lol @ comments on stan's article.
― ABBAcab (Trayce), Sunday, 28 February 2010 20:50 (3 years ago) Permalink
i like to read this thread title like:
shit! that looks like an onion article but isn't
― bracken free ditch (Ste), Sunday, 28 February 2010 21:07 (3 years ago) Permalink
http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/03/22/real.men.eat.salad/index.html?hpt=Mid
(CNN) -- Real men eat salads. I know this because I am a dude. Right now, in my fridge, I have five bottles of hot sauce, a jar of Cheez Whiz and half a pack of hot dogs. But recently I went to lunch with a couple of buds, and I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard.
It was a basic frissée salad with bacon, shallots and a poached egg, tossed in a light vinaigrette. Frissée is a curly, toothsome leaf, bitter enough to balance bacon and egg but still possessed of a pleasant spring.
My friends laughed at me. They pointed. One ordered a burger, the other fried calamari. I was chastised for not eating "man food."
For those of you who aren't familiar with this gender normative term, "man food" is food that you'd imagine a lumberjack or a cowboy or a Viking would eat. Towers of butter-soaked pancakes. Pots of napalm-hot chili. Meat on a bone.
Thoroughly unsubtle, "man food" is rustic fare meant to satisfy a hearty appetite. Quantity is prized over quality. Calories are "fun points." The more "fun points," the tastier the belly filler.
But sometimes a dude needs a change. Specifically, a salad. A fresh, crisp, crunchy salad. Salads offer breathers between manly meals. Spinach, cucumber, tomato, red onions, mushrooms, chickpeas, oil and vinegar -- that is my usual jam.
I don't need any fancy, goopy dressings compromising my vegetables. (What does a ranch actually taste like, anyway?) Sometimes, I might throw some almonds or walnuts up in there. I've been known to be down with blueberries and mandarin oranges. I like bacon or grilled chicken on occasion. I am not a fan of unnecessary carbs like croutons. And then there are those moments I go crazy and get a frissée freakin' salad.
I didn't evolve without help. There was a time where, if I cut myself shaving, I'd bleed sausage gravy. My heart squeezed more than it pumped. And I also grew what I call "fat wings."
Luckily, the woman I was dating at that time didn't like any of those things. Being able to sit in a bathtub full of buffalo wings is every dude's birthright, but I eventually learned that being attractive for your significant other is also pretty manly.
My girlfriend was a smart woman and didn't bring up my devolving into a human biscuit. What she did was announce that we were going to save money so that Saturday nights, we could go to the local barbecue joint and destroy some cow with our faces.
Obviously, my first thought was, "Aww, she wants me to help her lose weight." So I humored her. She came home from the supermarket with a stack of plastic disposable containers. In each, she put one potential salad ingredient. Not only the ones that would become my favorite but kidney beans, green peppers, corn and pepperoni slices.
She created a mini-salad bar in our fridge. It was easy, and I was told I could eat as much as I wanted. This became my lunch and occasional dinner.
You know what? We saved money. I lost weight. Gained energy. And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
I kept this up this salad-centric diet for months. My friends would come over to watch a fight or brawl on the PlayStation, and I'd meet them at the door with a salad in my hand.
The landlord would need my help with some drywall; I'd put my salad down.
At work, I'd articulate corporate strategy during lunch meetings spearing cucumbers in my lucky bowl of awesome salad. I made eating salad sexy. I made it macho, macho.
Is it rabbit food? Friend, if it's rabbit food, then that rabbit is the size of a ferocious bear.
My friends poked fun at me as I munched on my fancy salad. It was tasty. I love how the warm yolk from the poached egg lightly coated the frissée, adding a dimension of hardiness to a dish with such leafy bounce. And the bacon chunks added just the right amount of fatty salt, more sturdy ballast. I wiped my mouth.
We were out celebrating one guy's birthday. The other guy, an old friend from college, was "in-between gigs." It had been another tough year. "Salad is not man food," they mocked. Oh, but it is. I ordered a final round of beers. Then I picked up the check.
Are salads manly? What is the manliest salad? Are you the sort of guy who wouldn't touch a salad if a gun was put to his head? Tell us in the comments whether you think salads can count as "man food."
