prob hemorrhoidsYes, this. But go to doctor as soon as possible. Be prepared for a finger up your hole. Which is perhaps not your fave thing ever to have happen but is deffo 100% better than having your colon whipped out because it is riddled with millions of cancer (true story). Do not ignore this.
― calumerio, Thursday, 14 January 2010 16:53 (fourteen years ago) link
(xp, nhsdirect will probably say that because they said that on the one occasion I rang them and I imagine they say it to pretty much all non-hoax calls)
― canna kirk (a passing spacecadet), Thursday, 14 January 2010 16:53 (fourteen years ago) link
Ok ok. Need to go to job centre in the morn and then jump on a train straight after to get to my interview. Will try to go to the doctors to book an appointment for Monday in between. If my bumhole explodes in my job interview then I'll just have to carry on looking.
― Body Butter (a hoy hoy), Thursday, 14 January 2010 16:55 (fourteen years ago) link
"we really like you but your bumhole exploded on our expensive chair"
― harbl, Thursday, 14 January 2010 16:57 (fourteen years ago) link
"job centre"
― an executive by day and a wild man by night (snoball), Thursday, 14 January 2010 17:00 (fourteen years ago) link
i feel a hilarious ilx interview disaster story coming on
― Not a reactionary git, just an idiot. (darraghmac), Thursday, 14 January 2010 17:00 (fourteen years ago) link
(xpost) I'm going to a Job Centre on Monday and know that practically the only "job" to be found in one is likely to be a turd.
― an executive by day and a wild man by night (snoball), Thursday, 14 January 2010 17:02 (fourteen years ago) link
just remember- "if anything, i'm maybe too much of a perfectionist" *blart*
― Not a reactionary git, just an idiot. (darraghmac), Thursday, 14 January 2010 17:03 (fourteen years ago) link
maybe you need an ass tampon
― harbl, Thursday, 14 January 2010 17:04 (fourteen years ago) link
Ah, it's only to sign on. They look at my little grey book, get surprised someone they serve has actually applied for jobs, give me a tick and wooooo, lets look at the retarded jobs on offer in yr area! Do you think yr degree has given you the experience to groom dogs?
― Body Butter (a hoy hoy), Thursday, 14 January 2010 17:07 (fourteen years ago) link
goddamnit i'm never going back to that motherfucking jobcentre
― Do the english boil pizza? (acoleuthic), Thursday, 14 January 2010 17:08 (fourteen years ago) link
Full on bleeding, like there is a poop riding the wave out of the elevator in The Shining.
btw still kind of baffled that someone would experience this and wonder "hmm, I wonder if I should go see a doctor re: the deluge of blood that just came out of my ass"
― Jay Leno's Pony Vivisection Hour (HI DERE), Thursday, 14 January 2010 21:56 (fourteen years ago) link
I don't like doctors. Especially if they are going to be putting things in my pooper. Best left alone until an emergancy in my experience and stupidity.
― Body Butter (a hoy hoy), Thursday, 14 January 2010 21:58 (fourteen years ago) link
apparently ymmv but any quantity of blood that could be described as being akin to the blood flood from "The Shining" would count as an emergency for me
― Jay Leno's Pony Vivisection Hour (HI DERE), Thursday, 14 January 2010 21:59 (fourteen years ago) link
NOT A DOCTOR BUT
ENBB is probably right: bright red blood means the blood is likely coming from somewhere perianal, not from your gut (which would make your shit black). which likely means: hemorrhoids. yr not gonna die, so don't go rushing to the ER. make an appt with your GP if yr concerned, or sit (lol) it out.
― everybody's into weirdness right now (gbx), Thursday, 14 January 2010 22:03 (fourteen years ago) link
nah emergancy is like losing a limb or something
― Body Butter (a hoy hoy), Thursday, 14 January 2010 22:05 (fourteen years ago) link
according to the orthopod that gave a lecture a month ago, even that isn't an (orthopedic) emergency: like keys into a molten river of lava, once you lose your limbs they're probably gone, man
― everybody's into weirdness right now (gbx), Thursday, 14 January 2010 22:07 (fourteen years ago) link
:/
― an american hippie in israel (Jordan), Thursday, 14 January 2010 22:08 (fourteen years ago) link
so other than repeat prescriptions i don't really need to see a gp.
