God bless the goddamn Onion

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i think the onion is like private eye re tired old formulas.

but i still find them very funny

to be honest i cant really think of many sources of comedy which dont use tired old formulas, or rather come up with totally new and hilarious joke formats every time....

ambrose, Wednesday, 26 September 2001 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

What is "private eye"?

Mark, Wednesday, 26 September 2001 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

I liked the article about Jerry Bruckheimer films. Photo caption: "An actual scene from real life".

Ally, Wednesday, 26 September 2001 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

And blessed be the current TV Go Home.

suzy, Friday, 28 September 2001 00:00 (11 years ago) Permalink

5 years pass...
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/53599

gabbneb (gabbneb), Monday, 9 October 2006 19:46 (6 years ago) Permalink

Ned completely OTM in the first post here, by the way, and now after some time lost in the archives the whole issue is available again. Though the front page is missing its graphic:

Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Tuesday, 10 October 2006 16:11 (6 years ago) Permalink

Also, it's the September 11th issue.

Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Tuesday, 10 October 2006 16:12 (6 years ago) Permalink

I love that Security Upgrades graphic so, so much. I remember the sporks line, especially.

Laurel (Laurel), Tuesday, 10 October 2006 16:22 (6 years ago) Permalink

Seriously, the whole thing should have been up for a Pulitzer.

Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Tuesday, 10 October 2006 18:11 (6 years ago) Permalink

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30604

roffle

Young Fresh Danny D (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 10 October 2006 18:29 (6 years ago) Permalink

I remember going through that phase

Curt1s St3ph3ns, Wednesday, 11 October 2006 02:30 (6 years ago) Permalink

we get print versions in la now btw!!

chaki (chaki), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 03:30 (6 years ago) Permalink

bitter young dude in a deli off times square tried to sell me a copy the other night. he had swiped a whole stack from somewhere (from the deli, for all i know). i declined. he stalked out of the store muttering sotto voce, "goddamn i'm just tryna work, earn a little money tonight, doesn't nobody want to help me out, what the fuck." i hope the onion cheered him up.

gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 03:42 (6 years ago) Permalink

I thought this article was probably the single best thing said in the days after Sept 11th.

Andrew (enneff), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 03:44 (6 years ago) Permalink

Yeah, that one was brilliant.

In the same edition, the TV guide spoof made me totally lose my shit (in the slightly unhinged mood of the time, obv)


http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38450

Especially CBS: "Dan Rather's 83rd Straight Hour On The Air / Dan Rather Seriously Loses His Shit / Medicating Dan Rather"

Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 04:06 (6 years ago) Permalink

1 year passes...

http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/95_96_prayers_finally

I was laughing at this until the very end. That last joke seems unusually mean-spirited for the Onion.

Nathan, Thursday, 18 October 2007 21:42 (5 years ago) Permalink

um, the christopher reeve snipe was hardly cricket.

darraghmac, Thursday, 18 October 2007 21:44 (5 years ago) Permalink

True. I guess that somehow escaped me when I first read it.

Nathan, Thursday, 18 October 2007 21:45 (5 years ago) Permalink

i liked this one because is not jello a foods

[a hrarf = this is my internets link] http://www.theonion.com/content/news/conceptual_terrorists_encase_sears[/a hraf linkthing]

a puppy, Thursday, 18 October 2007 21:48 (5 years ago) Permalink

I have to say, for having webbed toes you are impressively skilled at typing.

Abbott, Thursday, 18 October 2007 21:53 (5 years ago) Permalink

a hrarf!

G00blar, Thursday, 18 October 2007 21:55 (5 years ago) Permalink

I don't get why everybody's blaming the puppy for not being Socialist Realism or somethink.

Noodle Vague, Thursday, 18 October 2007 21:56 (5 years ago) Permalink

I don't even know what that means and I am a hu-man.

Abbott, Thursday, 18 October 2007 21:59 (5 years ago) Permalink

who blames a puppy
i am lerning better, promise
the psyientests are teaching me

a puppy, Thursday, 18 October 2007 22:01 (5 years ago) Permalink

I didn't express myself very clearly.

Anyway, if y'all thought the "95-96 Prayers Backlog" was cold, look what I stumbled across:

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29919

Noodle Vague, Thursday, 18 October 2007 22:01 (5 years ago) Permalink

okay that is awesome

HI DERE, Thursday, 18 October 2007 22:02 (5 years ago) Permalink

the onion's had a hardon for superman for awhile - http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30382

balls, Thursday, 18 October 2007 22:14 (5 years ago) Permalink

whose balls are you, i am lookinf for mine

a puppy, Thursday, 18 October 2007 22:18 (5 years ago) Permalink

balls, Thursday, 18 October 2007 22:22 (5 years ago) Permalink

i kinda forgot abt the onion but this was posted on the quantum mechanic thread and it is funnee
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/scientists_ask_congress_to_fund_50

rrrobyn, Friday, 19 October 2007 03:02 (5 years ago) Permalink

2 weeks pass...

