"YEAH, YOU LIKE THAT?? YOU LIKE THAT, DON'T YA."

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"My cock wants you to approach at a 45-degree-angle, open your luscious mouth partway, and caress the lower half of its glans with the back of your beautiful tongue. Three times."

― David R. (popshots75`), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 16:14 (seventeen years ago) link

"i dont think i get how to actually pronounce "wet-te"
-- katie quirk (wt...) (webmail), September 20th, 2006 12:07 PM"

Listening to a couple of Mark E. Smith records should do the trick.

― John Justen,a ninja slapboxing fajitas out of J. Casablancas dental dam. (johnju, Wednesday, 20 September 2006 16:15 (seventeen years ago) link

I fear the line between my dirty talk and my Pitchfork writing is slowly deteriorating.

― David R. (popshots75`), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 16:16 (seventeen years ago) link

What do you want them to say? Don't say "filthy shit". Give us specifics.

― RoxyMuzak© (roxymuzak), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 16:16 (seventeen years ago) link

Best dirty talk: "O Superman" vox replete w/ vox-coder.

― Steve Shasta (Steve Shasta), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 16:16 (seventeen years ago) link

David, start giving people a numerical score!

― RoxyMuzak© (roxymuzak), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 16:17 (seventeen years ago) link

Best dirty talk: "O Superman" vox replete w/ vox-coder.

You've had sex with Gil Mantera's Party Dream?!

― blackmail (blackmail.is.my.life), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 16:17 (seventeen years ago) link

'youre fucking me! youre fucking me!'

that's some baby's-first-steps shit right there

― katie quirk (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 16:17 (seventeen years ago) link

OH BABY I LOVE HOW YOU COMBINE TRACI LORDS' WELL-WORN INGENUE-ITY AND JENNA JAMESON'S BUOYANT GIRL-NEXT-DOOR SLUTTINESS. IT'S A COMBINATION THAT'S HARD TO RESIST, BITCH.

― David R. (popshots75`), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 16:20 (seventeen years ago) link

I had someone pull the "I want you to hit me as hard as you can" Fight Club thing in the middle once.

UM. NO.

― John Justen,a ninja slapboxing fajitas out of J. Casablancas dental dam. (johnju, Wednesday, 20 September 2006 16:22 (seventeen years ago) link

As far as improvements go, this particular act of sexual congress isn't so much a triumph as it is a reach in the right direction. The overwrought bombast of your Kegel muscles have taken more of a backseat to the thrusting act and this saps a lot of the joyful contrast from the fucking. Then again, your pussy isn't much of a contender in the first place, though it obviously got the bigger sense of humor. Your hip-hop influence has been scaled back a bit as well, turning to a punishing rhythm stacked on top of deeper ambient sounds. The built-for-a-cathedral "You're Fucking Me!" opens softly and quickly erupts into choppy sample darts, then cools back down again. The momentum and retraction is a good metaphor for the sexual act. 7.6

― RoxyMuzak© (roxymuzak), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 16:22 (seventeen years ago) link

UM YES

xpost

― and what (ooo), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 16:23 (seventeen years ago) link

this thread more than any other needs audio

― a name means a lot just by itself (lfam), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 16:32 (seventeen years ago) link

What do you want them to say? Don't say "filthy shit". Give us specifics.
What do you want them to say? Don't say "filthy shit". Give us specifics.
What do you want them to say? Don't say "filthy shit". Give us specifics.
What do you want them to say? Don't say "filthy shit". Give us specifics.

― RoxyMuzak© (roxymuzak), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 16:33 (seventeen years ago) link

my lord people....im suddenly very ok with being so busy today

― bb (bbrz), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 16:35 (seventeen years ago) link

"jack me jack me jack me jack me jack me til i start to scream"

― katie quirk (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 16:39 (seventeen years ago) link

find "tip of my penis"
replace with "my cockhelmet"

― elmo argonaut (allocryptic), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 16:45 (seventeen years ago) link

roxx are you asking me to talk dirty to you??

