Society is in the gutter

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velko, Monday, 25 August 2008 20:10 (6 years ago) Permalink

I stole that BB8 guide - it said "you need it and it's free", so I took it and left the Heat magazine behind at the newsagents.

snoball, Monday, 25 August 2008 20:12 (6 years ago) Permalink

Then I mugged a pensioner, filmed 'im rolling around on the pavement, and posted it on YouTube. Then I went back to Eton.

snoball, Monday, 25 August 2008 20:13 (6 years ago) Permalink

What a bloody waste.

Local Garda, Monday, 25 August 2008 20:14 (6 years ago) Permalink

People knew where they stood. Sure times were hard but things were things and that was important.

ice crӕm, Monday, 25 August 2008 20:14 (6 years ago) Permalink

People don't know who their bloody neighbours are.

Local Garda, Monday, 25 August 2008 20:16 (6 years ago) Permalink

(xxpost) I sold his false teeth on e-b4y.

We used to have a mangle.

snoball, Monday, 25 August 2008 20:16 (6 years ago) Permalink

You could put one foot in front of the other repeatedly to get to a location of your choice. These days you can't walk down the bloody street.

Local Garda, Monday, 25 August 2008 20:17 (6 years ago) Permalink

it's time for change

Surmounter, Monday, 25 August 2008 20:18 (6 years ago) Permalink

at least you had streets, in my day we just had caves, but we all looked out for each other

velko, Monday, 25 August 2008 20:18 (6 years ago) Permalink

A knife. One times this kid can't remember his name brought a knife to school. We all of us just stared at it. Then we looked at the kid.

Nowadays...

ice crӕm, Monday, 25 August 2008 20:19 (6 years ago) Permalink

Its a ruddy disgrace. You used to be able to borrow a cupful of sugar without getting a punch in the face.

Parish Priest!, Monday, 25 August 2008 20:19 (6 years ago) Permalink

These days, "texting" is passed off as genuine communication.

wanko ergo sum, Monday, 25 August 2008 20:19 (6 years ago) Permalink

something must be done. real action. the politicians are too busy straightening bananas with the brussels elite. REAL ACTION.

Local Garda, Monday, 25 August 2008 20:19 (6 years ago) Permalink

I used to knew all the names of the boys at school but now when I walk past I don't know who any of them are. Society has literally been dissolved in a vat of acid

Parish Priest!, Monday, 25 August 2008 20:21 (6 years ago) Permalink

The sky seemed different. And the birds. The birds!

ice crӕm, Monday, 25 August 2008 20:21 (6 years ago) Permalink

i remember when you would stop in the street, on your way to the market, and find yourself in immersed in hour-long conversations. now it's just an awkward smile, a pained nod.

Surmounter, Monday, 25 August 2008 20:21 (6 years ago) Permalink

A shiv in the guts.

ledge, Monday, 25 August 2008 20:22 (6 years ago) Permalink

Society has gone mad with its own sense of self importance, and taken a high jump from the nearest cliff. Now its corpse lies rotting in a ditch, having been stripped for clothes and parts by Eastern European tramps.

Local Garda, Monday, 25 August 2008 20:22 (6 years ago) Permalink

In my day there was no heart trouble but these days i suffer from heart disease, angina, and youths are literally breaking society apart with their bare hands

Parish Priest!, Monday, 25 August 2008 20:23 (6 years ago) Permalink

Society can regularly be seen flailing around the streets late at night, looking for another party.

30 years ago society was an altar boy with a side parting. It was a great time to be alive!

