Dating With Mental Illness

MM, you need to focus on yourself and stop perseverating on whatever you think this female acquaintance of yours did to you. For one thing you're coming across more than a little bit like a possessive stalker:

i don't wanna hold my girl accountable. i wanna blame it on her npd and get past this and forget it.

this is a very unhealthy line of thinking! she's not "your girl" and a desire to "blame it on her npd and get past this and forget it" is all kinds of wrong, for you and everybody else involved. especially since you're clearly focusing on her and her actions (as you perceive them) and not at ALL about getting past this and forgetting it. You are obsessing, you are drinking to excess (as confessed by you yourself) while you obsess over it, and it's making it really difficult, nigh impossible, to engage with you on this thread.

At this point I feel like one of the best things that could happen is that a mod locks this thread and you can start a new one if you want, but about yourself, not about somebody else and whatever they might have done to you. You probably need to see a (new?) therapist, and you need to consider if you should be on medication, or some different medication than whatever's not working for you right now.

The silver lining of mental illness, acknowledged as such, is that gives you a path to mental health, but only if you realize that it's about you and your emotional state, and not so much about other people. These days it would appear you're entirely focused on another person and that, my friend, leads nowhere good. For anyone.

No means no, MM. That's it; you have no right to demand anything from her. She is not "your girl". You are using an image of her to feed an obsession. You have no relationship with her now -- any relationship from this point forward is you being an asshole. There is nothing else to say.

There is one thing left to say: if you need help to stop thinking about her, get it. And you will not get it from her and must not try to.

[ADMIN]

I think Tombot's post is as OTM as it gets. I hope you finda a way to deal with this issue, but writing obsessive-sounding posts about another person with personal details that she probably doesn't want to be addressed on a public forum is not the way to go. I'm locking this thread and deleting the post. Like Tombot says, you can start a new thread and discuss the subject on a more general level, but these kind of personal accusations towards a third party who's not present are not okay.

[ADMIN]

Just to make it clear, if you write more posts like that, I will have to ban you from the ILTMI board. This is supposed to be a safe space to discuss personal matters, so posting intimate and identifiable details about other people without their consent is a banworthy offense.