rolling injuries 2014

Derek Holland out til mid-year

http://www.sbnation.com/mlb/2014/1/10/5296936/derek-holland-knee-surgery-rangers

"Holland, 27, tore cartilage in the knee on Tuesday in a fall at home that he described as a "freak accident."

every time i read an explanation like that i assume that it occurred during an advanced sex move. ken griffey jr slipped in the bathtub in 1989? maybe...during an advanced sex move

Justin Verlander is missing spring training.

clint barmes broke his collarbone while carrying deer meat . . . in an advanced sex move

i knew it

advanced sex move involving derek holland's dog wrigley

arthro elbow surgery for Jeremy Hellickson

http://www.sbnation.com/mlb/2014/2/3/5373474/jeremy-hellickson-elbow-injury-jake-odorizzi

awwww

http://www.sbnation.com/mlb/2014/2/12/5404644/cole-hamels-injury-biceps-tendinitis-phillies

mariners:
franklin gutierrez to miss season with gastrointestinal problems
iwakuma out 4-6 weeks with freak finger injury
taijuan walker suffering shoulder soreness

freak finger injury even worse when you attach advanced sex move

those hafta be some serious GI problems

perhaps the iwakuma and gutierrez injuries are connected via a botched advanced sex move

(i.e. when you're knuckle-deep into the intestines, do NOT suddenly bend your finger)

Of all the times to have this thread open and while my boss is in my cube.

the ONLY nsfw mlb injury thread on the internet!

(sorry leee!)

mark mulder blew out his achilles (in an advanced sex move)

Damn that sucks.

I probably should have used different words seeing how this has turned into a sex thread, but that's really terrible for Mulder, his comeback would have been an amazing story.

Travis Snider hurt his finger cutting sweet potatoes in an advanced sex move

we should have a FAP where we eat a dinner of injury-causing foods

rated r

can someone explain how this "advanced sex move" thing got started?!

well, you place the catcher's mask on your partner's face...

well...when two people love each other...

xp lol

We have "Hot" Karl Malone to thank imo

Mark Bowman @mlbbowman
The Braves have released Mat Gamel. He reinjured his right knee (two ACL surgeries the past two years) last week.

jesus, this guy

was just about to post this. feel bad for him.

Miguel Sano to have Tommy John surgery

http://www.startribune.com/sports/twins/blogs/248012161.html

Cameron Maybin is hurt.

@DSzymborski
Bad MRI news on Cameron Maybin. Ruptured biceps, out a few months.

Luke Hochevar will miss a couple months with a UCL strain

http://www.sbnation.com/mlb/2014/3/5/5474456/mlb-roundup-luke-hochevar-out-until-june-with-ucl-injury

Princess Valiant could miss April

http://www.sbnation.com/mlb/2014/3/6/5477380/cole-hamels-injury-phillies-rotation-spring-training

‏@AdamMcCalvy

First #Brewers injury of the spring is a weird one: K-Rod stepped on a cactus. Not sure how long he'll be out.

so advanced

elbows exploding everywhere

Shins, too.

Or maybe just those of Jose Iglesias

So depressed for Jarrod Parker, I really liked his second half last year and was anxious to see him play this season. A second surgery is very bad news.

And now Aroldis Chapman.

...struck by a liner.

Game called in the sixth. Geez.

Pitchf/x data reports the pitch was a 99 mph fastball.

Doesn't he have the tendency to stay up after he releases the ball? Was that a factor?

Ehh, don't really feel like watching it happen.

‏@BNightengale
The #Reds medical staff says absolutely Chapman will pitch this year although not until May

that's good news

really frightening

josh johnson out at least a month after trying to lift his entire $8 million salary with his right hand

Johnson is getting into Pavano territory.

Profar may be gone til July

http://mlb.mlb.com/news/article/mlb/rangers-second-baseman-jurickson-profar-out-10-12-weeks-with-torn-shoulder-muscle?ymd=20140323&content_id=69979264&vkey=news_mlb

The Curse of Kinsler

and Yu will miss opener w/ stiff neck

and Kershaw! MRI.

http://www.sbnation.com/2014/3/26/5551828/clayton-kershaw-injury-dodgers-opening-day-scratched

Cliff Lee exited tonight's game against the Nationals in the third inning, gesturing toward his elbow.

guess cliff won't be a waiver trade either. and he's due $25m next year

It's been reported that Cain does not need TJ surgery!

