An empty cigar tube filled with wasps makes a good vibrator.

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URGH. This thread drips with wrongness (and soggy wasps).

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:38 (10 years ago) Permalink

surely the wasp vibrator is not vegan friendly

― Ed (dali), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:38 (10 years ago) Permalink

Which end were you thinking of, N?

The other end from Tom was?

― Graham (graham), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:39 (10 years ago) Permalink

Maybe there is something that is like a wasp, but not harmful. Like, a um, a, um. um. I dunno.

― alix (alix), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:41 (10 years ago) Permalink

Are there wasp masochism sites?

What about jumping beans alix?

― Tom (Groke), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:42 (10 years ago) Permalink

a fly?

― michael wells (michael w.), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:42 (10 years ago) Permalink

Humming birds? They are quite tiny I believe.

― Archel (Archel), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:42 (10 years ago) Permalink

i mean flies. just one would be pretty underwhelming, i imagine.

― michael wells (michael w.), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:43 (10 years ago) Permalink

There was an old lady who inserted a fly...

― Tom (Groke), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:43 (10 years ago) Permalink

Archel, well done for bringing a little prettiness to this ugly ugly thread.

― Tim (Tim), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:44 (10 years ago) Permalink

what about some sort of a small electric motor?

― RJG (RJG), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:45 (10 years ago) Permalink

Still not vegan friendly though (jumping beans are moth larvae).

― Graham (graham), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:45 (10 years ago) Permalink

Moths. I was thinking of the non-inserted end, just in case the sting pokes through. But you might want that danger. It's horses for courses.

― N. (nickdastoor), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:45 (10 years ago) Permalink

Horses?

― Tim (Tim), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:46 (10 years ago) Permalink

I wonder if there are sites where womens' clothes get all eaten off by moths?

― Tom (Groke), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:47 (10 years ago) Permalink

N. doesn't have the time for those boring middle verses.

― Graham (graham), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:47 (10 years ago) Permalink

Jumping beans are plastic! And would be rubbish, unless you were in some kind of gyroscope. I think Gillander's small electric motor might be the answer, although possibly someone has already thought of this. Apparently the woman who founded Ann Summers moved into a house down the road from my parents. Imagine the village gossip. Or don't.

― alix (alix), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:48 (10 years ago) Permalink

angry wasps in a condom add a certain pleasure both to the fellow and his lady friend

― WilliamR (WilliamR), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:49 (10 years ago) Permalink

Imagine Tom's poem taken to it's logical conclusion...

"There was an old lady who inserted a horse,
She came of course..."

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:49 (10 years ago) Permalink

barbed for her pleasure?

― Alan (Alan), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:50 (10 years ago) Permalink

This is the best/horriblest/most wrong thread EVAH!

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:51 (10 years ago) Permalink

ITS A WASP. YOU DON'T WANT IT NEAR YOUR BITS. Although there are people that enjoy stinging nettles in this way.

― alix (alix), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:51 (10 years ago) Permalink

Have you tested this yourself, Nick?

I can imagine a porn film set in an adult toys' factory's quality control department -- Inspected by Number 69.

― j.lu (j.lu), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:52 (10 years ago) Permalink

Not me, obv.

― alix (alix), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:53 (10 years ago) Permalink

all home science experiments EVER (as found in Usborne's "So Your Kid is A Precocious Shit and wants a chemistry set for christmas" series)started "you'll need two expty cigar tubes". i never ever had any. or friends. i could do the electric experiments -- they needed brass split pins, wire, a battery, aluminium foil and a matchbox (to make home-made lamp holders)

― Alan (Alan), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:54 (10 years ago) Permalink

Are you trying to clean up this thread, Alan?

― alix (alix), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:55 (10 years ago) Permalink

That's what I meant by wasp porn - it's the next step from the nettle thing innit?

― Tom (Groke), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:55 (10 years ago) Permalink

My stepdad used to work as a packer at an Ann Summers factory. They were allowed to take home any damaged chocolate phalluses. I don't think wasps were involved though.

― Archel (Archel), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:55 (10 years ago) Permalink

the next step being?

blue ringed octupi, spitting Cobras, box jelly fish?

― Ed (dali), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:56 (10 years ago) Permalink

But it's in a cigar case!

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:56 (10 years ago) Permalink

Hamlet's only come in thin cellophane.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:59 (10 years ago) Permalink

I'm sure there's a joke to be made there.