― and what (ooo), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 16:47 (seventeen years ago) link

Actually, I think using "find tip of my penis, replace with my cockhelmet" is the best suggestion in this thread so far. Someone should try that one out and report back with results.

― John Justen,a ninja slapboxing fajitas out of J. Casablancas dental dam. (johnju, Wednesday, 20 September 2006 16:50 (seventeen years ago) link

"I want to feel my/your essence leaking out of me."

UH erection over

― Lazy Comet (plsmith), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 16:50 (seventeen years ago) link

lol @ me almost IM'ing part of this thread to my mom instead of ethan

― katie quirk (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 16:53 (seventeen years ago) link

[/ian riese-moraine]

― katie quirk (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 16:53 (seventeen years ago) link

ANY dirty talk sounds pretty ridiculous out of context, tbh.

― elmo argonaut (allocryptic), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 16:54 (seventeen years ago) link

xpost - your mom sounds hot

― jaxon (jaxon), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 16:55 (seventeen years ago) link

"UNH. I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT YOU.
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE COLOR???

MINE'S GREEEEEENN."

If you can find the context where this doesn't sound ridiculous, Strongo will give you a handjob.

― David R. (popshots75`), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 16:56 (seventeen years ago) link

she called me earlier to tell me she was high on prescription drugs

― katie quirk (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 16:56 (seventeen years ago) link

Or Strongo's mom.

― David R. (popshots75`), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 16:58 (seventeen years ago) link

The user popshots75` now has the locked permission on this thread.

― katie quirk (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 16:59 (seventeen years ago) link

From here on out, I'm limiting myself to early-century blues idioms.

"After you received my root treatment, woman, don't start no signifyin'" seems like a good start.

― John Justen,a ninja slapboxing fajitas out of J. Casablancas dental dam. (johnju, Wednesday, 20 September 2006 17:02 (seventeen years ago) link

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T6pIzDEU1uc

― trees (treesessplode), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 17:05 (seventeen years ago) link

Of course, afterwards I will attribute it to Doctor Clayton to avoid any copyright infringement issues.

― John Justen,a ninja slapboxing fajitas out of J. Casablancas dental dam. (johnju, Wednesday, 20 September 2006 17:06 (seventeen years ago) link

ASS TERMINOLOGY TO AVOID:

pooper
poo-hole
anus
sphincter
brown eye
[add yr own]

xpost trees, dude that is disturbing

― elmo argonaut (allocryptic), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 17:09 (seventeen years ago) link

"I want to feel my/your essence leaking out of me."

ESSENCE OF GELFLING.

Oh man, if I ever get laid again I'm going to make that Skexis mmmmMMMMM sound.

― a naked Kraken annoying Times Square tourists with an acoustic guitar (nickalici, Wednesday, 20 September 2006 17:09 (seventeen years ago) link

i actually had a girl pull a variation of the essence line on me once

― katie quirk (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 17:10 (seventeen years ago) link

ew dude plz remember i see the skeksis every day at my job HREF="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skeksis">http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skeksis

― and what (ooo), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 17:11 (seventeen years ago) link

roxx are you asking me to talk dirty to you??

If you draw a complete blank, watching adult films for inspiration is always a possibility.

― RoxyMuzak© (roxymuzak), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 17:24 (seventeen years ago) link

the narrator/camera-man always has filthier & more interesting things to say than the people fucking, anyway

― elmo argonaut (allocryptic), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 17:27 (seventeen years ago) link

From here on out, I'm limiting myself to early-century blues idioms.

BABY, SQUEEZE MY LEMON. OH YEAH, SQUEEZE THE LEMON. OH SHIT, BABY. YOU GET LEMON JUICE IN YOUR EYE? THAT SHIT STINGS

― jaxon (jaxon), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 17:30 (seventeen years ago) link

narrator??

― and what (ooo), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 17:31 (seventeen years ago) link

SUGAR MY GRAPEFRUIT

― katie quirk (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 17:33 (seventeen years ago) link

yes, the omniscient narrator of porn

― elmo argonaut (allocryptic), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 17:34 (seventeen years ago) link

SIT ON MY FACE.
SIT ON MY FAAAAAAACE.
MY FACE. SIT.
SIT. ON. MY. FACE.