They've really been on a roll with the cartoons - they're probably my favorite thing in the Onion now.

Hurting 2, Friday, 2 November 2007 03:24 (5 years ago) Permalink

Hurting 2, Friday, 2 November 2007 03:25 (5 years ago) Permalink

One of my more flattering caricatures.

Ned Raggett, Friday, 2 November 2007 03:26 (5 years ago) Permalink

Ha.

I also really love that every so often there will be an editorial cartoon about the cartoonist's ex-wife.

Hurting 2, Friday, 2 November 2007 03:29 (5 years ago) Permalink

lol

Curt1s Stephens, Friday, 2 November 2007 04:02 (5 years ago) Permalink

I read the last word wrong and thought this was gonna be about

James Redd and the Blecchs, Friday, 2 November 2007 04:55 (5 years ago) Permalink

Frogman Henry, Friday, 2 November 2007 09:02 (5 years ago) Permalink


who's that on the right? Jabba the Hutt?

Heave Ho, Friday, 2 November 2007 10:41 (5 years ago) Permalink

2 months pass...

Billy Dods, Wednesday, 16 January 2008 16:29 (5 years ago) Permalink

o shi i hadn't seen these cartoons before -- awesome.

That one guy that hit it and quit it, Wednesday, 16 January 2008 16:36 (5 years ago) Permalink

"After my baby didn't babble or gesture after 12 months, I hoped the cause was autism. I've since learned he's dead."

That mong guy that's shit, Wednesday, 16 January 2008 16:47 (5 years ago) Permalink

Haha OMG:

First Indian-American Governor Elected

With his swearing in as governor of Louisiana on Monday, Republican Bobby Jindal became the first Indian-American to head a U.S. state. What do you think?

Dave Piedmont,
Systems Analyst

"His parents must be so close to being proud."

nabisco, Thursday, 17 January 2008 01:01 (5 years ago) Permalink

1 month passes...

Steven Seagal is...

Kerm, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 22:09 (5 years ago) Permalink

http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/act_now_to_take_advantage_of_my

story of my life

and what, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 22:45 (5 years ago) Permalink

lol "Skeepers"

Jordan, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 22:47 (5 years ago) Permalink

haha deja vu

me: http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/act_now_to_take_advantage_of_my
Sent at 4:31 PM on Wednesday
Jordan: haha
lol "skeepers"

deej, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 22:50 (5 years ago) Permalink

: /

Bodrick III, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 22:56 (5 years ago) Permalink

that's totally the lowered-standards look

... anonymous sex with me that I'll begin to regret it as it's happening?
oh double-edged zing

rrrobyn, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 23:00 (5 years ago) Permalink

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/75350

Dr Morbius, Friday, 7 March 2008 21:38 (5 years ago) Permalink

Writing anything beyond the headline was unnecessary (they used to leave things that way more often) but this is still funny:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/rescue-chip-sent-in-to-save-broken-tostito-submerg,32292/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=standard-post:headline:default

huun huurt 2 (Hurting 2), Thursday, 2 May 2013 20:57 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

damn they are the coldest

we're up all night to get (s1ocki), Monday, 6 May 2013 23:03 (1 week ago) Permalink

as noted on the other thread, pretty brutal

four Marxes plus four Obamas plus four Bin Ladens (Shakey Mo Collier), Monday, 6 May 2013 23:38 (1 week ago) Permalink

Wow.

she started dancing to that (Finefinemusic), Tuesday, 7 May 2013 01:28 (1 week ago) Permalink

which other thread xp?

caek, Tuesday, 7 May 2013 08:54 (1 week ago) Permalink

rolling middle east 2013 thread I guess

Andrew Farrell, Tuesday, 7 May 2013 09:08 (1 week ago) Permalink

ty

caek, Tuesday, 7 May 2013 09:15 (1 week ago) Permalink

Love the Lindsay Lohan one linked to that page

Sir Lord Baltimora (Myonga Vön Bontee), Tuesday, 7 May 2013 17:57 (1 week ago) Permalink

man, onion going dark with some of these

huun huurt 2 (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 7 May 2013 18:37 (1 week ago) Permalink

my feminist/anti-racist radical outlier friends are very very very pissed about that Chris Brown story

not feeling those lighters (underrated aerosmith bootlegs I have owned), Wednesday, 8 May 2013 00:17 (1 week ago) Permalink

they would though

there is no special cathexis with mini fried donuts (Nilmar Honorato da Silva), Wednesday, 8 May 2013 00:18 (1 week ago) Permalink

i don't like that chris brown story. in addition to the possible offensiveness it is just uninspired and lame.

