how many sessions should one allow before deciding to continue on with the same therapist? i mean, obviously there are situations where you know for sure that the person is helping you break through stuff etc.. but in the past, i have not been sure if a) i'm not working hard enough on the process or b) the therapist is just not a good match.
― hobbes, Saturday, 29 May 2010 21:31 (2 years ago) Permalink
my college therapist wasn't a student, i'm guessing that she was in her late 30s/early 40s. i don't know whether she was a *bad* therapist, or if it was just a matter of me not finding her method of psychotherapy very useful. it was a bunch of students sitting around in a room talking about whatever it was that was bothering us at the moment. and the therapist didn't really give us any advice -- she would just let us go on and on and on ... That's why it seemed pointless at the time. But that may have been her style/school of therapy.
yeah, the therapy that has worked for me has been A) one-on-one and B) lots of feedback & questioning from the therapist
― ᵒ always toasted, never fried (crüt), Saturday, 29 May 2010 21:40 (2 years ago) Permalink
btw pre-revive this reads like an Ask A Drunk thread
― ᵒ always toasted, never fried (crüt), Saturday, 29 May 2010 22:01 (2 years ago) Permalink
I was just thinking about this...the clinic I was going to wanted me to have an annual appointment with their psychiatrist. The psychiatrist was a middle-aged dude and he was listening to Michael Savage in his office during our meeting, which I thought was maybe not appropriate. Anyway, I said, "My dad listens to Michael Savage," prompting him to ask if my dad knew X trivia item about Michael Savage. I had no idea. He said, "Call your dad." I said, "It's long distance, are you sure?" He said, yes, so we put my dad on speakerphone. He grilled my dad about minor points of Michael Savage trivia, and my dad knew none of them. "Looks like you don't really appreciate Michael Savage," the psychiatrist said to my dad before we ended the call.
― breaking that little dog's heart chakra (Abbott), Wednesday, 16 June 2010 15:32 (2 years ago) Permalink
that does not strike me as professional behavior
― congratulations (n/a), Wednesday, 16 June 2010 15:35 (2 years ago) Permalink
― Nhex, Wednesday, 16 June 2010 15:37 (2 years ago) Permalink
Yeah, it was like the second least professional therapy experience I ever had.
― breaking that little dog's heart chakra (Abbott), Wednesday, 16 June 2010 15:38 (2 years ago) Permalink
It was so funny & weird that I didn't want to stop it, though...I was thinking, 'how far can this go?' It can go as far as a self-entitled stranger insulting my dad over speakerphone.
― breaking that little dog's heart chakra (Abbott), Wednesday, 16 June 2010 15:39 (2 years ago) Permalink
Looks like you don't really appreciate Michael Savage.
― sent from my neural lace (ledge), Wednesday, 16 June 2010 15:40 (2 years ago) Permalink
Abbott, you mistook what the clinic meant about the annual appointment -- the middle-aged guy was the patient.
― Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 16 June 2010 15:40 (2 years ago) Permalink
you were billed for that??!
― progressive cuts (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 16 June 2010 15:41 (2 years ago) Permalink
assuming not this guy btw
# Michael Savage (musician), singer of American rock band Pigmy Love Circus
― sent from my neural lace (ledge), Wednesday, 16 June 2010 15:41 (2 years ago) Permalink
Tracer Hand, I didn't pay a cent at this place. I guess you get what you pay for.
― breaking that little dog's heart chakra (Abbott), Wednesday, 16 June 2010 15:42 (2 years ago) Permalink
yeesh, physician heal thyself indeed!
― Loathsome Dov (Jon Lewis), Wednesday, 16 June 2010 15:43 (2 years ago) Permalink
...what was the first?
― peacocks, Wednesday, 16 June 2010 15:52 (2 years ago) Permalink
"I'm on a tight schedule, do you mind if I whip up dinner for my kids while we do this?"
