people that YELP are scumbags

reviewing lakes is funny to me

someone reviewed a grave

i'm going to start yelping my bus rides

― Mr. Que, Friday, March 13, 2009 9:00 PM (7 months ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

never did this

http://www.yelp.com/user_details?userid=smRRcUJeSnlwXc7k1JB6Kw

can i yelp my own house?

Salut

Categories: French, American (New)
3 star rating
11/4/2009
I live a few blocks from here and have only been a few times in 2 years. The main reason I don't like going back? The D-bag bartender who takes his role of "French" restaurant employee a little to much to heart. I went to France this summer for vacation and only ran into one server that equaled this pretentious bastard.

The food is good, and their specials are almost always convincing enough to get you to leave the menu for the greener pastures of the daily creation (short ribs were fantastic). This was also the first place I've ever had raw oysters and I continue to eat them today. They were great.

But that bartender. I get kinda angry just seeing him behind the bar when I bypass it for the restaurant. If you ever go, you'll know who he is by how he actively ignores all but the most attractive of the Edina cougar set. Lose him, and I'd give this place another star in a heartbeat.

If that bartender should ever happen to read this, dude, be less douche-y. You know who you are.

fwiw that lady just spent 3 days jail on 5150 watch. she is 1000% cuckoo, she used to have a bookstore in west portal that i went to once... seriously bonkers.

― ♪♫(●̲̲̅̅̅̅=̲̲̅̅̅̅●̲̅̅)♪♫ (Steve Shasta), Thursday, November 5, 2009 10:29 AM Bookmark Suggest Ban

no shit, the bookstore that was by Radioshack? I used to hang out there before it closed...

everything about this is insane

The Burger Place

Category: American (Traditional)
4 star rating
11/3/2009
Good burgers for a good price. They have a large menu of specialty burgers and it's a quick lunch with tasty food. Everyone is friendly and the place is always busy at lunch.

http://www.yelp.com/user_details?userid=ebC_pH92K4uxyDenoXb5bg

The Corner Office Restaurant and Martini Bar

Categories: Bars, American (New)
Neighborhoods: Northwest, CBD
2 star rating
10/16/2009
We went here for drinks before dinner, and it was OK. I can't find a drink menu online (Flash isn't working), so bear with me on the drink descriptions.

My friend recommended the Pimm's, but they were out of cucumber. I chose a pear-champagne cocktail, which was syrupy sweet and not shaken/cold enough for my taste. It was hard to finish. Others ranged from my level of satisfaction (Red Bull / Orange SKYY was also too sweet) to actually satisfied (straight whiskey) with their drinks. At $9 a pop, I expected a bit more - more fanfare, more quality liquor (mine was made with SKYY), better taste.

protip, if you don't want something sweet, don't get a) pear-champagne cocktail or b) red bull and orange vodka.

more fanfare?

he wanted people to applaud him for drinking a pear-champagne cocktail

it's a lady.

btw any yelp review that says a restaurant is in a neighborhood that is a little bit "ghetto" is probably just referring to the fact that it's located in a middle-class hispanic area.

^^^ this applies to pretty much anything anyone uses 'ghetto' for most of the time. it's pretty
rare that saying ghetto doesn't immediately render a person despicable

great thread

i'll fucking murder a yelp reviewer

when my friend worked at a pizza place, a yelper once called him "insouciant" in a review (just thinking about this makes me lol irl)

they were like "The insouciant host was not concerned that there were pizza crusts on the floor" or whatever

he texts me fake yelp reviews all the time and it fuckin slays me, i wish i saved them or something

uh, excuse me, i need more chinese five spice infused ranch dipping sauce for my wanton venison poppers?

the "unreliable narrator" is a yelp constant, as was mentioned upthread

hey yall here's the worst yelper

http://www.yelp.com/user_details?userid=F6wPcddxMJL8D8uX0t-GJw

"This place is a god damn dump. The food was poorly made and looked like they sloped turky on there. they did not even cut the sandwich. this place is dirty as hell. the works are ignorant."