Local Garda, Monday, 25 August 2008 20:23 (6 years ago) Permalink

We would wake up in the morning. Later we would go to bed at night. I never heard anyone question it.

ice crӕm, Monday, 25 August 2008 20:24 (6 years ago) Permalink

we used to make things in this country, now everybody's got his hand in the other guy's pocket. literally!

goole, Monday, 25 August 2008 20:24 (6 years ago) Permalink

it used to be, you got married, you stayed married. now, who knows??

max, Monday, 25 August 2008 20:25 (6 years ago) Permalink

gangs of thug youths are literally eating society and shitting out blocks of pure despair

snoball, Monday, 25 August 2008 20:25 (6 years ago) Permalink

prices are rising, the celtic tiger has accidentally ingested the credit crunch. now society totters about like ronnie wood in high heels after a 3 day cocaine dinner.

Local Garda, Monday, 25 August 2008 20:26 (6 years ago) Permalink

when i was a child, the only homosexuals i knew were arabs, and we chased them out of town with elm branches. now, i wake up every day to see homosexuals on tv, the radio, sometimes even on my back patio, engaging in unspeakable acts.

max, Monday, 25 August 2008 20:27 (6 years ago) Permalink

you can't even be sure of your own sexuality anymore. society has become an endless freddie mercury sex tape, stuck in the broken video recorder that passes for real values nowadays.

Local Garda, Monday, 25 August 2008 20:28 (6 years ago) Permalink

times used to be you could spend an afternoon with a young lad and not have it questioned by the papers and the young lads mother

Parish Priest!, Monday, 25 August 2008 20:29 (6 years ago) Permalink

Kids today with their Teacake Mix and Premark - my mum made all our clothes out of used spaghetti

snoball, Monday, 25 August 2008 20:29 (6 years ago) Permalink

We listened to the radio. I'm talking about LISTENING.

ice crӕm, Monday, 25 August 2008 20:29 (6 years ago) Permalink

every night we'd gather around the radio to listen to the weekly wrestling matches between roosevelt and churchill

max, Monday, 25 August 2008 20:30 (6 years ago) Permalink

what is with all of the child rape nowadays? this used to be illegal, now it's practically demanded of you. it's literally on youtube and on the chat rooms every day.

goole, Monday, 25 August 2008 20:30 (6 years ago) Permalink

if you'd told me a child was being abused 30 years ago, I wouldn't have believed you!

x-post you're right, LISTENING. people LISTENED. they LISTENED.

Local Garda, Monday, 25 August 2008 20:31 (6 years ago) Permalink

whatever happened to courting? cotillions? gowns? these days society's lost in a haze of match dot toms and katies, swimming in a sea of cars that swerve all over the road.

Surmounter, Monday, 25 August 2008 20:31 (6 years ago) Permalink

All this million channel cable TV and internet and your wireless phone from that disgusting bloke who is that older woman's toyboy in them adverts, when I was a lad we didn't even have TV. My old man used to put an empty cereal box on his head and pretend it was a TV set, and then read from the papers our chips were wrapped in.

snoball, Monday, 25 August 2008 20:32 (6 years ago) Permalink

when i was younger, there was no such thing as irony, and if there was, no decent person had ever heard of it. now--its irony in the shower, irony for breakfast, irony in your afternoon nap. irony has literally kidnapped everything good and decent and tied it to a chair and literally beaten it.

max, Monday, 25 August 2008 20:33 (6 years ago) Permalink

There were no steroids in baseball. I'm talking about in the days before Jackie Robinson.

wanko ergo sum, Monday, 25 August 2008 20:33 (6 years ago) Permalink

My sister I looked out for her. And my brother too. My father he was a good man.

