hyperbole, by j0rdan s.

rolling thread of posting ott things j0rd says

like, john barry should be barred by presidental order from talking on tv about basketball

― J0rdan S., Saturday, May 14, 2011 10:26 AM (3 hours ago) Bookmark

lol tbh this is my favorite thing to do

tbh it is one of my favorite things for u to do

great thread!

Best thread ever.

tbh it is one of my favorite things for u to do

― roxymuzak, Saturday, May 14, 2011 8:22 AM (5 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

otm

fun game

i'm so happy that roethlisberger didn't lead the steelers on a drive at the end of the game, i would've had to leave the country altogether

― no beans, push to fart (J0rdan S.), Sunday, February 6, 2011 11:11 PM (3 months ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

haha

this is a otm thraed

ppl "donating" their statuses should be shot in the face

― jordy (J0rdan S.), Friday, January 16, 2009 2:51 AM (2 years ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

lol

perfect thread

I don't even think the bulls are that great but in the interest of human rights I think stern should just eliminate both the magic and hawks

― J0rdan S., Sunday, April 24, 2011 9:58 PM (3 weeks ago)

haha

"________ is the worst!"

^posted x 1000 give or take on ilhoops

lol

i fear a world where jordan has any power over anything

hes an ilxor -- shouldnt be an issue

this is a otm thraed

― D40 (D-40), Sunday, 15 May 2011 00:39 (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

he has power over 1p3

if thats any indication

off topic but i love this:

Is there a good name for whatever style this is? It seems to be very now in a way that I'm young enough to notice but too fully understand -- that californiaish, burnout, vans-with-no-socks and ray-bans endless summer sound that seems to be one of the prevailing ones (yeah, partly because it's summer).

― didn't even have to use my akai (Hurting 2), Saturday, July 16, 2011 8:19 AM (5 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

this shit is called chillwave, bruh

― J0rdan S., Saturday, July 16, 2011 8:19 AM (5 hours ago) Bookmark

have to put sheets on my bed, would pretty much rather kill myself

― J0rdan S., Monday, July 18, 2011 2:05 AM (4 hours ago) Bookmark

can't believe this song is even being talked about

― be my anchor baby (J0rdan S.), Monday, August 16, 2010 12:42 AM

[Eminem - Love The Way You Lie ft. Rihanna]

no, i honestly couldn't

(((d-_-b)))

not exactly hyperbole, i guess, but whatever:

What would be it like to go a day without spending any money? How would I get from A to B? What about food? Turns out, a day of living expense free is very easy to do.

actually kill yourself

― J0rdan S., Wednesday, May 12, 2010 9:43 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

A self-proclaimed female A.J. Jacobs

go step in front of a train

― J0rdan S., Wednesday, May 12, 2010 9:45 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

I knew I had a coffee maker and some Holder's House Blend coffee in my cupboard somewhere so it was about time I tried it out. Honestly, the coffee wasn't so bad. I was so used to my morning corner-coffee shop routine that I forgot how much I enjoyed a simple cup of joe in my apartment before I left for work.

take this pot of coffee and pour it on your face

― J0rdan S., Wednesday, May 12, 2010 9:46 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark

I poured myself a bowl of cereal, adding banana slices on top. Not so bad.

how is this a real human being? someone detonate a car bomb in 'flatiron'

― J0rdan S., Wednesday, May 12, 2010 9:47 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

"It was time to get creative" *links to own retarded website*

― J0rdan S., Wednesday, May 12, 2010 9:48 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

I rummaged through my cupboard and fridge and sure enough, I had a box of unopened penne and an unopened can of tomato vodka sauce hidden behind some cans of soup. Penne vodka -- perfect.

this is the most un-self aware and embarrassing article i've read in my entire life

― J0rdan S., Wednesday, May 12, 2010 9:49 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark

i know your last name is "von Tobel" but good christ

― J0rdan S., Wednesday, May 12, 2010 9:49 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

I recognize that this experiment is unsustainable for a long period of time

you are literally the worst person walking the face of the earth

― J0rdan S., Wednesday, May 12, 2010 9:50 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark

lol

i love j0rdan's whole new "what are people doing" schtick

haha that thread was great

haha man, that was for real the worst article

loooool

hs, how did you find all that

um the quiddities and agonies thread was recently updated and then i reread the whole thing? i have a lot of time on my hands! when i got to alexa von tobel i laughed and laughed. j0rdan basically posted those all in a row tbh. hero!