― alix (alix), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:00 (10 years ago) Permalink

anyway, the Usborne "So your Kid has worked out how to wire up a bulb and battery, woo hoo" series had a home made vibrator on page 46*. It started "For this you will need an empty cigar tube." I also wanted to be a spy when i was a kid, and liked making code wheels. Mirrors were also fascinating for some reason. And Pinhole cameras, obv.

(*Does that make things better, Alix? Though that bit is a lie)

― Alan (Alan), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:01 (10 years ago) Permalink

"Ophelia kink depression suicide shockah" etc

― g.cannon (gcannon), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:04 (10 years ago) Permalink

Thank you for filthying things up. I actually was a spy when I was younger. This too is a lie. I was fascinated by periscopes though.

― alix (alix), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:08 (10 years ago) Permalink

I have one inserted at the moment, and I certainly would extoll its pleasing virtues. I'm sorry - I've just come.

― WilliamR (WilliamR), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:09 (10 years ago) Permalink

I'm shocked that no one actually commented on the SIZE of hummingbirds as a strike against their usefulness in a vibrator context (TAKE INTO ACOCUNT THE WINGSPAN, PEOPLE!).

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:09 (10 years ago) Permalink

ACOCUNT?!

― alix (alix), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:10 (10 years ago) Permalink

WilliamR has a periscope inserted at the moment? "I was just looking up an old friend" ho ho

― Alan (Alan), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:11 (10 years ago) Permalink

a rattlesnake would make a much better vibrator.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:11 (10 years ago) Permalink

A periscope has many pleasing virtues.

― alix (alix), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:13 (10 years ago) Permalink

"acocunt" = female genitalia shared by multiple people

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:22 (10 years ago) Permalink

Other than looking over conveniently heighted walls?

― Graham (graham), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:23 (10 years ago) Permalink

(I hope that was in response to Alix...)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:34 (10 years ago) Permalink

So Dan, the amount of money you're paying me to not directly alert Joei to the existence of this thread and your presence on it is...?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:42 (10 years ago) Permalink

Imagine the fun you could have with a Periniumscope!

― Simeon (Simeon), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:43 (10 years ago) Permalink

"Joei, did you know that Dan's posting on a thread about wasp vibrators? Oh, and BTW 'Joei wasp vibrator' will eventually come up with a Google hit. No he didn't mention your name, I did. HEY PUT THAT KNIFE DOWN!"

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:45 (10 years ago) Permalink

Dan may have been right about the hummingbirds:

The average weight of an adult female is about 3.3 grams. The average weight of an adult male is about 3 grams.

Ruby-throats are about 3 to 3 3/4 inches long.

The average length of a male's wing is 38.5 mm. The average length of a female's wing is 44.5 mm.

The average length of a male's bill is 16 mm. The average length of a female's bill is 18 mm.

― Archel (Archel), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:48 (10 years ago) Permalink

You think this will save you, Mr. Perry.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:49 (10 years ago) Permalink

How about baby hummingbirds?

― Tim (Tim), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:51 (10 years ago) Permalink

Skipping 66 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

Tom's idea about moth porn is genius!!

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Friday, 4 June 2004 11:50 (8 years ago) Permalink

2 months pass...

Just for fun.

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 20:23 (8 years ago) Permalink

1 year passes...

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Friday, 26 August 2005 04:08 (7 years ago) Permalink

This cannot be allowed to sink down the New Answers page without comment.

― Mädchen (Madchen), Friday, 26 August 2005 16:53 (7 years ago) Permalink

wow.

― carly (carly), Friday, 26 August 2005 19:32 (7 years ago) Permalink

Tracer Hand, I KISS YOU.

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Monday, 29 August 2005 16:06 (7 years ago) Permalink

Tracer Hand, I masturbate you with a beehive.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 29 August 2005 17:56 (7 years ago) Permalink

See, this is why Tracer likes me more than he likes you.

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Monday, 29 August 2005 20:06 (7 years ago) Permalink

Mmmmm, vibrating honey.

― Sweet ƒur¥ (Je4nne Fury), Monday, 29 August 2005 20:26 (7 years ago) Permalink

The greatest thing about that pic is that somebody actually has it framed, on a wall.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Monday, 29 August 2005 20:29 (7 years ago) Permalink

IT IS ART

― teeny (teeny), Monday, 29 August 2005 21:32 (7 years ago) Permalink

3 months pass...

How have I only just seen that picture?!

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Thursday, 22 December 2005 11:04 (7 years ago) Permalink

10 months pass...

Working late = revive awesome old threads

― The Android Cat (Dan Perry), Friday, 10 November 2006 01:25 (6 years ago) Permalink

Somehow I think if I started this thread, you would not think it so awesome. That's racist!

