Is it bad for a baby to see you masturbating?

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Also, this thread needs an overbearing Brooklyn father to come up, cuff it on the back of the head and say, "Jeeeesus Christ, what the FUCK is wrong with you?"

M@tt He1geson (Matt Helgeson), Monday, 5 December 2005 19:19 (8 years ago) Permalink

i had a crush on that thor girl from adventures in babysitting when i was her age.

jaymc (jaymc), Monday, 5 December 2005 19:21 (8 years ago) Permalink

she had a gremlins backpack!

latebloomer: The Corridor (Yes, The Corridor) (latebloomer), Monday, 5 December 2005 19:25 (8 years ago) Permalink

How do you get a dead baby to float?
Put it in root beer?

dan is correct, but the original line is wrong; it should be "how do you make a dead baby float?"

carry on.

Your local source of bad ilx jokes for 2.5 years running (kingfish 2.0), Monday, 5 December 2005 20:06 (8 years ago) Permalink

This is still retarded. A baby isn't really going to care if you play with your schlong, especially since in a couple months the baby will be doing basically the same thing fifteen hours a day; you guys are acting like an infant can tell the difference between sexuality and just, like scratching. That said, I can't imagine any situation in which a masturbating person would need or want to have visual contact with a baby. If you absolutely couldn't leave the room, you could just, like, put the baby in its crib and go sit kinda out of view, preferably while the baby's sleeping or something.

I say that less for the baby's sake and more for the masturbator's, and I say that as someone who can't even masturbate if there's, like, a cat looking, or something.

nabiscothingy, Monday, 5 December 2005 20:07 (8 years ago) Permalink

anyway i think the worst part is you knowing the baby being there and still doing it. i mean, that's like sick. it's almost as bad as shagging in a room where there's a huge photo of your parents somewhere in it.

-- ken c (pykachu10...) (webmail), Today 9:33 AM. (ken c) (later) (link)

what if it's like, rolled up in a tube and lost in the back of the closet?

I have to side with tuomas's here. first off, because of the whole lack of awareness thing. and second, of what he said here:

"And I still wonder if there's a difference in how people view masturbating in a room where there is a baby, and having sex in such a room. Because, even though masturbation is considered okay these days, there's still a special stigma attached to it that enhances the "yuck"-factor."

i'm sure a greater number of people see masturbating with the baby present as wrong than two people having sex. I'm pretty much sure my folks did it with me in the room. and i dont think i'd care if my uncle jerked himself off while babysitting me. i really can't see how it would make one bit of difference.

AaronK (AaronK), Monday, 5 December 2005 20:39 (8 years ago) Permalink

i'm sure a greater number of people see masturbating with the baby present as wrong than two people having sex.

Oh yes, just look at all of the posts here advocating boning by the baby.

Dan (This Is Why God Created Kitchen Tables) Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 5 December 2005 20:43 (8 years ago) Permalink

Every day I worry a little bit more about the mental health of the people who post here, I swear to god. You know what? Who gives a crap, why people think it's gross? What the hell is the matter with a person who DOESN'T think it's a little creepy to crank it or fuck next to a baby??? For crying out loud, it's just disturbing, people. This is a no brainer. Why is there an argument?

Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Monday, 5 December 2005 20:47 (8 years ago) Permalink

Patient and steady with all he must bear,
Ready to meet every challenge with care,
Easy in manner, yet solid as steel,
Strong in his faith, refreshingly real.
Isn't afraid to propose what is bold,
Doesn't conform to the usual mould,
Eyes that have foresight, for hindsight won't do,
Never backs down when he sees what is true,
Tells it all straight, and means it all too.
Going forward and knowing he's right,
Even when doubted for why he would fight,
Over and over he makes his case clear,
Reaching to touch the ones who won't hear.
Growing in strength he won't be unnerved,
Ever assuring he'll stand by his word.
Wanting the world to join his firm stand,
Bracing for war, but praying for peace,
Using his power so evil will cease,
So much a leader and worthy of trust,
Here stands a man who will do what he must.

Dan (IE, Crank It Next To A Baby) Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 5 December 2005 20:49 (8 years ago) Permalink

THAT'S what he's saying in Lullaby?

Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Monday, 5 December 2005 20:52 (8 years ago) Permalink

That's what you get when you slow down the oddly-reverbed snare hit from the remix.

Dan (You Also Get Feline AIDS) Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 5 December 2005 21:08 (8 years ago) Permalink

I don't think anyone is ADVOCATING the "presence of infant" approach, but if it happened (SOMEHOW, I kind of can't imagine, but WHATEVER) it seems incredibly unlikely to me that it would matter one whit to an infant. It's absolutely true, look at the historical record of whole families sharing one- or two-room dwellings! I think, based on random reading about standards of mothing, that the norm had changed by oh, late medieval-ish times in Western Europe as the general definition of "household" changed from the whole contributing group (ie extended family and unrelated laborers, boarding clergy, wetnurses, etc etc) to focus on the immediate family, but one-room dwellings were the norm in other parts of the world for much longer (possibly still are in some...?).