oh man fuckin goldmine here:

http://www.yelp.com/user_details?userid=GY9LJaxKP7tXlxExBE1J_Q

rvws are all in a sqrl police/marissa stylee + "indie girl in comedy moustache" userpic

there's a review of a party. a yelp party. five stars.

lol canks i thought the first couple said "did not eat here" and i was like, ok, that's kind of great

Today will be the last time i will go there. They have joined the group of restaurants that has tacked on a 4% fee to cover restaurant worker health care. This is disclosed in an italic font in the middle of the menu, probably so you will skip over it.

UGH HEALTH CARE FOR THE WORKING CLASS? NOT ON MY WATCH

Eye Carumba Optometry

Category: Optometrists
Neighborhood: Financial District
1 star rating
3/25/2009
recepitionist is dumb and rude

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review of the day:

Allen C.

Los Angeles, CA
6/2/2009
5 star rating
Bottega Louie

Still LOVE Bottega Louie!! But this is an OMG update. So, after work, I'm on a mission to buy some Famima goods in Downtown before heading home. Then I see Bottega Louie. So of course I decided to stop by for some deli case items for din din. I'm standing there at the counter and a sweet employee comes up to me holding a tray of all kinds of cookies and other goodies. She asks me if I need anything and positions the tray in front of my face. I look at her and say "yes, I think I'm going to get some of these things (pointing to deli case)" and then I look at the tray and say, "oooh, can I get one of those cookies" and before she can say anything, I reach for a cookie and pop it in my mouth. She looks at me funny and says, "yeah of course you can have one". Anyway, I purchase my block of mac n' cheese, a quiche lorraine, and 5 macarons. Then it dawns upon me. She was holding a BAKING TRAY!! They WEREN'T samples!! She was bringing the baked goods to the back!! I JUST STOLE A COOKIE FROM BOTTEGA LOUIE!! That would explain the whispers and snickers behind the counter. I think I'm turning red. I hate myself.

Oh, btw, the mac n' cheese was a little pricey, but very good. The quiche lorraine was perfect and of course, I can never say anything bad about the macarons. Okay, there, an official review.

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hey yall here's the worst yelper

http://www.yelp.com/user_details?userid=F6wPcddxMJL8D8uX0t-GJw

"This place is a god damn dump. The food was poorly made and looked like they sloped turky on there. they did not even cut the sandwich. this place is dirty as hell. the works are ignorant."

― spergliacci (cankles), Thursday, November 5, 2009 2:25 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

i think u mean this is the best yelper

what a stud!

Mike N.

Los Angeles, CA
6/11/2009
4 star rating
Floyd's Barbershop

Me dating multiple women is like a circus summer intern trying to spin dinner plates on wooden sticks for the very first time. It's an extremely wobbly system and sooner or later a plate (most often all plates) is/are going to fall off its honeymoon and shatter into a million pieces. And every once in a while the flying shrapnel will ricochet off the ground and lodge in that intern's jugular pumping its toxic karma into the poor soul. A poison with such retribution that any future attempts to even balance one plate will result in disaster with ceramic debris falling next to the fading beats of the intern's dying heart.

That is why I can only date, see, hang out, talk to one girl at a time. To the very disdain of my friends who suggest I will end up with many a shattered basket of eggs. I can only give a yolk covered shrug.

Which leads to my recent and first trip to Floyd's and the anxiety of trying to balance more than one barber. (Floyd's happens to be a lot closer then my regular barber). Leslie cut my hair. She did a pretty great job at it too. I could tell she didn't really want to comply to my request of only using scissors. The annoyed look as she put the electric clippers back down had me worried she would impale me with her blackened karma tipped blades. Thankfully she didn't and finished the job as I had envisioned it.