― WHERE did Sandy Denton get the audacity to leave the dressing room w (Stevie D), Wednesday, 16 June 2010 15:55 (2 years ago) Permalink
^ i've heard this from dusky voiced beauties on sexlines tbh
― Remember when Mr Banhart was a replicant? (darraghmac), Wednesday, 16 June 2010 15:58 (2 years ago) Permalink
what are all your experiences of therapy like?
i have been considering it lately, due to a combination of factors. i'm not feeling majorly down, in fact a little better than usual, but i think in a weird way it feels a good time to go as a result of that, in that i feel i can rationally see some problems and it'd be better to do something before life creates situations that makes them harder to deal with.
i guess it's a combination of lack of trust in myself, or not knowing when i am doing the right thing or the wrong thing, or whether i should be more self confident or less, or how to change or whether i need to. along with this i have a lot of trouble trusting people and feel a lot more introverted than at other times in my life, not that this would appear obvious to those around me, but the disconnect there is prob another problem.
further to all the above i never really talked through my chronic illness properly with anyone and i feel i should at some stage.
i guess underlining all the above is just an essential unhappiness which has become resignation to some extent.
i know everyone is prob reading thinking if the above means i need therapy then everyone should be signed up, but can i benefit from it does anyone think?
i feel like if it could help me to regain the impetus i had in my teens and early 20s, even a little bit, or some kind of impetus and self assuredness, then it'd be worth it.
― Will.Have.Known (Local Garda), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 13:35 (2 years ago) Permalink
and also just...erratic behaviour, one day over the moon the next disgusted, etc etc...no pattern to any of my moods.
― Will.Have.Known (Local Garda), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 13:36 (2 years ago) Permalink
go to therapy, but look for a "hard" therapist and not just one who waits for you to talk yourself out. you can always call around and interview them on the phone – ask them what their approach is – and look for one that fits with your goals. I think cognitive - behavioral therapists are better at giving homework, asking you to do real work on yourself, etc., as opposed to the old model of 'let's enable your narcissistic rambling for an hour every week'
― ignore the man behind the parentheses (remy bean), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 13:38 (2 years ago) Permalink
Ugh. I've started seeing several over the years but never kept it up because each one I've seen (maybe 4 or 5 in total) was of the "one who waits for you to talk yourself out" variety. I know what my issues are and think about them ALL the time. I don't want to just talk about it. In fact I'm tired of talking about it. I want someone to give me feedback and help prompt change. The last one I saw told me that she didn't think CBT would work for me because I was too smart. I have no idea WTF that meant but it sounded like BS and I never went back.
― \(^o\) (/o^)/ (ENBB), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 13:45 (2 years ago) Permalink
^^^ i thank you for typing that out for me. having the same exact problem, only minus the trying.
i need someone who will be really "hard" i guess because i am EXTREMELY stubborn and not likely to enjoy this at all.
anyway ronan, i don't think this is a bad idea. have been considering it myself but haven't taken the next step. the last year has been pretty tough and i would like to know what to make of it.
― deez m'uts (La Lechera), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 14:10 (2 years ago) Permalink
The last one I saw told me that she didn't think CBT would work for me because I was too smart.
this is indeed straight-up bullshit, btw.
― i can tina turner (elmo argonaut), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 14:18 (2 years ago) Permalink
That's why we had to break up.
Have done CBT before and it was somewhat helpful btw.
― \(^o\) (/o^)/ (ENBB), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 14:25 (2 years ago) Permalink
CBT is really great if you have identifiable problems and behaviors you want to work on and change (which is why its great for anxiety-related issues), but (ime, and judging by the experience of friends) is a lot less helpful for... "working through issues" or what have you.
i mean its all related, ppl should do what works best for them, but given the way ronan is describing what he's looking for i think oldish-school "narcissistic rambling" therapy could be just as helpful. sometimes the best thing is to just talk to someone who is unconnected to your life for an hour every couple weeks!