― ☀☃ (am0n), Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:33 (3 years ago) Permalink
where to start
― call all destroyer, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:38 (3 years ago) Permalink
I love how the warm yolk from the poached egg lightly coated the frissée, adding a dimension of hardiness to a dish with such leafy bounce. And the bacon chunks added just the right amount of fatty salt, more sturdy ballast. I wiped my mouth.
YUM YUM
― Mr. Que, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:38 (3 years ago) Permalink
Is that an Anderson Cooper piece?
― FIST FIGHT! FIST FIGHT! FIST FIGHT IN THE PARKING LOT! (milo z), Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:40 (3 years ago) Permalink
Being able to sit in a bathtub full of buffalo wings is every dude's birthright
Who does this?
― Mr. Que, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:41 (3 years ago) Permalink
why doesnt he just call it a salad lyonnaise
― max, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:42 (3 years ago) Permalink
good salad btw--i saw jacques pepin make one once on PBS, he poached the egg in like 2 inches of olive oil
― max, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:43 (3 years ago) Permalink
― call all destroyer, Tuesday, March 23, 2010 4:38 PM
I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard.
― ☀☃ (am0n), Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:44 (3 years ago) Permalink
"Salad is not man food," they mocked. Oh, but it is. I ordered a final round of beers. Then I picked up the check.
― ☀☃ (am0n), Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:45 (3 years ago) Permalink
pooping before bathing in your tub of buffalo wings
― J0rdan S., Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:46 (3 years ago) Permalink
but what about:
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
― call all destroyer, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:46 (3 years ago) Permalink
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
xpost HA!
― Mr. Que, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:46 (3 years ago) Permalink
Calories are "fun points." The more "fun points," the tastier the belly filler.
― ☀☃ (am0n), Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:47 (3 years ago) Permalink
"""""""""fun points"""""""""
this guy needs to advertise his services, like:
john devore, a local "dude," will talk to you about what is manly and how it is different from what you might think.
― call all destroyer, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:48 (3 years ago) Permalink
first of all, i want to know why this is on cnn.com? what is the market for this? do people read articles on cnn.com aside from actual news?
secondly, how is it that articles like this get pitched/accepted/assigned like... 5 years after a meme like "man food" became a "thing". if you had shown the text of this to me undated i would've been all "no way this was written after 2005, not a chance"
― J0rdan S., Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:48 (3 years ago) Permalink
had no idea that calories were fun points. i mean, i like fun!
― call all destroyer, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:49 (3 years ago) Permalink
http://www.esquire.com/blogs/lists/reasons-why-chocolate-drink-yoohoo-rocks-blog
― Mr. Que, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:49 (3 years ago) Permalink
Maybe once age and decrepitude have strip-mined by palette, I'll think about swilling a Yoo-Hoo. The risk-taking of a convalescent. But even then, I doubt I'll wrap my wrinkled lips around a Yoo-Hoo jar.
Read more: http://www.esquire.com/blogs/lists/reasons-why-chocolate-drink-yoohoo-rocks-blog#ixzz0j2EUvn70
someone get howie long to comment on this
― ☀☃ (am0n), Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:50 (3 years ago) Permalink
uuuuuuuuuuughh did he really say "whoopee time" -- was this even edited? C'MON MAN
― J0rdan S., Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:50 (3 years ago) Permalink
okay, so maybe it's satire!
― J0rdan S., Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:51 (3 years ago) Permalink
maybe?
no
― Mr. Que, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:51 (3 years ago) Permalink
http://www.johndevore.com/
i mean look at the guy
― Mr. Que, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:52 (3 years ago) Permalink
he says he's a satirist so it must be satire
― harbl, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:52 (3 years ago) Permalink
take him down on twitter j0rdan s. like you took down JOSE CANSECO
i have to know if he has kids
― J0rdan S., Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:53 (3 years ago) Permalink
is it possible that he trojan horsed cnn?
He's Facebook friends with ghost rider.
― jam master (jaymc), Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:54 (3 years ago) Permalink
lol.
how's your little mansalad there, john.