Now I don't even remember their names.

ice crӕm, Monday, 25 August 2008 20:33 (6 years ago) Permalink

What passes for entertainment now would literally kill a man from The Past. He would see entertainment, and then melt into a small pile of ash. Society has been fed to godless, homosexual sharks.

call all destroyer, Monday, 25 August 2008 20:33 (6 years ago) Permalink

society isn't even in the gutter anymore since the hogs and spivs of the EU ruled our gutters illegal and took them away

the gutter is too good for them

Parish Priest!, Monday, 25 August 2008 20:34 (6 years ago) Permalink

I used to have to murder tramps so that I could steal their empty gin bottles to get the deposit back from the off license. Now when people stab up a tramp they don't even bother to nick his shoes to sell to the mad shoe collecting man down the street.

snoball, Monday, 25 August 2008 20:34 (6 years ago) Permalink

miscegenation!

max, Monday, 25 August 2008 20:35 (6 years ago) Permalink

One time when I was four or five, I don't know, I saw a house burn down. It was our neighbors house. Point is he, him and his family, he was our NEIGHBOR.

ice crӕm, Monday, 25 August 2008 20:35 (6 years ago) Permalink

There used to be white dog shit on the pavements, now it's brown, and I'll tell you why! The EU communists have taken away our white dog shit and replaced it with brown!

snoball, Monday, 25 August 2008 20:37 (6 years ago) Permalink

and now who would it be? it could literally be anyone. he might be burning a house down right now and laughing. laughing! he may as well be laughing at society itself.

i might as well laugh at society, join in with them! when good men burn down houses and laugh at society its time for a war

Parish Priest!, Monday, 25 August 2008 20:37 (6 years ago) Permalink

nowadays if angelina jolie is in the gutter, society gets in too. if she climbs out of the gutter, it stands up and dusts itself off. it used to be there were consistent ideas, about culture, art, thought. now we just dig our graves alongside the spectres of society's future, and leave the past to the likes of Rita Hayworth.

Surmounter, Monday, 25 August 2008 20:38 (6 years ago) Permalink

it used to be that a man like Mickey Rooney was a handsome darling to man and woman alike, now it's all eleven foot spaniards who spend all day riding an excercize machine, bulging testicles on every billboard, it's an affront to every woman who leaves her home.

goole, Monday, 25 August 2008 20:38 (6 years ago) Permalink

time was that satanists were round up and had it beaten out of them. now they sit in brussels laughing at society as they parcel it up and throw it in the sea

Parish Priest!, Monday, 25 August 2008 20:38 (6 years ago) Permalink

(PP! & LG are kind of killing us here guys)

goole, Monday, 25 August 2008 20:39 (6 years ago) Permalink

UK Cop Humour (Bananaman Begins), Tuesday, 14 January 2014 14:32 (1 year ago) Permalink

as Stewart Lee has said
as Stewart Lee has said
as Stewart Lee has said
as Stewart Lee has said
as Stewart Lee has said
as Stewart Lee has said
as Stewart Lee has said
as Stewart Lee has said
as Stewart Lee has said
as Stewart Lee has said
as Stewart Lee has said
as Stewart Lee has said

Here he is with the classic "Poème Électronique." Good track (Marcello Carlin), Tuesday, 14 January 2014 15:26 (1 year ago) Permalink

30 years ago there were proper pop groups like the Police singing about Cilla and Charybdis. Blind Date, proper clean family entertainment there.

Here he is with the classic "Poème Électronique." Good track (Marcello Carlin), Tuesday, 14 January 2014 15:36 (1 year ago) Permalink

thirty years ago they transliterated "cilla" "scylla" even

reggie (qualmsley), Tuesday, 14 January 2014 15:40 (1 year ago) Permalink

That's lack of proper education in Newcastle comprehensives. It's all Billy Fury's fault.

Here he is with the classic "Poème Électronique." Good track (Marcello Carlin), Tuesday, 14 January 2014 15:44 (1 year ago) Permalink

1 year passes...

the entire oxford junior dictionary is now just the word knife over and over, written in the shape of a knife, the book itself is also a knife

Moyes Enthusiast (LocalGarda), Monday, 2 March 2015 11:46 (1 month ago) Permalink

the junior dictionary should just be bigger

vacuum head tree disease (imago), Monday, 2 March 2015 11:51 (1 month ago) Permalink

they should start pushing the full dictionary on the kids, disguised as a junior dictionary

vacuum head tree disease (imago), Monday, 2 March 2015 11:52 (1 month ago) Permalink

soon they'll want more and more words, and they'll start having to make up their own

vacuum head tree disease (imago), Monday, 2 March 2015 11:52 (1 month ago) Permalink

my thoughts exactly - why the fuck is there even a junior dictionary? as if words are so purely functional.

