what do you say to a child who has been unable to age for 30 years because of foreigners having sex on benefits which they use to make a bomb aimed at please, thank you and mushy peas?
― blueski, Tuesday, 26 August 2008 11:37 (4 years ago) Permalink
At childrens birthday parties society is literally cut up and eaten while absent parents laugh
― Parish Priest!, Tuesday, 26 August 2008 11:38 (4 years ago) Permalink
It's Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.
― Neil S, Tuesday, 26 August 2008 11:41 (4 years ago) Permalink
The rot started with balls, really. When I was a child we were happy with a whip and a spinning top. These days they want a ball one minute and a Bentley the next, but you can't even whip your servants. Can't even whip your servants, but still they won't make it illegal to abduct and murder little children and bury them in the woods.
― Matt DC, Tuesday, 26 August 2008 11:42 (4 years ago) Permalink
My elderly mother was left lying around a hospital untreated for three decades, and her rigid corpse ended up being used as a hospital bed for an asylum seeker with a cut to the thumb. Meanwhile the spin merchants in government are compiling the new year honours' list by copying names wholesale from the Sex Offenders Register. What on earth is going on?
― MPx4A, Tuesday, 26 August 2008 11:50 (4 years ago) Permalink
i blame the parents, every one of them
― darraghmac, Tuesday, 26 August 2008 11:52 (4 years ago) Permalink
Our parents fought and died in a war, and now Gordon Brown won't even give us a referendum on whether Britain should join the Middle East.
― Matt DC, Tuesday, 26 August 2008 11:55 (4 years ago) Permalink
When you went on holiday you used to be able to ask your neighbours to check that the kids were doing okay.
In Brown's Britain they're more likely to kill them and turn their mutilated corpses into an 'art' exhibition -- and all at the taxpayer's expense.
― special guest stars mark bronson, Tuesday, 26 August 2008 12:04 (4 years ago) Permalink
Roy Whiting and Ian Huntley are sitting in five star "prison cell" bragging about their crimes on Face-book. Meanwhile, the Police can't even be bothered to find Milly Dowler. SORT IT OUT.
― MPx4A, Tuesday, 26 August 2008 12:04 (4 years ago) Permalink
You can't even talk about who should be in the Tottenham team without people complaining.
― blueski, Tuesday, 26 August 2008 12:06 (4 years ago) Permalink
― Pashmina, Tuesday, 26 August 2008 12:07 (4 years ago) Permalink
Haha stevem beat me to it
― DJ Mencap, Tuesday, 26 August 2008 12:13 (4 years ago) Permalink
So, Gordon Brown and his merry band of socialists say it is not on for a grown man to vote for Paul Simon in Pazz and Jopp? I am a grown man I can vote for who I want! This is yet another example of socialism and political correctness killing our most proud traditions.
― Free Peace Sweet!, Tuesday, 26 August 2008 12:16 (4 years ago) Permalink
So, Gordon Brown and his rag tag bag of Eurocrats and Trots think it is inappropriate for me to talk about my love of corn dogs and hoagies on the internet when I should be doing my boring office job? Well I think they should eat a MASSIVE PLATE OF RIBS, perhaps then they would know what it is like in the real world.
― Free Peace Sweet!, Tuesday, 26 August 2008 12:19 (4 years ago) Permalink
Some of the messages on this thread are funny!
But it is curious that everyone - in about 160 posts on such a fractious board - seems happy to agree entirely with the tone of the thread, and produce more sarcastic parodies of laments for a lost past.
Actually, there are probably some things that were indeed better in the past, and some that were worse. Some things in the world today, one would not want to lose. Some, perhaps one would be glad to see the back of.
In a lot of ways, life for us - the expanded middle classes of the developed world - is probably as good or easy as life has ever been for anyone ever. Yet it is also true, I believe, that the planet Earth, as a physical environment and ecological system, has never been in a worse shape, at least not since it was covered in rivers of lava several million years ago. Some things do get worse, dangerously and tragically worse.
― the pinefox, Tuesday, 26 August 2008 12:50 (4 years ago) Permalink
― onimo, Tuesday, 26 August 2008 12:52 (4 years ago) Permalink
― darraghmac, Tuesday, 26 August 2008 12:54 (4 years ago) Permalink
When children were made to join the army, they knew the meaning of discipline. Nowadays every child has a gun.
― Matt DC, Tuesday, 26 August 2008 12:59 (4 years ago) Permalink
Mexicans celebrate their navidades by swatting Society with a cane til it literally bursts forth with detritus which they then collect, trade, and eat.
