JJJUSTEN MAKES ONE SENTENCIRIFIC REVIEWS OF ALL THE CRAP THAT HE WATCHES LATE AT NIGHT ON NETFLIX STREAMING XBOX SOMETHING WHY BECAUSE HE BORED ALSO BECAUSE

oh and it stars that dante dude from clerks as the clown

and ethan suplee (you may know him as "rotund dude in butterfly effect" or "guy who can not see the sailboat" or "earls probably maybe special needs brother") as deliverance rapist brother #2

run dont walk to your local video store

that is the weirdest plot synopsis i've ever read

ps. happy birthday! (belated)

also, jason mewes in a pointless cameo probably intended to keep him off the pipe for a few minutes

ps. THN+XING @ U!

what the

like how did it even occur to you to watch that

I just read the Wikipedia article on this movie and my previous question still stands

49th Parallel - LOOK OUT AMERICA! Canada will not protect you from the Nazis, they will only give them tea and send them south.

xp I'm with Dan. I don't understand how you choose your movie-watching, John. It's like you're choosing them from another dimension!!!

"a movie produced by Kevin Smith about a clown raped by hillbillies? SIGN ME UP"

if you're going to discover the wonders of fringe cinema and some of the finest unsung moments ever committed to celluloid, somewhere on the way, yer gonna see some clown rape.

so did you not read a plot synopsis or blurb before deciding to watch this, because "Kevin Smith pays hillbillies to rape a clown" would pretty much make my decision for me

it's not like someone said "this is a remake of 'Funny Games'" and pulled a switcheroo on you, is my point I guess

hey if you're going to marry a prince, you're going to have to kiss a lot of frogs clown diddlers on the way.

you misspelled "CLOWNSTAPP" btw

its hard to soar with the eagles when your stuck down here flying with clown rapists

btw your assessment of Vantage Point is pretty OTM, although I find Matthew Fox's seeming inability to play a character who isn't Charlie Salinger kind of charming

(side note to dang - did you watch/enjoy the "Funny Games" remake?)

the big saving grace of Vantage Point was the car chase, which was like bourne-worthy work.

I did not watch the "Funny Games" remake because I was so incredibly incensed with the bullshit directorial asshattery of the original getting in the way of a genuinely entertaining, frightening story that actually made the point the director was going for without the extra helping of oversmug cockdom that I refused to watch it even though it has Naomi Watts in it.

oh yeah i think i saw you talking about that on another thread

it was the remote thing that you hated right?

Yes. I was fine with the psycho dude mugging for the audience, but bringing it back into the story and allowing him to rewind the entire film with their remote control turned the entire thing from an engaging, at times horrifying hostage story and into a meaningless piece of trash that wasted some really excellent performances.

idk i was down with that, one more layer of crushing infuriating helplessness, but poking the audience in the eye instead of the protagonists - but it was jarring for sure.

and i totally understand not being down with it, it just worked for me.

sorry for the derail.

^^^ all of this is making me laugh, so thanks for that, even though the phrase "clown rape" is certain to destroy any hope I ever had of peaceful sleep ever again

sticks and stone may break my bones
but words can never hurt me
unless those words are "clown rape"

Amen.

i don't get the 'instant' thing - i thought it was just like hulu or something, but apparently i need some kind of special device to watch on my computer?? someone explain this to me, please.

do you have a mac? netflix streaming is unfriendly with most (not that old) older macs.

Comic Book Confidential - starts strong, then sucks pretty badly when it turns into some boring "dudes awkwardly read from their comic books" nonsense, last half is basically a rotten mess. C

oh also live action zippy the pinhead should have been left on the cutting room floor in the bad embarrassing idea pile

nah i've got a new vaio. we called, and apparently there was a 'hold' on our account (even tho it was in the two week free trial??) but they never explained why - they just took it off.

