow she was well-meaning, tenetive, able to regurgitate a few aphorisms and mostly worse than useless.
My wife set out to find a better therapist, asking around for leads relentlessly, calling ahead to speak to the prospective therapist to ask questions. After a few months of tracking down leads, she located an excellent therapist who was extremely helpful, smart, who always asked good questions, and who developed an understanding of the situation fairly rapidly. Once we established a trustful relationship, we used her many times over a period of about a decade, and we passed her name on to many friends.
― Aimless, Wednesday, 4 May 2011 17:57 (2 years ago) Permalink
lamp otm
― ban drake (the rapper) (max), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 18:00 (2 years ago) Permalink
the clinic I was going to wanted me to have an annual appointment with their psychiatrist. The psychiatrist was a middle-aged dude and he was listening to Michael Savage in his office during our meeting, which I thought was maybe not appropriate. Anyway, I said, "My dad listens to Michael Savage," prompting him to ask if my dad knew X trivia item about Michael Savage. I had no idea. He said, "Call your dad." I said, "It's long distance, are you sure?" He said, yes, so we put my dad on speakerphone. He grilled my dad about minor points of Michael Savage trivia, and my dad knew none of them. "Looks like you don't really appreciate Michael Savage," the psychiatrist said to my dad before we ended the call.
― breaking that little dog's heart chakra (Abbott)
after reading this just seconds after the goiter post on the salt/food thread it's clear that abbott, you are the #1 ilx poster for making me explode laughing at the maddest shit
― NI, Friday, 3 June 2011 01:58 (2 years ago) Permalink
also yeah, what was the FIRST least professional therapy experience you ever had? or was that just a thing
― NI, Friday, 3 June 2011 02:04 (2 years ago) Permalink
The first worst therapy experience I had was at the same community clinic – I started out seeing one therapist who was terrible, who I am going to call Bessie. 1. I was spending 1/3rd of my time talking breaking down what I was saying to her into simpler concepts (snobby complaint maybe but it was draining). 2. She decided I was an alcoholic/drug addict and just wasn't telling her (I hadn't drank in 4 mos at this point!!) and she spent a lot of time trying to get it out of me. 3. Bessie decided she wanted to spend all of the time talking about this made-up problem & not the actual problems I came to see her about. I spent three sessions w/her and it was painfully not working*, so I asked to see another therapist. I left Bessie a message saying I did this.
The second therapist I liked a lot. During our first session, Bessie opened the door, unannounced, and demanded I explain to her why I chose to quit seeing her as a therapist. So, I told her. But it was really fucking awkward and weird! And I would rank this more unprofessional than the Savage phone call, which is at least funny.
*tough I got some dried figs out of it (not explaining how this happened (the figs were later eaten by a cascade of ants))
― free inappropriate education (Abbbottt), Friday, 3 June 2011 02:43 (2 years ago) Permalink
oh my god that savage story
― markers, Friday, 3 June 2011 02:45 (2 years ago) Permalink
I want to say I support you and your feelings are real and ok!
― Dale, dale, dale (Abbbottt), Monday, 30 April 2012 03:57 (1 year ago) Permalink
I'm going back into therapy as soon as I have the money or insurance (whichever comes first) to do so, even though I'm generally in a better place mentally than I've been in almost two years. It's like doing upkeep on a car: you let that shit slide too long and you pay through the nose when you have a breakdown.
― O Aquaman (Deric W. Haircare), Monday, 30 April 2012 04:11 (1 year ago) Permalink
Thanks, Abbottt. It's nice to feel that I'm not alone in this. Right now is the first time I've become aware of why and how I fall back into bad habits and patterns whenever something big or stressful happens, and that's when all progress is completely reversed. It's like becoming aware you're living in the Matrix or you're the Prisoner or something. So that's good at least.
My question is: now what? I'd like to go to therapy but it'll take 3 months for my benefits to kick in, and I don't have much of a support network to rely on. Confronting the honest truth is like a wave of molten lead crashing on top of me and it's hard not to get sucked in and down (or, uhhh, burned alive), especially without any support. Positive side is life is far better than years ago, and my career is starting to kick off after two extreme changes in course, so I'm lucky in that regard.
― Spectrum, Friday, 4 May 2012 22:23 (1 year ago) Permalink
i basically did 12 weeks of this, which was state sponsored, and the dude was v good but at the end was all "make the investment in your happiness" meaning go private and pay 50 quid a week, and i just can't justify that. 200 quid a month, just insane.
i didn't really work everything out, though my 12 weeks helped a lot, and lol now i'm doing an acting class instead which was considerably cheaper. not a deliberate like for like swap but that's how it's panned out.
― ooooiiiioooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaoooooh un - bi - leevable! (LocalGarda), Saturday, 5 May 2012 00:33 (1 year ago) Permalink
I just called one of those "stressed? griefy? etc? call us" employee assistance hotlines and the guy tried to talk me into seeing a counselor again –––––––––––––––– and he correctly identified (and helped me realize) that I have developed an extreme distrust of counselors/therapists over the years. Looking back over the years, I can see where it got fucked up with every single one of them. I have this little narrative that therapy helped me out but it's not so simple as that.
The anonymous phone guy was VERY easy to talk to, mostly because I'll never have to see him again! Or that he has a copy of something dumb like THE COURAGE TO HEAL that makes me judge him. Just, ok, I got problems, bye, let's never do this again!
― ms fotheringham (Crabbits), Thursday, 13 September 2012 01:22 (9 months ago) Permalink
Maybe you are looking for reasons to reject them in the end? The by-far best therapist I ever had used to quote Tony Robbins, so I had to let go of my anti-self-help-book prejudice. Anyway, sounds like you are going through some really hard stuff and I feel for you. Seeing someone sounds like a good idea.
― look at this quarterstaff (Hurting 2), Thursday, 13 September 2012 02:08 (9 months ago) Permalink
I think it breaks down to:- the truly bonkers therapists detailed upthread (eg the one who made me call my dad w/Michael Medved trivia questons mid-session)- got misdiagnosed w/bipolar and was on like extreme (and extremely expensive) medications for years and years and did not start having anything like a normal work life or normal emotional life until AFTER going off meds- they gave me a guy therapist after I got raped and I was too much like 'hmm I must not judge humanity for its many penises' Polyanna to say no, and eventually I would go home imagining him masturbating while thinking about our sessions (I think this is called 'transference' and also 'awful')- I did have a good marriage counselor because she saw through all our bullshit but it did lead to a divorce- didn't really help that my former mom-in-law is a therapist, and insane, and when I got raped she told me it was MY fault because I repressed a memory of my dad molesting me (my dad never molested me (this is why I would get judgey about someone having THE COURAGE TO HEAL))- and now ILX is my therapist, sorry everyone!!
― ms fotheringham (Crabbits), Thursday, 13 September 2012 02:51 (9 months ago) Permalink
ugh. therapy can be kind of dangerous really. It's so crucial when it's good, but it can be so terrible when it's bad.
FWIW both of my mother's parents were therapists and she played therapist with me (to an inappropriate degree) my whole life. So I can relate to mistrusting therapists.
in re the guy therapist, though, (and here I'm going to go playing therapist I guess) -- I think there are times when you can actually benefit from trying to sit with those awful and uncomfortable transferrence feelings about a therapist, and that's supposed to be part of the process and all, although obviously I don't advocate doing it to the point of nauseau and trauma
― look at this quarterstaff (Hurting 2), Thursday, 13 September 2012 03:18 (9 months ago) Permalink
ps I didn't know that's what "The Courage To Heal" was -- yuck
― look at this quarterstaff (Hurting 2), Thursday, 13 September 2012 03:21 (9 months ago) Permalink
yeah seeing a male therapist for that was a MISTAKE
thanks for listening Hurting. Want to say I hope you don't think I was going ham on you on the feministy thread. Sorry for being such a ridiculous and petulant provocateur.
― ms fotheringham (Crabbits), Thursday, 13 September 2012 03:29 (9 months ago) Permalink
nah I didn't figure you were talking about me specifically, I was just trying to provide some context for at least some instances of "the woman seems to be doing all the child-rearing." I mean other times there's just stupid male expectations at play, for sure.
― look at this quarterstaff (Hurting 2), Thursday, 13 September 2012 03:35 (9 months ago) Permalink
One thing I can say is that you're probably right about how you'd feel if you had kids -- that sounds very much like what new moms, including my wife, have told me about the rage they often feel, so if you ever do it, at least you won't have unrealistic expectations.
― look at this quarterstaff (Hurting 2), Thursday, 13 September 2012 03:37 (9 months ago) Permalink
I mean not all the child-rearing but all the child-CHASING. Like I go out with friends – mom, dad, and toddler – dad's playing mandolin and drinking whiskey with the boys, mom's the one following the little making sure she's not falling into the pool. Or doing all those child-time-occupying games. "Can you count how many fallen apples there are on the ground, sweetie?" And when moms needs to use the bathroom or take a break with some wine, it's not dad that's swapped out to watch the kid, it's me. Which, I love their kid and don't mind. But that is the face of liberal hipster parenting I've seen play out at a lot of parties.
― ms fotheringham (Crabbits), Thursday, 13 September 2012 03:40 (9 months ago) Permalink
I must not judge humanity for its many penises
sorry i lol'ed
― real men have been preparing manly dishes for centuries (elmo argonaut), Thursday, 13 September 2012 13:25 (9 months ago) Permalink