― gelatinous rube (brownie), Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:55 (3 years ago) Permalink
Editor's note: John DeVore is a former editor at Maxim magazine and maxim.com and former host of "The DeVore and Diana Show" on Sirius XM radio. He currently offers man-centric perspectives as a columnist at Guyspeak.com and TheFrisky.com. He's a lifelong food freak and yo-yo dieter and speaks fluent "dude."
― Mr. Que, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:56 (3 years ago) Permalink
hmmmm
― J0rdan S., Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:58 (3 years ago) Permalink
omg fuck this guy
― call all destroyer, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:59 (3 years ago) Permalink
shit that looks like an onion website but isn't
http://www.guyspeak.com/
― J0rdan S., Tuesday, 23 March 2010 21:01 (3 years ago) Permalink
If a guy confines a girl to the friend zone, does that always mean he finds her unattractive?Panama Jackson answered this question on March 23, 2010 12:00 PM
Not at all. You can be the most attractive woman on Earth and be relegated to the friend zone. You see, you might ALSO be batsh*t crazy. There's no easier way to end up in the friend zone then pure insanity.
You see, ugly women end up in the friend zone by default. They don't get put there. They just live there because most men will not attempt to romance or win the love of a busted broad.
And even still, attractive women pretty much have to go way far out there to end up in the friend zone. Men will put up with a lot from attractive women. We'll deal with her strange comments and terrible taste in music. We'll build really big wooden horses and storm beaches until one of our homeboy's gets shot in his why-are-you-famous achilles heel. But there is always a point where you've gone too far. And it varies by man.
For instance, I couldn't deal with a really hot chick that got violent after being drunk. And I mean violent with pool sticks and throwing kettles into pots to make formal introductions.
So inconclusion, read my lips. If you're in the friend zone, it's probably not just because you are unattractive. You might be hot. It's probably because you are insane.
Thank you and good night.
It was written.
― J0rdan S., Tuesday, 23 March 2010 21:02 (3 years ago) Permalink
oh dear God
― Mr. Que, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 21:02 (3 years ago) Permalink
lol oh boy
http://www.guyspeak.com/personas/reformed-player/
― J0rdan S., Tuesday, 23 March 2010 21:04 (3 years ago) Permalink
o_O
― harbl, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 21:04 (3 years ago) Permalink
Didn't Dave Eggers used to freelance/edit Maxim or some lad mag?
― Philip Nunez, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 21:37 (3 years ago) Permalink
Esquire
― Mr. Que, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 21:40 (3 years ago) Permalink
Eggers worked briefly at Esquire, which is a men's magazine but a touch classier than Maxim.
― jam master (jaymc), Tuesday, 23 March 2010 21:41 (3 years ago) Permalink
That seems a bit like saying Playboy is a touch classier than Juggs.
― he's always been a bit of an anti-climb Max (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Tuesday, 23 March 2010 21:52 (3 years ago) Permalink
esquire occasionally has some good stuff
― just sayin, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 21:53 (3 years ago) Permalink
Esquire used to (and maybe still does) run fiction and long form essays--don't think Maxim ever has. Esquire has gotten a lot trashier in the past few years, but still.
― Mr. Que, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 21:54 (3 years ago) Permalink
maxim = #1 source for biting satire
― ☀☃ (am0n), Tuesday, 23 March 2010 22:18 (3 years ago) Permalink
― ☀☃ (am0n), Tuesday, 23 March 2010 22:20 (3 years ago) Permalink
This guy's shit reads so much like he's trying to overcompensate for complete lack of balls imo.
