Martial Zings!

"Papylus, your dick is big enough, and your nose is long enough, that when you have a hard-on you can smell it."

Oh snap!

http://www.well.com/~aquarius/martial.htm

Although your wife is like a young girl, such as a shameless husband would hardly dare ask for in his prayers, rich, noble, educated, and chaste, yet you explode your loins with long-haired boys, Bassus, whom you have paid for with your wife's dowry. And so your dick, which she paid for with many thousands, returns to your mistress weak; and it won't get hard, neither excited by charming words nor solicited by a soft thumb. Have some shame, finally, or we will go to law.

"Labienus, that you pluck your chest and your legs and your arms, that your shaved dick is surrounded with clipped pubes, everyone knows that you do this for your girlfriend. But Labienus, who do you pluck your ass for?"

he got you there, labienus!

"While your young cheeks flourished with a slight down, your restless tongue licked male groins. Now that your miserable face makes even morticians nauseous and turns the stomach even of an unfortunate executioner, you use your mouth otherwise, and, seized with excessive ill-will, you rail at whatever name is applied to you. It would be better for such a poisonous tongue to cleave to groins: for it was purer when it was giving head."

too true!

Sextus, you want to be cultivated: I wanted to love you. You must be obeyed: because you command it, you will be tilled; but if I plough you, Sextus, I will not love you.
http://i.imgur.com/DK2lqtg.jpg

"Philomusus, you watch us while we bathe, and you promptly ask why my smooth boys have such big dicks. I will answer you and your questioning very simply: they butt-fuck nosy people, Philomusus."

Lol, I think we all know a Philomusus.

"Lesbia swears that she has never been fucked for free. It's true. When she wants to be fucked, she usually pays for it."

http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/2012/11/OohBurn.gif

what a jerk

Kinda disappointed the original latin isn't there. It would be great if you could mouse-over and see how they said "butt-fuck" back in those heady times

"This one who day and night appears by feminine chairs, who is all too well known throughout the city, with shining hair, black from ointment, very bright in purple, tender of face, broad of chest, smooth of leg, who often clings to your wife as a shameless companion, it is not what you fear, Candidus: he doesn't fuck pussy."

For real Candidus, how dense can you get

butt fucking is great. martial way off the money.

tom, the relevant verbs are flagged in some

2.28

Sextillus, go ahead and laugh out loud at whoever calls you a cinaedus [ a passive ] and flip him your middle finger. But you are not a butt-fucker [ pedico ], Sextillus, or a pussy-fucker [ fututor ], nor do you like the hot mouth of Vetustina. I declare that you are none of these things: so what are you? I do not know; but you know what two things are left.

you may recognize some of these from the immortal

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catullus_16