Treeship, Wednesday, 8 May 2013 00:21 (1 week ago) Permalink

the incessant focus on chris brown and relative lack of attention given to olde worlde wite culture heroes with similar domestic violence proclicvities is racially dubious as has been said elsewhere, but that doesn't mean the onion should refrain from clowning him

there is no special cathexis with mini fried donuts (Nilmar Honorato da Silva), Wednesday, 8 May 2013 00:22 (1 week ago) Permalink

lol the onion

surm, Wednesday, 8 May 2013 00:22 (1 week ago) Permalink

i mean... ugh the onion :(

surm, Wednesday, 8 May 2013 00:23 (1 week ago) Permalink

i don't understand the point of that joke except "lol this awful thing happened."

Treeship, Wednesday, 8 May 2013 00:26 (1 week ago) Permalink

yeah not funny at all imo, reads like something any hack could come up with

(The Other) J.D. (J.D.), Wednesday, 8 May 2013 00:26 (1 week ago) Permalink

i don't understand the point of that joke except "lol this awful thing happened."

― Treeship, Wednesday, May 8, 2013 12:26 AM (9 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

the joke is that the media reports on the status of chris brown and rihanna's relationship like it's any other celebrity couple instead of a sad and terrifying thing, so the Onion wrote a satirical article with that same tone

Matt Armstrong, Wednesday, 8 May 2013 00:36 (1 week ago) Permalink

It's also a take on the old "this is the woman I knew I'd spend the rest of my life with" thing.

nickn, Wednesday, 8 May 2013 00:46 (1 week ago) Permalink

umm... duh. but to matt, i don't think the media treated their relationship like any other relationship so that satire is sort of irrelevant. like, if anything i was uncomfortable with the critiques of rihanna's decision to get back with brown because they seemed to come more from a place of victim blaming rather than concern ("can you believe it??" etc). in general i just wish that celebrity gossip wasn't a thing

Treeship, Wednesday, 8 May 2013 00:51 (1 week ago) Permalink

although i get that this situation was an important instance to talk about the problem of domestic violence and so in that sense it was worth talking about. so yeah, i get what you are saying: their relationship shouldn't have just been another source of gossip. i still don't like the onion article though.

Treeship, Wednesday, 8 May 2013 00:53 (1 week ago) Permalink

Niche Online Message Board Takes Issue With The Onion
The Internet

surm, Wednesday, 8 May 2013 01:06 (1 week ago) Permalink

i don't quite get why ppl would be pissed about the chris brown story? i guess its one of those 'dark humor trivializes bad things' sort of reactions? sigh

stefon taylor swiftboat (s.clover), Wednesday, 8 May 2013 01:58 (1 week ago) Permalink

I LOL'd at this

http://www.theonion.com/articles/snooze-button-time-traveler-sets-coordinates-for-5,32339/

― Emperor Cos Dashit (Adam Bruneau), Tuesday, May 7, 2013 9:11 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

yeah liked that one, but again an example of the whole joke being in the headline, no further text needed

huun huurt 2 (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 8 May 2013 02:02 (1 week ago) Permalink

Nah I enjoyed the breakdown of the space-age time travel gear and traveler set against a mundane slacker groaning at what feels to him like instant time jumps. I enjoyed the body but yeah it would have worked as headline only too.

Evan, Wednesday, 8 May 2013 03:04 (1 week ago) Permalink

lol hurting's point reminds of this mad magazine parody of the onion roughly 12 years ago, odds are the last time mad magazine will make me laff -

balls, Wednesday, 8 May 2013 05:47 (1 week ago) Permalink

that reminds me, anyone know the story behind the turnover going on at av club?

balls, Wednesday, 8 May 2013 05:49 (1 week ago) Permalink

i think a bunch of them are leaving together to start a new site, or something.

turds (Hungry4Ass), Wednesday, 8 May 2013 06:00 (1 week ago) Permalink

interesting, i knew the longtime av club editor either quit or was fired (it felt like fired) months ago and then hyden split for grantland then i noticed scott tobias left (that guy along w/ noah murray and donna bowman had a weirdly large influence on my film taste and education when i was in high school and they were in college), then rabin who fbow is their defining voice or whatever and i thought 'ok something is definitely going on'. wondered if it was just high visibility and new eic prompting mass consideration of other pastures or if there was something more organized going on.

balls, Wednesday, 8 May 2013 06:11 (1 week ago) Permalink

the chris brown thing belongs in the daily mash

caek, Wednesday, 8 May 2013 07:39 (1 week ago) Permalink

A friend in the know tells me that Phipps was let go and that the others then jumped ship to join him, in solidarity, on a new site he's starting.

jaymc, Wednesday, 8 May 2013 12:53 (1 week ago) Permalink

I like that mad parody. It reminds me of my college weekly paper days, when we (the pretentious/artsy weekly) did a parody issue of the daily, and then the other weekly (sort of a ziney/gross-out thing) did a great parody of us, nailing in particular our jargon-laden reviews of obscure indie music.

huun huurt 2 (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 8 May 2013 15:34 (1 week ago) Permalink

That was like the only thing the Medium did that was funny

los blue jeans, Friday, 10 May 2013 19:37 (1 week ago) Permalink


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