JJJUSTEN MAKES ONE SENTENCIRIFIC REVIEWS OF ALL THE CRAP THAT HE WATCHES LATE AT NIGHT ON NETFLIX STREAMING XBOX SOMETHING WHY BECAUSE HE BORED ALSO BECAUSE

World's Greatest Dad: ok so lets get this out of the way first "starring robin williams directed by bobcat goldtwaith" and so you go in expecting no go awful muckpile and then to my total astonishment i LOVED THIS MOVIE, it would seem that for me bobcat succeeds where wes anderson fails, pulling together this compelling dark weird hilarious bittersweet world built on awkwardness and the true facts that in real life people rarely connect to each other no matter how close they are supposed to be. A+

D.I.Y. or DIE: short documentary about way too many DIY ethos artists (srsly there are 32 interviewees and the thing is less than an hour long) that has some kind of great moments but lingers way too long on some at the expense of others and never really digs in its heels and find a direction, also has maybe the most hilariously pathetic half-assed student film intro i have ever seen. B

The Gits: considering the subject matter it seemed like this would be a pretty bracing and punishing documentary, but it was weirdly detached and odd in tone and sort of fell flat, some great musical moments but was expecting a lot more from this B-

B is a pretty generous grade for what you describe about D.I.Y. You must be mellowing in your old age.

Impaler - so you start off with a documentary about a self-proclaimed satanist vampire who is running for governor in minnesota in 2006 and THEN THINGS GET WEIRD, no srsly, the places this story goes (which are actually in the end rather tragic and sad) could not be a passable plot for a mockumentary because they are so implausible, despite the very amateurish mic and film technique this is stellar and would be the centerpiece of my imaginary documentary film festival that takes place in my head. A+!

I feel bad about my one sentence rule here because i am not doing that justice, i watch a lot of documentaries, and this one totally blindsided me (see this is why i watch stuff w/clown rape, who would have guessed that a vampire political doc would be one of the most touching and disturbing things ive seen this year?)

haha i saw the impaler a while ago - pretty sure i implored all you minnesotans to watch it! yeah it's a shame about the shitty production, because the story itself is just... mindblowingly weird and fucked up.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jonathon_Sharkey

tbf I am more likely to watch a movie that has won awards at film festivals than I am to watch a film produced by Kevin Smith that features clown rape

k was sleeping on the couch while i watched it, and when i woke her up afterwards i tried to explain what it was about and realized it is so surreal and insane that words kind of dont work. although the production is super crapola, the editing is kind of brilliant, and the main dude (assume its the director? idk) strikes that perfect balance of involvement, he has this uncanny ability to prod just enough and then let the interviewee spill - the trailer park dudes and most notably all of the children in the film, who kind of just break your heart.

hahahaa ok i was worried that the wiki would be a spoiler possibility but it just scratches the surface of the profoundly disturbing and bizarre story the documentary tells.

i felt really bad for the wife - brainwashed (my guess) into the whole 'romance' or whatever of biting each other hard enough to draw blood (and 'drink' it!).

ew

New Guy - super low budget (50K iirc) comedy that turns into a thriller/suspense comedy part way through that actually pulls off both in a letter perfect way, the smarter comic sensibilities of "Office Space" with the restraint of the UK office plus an oddly tense (while still hilarious) suspense second half that never loses its way, totally amazing and recommended for everyone srsly. A

and no not that "The New Guy" monstrosity w/that skinny DJ Squalls douchebag in it.

i feel bad that im not selling this as hard as i should but it is early and the coffee is still brewing. its a fantastic and incredibly fun and funny film.

Louis C.K. "Chewed Up" - stand up thing that is obv "edgy" blah blah whatever but the last 50 (out of 60) minutes of it is pretty great, ex mr. show writer so you def know what you are getting into i suppose altho his stuff on being a parent is pretty fucking hilar, too bad that the first 5 minutes totally turned me off to him the first time i tried to watch this months ago, but i dont care if you dedicate yer thing to carlin at the end, yer "look at me i am using the BAD WORDS" thing doesnt have the skill that carlin had, so (even tho you obv are not) you just end up looking like a bigoted asshole. B (first 10 minutes F, last 50 A-)

Eden Log - Very stylish french apocalyptic mysterious sci-fi, great cinematography, totally enjoyable to watch, loses points because the streaming version seems to be dubbed (not badly, but eh that always sucks imo) and the ending doesn't quite pay off the "what the hell is supposed to be going on" that you get for the majority of the movie. B+

Big Fan - directed and written by "the wrestler" dude, stars patton oswald what could possibly go wrong, oh i know, a shitty script that is slow and boring with exactly one laugh that you can tell is supposed to be a dark comedy but is really just painful and unpleasant to watch, hated this a bunch really. D

semi-facetious question: how do you reconcile being a fan of horror movies with disliking things that are unpleasant to watcy?

this was the wrong kind of unpleasant to watch - sloppy code word for unenjoyable or in most cases boring and dull.

that does raise and interesting question that i have often wondered about re: why some people are wired to enjoy those moments of cringing "aaaaggggghhhh om my god aggghghhghh" horror moments and others just aren't. ie: i totally understand why hostel II (which i will argue is a really well done film) is just plain unwatchable to a huge group of people, and i am curious about why i react differently, while still NOT enjoying the torture scenes per se (which is why the "torture porn" genre grouping makes me really really angry).

sorry that was totally unfocused, what i am wondering is what makes me react positively to scenes that viscerally bother and disgust me - its like some second level emotion that i dont understand, where the pleasure comes from enduring the unpleasantness somehow.