― ban drake (the rapper) (max), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 14:27 (2 years ago) Permalink
...the clinic I was going to wanted me to have an annual appointment with their psychiatrist. The psychiatrist was a middle-aged dude and he was listening to Michael Savage in his office during our meeting, which I thought was maybe not appropriate.
― dell (del), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 14:28 (2 years ago) Permalink
CBT is really great if you have identifiable problems and behaviors you want to work on and change (which is why its great for anxiety-related issues), but (ime, and judging by the experience of friends) is a lot less helpful for... "working through issues" or what have you.
Yes, this makes sense to me. Also my anxiety was pretty under control at the time so perhaps that was part of what she was getting at and just didn't phrase it correctly. We weren't a good fit in general mainly because of what I mentioned earlier. She would just look at me and nod the whole time and I found it really unhelpful. I think M is right though and that for some people the opportunity to talk to someone unconnected can be what some people find most helpful, it just hasn't been for me.
― \(^o\) (/o^)/ (ENBB), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 14:36 (2 years ago) Permalink
One of the major problems with going to therapy, for me at least, is when I feel low enough to make the appointment, suddenly the mere possibility of actually meeting this person is enough to make me remember OH YEAH I feel just FINE.
― deez m'uts (La Lechera), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 14:40 (2 years ago) Permalink
i find it hard to say which type would be good with no experience, apart from the cost being £0, that'd help me a lot i know for sure!
i think i prob have a pretty clear idea of what i want to change and what goals i'd have from it all (despite my rambling above), which sort of is my main reason for thinking it'd help me. like if you know some of the things you want to work on then i guess like going to the doctor you can be specific and hopefully get some help.
― Will.Have.Known (Local Garda), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 14:41 (2 years ago) Permalink
identify with a lot of yr post ronan.
If you find somethin PM me dogg
― socks & pwns may break my bwns (darraghmac), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 14:41 (2 years ago) Permalink
oh sure ronan, i didnt mean to say that you didnt know what was "wrong" with you. i just wanted to stick up for the "narcissistic rambling" model of therapy, which can be very useful to people! i think pragmatism is key, dont spend time with therapy that doesnt work for you, regardless of yr... ideological (or what have you) feelings
― ban drake (the rapper) (max), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 14:44 (2 years ago) Permalink
once you don't tell anyone else in ireland darragh
x-post to max yeah i wasn't on the defensive on that, yeah it could actually be that that's just as good, i guess it's hard to tell until you go, and prob depends on the person.
― Will.Have.Known (Local Garda), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 14:46 (2 years ago) Permalink
― ban drake (the rapper) (max), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 14:47 (2 years ago) Permalink
sry mn just facebooked you 'lol u nuts lol'
― socks & pwns may break my bwns (darraghmac), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 14:50 (2 years ago) Permalink
― \(^o\) (/o^)/ (ENBB), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 14:53 (2 years ago) Permalink
he went mad over the want of the pint of harp
― socks & pwns may break my bwns (darraghmac), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 14:55 (2 years ago) Permalink
'it's 'me time' back home'
― socks & pwns may break my bwns (darraghmac), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 14:56 (2 years ago) Permalink
my narcissistic rambling comment isn't, obv, directed at everybody who does talk therapy, and especialy not at introspective types or people considering therapy who haven't been before. there is a definite 'type' of professional therapy-seekers, though, who pay somebody to indulge their blah-blahing, and use the time to entrench themselves more deeply in their (often wacky) opinions. there are a TON TON TON of bad therapists who really value and believe in letting people wallow in their own shitty mire as part of a therapeutic practice, when learning to move past / effectively deal with bad situations is a much loftier, and harder, goal.
― ignore the man behind the parentheses (remy bean), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 15:09 (2 years ago) Permalink
yeah no definitely...and like i think it can be hard in a way for anyone not to have a little voice that tells them it is just narcissism. but i suppose at a point you think "would i benefit from this", "do i have goals from this" and "will i be happier after", i sort of think there is potential at least for the answer to be yes to all of these. i don't actually talk to anyone about how i feel about anything, hardly ever really...
