JJJUSTEN MAKES ONE SENTENCIRIFIC REVIEWS OF ALL THE CRAP THAT HE WATCHES LATE AT NIGHT ON NETFLIX STREAMING XBOX SOMETHING WHY BECAUSE HE BORED ALSO BECAUSE

The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard - yes, Jeremy Piven is in it and yes as we all know he is a terrible terrible man but nonetheless this is dumbheaded sub-anchorman comedy done right, although none of that comes from piven who mostly walks around stinking up the place but the supporting cast is magical and completely rolls out a no embarrassment allowed throw it at the wall and see if it sticks and most of the time it does, tbh the movie had me at the line "Nobody tells DJ Request what to do!" and held from there, i mean good lord its dumb as hell but it cuddles up to its lowbrow and makes it work. B (loses one letter grade for pivenness)

not even going to try and catch up here

Mystery Team - ok so i guess that in the tradition of those broken lizard mopes who hit it big with super troopers and then shovelled shitpile after shitpile onto humanity, the thing to do these days if yer a comedy troupe with ties to the UCB is to put out a movie and see what happens, which in this case is not all bad, these dudes are apparently called Derrick comedy and despite an urge to try anything funny or not in sort of a grab bag fashion and a very boring standard "every 15 minutes do something disgusting" mantra theres some fairly funny stuff here, lead dude ended up getting his role on community thanks to this movie, or so says imdb/wikipedia and the rest of them all seem to be busy writing, also insane amount of cameos here so i kinda doubt the veracity of that, charming yet dumb but what the hell. B-

High Lane - so the french, who are otherwise obv not the most trustworthy types in the world have been banging out some pretty solid gutpunching horror for the last several years, so when i saw a summary of this and realized that it was kinda a reimagining of the descent, but replace caving claustrophobia with terrifying dizzing mountainclimbing suspension bridge gonna kill you agoraphobia i knew it would be worth a shot and of course i was 1000% completely fucking dead wrong, without even getting into the horrible dub job which is hard to skip because FUCK YOU but i digress, once you get past that you get 20 minutes of promising stomach dropping cant breathe terrifying mountain climbing nightmare vista near accidents, which are beautiful and stunning, then the crazy maniac shows up and its like some dude just walked into the movie swinging a leaking pail of shit and no one escapes without getting coated in stupid, godawful, redeemed only by the fact that you kinda want everyone in the movie to die and YAY most of them do. D

Shadow - ok lets get the bad stuff out of the way here first the ending to this is pretty ??? and there are framing aspects that are reeeal questionable as well, gratuitous excess of mountain biking and so on, also director is in some italian pop band so well, who knows what to think, but once you get past that theres something interesting going on here, not the least of which is that the dude they cast as the baddie is ultra menacing and unpleasant, and there are some turns that really work, and although the motivations at hand are a little surface level there really isnt the usual unbelieveable mess of reasoning you might suspect, and at the end even if you shrug at the directors message it isnt enough to ruin the film, just maybe tarnish it a little. B

did you ever see CHUD 2?