After tip I paid $25 if I remember correctly. I'm sorry to have to say ""I think we should just be friends" to my old barber, but I think Leslie will be my new go to gal. *Takes plate off the spindle and sets it firmly on the table*

-came in early Saturday and was in and out the door within 40 min
-metered lot parking at the back
-the music doesn't match the visual vibe (personal opinion)
-plenty of magazines to read while you wait
-nice warm straight blade shave for the back of your neck
-electric massage for the shoulders seems forced and kind of awkward

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like im all for the democratization of publishing and criticism or whatever but for the most part there are good reasons why jonathan gold is winning pulitzers and getting published and mott_the_hoople420 is not

― max, Thursday, February 26, 2009 2:27 PM (8 months ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

weedgoku69, america's next poet laureate

is 'barber' some code word for 'prostitute'

Lifestyles of the Yelp & Famous Elite Event at South Coast Rep

5 star rating

based on 22 reviews
----

411

177

Roo M.

Bald People Have no Headlines

Orange, CA

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5 star rating
10/5/2009

Good day to you, my Fancy Schmancy Yelpers.

My share of the event pics can be found HERE: http://tinyurl.com/ybs...

What a great event! we not only got to dress up in our Sunday Best (On a Sunday, No Less) but got a chance to watch one of TWO shows!

I opted to see "The Happy Ones" which I knew from the get-go was probably the less upbeat of the two options, but the subject matter was very very interesting to me and so I decided to brave the possible sadness and plunged into it headlong.

Set in 1970 Westminster/Garden Grove, the play takes you into the life of a man whose American dream of owning his own business, having a wife, two kids and a fairly modest home suddenly turns into a nightmare by the fateful actions of another man.

Filled with anger and hate, he sets forth to confront the man who brought death to all he loved, but in the process, finds truth, understanding and eventually: Happiness.

I don't think I've ever walked away from any event with a life lesson until now.

Hot damn ...

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Yelp OC's Sizzlin' Bacon Bash
5 star rating
based on 117 reviews
------
Wes S.

A TRUE gentleman is defined not with what he has, but what he has to offer

Camarillo, CA

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5 star rating
9/23/2009

A quote from that 70's show with my own twist to it....

"I found out, the thing I love most is bacon. If I could, I would run across the beach right into the arms of bacon".

Yes, that, is me. I love, love, love, bacon. I know it's not "good" for you, but there's just something different, euphorically if you will, that gets released when I'm nom, nom, noming away on a crisp piece. You can say, it takes me to my happy place.

Even though the location of this event was going to be at least 70 miles 1 way, and battling traffic to get here, I did not care, nor did I show mercy once I did enter the confines of Yelp bacon gluttony.

"Sample" burgers from 50/50 (serving the 50/50), Bacon - Mac n' cheese, chocolate covered bacon (which wasn't that bad and I actually liked it), free beer, and meatballs - yes, I ate those all were really good.

The things I didn't like, the Bakon vodka was just wrong. I didn't taste any bacon, but instead was almost knocked out by pure alcohol. Not hating on my Vegan friends, but what was the point of serving fake vegan bacon sammiches? *shrug

A great time, I can't believe how crowded it was, but it wasn't that bad compared to other events where there's just a sea of people. We even got to see Weird Al.

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yelp event reviews are amazing

http://www.yelp.com/biz/wells-fargo-bank-minnesota-n-a-minneapolis-20#hrid:ahEillIOqZlRLpqeoGf3Kg

Wells Fargo Bank Minnesota N A

Category: Banks & Credit Unions
5 star rating
9/1/2009 First to Review
I don't like Wells Fargo, really.
I set up an account at one of their locations
because my bank is a smaller bank that is in my hometown
which is incredibly far away.
I only set up a free checking account
so I could cash my mileage reimbursement checks from work.