― Will.Have.Known (Local Garda), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 15:16 (2 years ago) Permalink
and of course i know you're making a general point btw...rather than anything specific to this thread
sorry guys, CBT means something very different in my "community"
― resistance does not require a firearm (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 15:18 (2 years ago) Permalink
― ban drake (the rapper) (max), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 15:18 (2 years ago) Permalink
dr morbius' cbt would probably not be very helpful to ronan
it could be really good – i benefitted from visiting a talk therapist at one point, and when i came to the realization that i no longer needed to see him it was a goood 'oh, i'm okay with this situation and my psychic baggage moment'
― ignore the man behind the parentheses (remy bean), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 15:18 (2 years ago) Permalink
This isn't to discourage Ronan from going but I really identify with what Remy is saying. It's so frustrating!
I haven't gone in a couple years because I got so tired of only encountering the types of therapists R is describing. It really sucks because I'd really love to find something who I work well with that could help me learn to "to move past / effectively deal with bad situations" because essentially that's what I can't figure out on my own. The whole process of finding someone new and going to enough sessions to get a feel for them is kind of a pain in the ass not to mention time consuming and costly. The thought of going through that whole process again is really daunting even though I know it would be worth it if I finally found someone good for me.
BTW when I said I've tried 4-5 that's over 10 years. I'll go through the process and get discouraged and it always takes me a while to get around to it again. I just didn't want it to seem like I was tearing through these peeps without giving them a real shot or that I was just being difficult and writing off one after another.
― \(^o\) (/o^)/ (ENBB), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 15:20 (2 years ago) Permalink
I was all, "what could that possibly... OH DO NOT WANT"
― Dreaded Burrito Gang (DJP), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 15:21 (2 years ago) Permalink
I can't figure it out.
I think I've got the C and B parts down but not sure about the T. :(
― \(^o\) (/o^)/ (ENBB), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 15:22 (2 years ago) Permalink
cucumber bacon tomato is all i got
― ignore the man behind the parentheses (remy bean), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 15:23 (2 years ago) Permalink
― ban drake (the rapper) (max), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 15:23 (2 years ago) Permalink
cock balls taint
― ignore the man behind the parentheses (remy bean), Wednesday, 4 May 2011 15:24 (2 years ago) Permalink
Yeah, I was starting to have some similar revelations about my dad (DIFFICULT relationship, there) that I was unfortunately unable to resolve before he died. The lesson being: the sooner you deal with this stuff, the better.
― Calvin Coolranch (Deric W. Haircare), Thursday, 29 March 2012 22:31 (1 year ago) Permalink
about 10 weeks in now, it's a fucking incredibly hard thing to do i have to say. for 2/3 weeks i felt it was having this huge improvement and probably invested too much in a bounce that could have been to do with anything, then for the last week just been back to feeling fairly bad, with the added sense of questioning more of my perspectives than ever, and the realisation or worry that you know, maybe you can never really be happy. i think so far therapy has made me accept some things that i didn't before, but in the process made me then think "well if i am wrong about this then who knows what else in me could be totally skewed and messed up"
― I'm going to allow this! (LocalGarda), Thursday, March 29, 2012 4:54 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
Realizing how wrong you were about everything is the first step to making a new life for yourself. It's a little crazy at first, but this is it, man. The moment I realized how skewed and twisted my worldview was, I was able to just throw all it all in the garbage, incinerate it, and move on. It's a pain in the ass, but it's totally worth it, no matter how difficult or strange it is, and how many twisty interconnected webs of shit, infinite loops of bad thinking you gotta break, and painful repressed emotions to relive. I did it all w/o therapy, so not sure what your approach is, but you can totally be happy. There's a life after all the bullshit, human beings are incredibly adaptive creatures... I mean, we survived the ice age.