― wanko ergo sum, Tuesday, 26 August 2008 13:01 (4 years ago) Permalink
According to the Guardian's latest Tottenham report - and I quote - "The merits of the Wigan forward Emile Heskey have also been discussed."
― the pinefox, Tuesday, 26 August 2008 13:08 (4 years ago) Permalink
One of the shortest conversations in history that one
― Tom D., Tuesday, 26 August 2008 13:13 (4 years ago) Permalink
When oh when will Left-wing subversives like Pinko Pinefox be dealt with by our bankrupt Government instead of being nauseatingly allowed to broadcast his nigglingly nitpicking propaganda about global warming which as we all know is a fallacy funded by disgusting Loony Lefties like George Michael. If the world is getting warmer why have we had THREE STINKING SUMMERS IN A ROW?
We would be basking in 95 degree temperatures if the Tories had been elected in 2005.
― Marcello Carlin, Tuesday, 26 August 2008 13:20 (4 years ago) Permalink
once, there was at least one summer a year. now, who knows?
― max, Tuesday, 26 August 2008 13:25 (4 years ago) Permalink
i sold my house for a pint of beer, and then i spilt it all over my hooded top.
― the next grozart, Tuesday, 26 August 2008 13:28 (4 years ago) Permalink
I blame the absence of Summer on the pernicious influence of porno princess and open advocate of homosexuality seventies soul songstress Donna Summer.
― Marcello Carlin, Tuesday, 26 August 2008 13:30 (4 years ago) Permalink
Once upon a time you could go outside and hear birds singing and the wind blowing. If you listened carefully, you could even hear the fizz and spit of the Sun as it warmed and replenished the Earth's natural resources.
Go outdoors nowadays and all you can hear is the tearing of society's moral fabric as it is ripped to bits by knife crime.
― the next grozart, Tuesday, 26 August 2008 13:34 (4 years ago) Permalink
time was that footballers like other gallant sportsmen played for the love of the game and the pride of the local town. now as the local town is literally hacked to death by frenzied youths and thrown off bridges onto passing motorists, footballers literally play for money as they kick the balls directly at pensioners faces in the terraces - mimicked on the streets of our towns as youths literally pack footballs with ballbearings and explode them in the faces of pensioners opening their front doors hoping vainly for respite not shrapnel.
this is what we have replaced society with
― Parish Priest!, Tuesday, 26 August 2008 13:38 (4 years ago) Permalink
in my youth there were no steroids just good honest sportsmanship, now watch as every young gun injects themselves literally full of the latest fashionable poison in order to emulate their idols, which is literally what theyre doing to society
― max, Tuesday, 26 August 2008 13:45 (4 years ago) Permalink
This is a Christian Country and if those terrorists don't like it they should bugger back off home.
― Thomas, Tuesday, 26 August 2008 13:47 (4 years ago) Permalink
I went to the local post office the other day and they'd closed it to put a mosque there. You're treated like a second-class citizen if you want to buy a first-class stamp, but you can buy a bomb on every street corner.
― Matt DC, Tuesday, 26 August 2008 13:50 (4 years ago) Permalink
This fascist/communist* New Labour government is literally murdering motorists in their sleep with their fuel tax, speed cameras and 30mph speed limit in built-up areas. Are we to believe that the lives of a few schoolchildren should come before the right of hard working motorists to drive wherever and however they choose? Brown's politically correct gauleiters are hellbent in driving us from the safety of our cars and herding us into the seething hellholes of public transport, to rub shoulders with stinking alcoholics, knife-wielding single mothers and black people. This is a holocaust for motorists.
(*delete where applicable)
― Tom D., Tuesday, 26 August 2008 13:54 (4 years ago) Permalink
We have become so greedy and complacent that we now have to have the true spirit of Christmas beamed to us via remote satellite.
― the next grozart, Tuesday, 26 August 2008 13:54 (4 years ago) Permalink
Since the pinefox had to go and be all serious, I feel like I can now mention how much I love every one of ice crӕm's posts on this thread.
― call all destroyer, Tuesday, 26 August 2008 13:55 (4 years ago) Permalink
"If any middle class white male I come across says he wants to enter Crufts, I say 'give up all hope'. They've no chance"
Presenter Jeremy Paxman on discrimination in the dog industry
― blueski, Tuesday, 26 August 2008 13:55 (4 years ago) Permalink
it used to be you could enjoy ice crӕm's posts without fear of the p.c. police jumping down your throat
― max, Tuesday, 26 August 2008 13:56 (4 years ago) Permalink
It has become impossible for decent hard working citizens to walk down the street without almost being bowled over by Robert Mugabe riding his bicycle on the pavement
― Tom D., Tuesday, 26 August 2008 13:59 (4 years ago) Permalink
i remember when people here used real names like friedrich selassie wagemann and dallas spalding jr. now you don't know who you're talking at.