take this pot of coffee and pour it on your face

― J0rdan S., Wednesday, May 12, 2010 9:46 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark

i wish there were more irl opportunities to say this to loathsome people, but it would have to be a very particular circumstance.

haha i got all excited that there was some new next level quiddities and agonies but them was let down to see those posts were a year old

i save up that thread and read it (and the articles linked) during my slow-ass thursday nite dj gig

sanchez running qb draws for TDs is quite literally the most aggravating thing on earth

― J0rdan S., Sunday, November 13, 2011 9:56 PM (41 seconds ago) Bookmark

this is one of my favorite thread

s

if they really serve enchiladas w/ flour tortillas in south carolina they should just shut the whole state down

― yo zuccotti (J0rdan S.), Thursday, November 17, 2011 10:32 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark

there literally is not a human being worse than someone who roots for the jets

― yo zuccotti (J0rdan S.), Thursday, November 17, 2011 11:58 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

you were looking for the truth bombs thread i think

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/the_good_word/2005/11/the_word_we_love_to_hate.html

I literally can't imagine a bigger waste of my time than reading some smug columnist describe the feedback loop around the word "literally"

Download the MP3 audio version of this story here, or sign up to get all of Slate's free daily podcasts.

I literally can't imagine a bigger waste of my time than reading some smug columnist describe the feedback loop around the word "literally"

― upright shitizen's brigade (Whiney G. Weingarten), Friday, November 18, 2011 9:59 AM (6 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

haha

GO JETS

i think we all wish the jets godspeed on their current trajectory

spiralls otm

baby is actually playing like an overgrown six year old

― bern notice (J0rdan S.), Monday, May 9, 2011 8:07 PM (7 months ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

^this is one if my favorite ever jordan posts

i was more repulsed by an ad i saw for dunkin donuts' tuna sandwich than i was by the homeless man masturbating on the train three seats down from me

― J0rdan S., Thursday, July 5, 2012 9:08 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark

that thread's filled with choice h by j's

where's the lord custos tribute thread

starbucks cold brew makes me feel crazier than cocaine

how about cocktails?

the most disgusting thing i’ve ever smelled on the subway was a freshly opened container of yogurt. this was 5 minutes ago.

— jord (@jordansarge) February 21, 2018

You've lived here for several years, come now

yogurt smells worse than BO to me

~floridians~

"watch a 29-year-old man smell yogurt for the first time in his life (video)"

https://melmagazine.com/the-men-who-eat-like-boys-c72c39da18bf j0rd how adjacent are you to this article

not really at all. i love vegetables. last night i had white beans and kale for dinner. i just have specific aversions.... mostly to things that are soft and/or slimy and sweet (fruits like peaches, strawberries, bananas etc, also lots of desserts, mushrooms aren't sweet but texturally i can't). but idk, i love oysters even tho they're slimy... i was just convincing my roommate last night to eat fish roe. but i like things that are salty (name anything) and i also like things that are watery (celery, apples, tomatoes, watermelon etc) so i get why i really respond positively to the taste of brine. it all mostly sense to me in my head as i've thought a lot about why i'm repulsed by certain things. i always loved citrus bcuz of florida i think. anyway i consider myself as much of an omnivorous eater as mostly anyone.

Your liking celery is the most terrifying thing I've ever learned about you.

wait you think BO smells bad?

this yogurt slander is frankly unbelievable

wait you think BO smells bad?

― the masseduction of lauryn hill (Stevie D(eux)), Thursday, March 15, 2018 7:46 PM (one hour ago) Bookmark

well no :-) but the BO of i.e. a homeless person, yes

what about a homeless man who smells of celery

lol good revive

that makes sense ty j0rd

Re: strawberries and things of that nature, is it the taste or the texture? Like a strawberry/banana smoothie, is that tolerable or even worse? I assume mangoes are out too.

no i mostly like the taste of the fruits. i enjoy a berry smoothie, tho if it’s with banana i just ask for it with some orange juice instead. and blueberries i will eat sometimes because they’re not as fleshy as strawberries. i haven’t yet really tried to make myself eat jams/jellies.

mangoes pile up on the side of the street in miami but yeah i’ve not ever really eaten those.