Moyes Enthusiast (LocalGarda), Monday, 2 March 2015 11:53 (1 month ago) Permalink

presumably this is just a relic of the days when people cared about a child looking up "fuck" or "rape" or whatever - a rite of passage for all.

Moyes Enthusiast (LocalGarda), Monday, 2 March 2015 11:54 (1 month ago) Permalink

now they're out there doing it. society.

local eire man (darraghmac), Monday, 2 March 2015 12:00 (1 month ago) Permalink

'i know this is just press release bullshit but o temora o mores'

A MOOC, what's a MOOC? (Bananaman Begins), Monday, 2 March 2015 12:07 (1 month ago) Permalink

tempora

A MOOC, what's a MOOC? (Bananaman Begins), Monday, 2 March 2015 12:07 (1 month ago) Permalink

under pressure, OUP sent out a press release for shit hacks to cherrypick.

A MOOC, what's a MOOC? (Bananaman Begins), Monday, 2 March 2015 12:11 (1 month ago) Permalink

what's strange is that "chatroom" has been added. i feel genuine nostalgia for the chatroom. i met the only significant love of my life in yahoo indie 1.

Moyes Enthusiast (LocalGarda), Monday, 2 March 2015 12:14 (1 month ago) Permalink

my eyes aren't watering. it's the smoke.

Moyes Enthusiast (LocalGarda), Monday, 2 March 2015 12:14 (1 month ago) Permalink

Been a while since I heard happyslap

A MOOC, what's a MOOC? (Bananaman Begins), Monday, 2 March 2015 12:16 (1 month ago) Permalink

good times, all gone now

Moyes Enthusiast (LocalGarda), Monday, 2 March 2015 12:19 (1 month ago) Permalink

The piece it's from is not a bad read: http://www.theguardian.com/books/2015/feb/27/robert-macfarlane-word-hoard-rewilding-landscape

Rainbow DAESH (ShariVari), Monday, 2 March 2015 12:22 (1 month ago) Permalink

the book which the piece is a plug of sorts for does sound appealing. I added it to my Amazon wishlist which is probably ironic on some level

The Crucifixion Of Sean Bean (DJ Mencap), Monday, 2 March 2015 12:44 (1 month ago) Permalink

coaxial leads included in this all in one tv/broadband/phone box do not reach from the wall to my tv. I remember when a coat hanger could pick up the late late show around the mweelin hills

local eire man (darraghmac), Monday, 2 March 2015 13:32 (1 month ago) Permalink

+1

I like the link between weirdly specific words & close observation of the surrounding world in ~bygone days~

I paid more attention to ice & snow this year than I have in a long time thanks in part to my choice of a William Vollman novel about Norse sea-exploration & its rich winter word-hoard

bernard snowy, Monday, 2 March 2015 16:18 (1 month ago) Permalink

*choice of = as reading material for a space of weeks in December & January

bernard snowy, Monday, 2 March 2015 16:19 (1 month ago) Permalink

now we have weirdly specific words about Tumblr

kriss akabusi cleaner (seandalai), Monday, 2 March 2015 23:30 (1 month ago) Permalink

1 month passes...

The past 60 years and the reign of Queen Elizabeth II has seen Britain go to hell in a hand basket, the rich are much richer and poor poorer, crime is higher and personal liberties and civil rights more restricted. The nation has become boarded up, dirty, polluted, and very regionalized North South , them and us, Scotland nearly voting to leave the UK and Wales and Cornwall and Ireland dissatisfied. The reign of Queen Elizabeth II will be recorded as the dark wanton times of decline in Britain`s history.

nakhchivan, Saturday, 11 April 2015 02:33 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

Boo! Boo! Boo QE II, the Queen of Refuse. So bow down to her if you want, bow to her. Bow to the Queen of Slime, the Queen of Filth, the Queen of Putrescence. Boo. Boo. Rubbish. Filth. Slime. Muck. Boo. Boo. Boo.