Laurel (Laurel), Monday, 5 December 2005 21:10 (8 years ago) Permalink

I don't think anyone is ADVOCATING the "presence of infant" approach, but if it happened (SOMEHOW, I kind of can't imagine, but WHATEVER)

"I tripped!"

Dan (Next Thing You Know...) Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 5 December 2005 21:12 (8 years ago) Permalink

HEY SMART PEOPLE!

MASTURBATING WITH A BABY IN THE ROOM WILL STILL BE GROSS AND WRONG NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU FUCKING MICROANALYZE IT!

THE HISTORICAL RECORD OF WHOLE FAMILIES SHARING ONE- OR TWO-ROOM DWELLINGS CAN FUCK OFF!

M@tt He1geson (Matt Helgeson), Monday, 5 December 2005 21:16 (8 years ago) Permalink

Masturbating with a baby-in-the-room or masturbating-with-a-baby in the room?

Dan (I Love Ambiguity) Perry (jaymc), Monday, 5 December 2005 21:18 (8 years ago) Permalink

Use plenty of lubricant.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 5 December 2005 21:19 (8 years ago) Permalink

Seriously, though, I mean it is highly unlikely that anyone here is living in a one-room dwelling with multiple family members. I mean, things happen out of necessity but I've never thought "necessity" was "kinda horny while babysitting"!! IF for some truly dire reason it was NECESSARY to have sex or masturbate with a baby in the room, such as living in a one room house with 17 people, that's understandible but also STILL CREEPY!

Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Monday, 5 December 2005 21:20 (8 years ago) Permalink

JAYMC I AM MAKING YOUR CARD

Dan (With Doilies) Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 5 December 2005 21:22 (8 years ago) Permalink

HEY SMART PEOPLE!

Aww thanks, Matt. Yer a sweetie.

XP to Ally: Haha, NO, of course now I think we can all agree that it's kind of oh, I dunno, CREEPY, if only because it's pretty damn hard to imagine how it's not easily avoidable! But in the scheme of things? Probably not that big a deal.

Laurel (Laurel), Monday, 5 December 2005 21:22 (8 years ago) Permalink

I just don't believe that Tuomas finds it creepy!!! Which is creepy!

Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Monday, 5 December 2005 21:23 (8 years ago) Permalink

Masturbating with a baby-in-the-room or masturbating-with-a-baby in the room?
-- Dan (I Love Ambiguity) Perry (djperry@jmail.com), December 5th, 2005. (jaymc)

haha dan wins!

I just don't believe that Tuomas finds it creepy!!! Which is creepy!
-- Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyza...)

that's what i'm talking about.

M@tt He1geson (Matt Helgeson), Monday, 5 December 2005 21:23 (8 years ago) Permalink

"Every day I worry a little bit more about the mental health of the people who post here, I swear to god. You know what? Who gives a crap, why people think it's gross? What the hell is the matter with a person who DOESN'T think it's a little creepy to crank it or fuck next to a baby??? For crying out loud, it's just disturbing, people. This is a no brainer. Why is there an argument?"

fuckin next to babies has been done, and while I, in this day and age, think it's creepy, I can understand how it *wouldnt* be creepy as well. I also think cranking it next to the baby is creepy, but i'm trying to argue that while creepy, it's not necessarily morally wrong. that's why there's an argument.

AaronK (AaronK), Monday, 5 December 2005 21:25 (8 years ago) Permalink

(xpost: I would love to take credit for that but it wasn't me! Show All Details)

I'm sorry, but unless I'm in a private room in the Playboy Mansion at least 16 of those people need to fuck right off.

Dan (This Is Assuming They Are All Playmates And Not Greasy Asshat Celebrities L, Monday, 5 December 2005 21:26 (8 years ago) Permalink

No one is saying it is "morally wrong" besides probably A Nairn but he thinks breathing is morally wrong. A couple of people pointed out it technically might be illegal and also CREEPY but morally wrong, who knows. TOTALLY GROSS AND CREEPY, definitely! Why play a semantics argument?

Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Monday, 5 December 2005 21:27 (8 years ago) Permalink

oh my sweet christ we're still on this!

Theorry Henry (Enrique), Monday, 5 December 2005 21:29 (8 years ago) Permalink

it's not a semantics argument. the original poster said nothing about "creepy" but a lot about "wrong." they even admitted that it was "uncomfortable" (which IS kind of too weak a word to use here, which i admit is creepy!).

AaronK (AaronK), Monday, 5 December 2005 21:29 (8 years ago) Permalink

I keep expecting the original poster to come back and say something like "Wow, I'm glad I didn't tell you people that I wiped my hand on the baby's blanket afterwards."