― Spectrum, Thursday, 29 March 2012 23:17 (1 year ago) Permalink
Good luck to you, Spectrum, that is really brave to realize that! I hope you have a rewarding future.
― โตเกียวเหมียวเหมียว aka Honk if You Love Roan Hair, Whoo (Mount Cleaners), Thursday, 29 March 2012 23:37 (1 year ago) Permalink
Thanks. I had two Joan Crawfords for parents, united in their Crawfordiness, plus a good dose of sadistic bullying, so it was pretty much imperative to face all that shit to live a halfway decent life.
― Spectrum, Friday, 30 March 2012 00:44 (1 year ago) Permalink
otm, semi-been there
― Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 30 March 2012 01:18 (1 year ago) Permalink
The best thing about therapy is when you have sudden, powerful realizations about past events or particular interpersonal relationships which have colored your thinking or behavior. Things that no amount of bouncing things around in your own head would ever uncover. It can sometimes take a while to get to that point, but it's worth the slog.
Definitely agree. I've had this a few times already and it feels great. I maybe overstated my despair above, think I just need not to think "I'm cured!" after these revelations.
About two sessions ago I realised that for years I've sort of internalised my physical health probs as part of me and who I am, along with all the experiences they've brought.
I suddenly realised how unfair and wrong this was, to adopt this awful thing as a part of me, something entirely negative, and to let it grow through me mentally, whatever about not being able to get rid of it physically.
As I say this felt so big that I think I got a bit eureka about what's prob still a long road/process.
― I'm going to allow this! (LocalGarda), Friday, 30 March 2012 13:14 (1 year ago) Permalink
probably invested too much in a bounce that could have been to do with anything, then for the last week just been back to feeling fairly bad
this happens to me too, and every time i'm like why did i let myself get fooled!! it's a very disappointing thing.
― rayuela, Friday, 30 March 2012 16:05 (1 year ago) Permalink
Feeling similarly... falling back into old patterns and still realizing how much work there is left to do. It's so easy to make one inch of progress and think everything's great (more like denial, I guess, nobody should want these things to be real about themselves). Just got a nice in-house writing job for a fairly well-known company, so that triggered it I'm pretty sure.
Now that I'll be making better money, I think I'll give a real therapist a shot. The hardest part right now, aside from teaching myself all the crap my parents didn't (how to work, take care of myself, relate to people, not freak out, etc.), is this feeling of resentment and insecurity at people who just seem to glide through life. I feel like such a loser sometimes, but some people are luckier than others that they don't have to do this work. But count yer blessings, etc.
― Spectrum, Monday, 30 April 2012 02:50 (1 year ago) Permalink
You'd be surprised - the people who are gliding through life might have already been where you are now. Don't let those feelings take hold, or intimidate you into thinking you're alone/isolated/etc. A lot of what ppl project publicly is so masked - try to turn it around for yourself so you can move forward, ie you're being brave by giving a therapist a real shot, because so many people don't. And that's not even 'turn that frown upside down' wankery, cos it's true :)
― Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 30 April 2012 03:12 (1 year ago) Permalink
Thanks, I appreciate that. It's a lot easier to just wish it all away as opposed to doing something about it, especially when our culture looks down on people, especially men, for going to therapy.
I'm sure others are out there who've survived and are living good lives, probably without me knowing it... this isn't exactly good water cooler talk. But my lord, doing this takes so much inner strength, intelligence, creativity, and utter will power that if the people who are gliding can keep this soft attitude and look of obliviousness, I have no idea how they do it. The people I've met in the career world who are survivors have been utterly miserable people, bitter, nasty, with a horrible mean streak, or prone to totally mistreating people, and I have absolutely no interest in living like that... though I recognize some of those behaviors in myself from time to time. Breaking the cycle, etc.
This feels like tearing down one life and rebuilding a completely new one. Maybe that's my personality more than anything, but I don't see any other way.