Eric Hosmer likely out 3-4 weeks with broken hand

Unconfirmed reports that Dr. James Andrews was seen limping out of the backroom of his lair office, bleeding heavily and with an axe protruding from his left calf. simultaneously, Matt Cain was seen sprinting out of the front door of the building, waving his arms and shouting "call 911! 911! He's lost his mind!". Gunshots and bloodcurdling screams were heard in the building shortly before Andrews and Cain emerged, with some observers noting "evil cackles" from a voice resembling Andrews.

lol

an actual quote, this time: "Andrews did reportedly recommend a course of action for the "loose bodies" in Cain's elbow, and the Giants "are digesting it." Presumably, that recommendation was arthroscopic surgery, and if the procedure is deemed necessary, it could cost Cain most of the remaining season."

was gonna say, there's no way andrews let him out of there without recommending ending his season in some way

The jack kevorkian of MLB

loose bodies, tight butthole (sorry)

^^^not sorry

loose bodies, tight butthole, can't lose

fixed

you guys and yr sphincter jokes

btw Matt Harvey wants to throw one major-league inning this year; the Mets should sit on him to prevent that.

I should know the answer, but why? Is that a pension-qualifying thing or something?

no, he just wants peace of mind for the winter

Goldschmidt likely done for year w/ broken hand

apparently tanaka is supposed to play catch today

NOT disabling McCutchen after all

http://espn.go.com/mlb/story/_/id/11313418/pittsburgh-pirates-say-andrew-mccutchen-remain-active-roster

Glad to see the Yankees are being careful with their one great SP

Hyun-Jin Ryu left the Braves game tonight limping hard on his right ham.

always bothers me that the announcers no doubt said he was 'favoring' the injured hammy rather than the uninjured

Tulo needs hip surgery and will miss the rest of the season.

The Blue Jays have died.

twins' byron buxton was supposed to start the season in double-a, but was prevented from doing so by injuries until last night.

he didn't even get through five innings before being concussed in an outfield collision and taken off the field in an ambulance

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PT7vg2rqK5s

http://www.sbnation.com/2014/8/13/6000617/yu-darvish-injury-rangers-elbow-inflammation-disabled-list

uh oh Angels

http://www.sbnation.com/2014/8/20/6051323/garrett-richards-injury-angels-knee-stretcher

swish had season-ending surgery on both knees

Los Angeles Angels pitcher Garrett Richards will be out six to nine months after an MRI showed he suffered a torn left patellar tendon, the team announced Thursday.

Richards, who was placed on the 60-day DL, is scheduled to undergo surgery next week. He sustained the injury Wednesday night against the Red Sox while covering first base in the second inning.

so sad for Richards, I love watching him pitch.

if richards were a yankee, hank would be demanding designated fielders by now

knee surgery for Manny Machado

pretty impressive what the o's are doing with no wieters, half a season of machado, chris davis sucking, etc.

Seems Lincecum is out for the rest of season, the scans revealed a broken soul.

Damn, his soul patch must have blown out.

i missed it by a few seconds but the red's SP Axelrod was pulled after 7 pitches with some sort of weird injury.

Stanton, fastball to face(?), now on stretcher.

o fuck

Getting ugly.

Someone needs to escort Fiers off the premises.

headley just hit also i think?

I guess I understand but Fiers was visibly shaken, it looked like he was nearly in tears after hitting Stanton, he's not really in shape to pitch right now

<3 Casey McGehee but seriously dude

damn

https://vine.co/v/OaupxpK5w0u

Game is a mess. Fiers then drilled Reed Johnson in the hand. Johnson was in the act of swinging. There were two strikes. He was called out. Is the hand not part of the bat?

Made the mistake of watching the MIL broadcast. Bet Waltz went off on that warning.

Ugh

Was at the game tonight; whole stadium went pale. Never had to watch grounds grew pour fresh dirt over a big blood stain before

I don't know how to link to it, but the Marlins TV broadcast of the near-brawl in the fifth was disgusting. Whoever that Marlins announcer is was calling for blood, cheering on McGehee during his rampage. He even acknowledged Fiers was shaken and the HBP wasn't intentional, but kept shouting this "when your big guy goes down, you gotta fight back" nonsense. Total, disgusting bloodsport BS.

ya - that's def unprofessional.

Here's the clip; it was Tommy Hutton

http://m.mlb.com/mia/video/v36169801/miamil-benches-clear-after-johnson-strikes-out

Doesn't look promising:

http://m.mlb.com/news/article/94278650/hit-in-face-marlins-slugger-giancarlo-stanton-suffers-laceration-fractures

Pretty awful.

pretty good:

http://www.foxsports.com/mlb/just-a-bit-outside/story/cj-nitkowski-recovery-process-for-pitchers-after-hitting-a-batter-in-face-091214