― Body Butter (a hoy hoy), Thursday, 14 January 2010 22:09 (fourteen years ago) link
stopping the bleeding: emergencyputting it back on: enh
― everybody's into weirdness right now (gbx), Thursday, 14 January 2010 22:09 (fourteen years ago) link
real talk: if you lose a limb the government should provide you with free jetpacks for life
― Do the english boil pizza? (acoleuthic), Thursday, 14 January 2010 22:17 (fourteen years ago) link
^^worthy of jimmy carr
― Ward Fowler, Thursday, 14 January 2010 22:18 (fourteen years ago) link
a hoy hoy, one other possibility is you may have a polyp on yr colon, which is not a serious as it sounds but shld be addressed sooner rather than later
be prepared for the vv. worst if the doc prescribes a barium enema as part of the procedure
― Ward Fowler, Thursday, 14 January 2010 22:21 (fourteen years ago) link
Barium? Barium? I haven't even rectum yet.
― DANGER: DO NOT EAT SHAMELESS DONG (jjjusten), Thursday, 14 January 2010 22:31 (fourteen years ago) link
advice: no more chipotle
― plaxico (I know, right?), Thursday, 14 January 2010 22:31 (fourteen years ago) link
― Ward Fowler, Thursday, 14 January 2010 22:18 (20 minutes ago) Bookmark
ohhhhhh some things should not be said even in jest
― Do the english boil pizza? (acoleuthic), Thursday, 14 January 2010 22:39 (fourteen years ago) link
^^ review of jimmy carr
― Not a reactionary git, just an idiot. (darraghmac), Friday, 15 January 2010 09:47 (fourteen years ago) link
collect the blood in a tin and use it to paint a masterpiece titled "Ass Menses"(jk, go to the doctor)
(jk, go to the doctor)
god DAMNIT
― I can't turn my face into a shart (dyao), Friday, 15 January 2010 11:56 (fourteen years ago) link
maybe a particularly large bumple poppaged during shart
fucking a
― I can't turn my face into a shart (dyao), Friday, 15 January 2010 11:58 (fourteen years ago) link
I use to think I was a sick fuck but this thread is like sick fuck delta force
― I can't turn my face into a shart (dyao), Friday, 15 January 2010 11:59 (fourteen years ago) link
sick fucker; delta farts
― Not a reactionary git, just an idiot. (darraghmac), Friday, 15 January 2010 12:18 (fourteen years ago) link
Just wait until one of you guys has ass surgery, this bleeding issue becomes REALLY REAL let me tell you.
― mh, Saturday, 16 January 2010 15:26 (fourteen years ago) link
If I hear the words "barium shake" ever again I will barf.
― freezoni appleby 2010 (Curt1s Stephens), Saturday, 16 January 2010 20:18 (fourteen years ago) link
hmm lots of positive input...errr exput....
― conawaaaysniper, Wednesday, 20 January 2010 11:36 (fourteen years ago) link
Went to the doctor Monday after a weekend of it still happening, had to buy suppositories. Not been a fun week for my clenched buttocks. (Have stopped bleeding since Monday though.) (Did not assplode in interview.)
― a hoy hoy, Wednesday, 20 January 2010 11:40 (fourteen years ago) link
what was the verdict?
― t(o_o)t (ENBB), Wednesday, 20 January 2010 11:48 (fourteen years ago) link
'Roids.
― a hoy hoy, Wednesday, 20 January 2010 11:52 (fourteen years ago) link
heh from doctor or at interview, d'you mean?
― ice cool HOOSicle (darraghmac), Wednesday, 20 January 2010 11:52 (fourteen years ago) link
there was this one indian buffet near work, which has this special tray that has a sign saying "EXTREMELY HOT" and i ate a load of that stuff and FUCK it was hot. anyway a couple of days later bled like a motherfucker while pooing. shat myself thinking holy shit what the fuck.
thought it might have been the curry, so to isolate the problem a month later (no bleeding since) I tried that curry once more, and HOLY SHIT BLEEDING LIKE A MOFO again. and i was content that it was just the curry burning out my ass. if i don't work in IT support i would have probably approached this whole thing quite differently.
― The smile on my face, disguises the case, I bury the truth deep down in (ken c), Wednesday, 20 January 2010 13:20 (fourteen years ago) link
Putting the "sh" in "IT".
― might seem normal (snoball), Wednesday, 20 January 2010 13:31 (fourteen years ago) link
I applaud your application of the scientific method to your digestive tract, ken.
― mh, Friday, 22 January 2010 17:11 (fourteen years ago) link
the time i dealt with this the doc said "stop drinking so much coffee and whiskey and cut back on the sriracha" and i did for a while and it quit, so the occurence of this may be a digestive thing
― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Friday, 22 January 2010 18:38 (fourteen years ago) link
But I've become a part time nn, so I don't think it is. Anyway, it stopped and I am fine so
― dumb mack maine follows (a hoy hoy), Friday, 22 January 2010 20:23 (fourteen years ago) link
This is, like, the #1 questions I get when people find out I'm a nurse.