Giant Purple Wakerobin (Aimless), Saturday, 11 April 2015 03:03 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

http://www.pressgazette.co.uk/after-39-years-fighting-boffins-toffs-and-cads-daily-mail-style-guide-writer-reveals-all-including?utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=2015-04-16&utm_source=Press+Gazette+-+Daily

"There was a conversation a while ago between an old-timer and a trainee who had not heard of Rudolf Valentino. 'Before my time, I'm afraid,' said the trainee breezily. 'Hitler was before mine but I've still heard of him,'"

Some guy (LocalGarda), Thursday, 16 April 2015 12:57 (1 week ago) Permalink

clichés

tug of love, or even worse, love tug

Some guy (LocalGarda), Thursday, 16 April 2015 12:58 (1 week ago) Permalink

clichés

‘egg’ or ‘eggs’ as a replacement prefix for ‘ex’, often in the context of Easter, such as ‘eggcellent’ or ‘eggstraordinary’. There is not one variation that has not been used thousands of times, and they are all very tedious

Some guy (LocalGarda), Thursday, 16 April 2015 12:59 (1 week ago) Permalink

the flamboyant bestubbled Portuguese (Jose Mourinho)

foreign-bred rodent furballs (hamsters)

the titular sexual abstinent (Steve Carell’s character in The 40-Year-Old Virgin)

culinary under-achiever (sprouts again)

shifting follicle cover (John Travolta’s hair)

cutting-edge valise (a suitcase)

vociferous Antipodeans (rowdy Aussies)

this musical mammal of the marine world (a saxophone-playing walrus)

the luxury fizzy wine (champagne)

our cosmic sidekick (the moon)

culinary outlaw (a kebab)

the bendy yellow fruit (a banana)

the tasty bread-based snack (a sandwich)

the red leather orb (a cricket ball)

the little rectangular treasure (a rare stamp)

the befeathered visitant (a nightingale that strayed to Birkenhead)

the stringy decay fighter (dental floss)

the tentacled tipster (Paul the psychic octopus)

^^POLL

squeak and gibber (soref), Thursday, 16 April 2015 13:10 (1 week ago) Permalink

*puts hand on chest, sings national anthem*

imago, Thursday, 16 April 2015 13:13 (1 week ago) Permalink

live audience: Is there any other kind of audience? Rows of corpses? When a writer says: ‘Kylie performed in front of a live audience’, it should be: ‘Kylie performed live in front of an audience’. This holds good for recorded performances with an audience present.

what

Some guy (LocalGarda), Thursday, 16 April 2015 13:15 (1 week ago) Permalink

the bendy yellow fruit (a banana)

This is the best one, but we all know exactly the context in which it was used.

Matt DC, Thursday, 16 April 2015 13:31 (1 week ago) Permalink

it's important to maintain the levity of your story about a walrus who plays the saxophone

pissbaby nobody in the corner (DJ Mencap), Thursday, 16 April 2015 13:42 (1 week ago) Permalink

so much lol in that style guide

love how the implied addressee is a very stupid child

drash, Thursday, 16 April 2015 14:39 (1 week ago) Permalink

inelegant variation should be as knowingly laboured as possible to preserve the gaiety of the nation

nashwan, Thursday, 16 April 2015 15:06 (1 week ago) Permalink

the bendy yellow fruit (a banana)

This is the best one, but we all know exactly the context in which it was used.

nicky wire in a bendy yellow fruit suit?

mookieproof, Thursday, 16 April 2015 22:10 (1 week ago) Permalink


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