none of which alters the fact that "Big Fan" is a big steaming pile of poo

start another thread so I don't dilute your scorn of "Big Fan" with ongoing allegations that you totally love torture porn, just admit it

Triangle - scary deserted boat movie by the writer of "Severance" that is wrapped in convoluted loopy plot twists and turns which would be fine if it weren't for the fact that NONE OF IT REALLY WORKS AT ALL and at the end you just become angry at how infinite the plot holes are and decide to go outside for a while and throw the dog a ball to cleanse the stupid out of your head. C

xpost hahaha yeah well given my completely inarticulate ramblings here i worry that any thread i started would be one long one man self-clusterfuck so

i am now addicted to adding shit to my netflix queue. i mean, i don't even watch all that much stuff on it, i'm just addicted to browsing and endlessly rating shit and adding other shit to my lists.

yeah i had 400+ things in my instant queue last time i checked, and i regularly hit the 500 limit on my main queue

dang! i think i'm at about 250 on the main and maybe 80 on the instant, and we've only been signed up for a week or so.

i don't think i could ever go back to using a regular video store again.

Torture Porn (a film thread)

hahahahaha dan we are awesome, check new answers

lol

xp When you have 500 movies in your queue, you can still endlessly amuse yourself by re-arranging them. Trust me on this. I know.

Crips and Bloods: Made In America - I could swear that I already wrote about this somewhere but app not, that peralta dude that did dogtown turns his attention to the historic aspects and genesis of LA street gangs and it is close to a perfect film, riveting and stylish, and the narrative arc moves around in time in a way that is stunning and devastating. A

Run, Bitch, Run - ok so yah yah all these peeps talking about you being a homage to 70's grindhouse and a modern i spit on your grave and so on but god this is just awful and amateurish and sloooooow, the actors suck (oh hey one of them is also a producer what a shock), although tbf there is that almost closing scene which was pretty much effective in that i actually felt physically ill and upset, but hey, SPOILERS if youve seen one vengeful anal knife rape youve seen them all END SPOILERS. D

A Certain Kind of Death - its a documentary by the way, mixed feelings about this one, the subject matter is pretty compelling because its all about what happens to unclaimed bodies after discovery, its a movie that will grind you down because despite the best efforts of the people involved it is pretty much a machine for tasteful former people disposal, really depressing tbh but also kind of empty because of the over-detachment of the filmmakers (which is a doc criticism i never expected to make), also if you are not prepared for unflinching on screen genuine gruesome dead peeps in various stages of icky decomposition you really really dont want to watch this (and let me point out it isnt exploitative in any way, but it turned my stomach plenty of times). B

ok, changing the format here a bit because I don't think I can do it justice in my usual run on style. Just watched one of the greatest and most heart-wrenching documentaries I have ever seen. I'm not going to summarize it, and I am still too shaken to even really intelligently comment on it, but I will say that I don't think any movie I've ever seen has made me lose my shit and cry as many times as this just did. It is fucking brilliant.

Dear Zachary: A Letter to a Son About His Father - A+

btw my recommendation is not to dig in and find out anything about the story covered, go in unprepared if possible.

maybe plan out some follow up happy viewing to come back from the cliff though.

oh and to make this clear, LOTS of the choices that the filmmaker goes for are not great moves, but you will forgive him as the story unfolds (and you'll understand why i say that when you see it)

FAIR WARNING: SRSLY DO NOT WATCH UNLESS YOU ARE READY TO BE PRETTY MUCH EMOTIONALLY SCARRED FOR A FEW DAYS AFTERWARDS

you are so otm about this. we watched it last year without really knowing much about it, apart from what was on the back on the dvd box and a strong WATCH THIS NOW from a friend. def the most heart-shattering piece of filmmaking i've ever seen.

on a lighter note: world's greatest dad, which i watched on your reccy, was just totally hilarious and moving.

I guess I can plan to watch this movie in, like, 20 years then... not ready for it from what you are describing!

i don't think i really understood the expression 'raw emotion' until i watched dear zachary.

See, I can't figure out when the right time to view a film like that is. I'm feeling pretty low lately; is this going to make it worse? But if I'm in a super happy mood, that seems wrong, too.

I didn't used to be such a wuss.

there probably isn't a 'right time' - but don't watch it with anyone you'd be embarrassed to break down in front of, bc you would have to have a heart of stone to not get super upset watching this.

Got it.

I think pretty much everyone has seen me cry at movies, tv shoes, and occasionally commercials, so I fear what this content might do. At some point I will see it, I'm sure... I just don't think now is a good time. :(

Aftermath - On the plus side, its filmed by a dude with an amazing eye for detail and color and shot choice and its short, but the downside is that it is a 30 minute clinical detached gorecrazy look at hyperreal autopsy footage and necrophilia, not really sure how to rate this because its so so odd, def not a horror film, but gaaaaaah, and yet the craft is completely spectacular, so basically i cant help but feel like its a really gifted filmmaker who has chosen to make a film that NO ONE really wants to see. A- and F at the same time?

wow this thread makes me seem like 90% of the time my film choices are completely insane huh

just so yall dont start to think im some creepy dude with all my windows covered in black plastic and a cd of looped animal torture sounds playing, i also watched "Andy Richter Controls the Universe" on DVD and once it found its stride it was pretty awesome. also 2LDK which was really pointless and dumb

Don't be silly, John. Everyone knows you are a creepy dude with your windows covered in black plastic and a cd of looped animal torture sounds playing (insert Skinny Puppy joke here).