Summarise a Novel in 25 Words

Goethe's The Sorrows of Young Werther

If you're having girl problems I feel bad for you son; I got ninety-nine problems but a bitch ain't one.

hahahahaha

speaking of 99 problems (this isn't book related, sorry)

visit grey tuesday to download the grey album before emi blocks it for good. jay-z's black album mixed with the beatle's white album. v good.

back to the books...

THE MAGUS
by John Fowles

conchis shoots 85 greeks. it drives him insane. he kidnaps nicholas and fucks with his head using greek culture. nazis and penises.

INVISIBLE MAN
by Ralph Ellison

whitey sucks. DESTRUCTION!

CATCH-22
by Joseph Heller

war totally sucks. i don't want to die. i want sex. sex is good. everyone is crazy. crazy is funny. funny is tragic. JUMP!

As I Lay Dying
By William Faulkner

If only they had a hearse.

War and Peace: It's about Russia. (Woody Allen)

Les Miserables

Huge guy is bad, then becomes really good. Rescues a bunch of people. They all abandon him, but he saves more people anyway, then dies.

White Noise by Don DeLillo

Consumerism sucks. But not as much as death. Actually it's not so bad. Unlike death. Also, the art of being funny by not being funny.

Fight Club

I hate my life. Almost as much as Marla. Anarchy is liberating. No, anarchy is bad. Wait, anarchy is, I don't know. Ask me. The other me.

Last Orders by Graham Swift:

"Boy, the meat trade really fucks you up, doesn't it?"

Jane Eyre:

"Everybody who gets in my way, suffers. MWA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The James Bond Series by Ian Fleming:

Bond only eats margerine from Fortnums. Bond wears P.J.s. Bond is good at everything. Bond feels bad about killing. Bond hates women but shags many. Author has teeny-tiny penis.

The God of Small Things

India's cool. I want to fuck my brother. My mom's lover got lynched. India's not so cool.

The Lovely Bones.

I was raped and murdered. Still, look on the bright side.

The Long Goodbye

The bastard lied to me.

Brideshead Revisited.

Rich people are cool, especially Catholic ones.

American Psycho.

Whitney Houston made me do it.

The End of The Affair.

God can be a right bastard sometimes.

City of Light by Lauren Belfer:

Boo, Grover Cleveland. Boo.

Isaac Asimov's Foundation Series

Stuff makes other stuff happen.

Animal Farm

All revolutions devour their young, especially when they taste like chicken.

American Pastoral

I hate hippies.

Asimov's I, Robot
Here's three rules. Here's why they suck.

(so much for 25 words, heh)

yeah man - 25 WORDS, not 25 words OR LESS!

The Electri Kool Aid Acid Test- by Tom Wolfe

Kesey takes LSD, makes a commune, gathers followers, uses day-glo, becomes paranoid, burns out. Author tripped out as well.

Winter's Tale -- Mark Helprin

New York New York, big city of dreams, and everything in New York ain't always what it seems. (Like, for instance, I'm a Republican)

Fight Club (Redux)

I read this book. Because Tyler read this book.

Coraline

Whoooo oooo! Quaint little girl scares the crap out of grown up readers.

Naked Lunch

Heroin eyeball. Razor. Control fuck. Is.

>> yeah man - 25 WORDS, not 25 words OR LESS!
>> -- jed_ (colin_ohar...), February 28th, 2004.

Hey, man, that's like, only 9 words :)

The I Robot summary was one of the most spot on in the whole list.

Umberto Eco _Foucault's Pendulum_

Three guys get obsessed and die proving that conspiracy theories are the new opium for the masses.

The Sound and the Fury -William Faulkner

Benji's golf balls fell by Caddy, laughing, as her underwear stained and so the son in time stills as a hat drifts another Southern weight pushed through the servants, the father, the oaks.

_The Heart is a Lonely Hunter_ McCullers (?)

A poor, depressing town. A bunch of pathetic folks tell their problems to a deaf man. Deaf man kills himself to be rid of them.

Man With the Red and Green Eyes
autobiography of New York traffic commisioner) Henry Barns

//

My Colorful Career Fixing Things Up for a Bunch of Unappreciative Nitwits.

Blood Meridian, by Cormac McCarthy

Let's go kill some people. Now they're killing us. We better kill more people. Now let's kill each other.

Gravity's Rainbow:

Slothrop gets it on where rockets fall, hops Channel, wanders wasted Europe. Stuff happens. Bleicher launches V-2 complete with sex slave. Good bye Los Angeles?

Ender's Game, by Card

Ender's a vicious little boy, but it's not his fault. Ender learns to make people work together. Ender wins. By the way, Wiggins rule Earth.

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

The looney bin is better than prison. Everyone should rebel. Electroshock bites, but fishing's cool. Crap, Ratched won. Sometimes death's the only escape from suckage.

Quicksilver, by Neal Stepehenson

Here's some savants. Here's some vagabonds. Look, they're sort of connected! I'll tell you about it later.

The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle (Murakami): I can hardly wait, baby, I can hardly wait, 'til we go down to the well, down to the well...

This book is about me. It's not about the history of India at all. Noooo. Not one bit. Did I mention I'm a superhero?

(Midnight's Children - Salman Rushdie)

Illywhacker, by Peter Carey
We Australians sure are whacky, aren't we?

Flaubert's Parrot (Julian Barnes):
Hi, I'm English. Flaubert Flaubert Flaubert Flaubert Flaubert Flaubert Flaubert Flaubert. Also, I killed by wife. Sort of. Fin.

Erm - Twenty-five words exactly:

Quicksilver - Neal Stephenson

Here's some savants. Here's some vagabonds. Look, they're sort of connected! I'll tell you about it after I finish meticulously detailing the entire 17th century.

Infinite Jest (david foster wallace)

I'm fucked up. There are lots of drugs(1) America is addicted to pleasure. Lookout, handicapped(2) quebecois!

(1) ie, meperedine hyrdochloride, Dalmane, Stelazine.
(2) they played with trains.

The Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy - by Douglas Adams

Vogon poetry is awful, perspective even worse. Earth is mostly harmless. Don't panic, but remember your towel. The answer to life, universe, and everything? 42.

Atlas Shrugged, by Ayn Rand

Trains are great. Too bad human beings screw them up so bad. Now, you'll have to excuse me while I step on your face. Commie.

Heart of Darkness

Guy wants to go to Africa. Has to fetch this Kurtz fellow. Africa is fucking crazy but not as crazy as Kurtz. Narrator: namesless twit.

The Wizard of Oz

Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first woman she meets, then teams up with three complete strangers to kill again.

- http://www.jokeemail.com/tv/tv1.htm