― Spectrum, Monday, 30 April 2012 03:34 (1 year ago) Permalink
i started posting on ilx as "al" shortly before November 2001 so every time this thread is revived i do a double take wondering if i started it
― some dude, Monday, 30 April 2012 03:35 (1 year ago) Permalink
xpost ehh, just ignore that big chunk of text I wrote. On further inspection, I think you're right.
― Spectrum, Monday, 30 April 2012 03:49 (1 year ago) Permalink
Man, do I ever know that feeling of looking at others and feeling bitter that they have it so damn easy. It's true most everyone has a story (eg Veg OTM); OTOH some definitely have had it easier than others.
It can be real tough when you're trying to turn things around to see any of the progress you've made. Therapy takes a lot of effort and working through feelings and experiences and shit can take years and years. That you're doing it is courageous. You're planting seeds now that will be harvested in the future. It's hard to be patient, but keep going.
Also to the world that says therapy is for losers (esp men I guess, wtf?), I say, "Fuck that." Thousands and thousands of people do it every year, and it helps make people better. It's a better use of time and money and energy than dozens of inane things society approves of, like shopping.
― Dale, dale, dale (Abbbottt), Monday, 30 April 2012 03:56 (1 year ago) Permalink
I want to say I support you and your feelings are real and ok!
― Dale, dale, dale (Abbbottt), Monday, 30 April 2012 03:57 (1 year ago) Permalink
I'm going back into therapy as soon as I have the money or insurance (whichever comes first) to do so, even though I'm generally in a better place mentally than I've been in almost two years. It's like doing upkeep on a car: you let that shit slide too long and you pay through the nose when you have a breakdown.
― O Aquaman (Deric W. Haircare), Monday, 30 April 2012 04:11 (1 year ago) Permalink
Thanks, Abbottt. It's nice to feel that I'm not alone in this. Right now is the first time I've become aware of why and how I fall back into bad habits and patterns whenever something big or stressful happens, and that's when all progress is completely reversed. It's like becoming aware you're living in the Matrix or you're the Prisoner or something. So that's good at least.
My question is: now what? I'd like to go to therapy but it'll take 3 months for my benefits to kick in, and I don't have much of a support network to rely on. Confronting the honest truth is like a wave of molten lead crashing on top of me and it's hard not to get sucked in and down (or, uhhh, burned alive), especially without any support. Positive side is life is far better than years ago, and my career is starting to kick off after two extreme changes in course, so I'm lucky in that regard.
― Spectrum, Friday, 4 May 2012 22:23 (1 year ago) Permalink
i basically did 12 weeks of this, which was state sponsored, and the dude was v good but at the end was all "make the investment in your happiness" meaning go private and pay 50 quid a week, and i just can't justify that. 200 quid a month, just insane.
i didn't really work everything out, though my 12 weeks helped a lot, and lol now i'm doing an acting class instead which was considerably cheaper. not a deliberate like for like swap but that's how it's panned out.
― ooooiiiioooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaoooooh un - bi - leevable! (LocalGarda), Saturday, 5 May 2012 00:33 (1 year ago) Permalink
I just called one of those "stressed? griefy? etc? call us" employee assistance hotlines and the guy tried to talk me into seeing a counselor again –––––––––––––––– and he correctly identified (and helped me realize) that I have developed an extreme distrust of counselors/therapists over the years. Looking back over the years, I can see where it got fucked up with every single one of them. I have this little narrative that therapy helped me out but it's not so simple as that.
The anonymous phone guy was VERY easy to talk to, mostly because I'll never have to see him again! Or that he has a copy of something dumb like THE COURAGE TO HEAL that makes me judge him. Just, ok, I got problems, bye, let's never do this again!
― ms fotheringham (Crabbits), Thursday, 13 September 2012 01:22 (8 months ago) Permalink
Maybe you are looking for reasons to reject them in the end? The by-far best therapist I ever had used to quote Tony Robbins, so I had to let go of my anti-self-help-book prejudice. Anyway, sounds like you are going through some really hard stuff and I feel for you. Seeing someone sounds like a good idea.