I set up my account at the Park Ave location in downtown Minneapolis.
Oh.My.God.
I felt like I was being attacked my a salesperson
versus a bank teller.
Obviously they must get some commission for trying
to talk people into signing up for additional banking services.
This woman was vicious!!!!
She was relentless!!!!!
I had to tell her 'no' several times before she backed off.
Actually, I had to tell her that I was about to leave
before she finally backed off.
Seriously?
Enough, lady!
And then she couldn't even spell my last name right!!!
Even with my driver's license in her hand!!!!
She couldn't type up the 6 letters that make up my last name
that were clearly printed on my ID.
Dumb.
Dumb dumb dumb woman.
I was so incredibly frustrated when I left this place!
I hated Wells Fargo
almost as much as I hate John Leguizamo.

So, you must be asking yourselves. . .
why did Ms. Laura P. give Wells Fargo a 5 star rating?
It sounds like she had a horrible experience
and that Wells Fargo is the bane of her existence.
Well, folks, I'm about to tell ya.
Joshua Coughlin.
Oh Joshua.
You took such good care of me!
He was courteous and kind.
His conversation skills were wonderful and interesting.
He went above and beyond with his service for me.
My account was inactive from not using it in awhile
but Joshua got it turned back on for me.
He took care of the check I wanted cashed
while I waited at his desk in his cubicle.
I was very pleased with how he handled things.
I will definitely will be coming back to this location.
Joshua renewed my faith in Wells Fargo.
Way to go, Joshua!!!

Screw the Park Ave location though.
I'd pay for front row tickets to watch it burn to the ground.

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tryin to get laid

I hated Wells Fargo
almost as much as I hate John Leguizamo.

[18:56] andrew: that fucking idiot ass acid casualty monstrosity with the floor to ceiling pores
[18:56] andrew: met her trog ass boyfriend on yelp lmao
[18:56] jumaan: why do you know all these precious shitfucks
[18:56] andrew: i lived in san francsico for two years
[18:56] jumaan: true.
[18:56] andrew: if assholes were boats that place would be the fuckin port authority

[18:40] andrew: OH and then we had to work a yelp event
[18:40] andrew: so we has to bring in some pizza
[18:40] andrew: and they fuckin ate it all up
[18:40] andrew: and it was free
[18:40] andrew: so they ate the free pizza
[18:40] andrew: and then some dude comes up to me and is like "We are still hungry" and i'm like "well order some pizza then"
[18:40] jumaan: lmao
[18:41] andrew: and he was like "I don;t think you understand, we are your CUSTOMERS. people will read our reviews!"
[18:41] andrew: and i was like "I don't think YOU understand this was a huge pain in the ass and we didn't get paid for it"
[18:42] andrew: goddamn yelp
[18:42] andrew: i am fuming right now

who the fuck hates john leguizamo

evidence supporting the thread title

johnny legz is a prince among men imo

Worst airline every.

do people yelp strip clubs

it appears so

Bob S.

The Best Things in Life are not Things.

Santa Monica, CA

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3 star rating
5/6/2008

My main squeeze and I have never been to a strip club together, and tonight was the night to explore. We checked out the Yelp reviews and narrowed our choice down to the Rhino, so off we went to seek out that rare, two-horned mammal.

Five bucks whether you self-park or valet, twenty bucks each to get in, and shortly we were in the Rhino with all its glory. One stage, two poles and a line-up that was mixed. From a bit chubby to skinny and tall, the overall quality of girls was "average" at the start of this particular evening. Even though we arrived at 10pm, expecting the place to be hopping with wildlife, we worried that our search for the perfect blond gazelle had ended before it began.

But wait! Hear that rustlings in the bushes? Could this possibly a shift change or is it merely the headliner, Carmen Hart, galloping to the stage? For those who worship her every move on the little screen, they could now tug on their wallets to entice her even closer. Surely better then any plasma right? Like a true attention fiend, she entertained the crowd as the seats filled with shadowy figures with meek smiles. I surely hope that was a wallet being pulled out of their pants!! I do think this was Rhino's segway into upgrading some of the girls, not all, but some.