― ABBAcab (Trayce), Wednesday, 24 March 2010 00:09 (3 years ago) Permalink
Manti has an Adidas football cleat box filled with them
― Rihanna Tootysalsafroyo (Sufjan Grafton), Sunday, 20 January 2013 17:18 (4 months ago) Permalink
Snow Plow Driver Brags About Burying Cars In YouTube Video
― elan, Sunday, 24 February 2013 18:41 (2 months ago) Permalink
Cannibal Cop Seemed Like Regular Cop At Work
― arby's, Sunday, 3 March 2013 03:48 (2 months ago) Permalink
104-Year-Old Woman Forced to Lie about Her Age on Facebook
― diamonddave85, Tuesday, 5 March 2013 20:41 (2 months ago) Permalink
Austrian cardinal's mother hopes he doesn't become pope
― Roberto Spiralli, Tuesday, 12 March 2013 09:38 (2 months ago) Permalink
http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2013/03/taliban-greets-chuck-hagel-with-bomb.html
― goole, Tuesday, 12 March 2013 16:41 (2 months ago) Permalink
"Nick Cave To Unleash 30 Multi Coloured Horses At New York’s Grand Central Terminal"
http://www.yatzer.com/HEARD-NY-by-Nick-Cave
(which looks great and is only funny because of the name (it's not THAT nick cave))
― koogs, Friday, 15 March 2013 15:06 (2 months ago) Permalink
Cops: Teen who said Ninjas attacked him actually shot himself
― A True White Kid that can Jump (Granny Dainger), Saturday, 16 March 2013 19:56 (2 months ago) Permalink
CNN Grieves That Guilty Verdict Ruined Promising Lives of Steubenville Rapists
― kate78, Sunday, 17 March 2013 20:56 (2 months ago) Permalink
Jihadi Web Forums Are Losing Members to Twitter, Facebook, Death
― goole, Thursday, 21 March 2013 20:05 (2 months ago) Permalink
ha, best use of non-parallel construction ever
― space phwoar (Hurting 2), Thursday, 21 March 2013 20:09 (2 months ago) Permalink
@beautypill 3mThe last line of this article is absolutely intended to read like an Onion piece. Tell me I'm wrong. http://wapo.st/11ztSXg
― some dude, Sunday, 24 March 2013 22:10 (1 month ago) Permalink
http://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/weird/NATL-Irish-Town-Legalizes-Drinking-and-Driving-199867031.html
Healy-Rae told the Times he thinks the measure will help preserve pub culture, lower the risk of suicide and attack isolation in the small town.
― ❏❐❑❒ (gr8080), Tuesday, 26 March 2013 18:55 (1 month ago) Permalink
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/4203460/Schools-ban-children-making-best-friends.html
Actual article not Onion-esque, but the concept has promise.
― ljubljana, Saturday, 30 March 2013 12:43 (1 month ago) Permalink
The picture and caption of this article look Onionish.
― Josefa, Tuesday, 9 April 2013 22:35 (1 month ago) Permalink
http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2013/04/11/newser-beaver-kills-man/2074145/
― Mordy, Thursday, 11 April 2013 22:21 (1 month ago) Permalink
Boston Dunkin' Donuts Remain Open To 'Take Care Of Law Enforcement And First Responders'
― unprepared guitar (Edward III), Friday, 19 April 2013 19:02 (1 month ago) Permalink
http://www.natureworldnews.com/articles/1440/20130418/tylenol-eases-existential-anxiety.htm
― The description of my page is: Gargoyles Swimsuit Special (Matt P), Friday, 19 April 2013 19:15 (1 month ago) Permalink
that link starts 2 videos with sound when you open it
― abanana, Friday, 19 April 2013 22:54 (1 month ago) Permalink
the chains of worry are forged in idle hours
― The description of my page is: Gargoyles Swimsuit Special (Matt P), Friday, 19 April 2013 22:58 (1 month ago) Permalink
http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzreport/2013/04/north-korean-missile-test-delayed-by-windows-8.html
― the Upperchest (crüt), Wednesday, 24 April 2013 19:31 (3 weeks ago) Permalink
oh wait "borowitz report" nevermind
― the Upperchest (crüt), Wednesday, 24 April 2013 19:40 (3 weeks ago) Permalink
smh
― ampersand cooper black (elmo argonaut), Wednesday, 24 April 2013 19:40 (3 weeks ago) Permalink
\o_O/
― the Upperchest (crüt), Wednesday, 24 April 2013 19:41 (3 weeks ago) Permalink
Fuckin Borowitz
― how's life, Wednesday, 24 April 2013 20:10 (3 weeks ago) Permalink
quite literally "shit that looks like an onion article but isn't"
― Chuck E was a hero to most (s.clover), Wednesday, 24 April 2013 20:24 (3 weeks ago) Permalink