― blueski, Tuesday, 26 August 2008 14:03 (4 years ago) Permalink
it were all fields around 'ere. ah used t'lark at the old munitions factory and ILX were nobbut but a small page o' truth bombs
― Thomas, Tuesday, 26 August 2008 14:09 (4 years ago) Permalink
page 3 used to show REAL BREASTS!
― the next grozart, Tuesday, 26 August 2008 14:09 (4 years ago) Permalink
Families now spend their Sunday lunchtimes sitting in isolated crawlspaces gobbling up roast dinners with their hands - the Fathers' pendulous GM-mutated breasts wobbling around in gravy while Mother stuffs Duracell batteries up the chicken's arses instead of giblets. Hell in a handcart I tell ya.
― the next grozart, Tuesday, 26 August 2008 14:14 (4 years ago) Permalink
Once kids could play out on the streets all day. Now, I threaten them with my shotgun until they run home crying to Mummy.
Society ain't gonna bring me down.
― Thomas, Tuesday, 26 August 2008 14:17 (4 years ago) Permalink
Heskey aside, this remains odd. It's a comedy thread, and some of it is funny. But it's incredibly homogeneous, and everyone seems to get the same joke in the same way. I get the impression that you all think that to complain or worry about something getting worse is silly, paranoid, reactionary and laughable.
I suppose something that would demonstrate otherwise would be a successful, popular, harmonious thread full of parodies of standard banal statements about how things are so much better than they were. Perhaps there has indeed been such a thread.
― the pinefox, Tuesday, 26 August 2008 14:23 (4 years ago) Permalink
― the next grozart, Tuesday, 26 August 2008 14:26 (4 years ago) Permalink
Was a day you fell down a stairs and broke a tooth it was a big laugh, and you laughed too.
― wanko ergo sum, Tuesday, 26 August 2008 14:27 (4 years ago) Permalink
here comes the p.c. police again, ready to tell you not to make this thread, not to make that thread, all due to the bumbling bureaucrats in brussels. well ill tell you, im not one to take this lying down, after all, my generation fought in three wars, at home and abroad.
― max, Tuesday, 26 August 2008 14:28 (4 years ago) Permalink
I get the impression that you all think that to complain or worry about something getting worse is silly, paranoid, reactionary and laughable.
Well it beats worrying about it
― Tom D., Tuesday, 26 August 2008 14:29 (4 years ago) Permalink
Used to be someone would start a thread, and other people would add to it. No one presumed to think there was a "better way."
― call all destroyer, Tuesday, 26 August 2008 14:33 (4 years ago) Permalink
in my day even the Pinefox was aware of the comments made by members of the British public on the websites of popular news organisations, which ILX would then have some fun parodying...
― Thomas, Tuesday, 26 August 2008 14:35 (4 years ago) Permalink
Online "debates"? Pshaw! In my day we settled political differences over the garden fence with decent, manly fisticuffs! Jackets off, shirtsleeves rolled up, a bit of the old three four as Lefty Lemsip used to teach us in barracks after lights out. We didn't have to make do with so-called computers, not like today's Gone Soft Britain!
― Marcello Carlin, Tuesday, 26 August 2008 14:37 (4 years ago) Permalink
From days of yore:
Hello my young friends my staunch allies my stalwart comrades HE HE HE there'll be none of this backbiting rigmarole under my benign regime young man as will have you know was Guardian Angel on Line named entitled nomenclature of District and very nice red beret like communist Frank Spencer HE HE HE but you know those scamps you get on the trains late at night they don't half come a cropper when up against me I was very steadfast and erect against their vulgarian assault and intoned the intimidating words "Now then you raucous rapscallions you woebegone ne'er-do-wells have a care" and must have worked to some effect as only had 257 stitches when discharged from Park of Northwick very good hospital mind got some very good write ups and very jolly young house officer I say he was a one very presentable wouldn't have minded
as am former Navy man
but do you know it was a right royal caper similar to the time I used turps to wipe nigger-brown boot polish from corpse of decease Big Small Notorious I thought it were Cyril Smith and could only use handy John Collier two-piece worsted grey ensemble very handy for hiding scars caused by cross of iron.
Bestride oxen hoops ayonder! Inflame mid-port cummerbunds! Detonate errant youths inst! Axiom!
-- Wally Klemmer (klemm✧✧✧@d✧✧✧.y✧✧✧), February 15, 2002
― Marcello Carlin, Tuesday, 26 August 2008 14:40 (4 years ago) Permalink