We drank our $5 cokes and sympathetically tossed out singles while hoping for a Rock Star to show up. Finally, in a moment of weakness, Leilani greeted us with a welcoming smile (I am sure that is her real name). She was a mixed bag of tricks - Chinese, Spanish, Filipina and some moves I can't describe without getting flagged. She introduced herself during one of the many "buy 2 get 2 free" promotions and she certainly "entertained" us like a Rock star. She was upbeat, knew how to treat a couple, and arrived just in time to make the trip worth it. We never found our blond gazelle, but discovered a two horned beast that was just right.

Thank you "Lay"lani, without you, the evening would have ended much earlier.

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http://www.yelp.com/biz/running-iron-restaurant-and-saloon-carmel-valley-2#hrid:5GyT7WZZkxi-Vb4Jbdhi_g

picture of bob

http://static.px.yelp.com/photo/wi5tppDTyZftiuBpzlWdtw/l

My main squeeze and I have never been to a strip club together, and tonight was the night to explore.

*pukes*

Christian C.

Will Yelp for Usefuls, Funnys, and Cools

Santa Monica, CA

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4 star rating
11/20/2008

I've been to many strip clubs, and I'm not some creepy guy. I can appreciate the female form. There are many nice female forms here.

You get diversity. Do you like white chicks, black chicks, Hispanic chicks, or Asian chicks? It doesn't matter; they're all here. They even have a beautiful Iraqi working.

While there are many beautiful women, there are some so-so ones; and one disgusting one. She is old and smells like smoke. You'll know her when you see her - lol. Keep her away, unless you like the smell of ash trays.

Some helpful tips:

* Bring cash. As the commenter below me noted, the ATM is a total scam. It's a 10% surcharge. Plus you have to pay your own bank ATM fee. Scam.

* Get a free pass. You can usually find a free pass at the back page of the LA Weekly (which is an awesome paper you should be reading, anyway). Instead of paying $20 cover charge, you pay $5 for one drink (a soda or Red Bull). Like all fully nude clubs in L.A., the Rhino is a "juice bar."

* Take advantage of specials. If you go on off nights, you can get good specials on lap dances. On Wednesday or Thursday, you can usually get a 2-for-1. Lap dances are $20 for topless or $40 for fully nude. Just take your time, and you'll get a special.

* Don't get more than you want. When you go into the back room, strippers will automatically just take off their bottoms. That way you sort of get forced into paying for fully nude. If you don't want fully nude (I don't want their cha-chas touching me), be sure to specific you want topless. Otherwise, they'll drop their bottoms and you'll be stuck paying twice what you'd otherwise pay.

* Beware buying drinks. A stripper will approach you, sit down, and chat with you. A minute later, a waitress will ask you if you want to buy the woman a drink. It's $10. If you don't buy them a drink, they'll usually say, "Good bye." I'd rather spend my money at the tip stage, rewarding women for hard work, than pay money just to have someone talk to me. If you want to keep them around, just know what it will cost you.

* Take the freeways. Do not take back roads or short cuts to get through here, unless you want to be assailed by crack heads and homeless people. Find a way to get here via the highways.

All in all, this is a very good place. If you play it smart (use coupons, bring your own cash, wait for dance specials), you'll see beautiful women for a great price.

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oh god it's a whole other kind of disgusting

Deja Vu Nightclub

Category: Adult Entertainment
2 star rating
2/16/2009
The Vu is the only strip club I have ever been to, and my review might be bias because I was there with a gang of Norwegian exchange students.

But ugghhhh VAGINA in my face. And uggghh that girl isn't even that attractive! Unattractive lady parts in my face!

This is The Penthouse of strip clubs. If it's vagina in your face you are looking for..this place is paradise.

And really? Don't these people get tired of having to listen to 2 Live Crew?

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Thank you "Lay"lani