World's Greatest Dad: ok so lets get this out of the way first "starring robin williams directed by bobcat goldtwaith" and so you go in expecting no go awful muckpile and then to my total astonishment i LOVED THIS MOVIE, it would seem that for me bobcat succeeds where wes anderson fails, pulling together this compelling dark weird hilarious bittersweet world built on awkwardness and the true facts that in real life people rarely connect to each other no matter how close they are supposed to be. A+

D.I.Y. or DIE: short documentary about way too many DIY ethos artists (srsly there are 32 interviewees and the thing is less than an hour long) that has some kind of great moments but lingers way too long on some at the expense of others and never really digs in its heels and find a direction, also has maybe the most hilariously pathetic half-assed student film intro i have ever seen. B

The Gits: considering the subject matter it seemed like this would be a pretty bracing and punishing documentary, but it was weirdly detached and odd in tone and sort of fell flat, some great musical moments but was expecting a lot more from this B-

B is a pretty generous grade for what you describe about D.I.Y. You must be mellowing in your old age.

Impaler - so you start off with a documentary about a self-proclaimed satanist vampire who is running for governor in minnesota in 2006 and THEN THINGS GET WEIRD, no srsly, the places this story goes (which are actually in the end rather tragic and sad) could not be a passable plot for a mockumentary because they are so implausible, despite the very amateurish mic and film technique this is stellar and would be the centerpiece of my imaginary documentary film festival that takes place in my head. A+!

I feel bad about my one sentence rule here because i am not doing that justice, i watch a lot of documentaries, and this one totally blindsided me (see this is why i watch stuff w/clown rape, who would have guessed that a vampire political doc would be one of the most touching and disturbing things ive seen this year?)

haha i saw the impaler a while ago - pretty sure i implored all you minnesotans to watch it! yeah it's a shame about the shitty production, because the story itself is just... mindblowingly weird and fucked up.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jonathon_Sharkey

tbf I am more likely to watch a movie that has won awards at film festivals than I am to watch a film produced by Kevin Smith that features clown rape

k was sleeping on the couch while i watched it, and when i woke her up afterwards i tried to explain what it was about and realized it is so surreal and insane that words kind of dont work. although the production is super crapola, the editing is kind of brilliant, and the main dude (assume its the director? idk) strikes that perfect balance of involvement, he has this uncanny ability to prod just enough and then let the interviewee spill - the trailer park dudes and most notably all of the children in the film, who kind of just break your heart.

hahahaa ok i was worried that the wiki would be a spoiler possibility but it just scratches the surface of the profoundly disturbing and bizarre story the documentary tells.

i felt really bad for the wife - brainwashed (my guess) into the whole 'romance' or whatever of biting each other hard enough to draw blood (and 'drink' it!).

ew

New Guy - super low budget (50K iirc) comedy that turns into a thriller/suspense comedy part way through that actually pulls off both in a letter perfect way, the smarter comic sensibilities of "Office Space" with the restraint of the UK office plus an oddly tense (while still hilarious) suspense second half that never loses its way, totally amazing and recommended for everyone srsly. A

and no not that "The New Guy" monstrosity w/that skinny DJ Squalls douchebag in it.

i feel bad that im not selling this as hard as i should but it is early and the coffee is still brewing. its a fantastic and incredibly fun and funny film.

Louis C.K. "Chewed Up" - stand up thing that is obv "edgy" blah blah whatever but the last 50 (out of 60) minutes of it is pretty great, ex mr. show writer so you def know what you are getting into i suppose altho his stuff on being a parent is pretty fucking hilar, too bad that the first 5 minutes totally turned me off to him the first time i tried to watch this months ago, but i dont care if you dedicate yer thing to carlin at the end, yer "look at me i am using the BAD WORDS" thing doesnt have the skill that carlin had, so (even tho you obv are not) you just end up looking like a bigoted asshole. B (first 10 minutes F, last 50 A-)

Eden Log - Very stylish french apocalyptic mysterious sci-fi, great cinematography, totally enjoyable to watch, loses points because the streaming version seems to be dubbed (not badly, but eh that always sucks imo) and the ending doesn't quite pay off the "what the hell is supposed to be going on" that you get for the majority of the movie. B+

Big Fan - directed and written by "the wrestler" dude, stars patton oswald what could possibly go wrong, oh i know, a shitty script that is slow and boring with exactly one laugh that you can tell is supposed to be a dark comedy but is really just painful and unpleasant to watch, hated this a bunch really. D