― Scorpion Tea (Dick Butkus), Friday, 10 November 2006 02:34 (6 years ago) Permalink

t/s: sand vs. wasps

― You've Got Scourage On Your Breath (Haberdager), Friday, 10 November 2006 02:38 (6 years ago) Permalink

uh, sand, obviously unless it's in your kidney (and even then)

― Scorpion Tea (Dick Butkus), Friday, 10 November 2006 02:39 (6 years ago) Permalink

Oh, and BTW 'Joei wasp vibrator' will eventually come up with a Google hit

#1 hit Dan!

― ONIMO ph34rz teh NOIZE (GerryNemo), Friday, 10 November 2006 12:49 (6 years ago) Permalink

An empty cigar tube filled with WASPs makes an even worse vibrator than you'd imagine.

― Feargal Hixxy (DJ Mencap), Friday, 10 November 2006 13:19 (6 years ago) Permalink

#1 hit Dan!

ROFFLE

RUN NOW, RAGGETT

― The Android Cat (Dan Perry), Friday, 10 November 2006 20:35 (6 years ago) Permalink

2 months pass...

Two CO2 cartridges filled with a wooden dowel makes a good dildo:

http://godlovesmeat.com/spatulatzar/dildo/

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Sunday, 14 January 2007 17:53 (6 years ago) Permalink

Insight into ILXors web-browsing habits = EEK

― The Android Cat (Dan Perry), Sunday, 14 January 2007 18:15 (6 years ago) Permalink

9 months pass...

OK, I admit it I'm intrigued...

Anyone had personal experience of this? It's good for men and women or so it says on the box.

― Ned Trifle II, Wednesday, 7 November 2007 13:52 (5 years ago) Permalink

How does that even work? Do you sit on it?

― Tuomas, Wednesday, 7 November 2007 14:02 (5 years ago) Permalink

ding ding ding

― ^@^, Wednesday, 7 November 2007 14:04 (5 years ago) Permalink

I'd love to test it, but I doubt there exists a shop which'd let you test vibrators before buying one.

― Tuomas, Wednesday, 7 November 2007 14:12 (5 years ago) Permalink

Actually no, I think some sex stores have tester vibrators their customers can check out. But I don't think you can test it in, er, real use.

― Tuomas, Wednesday, 7 November 2007 14:13 (5 years ago) Permalink

2 months pass...

"think"

― Catsupppppppppppppp dude 茄蕃, Sunday, 27 January 2008 22:32 (5 years ago) Permalink

I lol'd.

― Bodrick III, Sunday, 27 January 2008 23:15 (5 years ago) Permalink

This fucking thread.

― Dom Passantino, Sunday, 27 January 2008 23:51 (5 years ago) Permalink

3 months pass...

OK, I admit it I'm intrigued...

― omar little, Monday, 19 May 2008 23:46 (5 years ago) Permalink

I can't see how that would be fun for anyone.

― HI DERE, Monday, 19 May 2008 23:58 (5 years ago) Permalink

would hit it

― iiiijjjj, Tuesday, 20 May 2008 00:03 (5 years ago) Permalink

1 year passes...

http://xhamster.com/movies/191509/my_homemade_1_50_dollar_store_sex_toy.html

― Tracer Hand, Sunday, 6 September 2009 23:35 (3 years ago) Permalink

that's really, really NSFW by the way.

― Tracer Hand, Sunday, 6 September 2009 23:37 (3 years ago) Permalink

xhamster???? no thanks.

― ian, Sunday, 6 September 2009 23:38 (3 years ago) Permalink

dying @ How Long Can You Last? ad on the side.

― clotpoll, Monday, 7 September 2009 00:38 (3 years ago) Permalink

2 years pass...

Wait, what?

http://gizmodo.com/5909857/the-bizarre-history-of-the-vibrator-from-cleopatras-angry-bees-to-steam+powered-dildos

I thought Tom invented this?!

― Alba, Monday, 14 May 2012 08:10 (1 year ago) Permalink

There really aren't any new ideas, huh

― I'M THAT POSTA, AAAAAAAAAH (DJP), Monday, 14 May 2012 08:31 (1 year ago) Permalink

"cleopatra's angry bees" would be a neat band name. Possibly.

― Pureed Moods (Trayce), Monday, 14 May 2012 08:53 (1 year ago) Permalink

8 months pass...

Ten year anniversary of this magnificent thread just passed.

― i would never inflict the process of making a sandwich on myself (Scik Mouthy), Friday, 25 January 2013 16:30 (3 months ago) Permalink

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