I don't understand the mango at all, but I've Hass avocados are the bomb -- the only ones I can eat in one serving.

first time i ate an avocado i spat it out, the texture grossed me out so bad

i like them now, but i still have texture hangups, like water chestnuts - they creep me out

water chestnuts otm. also weird springy baby corn. kimchi still gives me trouble sometimes, it has to be really good in order for me to enjoy it.

there is a character in Bleak House loosely based on j0rdan. Lawrence Boythorn, Jarndyce’s boyhood friend, upon arriving late to Jarndyce’s house because someone gave him bad directions (they’re old now): “We have been misdirected, Jarndyce, by a most abandoned ruffian, who told us to take the turning to the right instead of to the left. He is the most intolerable scoundrel on the face of the earth. His father must have been a most consummate villain, ever to have had such a son. I would have that fellow shot without the least remorse!”

ok i would say some of that

lol

have to put sheets on my bed, would pretty much rather kill myself

― J0rdan S., Monday, July 18, 2011 2:05 AM (4 hours ago) Bookmark

― dayo, Monday, July 18, 2011 6:10 AM (seven years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Boythorn basically just said this in the part i’m reading

hi guys! j0rdan I am rereading Bleak House after like 10 years and immediately thought of you upon being reintroduced to this character

lmao

have to put sheets on my bed, would pretty much rather kill myself

this will be me in a few hours

i feel this so much

I have never even once in my life successful put on a fitted bottom sheet on the first attempt

i actually enjoy making my bed now

sellout

J0rdan S. Peterson

duvet tu brute

it's annoying for 3 mins but then after you have a perfect new bed!

im trying to learn to love tidying up

not coming naturally

I've never not my bed. Unmade beds look like they have ketchup and food and shit spilled on them.

would go to SABR meetup if it was just a bunch of grandfatherly guys telling stories

― call all destroyer, Saturday, January 30, 2010 3:44 PM

well in that case you could just meet morbs for lunch

― Goon's Anatomy (J0rdan S.), Saturday, January 30, 2010 3:46 PM

i've forgotten most of the things i should slap my friend j0rdan around for

especially after seeing him eat

miss this

what is even happening to us as a nation if there's no hyperbole, by j0rdan s.

not hyperbole, just lovely

the man was truly one of a kind. moreso than even his opinions or personality, what i will remember most about bill is that he was a walking history book. it's not an exaggeration to say that a piece of new york died today as well. it will surprise no one who knows either him or me that he was constantly incredulous over me not knowing basically anything about much of the pop culture that made him who he was -- our conversations were classes for me, punctuated by impressions of bygone actors whose lines he would recall from memory and with recite relish. many ppl know he once dabbled in stand up comedy -- he was in his own way a performer at heart. he soaked up such an incredible amount of new york culture that you cannot access online -- mets games from the 60s, richard pryor stand up sets from the 70s, yo la tengo hannukah shows, WMFU call in shows, leather parties... i'm barely scratching the surface. his memory of these things was so clear. and he never let up, even as he got sick and the world became cruel to him. i was decades younger than him, much healthier, and he made me feel like i was wasting my life in this city. he would drag me to mets games, to movies, even when it was obvious that simply climbing the concourse stairs at citi field was taking its toll. there simply isn't very many people like him left in new york. there are many things killing this city, but people like bill are taking history with them, and we will never get it back.

his appetite for introducing ppl to things was just voracious. i believe the last time we saw each other was earlier this year when he took me to see gregg araki's "totally fucked up" at moma. loved it, still think about the movie often, and it's something i never would have done otherwise. lord knows how many times he had seen it, how easy it would have been to not ride the subway an hour into manhattan on a cold weeknight. i got there late (typical), and since bill proudly refused to own a cell phone, i wasn't sure if he had actually made it. even as the lights went up, i thought maybe i would just be left to walk out alone into the night. but of course, that was never the case. a hand shot up and waved at me.

i will miss his companionship, i will miss knowing i was even a small part of what made him want to criss cross brooklyn queens and manhattan, and i will miss learning from him. he had an incredible run given the cards he was dealt, and yet it's still far too soon. he was a legend to everyone who knew him. rest in peace morbs <3

― J0rdan S., Wednesday, October 21, 2020 10:44 PM (eight minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

thanks mookie <3

Yeah that’s a wonderful tribute.

<3

Good stuff

yeah, i loved reading that too. thanks, j0rdan.

beautiful post

yes -- beautiful tribute

<3 that’s beautiful J0rdan