NOW GODDAMNIT.

― elmo argonaut (allocryptic), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 17:36 (seventeen years ago) link

"Tell me what you're going to do to me."

Why? You don't already know? Is me saying "fuck" going to make it hurt more? Baby?

― turbogirlwc8ko3.jpg (blastocyst), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 17:40 (seventeen years ago) link

http://www.fast-rewind.com/p_bride2.jpg
'is this a... KISSING website?'

― and what (ooo), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 17:42 (seventeen years ago) link

"Tell me what you're going to do to me."

that IS hella annoying

yeah baby, let me club that seal

http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c68/angelofheaven87/th_01-05-04-paris-hilton-club-sandwich.jpg

― jaxon (jaxon), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 18:43 (seventeen years ago) link

the key is using evocative language, i think.

for example, don't say "I want you to come inside me."

instead, try "BREED THAT DIRTY HOLE, BITCH."

― elmo argonaut (allocryptic), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 18:53 (seventeen years ago) link

Damn,,

― sleep (sleep), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 19:44 (seventeen years ago) link

AWWWW YEAH, BABY, HOW DO YOU LIKE BEING FORCED DOWN THE BIRTH CANAL? CAN YOU FEEL IT? DO YOU LIKE IT THAT WAY, HEAD FIRST? I BET YOU LIKE IT HEAD FIRST, DON'T YOU? OOH, YOU'RE CROWNING NOW. HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, BITCH? DO YOU LIKE CROWNING? I BET YOU WANNA POKE YOUR SOFT LITTLE HEAD OUT AND START CRYING, DON'T YOU? AWWWWW YEAH.

― Fluffy Bear, among 100% of the population (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 20:12 (seventeen years ago) link

Skipping 16 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

i could embarrass someone on this thread, but i won't.

i'm not scared

"sugar my grapefruit" is awesome.

i am going to make it a point to use it, and report back.

works for me

― electric sound of jim [and why not] (electricsound), Friday, 22 September 2006 04:53 (seventeen years ago) link

hooked on phonics?

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Friday, 22 September 2006 14:49 (seventeen years ago) link

the worst I ever got from some drag queen was "OOOHH, Captain Butler!"

― Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Friday, 22 September 2006 18:14 (seventeen years ago) link

did you nut in her eye

― and what (ooo), Friday, 22 September 2006 18:21 (seventeen years ago) link

AW YEAH, DRINK THAT GLASS OF WINE. YEAH, YOU LIKE THIS ROMANTIC DINNER SHIT, DON'T YOU? EAT THAT VEAL. EAT THAT FUCKING VEAL. AWWWWW SHIT YEAH. CHEW IT.

--> *uncontrollable screeching & cackling in quiet coffee shop*

― xero (xero), Friday, 22 September 2006 18:36 (seventeen years ago) link

oh yeah, baby... i love it when your shitty late-80's Honda rides my rear bumper.

yeah, full highway speed, 75 miles per hour. fuck yeah, get up in that tailgate, baby...

you want me to tap my brakes? do ya, fucker? ohhhh fuckk yeah.

unh! now pass me! pass me on the right! unnnhhh... oh shit, baby, that's good. oh yeah.

YEAAAH. NOW CUT ME OFF, BITCH. DO IT. CUT ME OFF. UUNH FUCCKKK! oh god oh god yeah mmm

― elmo argonaut (allocryptic), Friday, 22 September 2006 18:56 (seventeen years ago) link

not well received

alas.

― elmo argonaut (allocryptic), Saturday, 23 September 2006 09:28 (seventeen years ago) link

four years pass...

AW YEAH, DRINK THAT GLASS OF WINE. YEAH, YOU LIKE THIS ROMANTIC DINNER SHIT, DON'T YOU? EAT THAT VEAL. EAT THAT FUCKING VEAL. AWWWWW SHIT YEAH. CHEW IT.

― velko, Monday, 30 May 2011 18:31 (twelve years ago) link

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