― look at this quarterstaff (Hurting 2), Thursday, 13 September 2012 02:08 (8 months ago) Permalink
I think it breaks down to:- the truly bonkers therapists detailed upthread (eg the one who made me call my dad w/Michael Medved trivia questons mid-session)- got misdiagnosed w/bipolar and was on like extreme (and extremely expensive) medications for years and years and did not start having anything like a normal work life or normal emotional life until AFTER going off meds- they gave me a guy therapist after I got raped and I was too much like 'hmm I must not judge humanity for its many penises' Polyanna to say no, and eventually I would go home imagining him masturbating while thinking about our sessions (I think this is called 'transference' and also 'awful')- I did have a good marriage counselor because she saw through all our bullshit but it did lead to a divorce- didn't really help that my former mom-in-law is a therapist, and insane, and when I got raped she told me it was MY fault because I repressed a memory of my dad molesting me (my dad never molested me (this is why I would get judgey about someone having THE COURAGE TO HEAL))- and now ILX is my therapist, sorry everyone!!
― ms fotheringham (Crabbits), Thursday, 13 September 2012 02:51 (8 months ago) Permalink
ugh. therapy can be kind of dangerous really. It's so crucial when it's good, but it can be so terrible when it's bad.
FWIW both of my mother's parents were therapists and she played therapist with me (to an inappropriate degree) my whole life. So I can relate to mistrusting therapists.
in re the guy therapist, though, (and here I'm going to go playing therapist I guess) -- I think there are times when you can actually benefit from trying to sit with those awful and uncomfortable transferrence feelings about a therapist, and that's supposed to be part of the process and all, although obviously I don't advocate doing it to the point of nauseau and trauma
― look at this quarterstaff (Hurting 2), Thursday, 13 September 2012 03:18 (8 months ago) Permalink
ps I didn't know that's what "The Courage To Heal" was -- yuck
― look at this quarterstaff (Hurting 2), Thursday, 13 September 2012 03:21 (8 months ago) Permalink
yeah seeing a male therapist for that was a MISTAKE
thanks for listening Hurting. Want to say I hope you don't think I was going ham on you on the feministy thread. Sorry for being such a ridiculous and petulant provocateur.
― ms fotheringham (Crabbits), Thursday, 13 September 2012 03:29 (8 months ago) Permalink
nah I didn't figure you were talking about me specifically, I was just trying to provide some context for at least some instances of "the woman seems to be doing all the child-rearing." I mean other times there's just stupid male expectations at play, for sure.
― look at this quarterstaff (Hurting 2), Thursday, 13 September 2012 03:35 (8 months ago) Permalink
One thing I can say is that you're probably right about how you'd feel if you had kids -- that sounds very much like what new moms, including my wife, have told me about the rage they often feel, so if you ever do it, at least you won't have unrealistic expectations.
― look at this quarterstaff (Hurting 2), Thursday, 13 September 2012 03:37 (8 months ago) Permalink
I mean not all the child-rearing but all the child-CHASING. Like I go out with friends – mom, dad, and toddler – dad's playing mandolin and drinking whiskey with the boys, mom's the one following the little making sure she's not falling into the pool. Or doing all those child-time-occupying games. "Can you count how many fallen apples there are on the ground, sweetie?" And when moms needs to use the bathroom or take a break with some wine, it's not dad that's swapped out to watch the kid, it's me. Which, I love their kid and don't mind. But that is the face of liberal hipster parenting I've seen play out at a lot of parties.
― ms fotheringham (Crabbits), Thursday, 13 September 2012 03:40 (8 months ago) Permalink
I must not judge humanity for its many penises
sorry i lol'ed
― real men have been preparing manly dishes for centuries (elmo argonaut), Thursday, 13 September 2012 13:25 (8 months ago) Permalink