― kate78, Saturday, 23 January 2010 08:48 (fourteen years ago) link
Wait, coffee, whiskey, and sriracha can cause that? I live off of those three things!
― mh, Saturday, 23 January 2010 16:16 (fourteen years ago) link
check yr next poo
― dumb mack maine follows (a hoy hoy), Saturday, 23 January 2010 16:49 (fourteen years ago) link
might have to start a poo log?
― mh, Friday, 5 February 2010 02:19 (fourteen years ago) link
― everybody's into weirdness right now (gbx), Thursday, January 14, 2010 4:03 PM (3 weeks ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink
pp had this and it turned out to be colon cancer requiring a colon resection and 6 months of chemo. it probably IS hemorrhoids but you're going to be pissed (oh and dead) if its not and you left it too late to fix.
― no more springs no more summers no more falls (sunny successor), Friday, 5 February 2010 05:48 (fourteen years ago) link
sorry dont mean to be scary but its an easy enough check. just go to the doc.
― no more springs no more summers no more falls (sunny successor), Friday, 5 February 2010 05:49 (fourteen years ago) link
check this:
TMI: Colon Cancer
― no more springs no more summers no more falls (sunny successor), Friday, 5 February 2010 05:52 (fourteen years ago) link
Did you get it looked at by dr dre
― ben foster five (darraghmac), Tuesday, 5 February 2013 10:10 (eleven years ago) link
you're not going to die
This, at least, seems unlikely.
― Andrew Farrell, Tuesday, 5 February 2013 10:11 (eleven years ago) link
so had this fun surprise just an hour ago. it was bright red, didn't notice if it was in the stool or not but there was some in the water of the toilet and a lot on the paper. recently was very dehydrated and there were hard stools passed, one which may have caused a tear as there was trace bleeding after it (and it was painful), but since then, I've hydrated and gotten to feeling better.
not asking here in place of going to the doc (I already am expecting my doc will want a follow-up after my last blood work anyway), but mostly just curious, is this something I can go to my PCP and have em check rather easily or should I see a specialist if I decide to?
last time I went to my PCP for something similar she basically violated my rectum and it felt weird for days (and couldn't find a fissure or external roid). but that was 5 years ago.
also if there's something visual that is a horror story that I should be aware of let me know, otherwise I'll just make a JIC appt after this weekend if it persists.
― Neanderthal, Saturday, 28 June 2014 22:49 (nine years ago) link
sorry, that should have said "something visual that, if I see it, is a horror story that I should act on"
― Neanderthal, Saturday, 28 June 2014 22:50 (nine years ago) link
pcp is fine
― gbx, Saturday, 28 June 2014 22:51 (nine years ago) link
but yr probably gonna get a finger, so heads up
well I guess if I'm gonna get one might as well be w/ a doc I've seen since I was 18
― Neanderthal, Saturday, 28 June 2014 22:52 (nine years ago) link
oh and my diet is mostly terrible. not going to play it off like I eat a balanced breakfast lunch and dinner
the itching and the lump-esque feeling (ie, sorry to get too TMI, but the feeling of 'having to go' a lil bit when there's nothing there) suggest to me that this is an internal 'roid. ugh.
― Neanderthal, Saturday, 28 June 2014 23:01 (nine years ago) link
:(
― gbx, Saturday, 28 June 2014 23:03 (nine years ago) link
word to the wise, when yr body says "I'M FUKKIN THIRSTY", don't respond by drinking half a glass of water over the next 30 hours
― Neanderthal, Saturday, 28 June 2014 23:09 (nine years ago) link
didn't happen again, and in fact symptoms subsided. though not being used to hemorrhoids, had the bright idea to eat about 20 spicy wings last night.
pain. such pain.
― Neanderthal, Sunday, 6 July 2014 14:26 (nine years ago) link
btw never get thishttp://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0002487/#adam_001519.disease.causes
And definitely not one of thesehttp://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0003018/
― mh, Monday, 7 July 2014 01:10 (nine years ago) link
yeeeech at both
― Neanderthal, Monday, 7 July 2014 03:05 (nine years ago) link
y'know applying prep h is kinda icky but damn if it doesn't work
― Neanderthal, Monday, 7 July 2014 03:07 (nine years ago) link
god why do roids show up at precisely the worst moments. tho I suppose there isn't a 'convenient' time since one always sits
― Hammer Smashed Bagels, Thursday, 14 May 2015 21:31 (nine years ago) link
wanting to try the hardcore medical probiotic VSL3 for my slowly worsening crohn's but jesus how can I afford it
― demonic mnevice (Jon Lewis), Thursday, 14 May 2015 21:40 (nine years ago) link