Dan (Bleah) Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 5 December 2005 21:31 (8 years ago) Permalink

the baby would just think it's snot anyway, and wouldnt care.

I DIDNT!

AaronK (AaronK), Monday, 5 December 2005 21:32 (8 years ago) Permalink

besides, in the days before they had disposable tissues, they had to reuse cloths. what's a spankerchief one day is your dishtowel the next.

AaronK (AaronK), Monday, 5 December 2005 21:33 (8 years ago) Permalink

SPANKERCHIEF

Dan (Alert Merriam-Webster) Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 5 December 2005 21:35 (8 years ago) Permalink

Remind me to refuse all dinner invitations to your house, Aaron.

xpost

M. White (Miguelito), Monday, 5 December 2005 21:37 (8 years ago) Permalink

shut up shut UP WHY DID I OPEN THIS THREAD

-rainbow bum- (-rainbow bum-), Monday, 5 December 2005 21:37 (8 years ago) Permalink

err on the safe side i say... if you can wait til dinner... if you can wait for a smoke... if you can wait to go to the potty... you can wait for some alone/adult time to wank.

you could take a dump in somebody's living room and clean it up before they come home too, but why go there?

i don't even want to think about how to explain what was going on if somebody walked in.
m.

msp (mspa), Monday, 5 December 2005 21:53 (8 years ago) Permalink

now i really don't understand this thread. who the hell really gives a fuck whether this question is a no brainer?

ken c (ken c), Monday, 5 December 2005 21:55 (8 years ago) Permalink

oh wait i misread nevermind!

ken c (ken c), Monday, 5 December 2005 21:58 (8 years ago) Permalink

i don't even want to think about how to explain what was going on if somebody walked in.

M@tt He1geson (Matt Helgeson), Monday, 5 December 2005 22:00 (8 years ago) Permalink

i guess that's it actually. just the fact that there's no real need to do it while a baby is present and still doing it makes it kind of odd, and weird, and creepy.

like, if you're in a desert and you take a dump, there's no water, and then you need to eat, you eat without washing your hands, oh well, what else can you do eh?

but when you're in a house with running water and soap, you take a shit, and then for some reason not washing your hands before you eat. WEIRD.

ken c (ken c), Monday, 5 December 2005 22:02 (8 years ago) Permalink

You wash your hands with the sand. That is what devout muslims do.

GET EQUIPPED WITH BUBBLE LEAD (ex machina), Monday, 5 December 2005 22:03 (8 years ago) Permalink

not to mention pooing on the floor in the desert. vs pooing on the floor in a house that has a WC.

ken c (ken c), Monday, 5 December 2005 22:04 (8 years ago) Permalink

xpost devout muslims who have access to sand, you mean.

ken c (ken c), Monday, 5 December 2005 22:05 (8 years ago) Permalink

but what if they need to take a dump in a place where there is no sand?

ken c (ken c), Monday, 5 December 2005 22:06 (8 years ago) Permalink

it's all social conditioning

ken c (ken c), Monday, 5 December 2005 22:06 (8 years ago) Permalink

can i just interrupt to say that i've read this thread in one sitting, having been understandably scared to open it at work, and:

a) ken c, you were officially the funniest man in the universe until ...
b) ... a nairn turned up on strong mind-altering drugs at 5.08pm, then spent four minutes ingesting the world's remaining supply of mind-altering drugs before posting again
c) WHAT KIND OF FUCKED-UP FUCK HAS A CHUG ANYWHERE NEAR A BABY?

thank you. you may all resume where you left off.

grimly fiendish (grimlord), Monday, 5 December 2005 22:08 (8 years ago) Permalink

or not.

grimly fiendish (grimlord), Monday, 5 December 2005 22:16 (8 years ago) Permalink

In my experience dinner cloths are less likely to be used when people have underwear, t-shirts, perfectly good dress shirts, etc to use.

Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Monday, 5 December 2005 22:27 (8 years ago) Permalink

fuck off, weirdo

gear (gear), Monday, 5 December 2005 23:28 (8 years ago) Permalink

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxposts

gear (gear), Monday, 5 December 2005 23:29 (8 years ago) Permalink

ha ha, you should've just left it.

Sororah T Massacre (blueski), Monday, 5 December 2005 23:34 (8 years ago) Permalink

Yikes! This thread is crazy. I've never even been able to masturbate in the same room with a cat or a dog in it (just in case reincarnation turned out to be true and the cat or dog turned out to be my grandma).

scott seward (scott seward), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 00:07 (8 years ago) Permalink

I swear our goldfish used to make the weirdest clicking noises against the side of his bowl when I was engaged in self-love. But that was a fucking goldfish.

Amity Wong (noodle vague), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 00:09 (8 years ago) Permalink


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