JJJUSTEN MAKES ONE SENTENCIRIFIC REVIEWS OF ALL THE CRAP THAT HE WATCHES LATE AT NIGHT ON NETFLIX STREAMING XBOX SOMETHING WHY BECAUSE HE BORED ALSO BECAUSE

haha i just reread that abomination of run-on sentence but i am committed to the thread concept so pbbbt

That Mitchell and Webb Look Season One - totally fucking brilliant, how have i never seen this before, stupid american televisioneers. A

ace ventura jr. is getting a sequel.

well i sure hope it is ace venture the third esq.

you should check out Wicked Lake if just for the cameo in the first 5 minutes. also there were lots of titties and lesbians. (somehow I still fell asleep 10 minutes in so it is probably really terrible.)

i am also hoping you will watch this: http://www.netflix.com/WiMovie/Spymate/70045838?trkid=1266358

Vantage Point - cinematography pretty good, story not all that, matthew fox cant really act ever can he? B--

The Perfect Witness - Shockingly good, way above expectations, solid acting, dark and weird and creepy. A!

oh dang is vantage point only a minute long???

wait, perfect witness, shit

Vulgar - Just terrible terrible terrible, one more reason to keep kevin smith off airplanes, like a fever dream of audience hatefuck, but somehow incredibly boring, total waste of 80 minutes. F.

say what now? xpost

spoiler alert : Vulgar is about a party clown that gets gang-raped by a dad and his two sons, and then tries to keep his national tv career safe from the videotaped evidence after saving a young girl from her dad in a police standoff.

O_O

oh and it stars that dante dude from clerks as the clown

and ethan suplee (you may know him as "rotund dude in butterfly effect" or "guy who can not see the sailboat" or "earls probably maybe special needs brother") as deliverance rapist brother #2

run dont walk to your local video store

that is the weirdest plot synopsis i've ever read

ps. happy birthday! (belated)

also, jason mewes in a pointless cameo probably intended to keep him off the pipe for a few minutes

ps. THN+XING @ U!

what the

like how did it even occur to you to watch that

I just read the Wikipedia article on this movie and my previous question still stands

49th Parallel - LOOK OUT AMERICA! Canada will not protect you from the Nazis, they will only give them tea and send them south.

xp I'm with Dan. I don't understand how you choose your movie-watching, John. It's like you're choosing them from another dimension!!!

"a movie produced by Kevin Smith about a clown raped by hillbillies? SIGN ME UP"

if you're going to discover the wonders of fringe cinema and some of the finest unsung moments ever committed to celluloid, somewhere on the way, yer gonna see some clown rape.

so did you not read a plot synopsis or blurb before deciding to watch this, because "Kevin Smith pays hillbillies to rape a clown" would pretty much make my decision for me

it's not like someone said "this is a remake of 'Funny Games'" and pulled a switcheroo on you, is my point I guess

hey if you're going to marry a prince, you're going to have to kiss a lot of frogs clown diddlers on the way.

you misspelled "CLOWNSTAPP" btw

its hard to soar with the eagles when your stuck down here flying with clown rapists

btw your assessment of Vantage Point is pretty OTM, although I find Matthew Fox's seeming inability to play a character who isn't Charlie Salinger kind of charming

(side note to dang - did you watch/enjoy the "Funny Games" remake?)

the big saving grace of Vantage Point was the car chase, which was like bourne-worthy work.

I did not watch the "Funny Games" remake because I was so incredibly incensed with the bullshit directorial asshattery of the original getting in the way of a genuinely entertaining, frightening story that actually made the point the director was going for without the extra helping of oversmug cockdom that I refused to watch it even though it has Naomi Watts in it.

oh yeah i think i saw you talking about that on another thread

it was the remote thing that you hated right?

Yes. I was fine with the psycho dude mugging for the audience, but bringing it back into the story and allowing him to rewind the entire film with their remote control turned the entire thing from an engaging, at times horrifying hostage story and into a meaningless piece of trash that wasted some really excellent performances.

idk i was down with that, one more layer of crushing infuriating helplessness, but poking the audience in the eye instead of the protagonists - but it was jarring for sure.

and i totally understand not being down with it, it just worked for me.

sorry for the derail.

^^^ all of this is making me laugh, so thanks for that, even though the phrase "clown rape" is certain to destroy any hope I ever had of peaceful sleep ever again

sticks and stone may break my bones
but words can never hurt me
unless those words are "clown rape"

Amen.

i don't get the 'instant' thing - i thought it was just like hulu or something, but apparently i need some kind of special device to watch on my computer?? someone explain this to me, please.

do you have a mac? netflix streaming is unfriendly with most (not that old) older macs.

Comic Book Confidential - starts strong, then sucks pretty badly when it turns into some boring "dudes awkwardly read from their comic books" nonsense, last half is basically a rotten mess. C

oh also live action zippy the pinhead should have been left on the cutting room floor in the bad embarrassing idea pile

nah i've got a new vaio. we called, and apparently there was a 'hold' on our account (even tho it was in the two week free trial??) but they never explained why - they just took it off.

World's Greatest Dad: ok so lets get this out of the way first "starring robin williams directed by bobcat goldtwaith" and so you go in expecting no go awful muckpile and then to my total astonishment i LOVED THIS MOVIE, it would seem that for me bobcat succeeds where wes anderson fails, pulling together this compelling dark weird hilarious bittersweet world built on awkwardness and the true facts that in real life people rarely connect to each other no matter how close they are supposed to be. A+

D.I.Y. or DIE: short documentary about way too many DIY ethos artists (srsly there are 32 interviewees and the thing is less than an hour long) that has some kind of great moments but lingers way too long on some at the expense of others and never really digs in its heels and find a direction, also has maybe the most hilariously pathetic half-assed student film intro i have ever seen. B

The Gits: considering the subject matter it seemed like this would be a pretty bracing and punishing documentary, but it was weirdly detached and odd in tone and sort of fell flat, some great musical moments but was expecting a lot more from this B-

B is a pretty generous grade for what you describe about D.I.Y. You must be mellowing in your old age.

High Lane - so the french, who are otherwise obv not the most trustworthy types in the world have been banging out some pretty solid gutpunching horror for the last several years, so when i saw a summary of this and realized that it was kinda a reimagining of the descent, but replace caving claustrophobia with terrifying dizzing mountainclimbing suspension bridge gonna kill you agoraphobia i knew it would be worth a shot and of course i was 1000% completely fucking dead wrong, without even getting into the horrible dub job which is hard to skip because FUCK YOU but i digress, once you get past that you get 20 minutes of promising stomach dropping cant breathe terrifying mountain climbing nightmare vista near accidents, which are beautiful and stunning, then the crazy maniac shows up and its like some dude just walked into the movie swinging a leaking pail of shit and no one escapes without getting coated in stupid, godawful, redeemed only by the fact that you kinda want everyone in the movie to die and YAY most of them do. D

Shadow - ok lets get the bad stuff out of the way here first the ending to this is pretty ??? and there are framing aspects that are reeeal questionable as well, gratuitous excess of mountain biking and so on, also director is in some italian pop band so well, who knows what to think, but once you get past that theres something interesting going on here, not the least of which is that the dude they cast as the baddie is ultra menacing and unpleasant, and there are some turns that really work, and although the motivations at hand are a little surface level there really isnt the usual unbelieveable mess of reasoning you might suspect, and at the end even if you shrug at the directors message it isnt enough to ruin the film, just maybe tarnish it a little. B

did you ever see CHUD 2?